Dating Over 40: More Ideas for a Fun New Year’s eve Celebration

Yesterday, we talked about four great ideas to celebrate with the women in your life.  Suggestions included going to a spa, hosting a spa night in your own home, chick flick movie marathon and a nostalgic dance party. While your preference might be to look longing into your lovers eyes, since he hasn’t quite MANifested yet, there are so many other ways to create a festive, happy and memorable way to bring in the New Year..

Here are a four more ideas for mixed groups or just the girls. Something has got to appeal!

5) Sponsor a Vision Quest Party. Feeling upbeat about 2008 with goals you hope to achieve? Why not host a Vision Quest with your friends. Start by setting the intention of your focus for the evening – to stage a platform that readies you for a successful New Year! What’s involved? How about a guided journey to visualize your success? 

Visit any New Age -Holistic store or even Barnes and Noble might have a book with exercises to do. Ask friends to bring magazines and create Treasure Maps – a collage that represents your inspired achievements for the coming year. This can be a rewarding and empowering process for bringing in the New Year, especially if you are goal-oriented and spiritually-minded.

6) Attend a Yoga Retreat. There might still be rooms if you call today. Immerse yourself in healthy practices to start the year with a wellness attitude. This type of adventure takes all the pressure off and was one of my personal all time favorite New Year’s ever!

7) Game Night Bonanza.  Not a dancer or spa type? No problem,  play games instead! From Pictionary – one of my family’s favs, to Trivial Pursuit, to Monopoly, to Cranium, there are so many fun games that will keep you busy, thinking and laughing for hours.

8) Poker Mania. Board games are for children you say? Fine, let’s talk poker! Pick any of your favorite card games from gin, to rummycue, to cribbage, or even bridge, there’s a game for everyone. Mix things up and play a different game every hour, or get serious and play till you win it all! Competition can be a lot of fun.

That’s a total of eight novel ways to ring in 2008 that capitalize on your single status.  Pick one and go to town planning the best New Year’s Eve ever. Fun is  a state-of-mind you know, so perk up, face the future with a positive outlook and enjoy the party!

December 30, 2007 | Filed Under Blog | Leave a Comment 

It’s Not Too Late to Have a Fun New Year’s Eve

Whining about another New Year’s Eve? Feel like there’s nothing to do? You aren’t alone. So many people are in your boat. Since half the adult population is single, you have plenty of compatriots who could help you ring in  a great 2008.

Here’s a list of suggestions on where to look for activities and things to try. It’s only Friday – you still have a few days to pull together a fun celebration.

1) Go to  a spa with a girlfriend and get pampered – honor yourself with professional skin treatments, massages, aromatherapy, reiki, hot rocks, steam showers, detoxifying seaweed wraps, etc. Start the New Year with a beautiful new you

2A) Have a fun spa night in your own home and invite all your single girlfriends of all ages. Pick up a few do-it-yourself treatments at a bath and body or drug store that you can help each other with.  Play soothing music, give each other manicures and pedicures, make a few special treats like fancy coffees or smores, etc.

2B) If you and/or  your friends have kids and no babysitter, set them up in the family room with video or board games, puzzles or teach them how to play charades to keep them busy while you get pampered.

3) Have a chick-flick movie marathon! Make up the Cosmos and watch Sex and the City DVDs, rent a bunch of feel good movies or comedy films and make popcorn. Take out the tissues and share a few tear-jerkers like Beaches – that’s a classic crier. Whatever makes you happy!

Here are some of my all time, classic, feel good, happy ending chick flicks:

Dangerous Beauty – Venice in the 1500′s (My all time favorite)
Practical Magic – Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman
Just Like Heaven – Reese Witherspoon falls in love out of her body!
Legally Blonde – Reese Witherspoon again goes to Harvard Law – so funny
Much Ado About Nothing – Light-hearted Shakespeare with Kenneth Brannag, Emma Thompson, etc.
Shakespear in Love – Gwyneth Paltrow – Story about Shakespeare falling in love during his life time
Chocolat – Johnny Depp movie about a gypsy woman who owns a magical chocolate shop
Chances Are – Robert Downey Jr. and Cybil Shepherd in a movie about love and current/past life overlap

4) Throw a Nostalgic Dance Party for the Girls. Pick your favorite music genre – maybe it’s 80′s New Wave or 70′s Disco or Motown, or Countyr Line Dancing. Have plenty of CD’s, pick some good wines, make margaritas or mojitos and dance the night away.  You’ll not only have a blast, but you’ll burn plenty of calories at the same time. You can even suggest costumes to get everyone in the mood. – It’s hard to dance, hear your favorite music and still feel mopey.

More ideas  for you tomorrow!

 

 

December 28, 2007 | Filed Under Blog | Leave a Comment 

Dating Over 40: Desire for Change – Will 2008 Be Your Year for Love?

Not sure what your email in-box looks like but mine is ful of cut price offers and end of the year specials.  That’s because smart business people know this is a time of year for resolutions when desire for change runs high.

Personally I’m not a big fan of resolutions because they have often gone by the wayside by January 15th. Forgotten in the dust of old habits that tend to die hard. So what’s a desirous dater who is looking for love suppoed to do?

First, create a PLAN.  Making a resolution is just the start. If you truly want success, you’ll need a PLAN. It’s great to know what you want – but how will you get there? A plan is like having a road map – it helps you reach your destination. Start thinking about the steps you can take to make finding love possible. Brainstorm your Dating Action Plan and if you want a free format to fill in, just leave me a post right here.

Second, the plan has to be REALISTIC. According to Dictionary.com, realistic means "…based on what is real or practical." Excellent point. Get practical. What are you actually willing to do? What is possible? How much time can you spend. Spend time getting real about the steps you will take to find the love you want.

Third, you need to be willing to STRETCH a bit. If you want to stay in your little comfort zone, you’ll make little progress. You have to step outside the box and try a few new things to find the love you want. No need to go crazy or do anything outlandish – that’s why step two calls for realism. Stretch beyond your usual borders to improve your chances for finding love. If it hasn’t happened in your everyday life so far, it’s not going to happen that way tomorrow either.

Fourth, if possible, get a DATING BUDDY.  This may sound silly but it’s a powerful step to keep you motivated and moving forward. Slipping back into old habits that keep yo usingle is so easy. Staying on track requires the stretch and some stick-to-it-tiveness. That’s why a buddy is fabulous – because you can talk each other into taking one more step. going out when you want to stay in, being hopeful when you rather throw in the towel. And let’s face it, there’s nothing like a dating buddy to listen to your complaints – then make you laugh!

Achieving your goal of finding love is no different than going for any other goal. The process is exactly the same. And these steps will work for any accomplishment you desire. Start creating your Dating Action Plan so you can get on the road to finding the love you want in 2008. You are the only who can do it. Make it easier and more probable by following these four steps.

Why not leverage the energy of resolutions without making one? A plan is far better and much more effective than any resolution will ever be. Make your resolution super simple if yo umust – something like — this will be the year for change. Then PLAN to make that a reality. Here’s to your success!

 

 

December 27, 2007 | Filed Under Blog | 2 Comments 

Dating Over 40: Matched in Manhattan – Another Matchmaker Reality Show

Well, Lifetime Television has clearly jumped on the band wagon with it’s newest show airing January 4th at 9:30pm est. Matched in Manhattan features Matchmaker and Daitng Coach, Matt Titus who will share his insights and attitude adjustments for better dating success.

Does anyone have time to watch all t hese dating shows. And this begs the bigger question: If you’re watching, what aren’t you doing sitting in front of the TV? You guessed it! You’re not making yourself available to meet new prospects!

But I digress.

Matt teams up with his new wife Fadal and another office mate to make matches and help clients find their soul mates. With all of these experts, you might think I’d be quaking in my boots because of the competition. But I don’t see it that way. Instead I see that things will be heating up as all this attention to matchmakers and dating coaches helps to remove the emotional stigma of asking for professional help.

Yeah, I’ve heard that people can feel too much like a loser if they ask a professional for dating advice. But on the contrary, there is a whole different perspective on this with a much more positive and realistic spin.

Is Tiger Woods a loser because he works with a coach? In fact, rumor has it that Tiger has more than one coach. Here’s a man at the top of his game and he still has need of advice and tactics? YES! Thank you Tiger for all of us coaches.  You see, he’s at the top and to stay there, he needs all the supoort, info and insight he can get. That’s just plain smart.

Here’s another example. Let’s say you want to start a new business. One of the savviest things you can do is to learn from someone who has already been successful at the same business.  Ding Ding Ding Ding. Is that bell going off in your head?

The same is true for dating. You aren’t a loser asking for help. You are savvy and smart. You are ready for and  seeking success. You are taking advantage of available resources to guarantee your triumph in the dating realm.

It doesn’t mean you are too dumb to figure it out yourself. It does mean you are TOO SMART TO WASTE TIME when you can benefit from the knowledge and strategies of an expert.

What’s lame is denying yourself all the help and support you deserve. Let me know if you watch Matt and tell me what you think.

Merry Christmas to all!

 

 

 

 

December 25, 2007 | Filed Under Blog | 7 Comments 

Dating After Divorce: John Tesh Offers Truly Useless Dating Advice

Oh – my – word! On the way to dinner tonight, I flicked past a radio station on which John Tesh was blathering on with dating advice. In all fairness, I didn’t hear if he was the source, or he was just reading someone else’s pathetic excuse for helpful dating strategies.

Who can remember all the details, but I can share a few tidbits that still stand out hours later.

Gentlemen, if your date is wearing too much perfume, tell her she has something on her neck, wet your napkin and wipe her neck off.  If that doesn’t work, the perfume might be on her wrists.  Then you might have to go next to a cold location because warmth makes the perfume more aromatic.

I KID YOU NOT! This is for real – verbalized on the radio.

Can you imagine someone reaching across the table to wipe your neck off and finishing the date? This is beyond reality, beyond belief.

Another erudite kernel of dating wisdom involved your date talking about his/her ex. If the woman talks about how distant her ex was, as a man , you can start talking about car mechanics (as a passive aggressive way ) to let her know this is boring to you.  For the ladies, should your date bring up his ex, start talking about some feminine topic that he won’t be interested in either.

Gee John, that’s real mature.

This reminds me of my post on Three Bits of Bad Dating Advice – truth is I wanted to call that post – Bad Dating Advice that Infuriates Me – but I didn’t have the nerve. Guess John has me all riled up now huh?

Grow up John. Stick to singing or hosting  but PLEASE leave the dating advice to those who know what they’re talking about and make some sense.

 

 

December 21, 2007 | Filed Under Blog | Leave a Comment 

Dating Over 40: Does Your Christmas Stocking have Room for Two?

Do you have room in your life for someone else?  You may say you want to find love, but that’s not always the full story.There are some simple things to look at which can reveal your emotional state as open and ready or not quite there yet. Discover if any of these signs give you clues to your situation.

1) Do you have a night table on both sides of your bed?  
Sounds like a silly question and rather simplistic, but this is a Feng Shui indicator of balance. You need two night stands for a balanced relationship and to demonstrate that you subconsciously think about two versus one. The symbolism of how you decorate your home cannot go unnoticed.

Same thing goes for art work. If you have a number of pieces that feature a single woman, that’s how you view yourself. If you want to change the energy, make sure you move these pieces out of your bedroom. And you may want to replace some with art that has couple energy – anything that depicts two people, two boats, two birds, etc. will do.

2) Is your calendar so jammed that you say things like, "I don’t have time to date?" 
Well that’s a tell tale tip off of how you look at your life. If you don’t have time to date, you might not have time for another person, nor really want anyone else to take up your time. And that’s OK – it’s certainly your choice, but something to become aware of.

3) Do you worry a love interest would rob you of your freedom? 
For many women who have won their freedom after divorce, or who are fiercely independent, this can be a deep concern. And a sign that you value your freedom more than a relationship. That’s your choice too.

Yet, if you do desire a loving partnership, you may have to do some work to find a new perspective – that you can in fact, be in love and maintain a very healthy amount of freedom. It’s totally possible.

Here’s one symbolic move for love you can make this Christmas
Hang up an extra Christmas stocking. This is your stocking of expectation that love will come into your life within the next year (less or more – whatever your desire.) Then, put a few things in it to take the intention one step further. Maybe some chocolate, some socks with hearts on them, a juicy romance novel where the hero finds love, a romantic chic flick with a happy ending, lip balm to keep your lips kissable. You get the idea.

Don’t over fill it with your new found exuberance. Leave room for something fun and unexpected.

Now of course the likelihood that the man of your dreams will follow Santa down the chimney are quite slim. The purpose of this exercise is to start building the energy and your belief system for love. Send a message to the Universe (and Santa) "There is room for love at my hearth and in my heart." Use this like an affirmation or mantra. Making room and creating this shift will take some effort on your part, but if love is your heart’s desire – it’s worth it.

December 21, 2007 | Filed Under Blog | Leave a Comment 

Dating Over 40: Why am I Attracted to Married Men?

This is such a tough question – why are you attracted to married men? There are so many possible answers, but I’ll try to give you a few to see if we can clear up at least part of this mystery. Let’s look at this situation from the perspective of a woman who does want love in her life and would like to get married or have a long-term committed relationship.

Some married men are just plain attractive!  So it’s natural that you would find them attractive.

But what you do with that attraction? That’s really the question. Do you start to walk by him more often? Find ways to start conversations? Become a good friend? If you find yourself investing in a relationship with a married man – even if it never gets close to adultery, you are still investing in a dead end.

Why would you waste your flirting energy on a dead-end situation? Another good question right?

I remember when I was 25, I had a mad crush on a married guy – his name was Lou.  He was a talented graphic artist, very cute, quite social and a superb flirt.  While he sat just six desks away, he’d call my extension and whisper silly things into my ear. Nothing that was really that inappropriate – but very exciting.

Prior to this, I never understood the whole "married man" thing.  I foolishly thought – well you just don’t get into those situations. But there I was.  And I knew I needed to do something that would break off the connection. I hadto shift gears and change my focus because this was going no where – yet it was driving me crazy. And consuming me.

At the time, I did the only thing I could think of  – I went to visit friends in another state, and removing myself from contact for a week.  Thankfully – this worked very well.  I had a full seven days off from his little whispers which gave me the strength to separate and smarten up.  It wasn’t easy, but I was successful.

This comes up more frequently with clients than you might think. Many times it’s still innocent – but the attraction is undeniable.  And this can cause a person to get lost in the future of possibilities – which may or may not actually exist.

So, why would a woman expend energy going down this path of certain frustration and heartache? Here are a few reasons that might make sense to you:

-Maybe it’s safer to flirt with a man who is unavailable – less risk of rejection
-Maybe the flirting started out innocently enough, but then escalated
-Maybe you don’t really want what you say you do
-Maybe you’re afraid of getting what you want
-Maybe you have your own issues about commitment
-Maybe you don’t want to give up your own freedom and you don’t have to with a married man 
-Maybe you don’t believe there are any good single men

Ahhh, you can see the list could get very long.

I can’t say why you, personally, are attracted to these unavailable fellows. – Only you know what lies beneath this behavior.  And if you don’t know for sure – at least you’re the one with access to dig down deep.

But I can share three suggestions that may help shift your focus – away from him and towards what is better for your love life.

1. Start believing that there are great single guys out there. Think positively along these lines several times a day.
2. If you’re in the process of a flirtation with a married man that concerns you – catch yourself thinking about him and say to yourself, "This man is evidence that I am attractive and I thank him for that. Now I turn my attention to finding available men."
3. Ask yourself, "What am I gaining from the situation?" and "What am I giving up when I flirt with this unavailable man?" This exercise can be very revealing.

Falling for a married guy happens a lot.  If you’re in this situation, don’t beat yourself up.  Instead, support yourself by taking steps to disengage and move on to the find the love you want and deserve.

 

 

December 19, 2007 | Filed Under Blog | 11 Comments 

Dating Over 40: Ask Santa for Love – Dating Advice to Make Dreams Come True

Dear Santa,
 
I only have one request for Christmas this year. One simple wish. LOVE. That’s right. I want a loving relationship with a fabulous partner who is honest, fun, thoughtful, smart, funny, active, financially stable, emotionally available, and very attractive to me. Is that too much to ask? I don’t think so.
 
I have been very patient and really good all year. I’ve opened my heart to love, I’ve gotten clear on what’s important, I’ve even forgiven past loves who did me wrong. And let’s face it – I’m totally ready. Not only that, but I have done my part to make myself available. I get out there to meet eligible singles, I attend dances, speed dating, and have even connected through the Internet.
 
Santa, I think you need to check that list twice. I want someone to be naughty and nice with. You’ll see that it’s most definitely my turn.. Wrapping is not necessary – it’s the thought and gift that counts. The milk and cookies are right where you’d expect them. 

Thanks so much! 
Lovelorn in Louisville

Letters to Santa Aren’t Just for Children
You may think that letters to Santa are just for children. But what if this is an actual way to get what you want? You don’t know until you try. No matter how silly it may seem, this is a fabulous exercise. I encourage everyone to take the time to write your own letter to Santa this month. Include everything you want, what you have done (or will do) to participate in the process, and why you deserve it now!

This exercise gets you in touch with what is really important about the partner you seek, commits you to taking action to find him/her and penetrates your subconscious mind to help you believe. According to the experts, all three are necessary to successfully manifest your desire. 
 
Another technique that spurs belief is prayer – one of the most powerful methods on earth to create just about anything. There’s no denying that miracles are born from prayer. You might even ask others to mention you and your desire for love in their prayers too. There have been several studies on the power of prayer to heal the sick, so finding love is another possible outcome.
 
Give yourself permission to recruit Santa for your dating cause. Let your inner child come forth, suspend disbelief and ask Santa for help. Will you use one of the most impactful MANifesting techniques available to you this month – a time when so many dreams come true? Take advantage of the season and reach out for what you want. You deserve it. 
 
Wishing You Love!

December 17, 2007 | Filed Under Blog | Leave a Comment 

Dating Over 40: Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo

I was up early this morning and flipped on the TV.  Still on the Bravo channel from watching Project Runway reruns last night, I doscovered yet another new dating reality show  now on Bravo.

Millionaire Matchmaker with Patti Stanger

Patti was the national marketing director for Great Expectations, a dating service that does not get my vote. None the less, she seems to know her stuff and is very fun to watch. She’s got fashion industry experience and does a total overhaul, never mind makeover on these bachelors – including telling them no s-e-x on the first date (much to the chagrin of a few bawdy boys.)

She started her matching making service for wealthy men in CA MillionairesClub in 2000 and is now expanding via franchising – it’s the American way.

She invites ladies to sign up for consideration – to be potential dates for the guys. Not sure how successful women on her site will be, but I suggest watching the show – if for no other reason then she tells all those guys everything YOU’D want to say.

Something VERY satisfying there.

December 14, 2007 | Filed Under Blog | 5 Comments 

Dating Over 40: 8 Love Lessons for Hanukah – Lesson #8

We made it to the eighth day of Hanukkah and  the last  of the 8 Love Lessons for Hanukkah. The series has leveraged the miraculous energy of Festival of Lights to shed light on your love life, with eight simple lessons to attract love . I hope you’ve enjoyed each one and will apply some of the wisdom and suggestions.

Love Lesson #8 –  It’s Raining Men!

There have never been this many single adults in the history of the world. No really, that’s a fact. Women’s Lib and the Sexual Revolution gave us our ability to achieve financial independence and sexual freedom. We can thank the social turmoil of the 1960s and 1970s for that turn around. Thee social changes, combined with a divorce rate of nearly 60%, has resulted in half the adult population being single.
For the first time in recorded history, people are living the single life In their 40′s 50s, and 60s and enjoying it. Some are suddenly single again while others allowed career to take precedence. But no matter the reason, that’s a heck of a lot of single people – 40 million over the age of 40. How’s that for a statistic?
While it’s true that 51% of women are single, that is the same as the birth rate and only two percent higher than the number of men.
Now I hear a lot of complaints about the pool of available men.
-All the good ones are taken
-The men my age want younger women
-Too much baggage with divorced guys
You get the picture.
Let me refute these top three concerns to help you see the proverbial glass of water as half full rather than half empty.
1) All the good ones are taken. What a silly generality.
Some women cheat on their husbands. It happens. Does that mean their husbands are no good? Not necessarily and once divorced, they become fair game again (after a year or so for emotional healing.) I found a man who was 39 and never married and I know plenty of women who snag confirmed bachelors who had just gotten tired of the run around.
There are plenty of good men out there if you will believe. Start seeing that glass half full and expect good men – that’s the upside of managing your expectations and this methodology produces!
2) Men my age want younger women.
OK – that’s true for some men and the bigger the age differential desired, the more likely those men will stay single and lonely. Don’t waste time worrying about men with their own unrealistic expectations and move on to find the good guys.
Plus, today, 30% of women over 40 are dating younger men! Well that improves the odds. You don’t have to be Demi Moore – my husband is four years younger and my friend Linda’s live-in boyfriend is 18 years younger!
3) Too much baggage with divorced guys.
Let those who are without “baggage” cast the first stone. So, you are totally baggage-free then? Yes some divorced men are broke from high alimony and child support payments and have impossible ex wives. But not ALL of them. Most move on to marry again. A man once married is far more likely to marry again and at least want a second chance at having a new relationship.

Try not to be so negative and start considering the world of abundant possibilities.

It’s literally raining single men, so put down that umbrella of defensiveness and check them out.  If you want to discover more attitudes that sabotage dating success – get the CD –  The Top 10 Attitudes that Sabotage Dating Success and How to Turn Them Around. It’s part of the package when you get the book MANifesting Mr. Right.

Dating can actually be fun if you let yourself enjoy it and approach the process with a positive outlook. People get married every day, whether it’s for the first time or the third. You could be next if you try a few of these Love Lessons and get out there to find the love you want and deserve.

December 12, 2007 | Filed Under Blog | Leave a Comment 

Dating Over 40: 8 Love Lessons for Hanukah – Lesson #7

This is the seventh day of the 8 Love Lessons for Hanukah. The series leverages the miraculous energy of the Festival of Lights to shed light on your love life, with eight simple lessons to attract love .You’ll find one more love lesson tomorrow for a total of eight days so stop by to discover the eight gift!
 
Love Lesson #7 —  Enhance Your Feminine Allure
 
We women have a lot going for us. And the one thing we really have in our favor is that we are WOMEN. Straight men are attracted to women. So even though you may be equal to a man, you are not a man, right? You are the opposite sex, and as such, it’s time to leverage that biological fact!
 
Along those lines, are you connected to your feminine allure? This is your birth right and something every single woman has access to. Whether your femininity is obvious or is buried deep in your core, your allure cannot be denied.
 
For some, you may need to re-awaken this dormant aspect of your personality. And I highly recommend investigating some of these methods for yourself because when your allure in working, you’re far more attractive and almost magnetic. That makes dating a lot easier as you can imagine.
 
So how do you get in touch with your allure? Here are a few easy techniques to try. Sample a few methods to find the ones that feel best to you.
 
1) Assess Your Wardrobe
Do you have anything sexy hanging in your closet? A lot of women have work clothes and casual clothes. But neither of those will work for dating. Do you need an excuse to go shopping? If so this is it! Buy something that makes you feel fabulous. Something pretty – maybe a skirt, a sweater with an open neckline, or strappy shoes with a nice heel.
 
2) Pamper Yourself
When you take care of yourself, you honor yourself which is very good for self-esteem and self-image. Get a facial, cover those stray grey hairs, get a manicure and a pedicure, try a makeup consultation. You deserve to be pampered and care for. If you want to be spoiled, start by spoiling yourself. A well cared for woman looks radiant. Her body language sends messages of confidence and allure which are very attractive.
 
3) What’s in Your Underwear Drawer?
Almost everyone has those comfy, cotton favorites in their underwear drawer. But do you have any sexy lingerie as well? I’m not talking about thongs so don’t get your panties in a bunch. I’m talking about pretty colors, lace, or matching sets. When I teach workshops, I ask the participants who that lingerie is for. I’ve gotten answers like – "Just in case you get lucky." But the truth is – it’s for you!
 
When you put on a lacey bra and panties, you feel sexy and are more in touch with your natural allure. An automatic response kicks in. No one else has to know what you are wearing underneath – it’s your little secret that makes you feel the power of your feminine charm. Unleash your allure and watch what happens!
 
You can read more about rekindling your feminine charm in Chapter 8 of MANifesting Mr. Right.

December 11, 2007 | Filed Under Blog | Leave a Comment 

Dating Over 40: 8 Love Lessons for Hanukah – Lesson #6

This is day six of the 8 Love Lessons for Hanukah. The series leverages the miraculous energy of the holiday to shed light on your love life, with eight simple lessons to attract love . Two more love lessons follow today’s so stop by to discover the last two gifts!

Love Lesson #6 – Get Real, Manage Your Expectations About Dating Events

Picking up from yesterday’s lesson, the second area for managing expectations is your mental attitude toward each attempt you make to meet men. My client Lucy spent the day preparing for a singles party. She got her hair cut and colored, had her nails done, bought a new out fit, and of course had to get a baby sitter to watch her young son. This lady was pumped up!

 When she arrived at the event, within the first minute her anger kicked up as she looked over the crowd and decided none of them were for her and everyone was too old. She left in a huge huff after just 15 minutes and went home vowing to never do that again.
 
Now let me ask you – is this productive? No!
 
If you want to get dolled up for an event – go ahead! Just don’t think it’s a guarantee. In other words, when you expect to meet the man of your dreams at one particular event, that is totally unrealistic and  sure to leave you highly disappointed.
 
Looking at this situation more closely, consider this — what if Lucy didn’t like what she saw but decided to stay for 30-45 minutes since she was already there? 
 
Lucy might have met a few nice women. She might have met a few interesting men who even though not in her datable age range, made her laugh and built her ego. And taking things to the next step, some of those older people might have had single sons, neighbors, nephews that they could have introduced her too.
 
I’m not suggesting you lower your expectations. I’m asking you to "Get Real" as Dr. Phil would say. Give yourself, the men and the events you attend a chance by relaxing a bit and managing your expectations. 
 
I promise and know first hand, it’s worth the effort. That’s how I met my husband. My friend Carol invited me to meet her at a outdoor patio bar during the summer. When I arrived, she was there with six other women. I was furious! After all, you can’t meet men when you’re with a pack of females. But I calmed myself down and decided to make the most of the evening.
 
I started talking to this woman Maureen and we really hit it off. After just 20 minutes, Maureen said to me, "Are you seeing anyone? Because I think my brother would love you." And when everything was said and done – she was right because I’m now married to her brother.

Lighten up a little will ya? How apropos for Hanukah!  You can find more about managing expectations and enthusiasm in Chapter 22 of Manifesting Mr. Right.

More in store tomorrow — Love Lesson #7 — see you then!

December 10, 2007 | Filed Under Blog | Leave a Comment 

Dating Over 40: 8 Love Lessons for Hanukah – Lesson #5

 

This is day five of the 8 Love Lessons for Hanukah. The series leverages the miraculous energy of the holiday to shed light on your love life, with eight simple lessons to attract love . You’ll find a new love lesson each day for a total of eight days so stop by to discover every single gift!

 

Love Lesson #5 – Get Real, Manage Your Expectations About Men

 
Managing your expectations about dating is crucial to your success and happiness.  This is particularly true regarding your expectations about men.  Are you realistic about what you expect from a man? Recently I had a client share her  list of "extreme" criteria which made me realize she really didn’t want a man. After all – they’re only human, and …so are women.
 
This becomes very important when you go out to meet men and no one measures up. If you never meet anyone interesting, one of two reasons probably come into play:
 
1) You aren’t meeting enough men or aren’t doing much to meet men
2) You’re judging them too quickly and aren’t allowing yourself to get to know them.
 
Refer back to Love Lesson #4 for the first reason.

If you tend to judge them too quickly, here’s a novel suggestion. What if you approached getting to know men as if they were just people? Every person has a story and if you were a newspaper reporter, you’d find a way to extract it. Your curiosity would create an interesting exchange so that you could draw out their story in order to retell it. See what a different this could make in your conversations?

Believe it or not, men are people too. When you stop holding them up to extreme standards and actually get to know them, you are much more likely to find a special diamond in the rough. Otherwise, you’ll skip over these gems as if they were unworthy pebbles on the beach. And, that my friend, is your loss.
 
Give men a chance. Quality men can be a bit more reserved at first, but will come out of their shell when you give them the opportunity. Be gracious. Be curious. Be friendly. Be adventurous. Be open to getting to know men.
 
More in store tomorrow – look for Love Lesson #6

December 9, 2007 | Filed Under Blog | Leave a Comment 

Dating Over 40: 8 Love Lessons for Hanukah – Lesson #4

This is day four of the 8 Love Lessons for Hanukah. The series leverages the miraculous energy of holiday to shed light on your love life, with eight simple lessons to attract love . You’ll find a new love lesson each day for a total of eight days so stop by to discover every single gift!

Love Lesson #4 – Flirt,  Act Friendly, Have Fun

Has it been a while since you flirted with a man? Do you remember what flirting is? Some women tell me they not only don’t know how to flirt, they aren’t sure they ever did know.
 
Flirting is so much easier than you think. There are three main components of basic flirting. When you catch someone’s eye who is looking at you, then
                                                                     1) Maintain brief eye contact 3 seconds tops
                                                                     2) Couple that with a smile
                                                                     3) Turn your head gracefully away.
                                                                     That’s it – flirting 101. 
 
You see the point to flirting is non-verbally communicate that you are safe to approach. In our society, most people today don’t get enough acknowledgment and when you catch someone looking at you and you return that with a smile – you are in fact acknowledging them. When you smile, they smile and everyone feels good. It’s an act of warmth which is rather rare today.
 
Once you connect this way with a man two-three times, that’s his non-verbal cue that you are approachable which is just what you want.
 
Now let’s say you smiled but you are really that interested. That’s OK too – because flirting and smiling is not a promise of anything more. It is what it is and what it is – is spontaneous FUN!
 
Of course flirting represents a much wider repertoire of actions and body language all to communicate interest and openness to men. That why some women seem like magnets – they are most likely master flirters. – This is a powerful skill and one that demonstrates a connection to your feminine allure. We’ll talk more about that in Love Lesson # 6.
 
Another part of this lesson is to act friendly. Maybe you are that way naturally or maybe you’ll need to work on it a bit. Either way, being friendly can pay off for sure.  The more approachable you are to men, the easier you make it for them to cross that room to strike up a conversation.
 
Nice guys often watch how you interact with other men first before risking rejection. You see, men don’t actually enjoy rejection any more than you do. So to hedge their bets – they wait to see how you react to other men. Being friendly is a very smart strategy.
 
Lastly, try to look like you are having fun. Even if the evening doesn’t meet your expectations, smile and pretend to be happy. Happy people are very attractive and when you are having fun, others will be magnetically drawn to you – they want to know what’s going on – they want in on the fun!
 
I have seen these simple tips work without any practice immediately. Many clients come back after a night of really applying these flirting basics  with tremendous and surprising results. You could be next so start smiling right now.
 
There’s more on flirting strategies in Chapter 9 of MANifesting Mr. Right.
 
Catch you tomorrow for Love Lesson #5

December 8, 2007 | Filed Under Blog | 1 Comment 

Dating Over 40: 8 Love Lessons for Hanukah – Lesson #3

This is Day Three of the 8 Love Lessons for Hanukah. The series leverages the miraculous energy of holiday to shed light on your love life, with eight simple lessons to attract love . You’ll find a new love lesson each day for a total of eight days so stop by to discover every single gift!

Love Lesson #3 – Say "What the Heck" and Try Something New  to Meet Men

Do you do the same thing to meet men over and over? How is that one method working? If you’re not getting the results you want – Try Something New!

For some reason many people decide they hate singles dances, won’t try web dating or refuse to consider a blind date. Well it’s really your loss because these are all viable methods for meeting new candidates.
 
That’s how "What the Heck" thinking can really help you out. When you say that internally, you free yourself to take a chance. Being open to expanding your horizons creates so many more opportunities.
 
In addition, when you lift your limitations, you take some of the pressure off whatever new thing you try which helps you relax and enjoy yourself. Having fun and feeling relaxed makes you that much more attractive – and which is exactly what you want.
 
So, what have you been unwilling to do? Make a list of the singles activities you have previously refused to participate in. Then pick one or two that you think you might be able to tolerate. Or, go wild and chose the one that offers the greatest potential for meeting the most people. Which ever way you choose, commit to following through.
 
Here’s a brief list of options to get you thinking.
  • Singles Dances
  • Singles Hiking/Kayaking
  • Singles Ski Weekend
  • Speed Dating
  • Parents Without Partners Meetings/Events
  • MeetUp.com – check for what’s in your area
  • Blind Dates
  • Web Dating
  • Dinner for Eight
But don’t limit yourself to these. Look in your newspaper’s calendar section. Check into what your church or temple may have to offer. Go online to check Craig’s List or simply Google "Singles + your city" in quotes and see what comes up. I have done this for many clients and found a flood of options they had never heard of. You can also check out my web site un the "Where to Meet" tab. There are countless alternatives listed on those pages.
 
You’ll find more suggestions in Chapter 14 of MANifesting Mr. Right.
 
Stay tuned tomorrow for another installment of Hanukah Love Lessons

December 7, 2007 | Filed Under Blog | Leave a Comment 

Dating Over 40: 8 Love Lessons for Hanukah – Lesson #2

This is Day Two of the 8 Love Lessons for Hanukah. The series leverages the miraculous energy of holiday to shed light on your love life, with eight simple lessons to attract love . You’ll find a new love lesson each day for a total of eight days so stop by to discover every single gift!

Love Lesson #2 – Open Your Heart to Love

If you’ve been single for a while or deeply hurt in the past, your heart may no longer be open to love. Should this be the case, it’s time to take action! Having an open heart not only affects your love life or the possibility of a love life, but it can impact your availability for making new friendships as well.
 
Just this week I was talking to two clients who complained they didn’t have any single women friends and they didn’t want to take a class or something similar to meet any. They felt making new women friends wasn’t worthy of their time since in the past, the women tended to disappear once a man entered the picture. You’ve been there too right?

However, I pointed out that having such low expectations of people was probably attracting more of the same. When your heart has been shut down from several disappointments, that’s the energy we want to reverse.

There are a number of ways to remedy this shut-down. First, you can use visualization and symbology to start the process of opening again.  Close your eyes and get quiet and comfortable. Imagine a rose bud in your heart center. Begin breathing slowly, deeply and evenly, filling your lungs before exhaling fully.
 
The next step is to picture that tightly wrapped rose bud starting to unfold. One petal at a time. You may have to do this exercise over a period of days or weeks before you get the flower to totally blossom. That’s OK. The good news is, the more petals that open, the more your heart is open too.
 
A few other options to assist in this heart opening process include chanting, prayer, and singing happy songs. Sound silly?  Don’t let that fool you – having a closed heart is blatantly obvious in your body language. If you are unaware of this situation, you may be sending away potential prospects by non-verbally telegraphing your closed heart. Investing time in these simple, yet powerful exercises to open your heart will help you make the crucial shift to sending welcoming signals. And an open, warm heart is HIGHLY attractive.
 
You’ll find more techniques in MANifesting Mr. Right in Chapter 6 – Open Your Heart to Love.
 
Drop in tomorrow for Love Lesson #3

December 6, 2007 | Filed Under Blog | Leave a Comment 

Dating Over 40: 8 Love Lessons for Hanukah – Lesson #1

Hanukah is the Festival of Lights. Oversimplified, this Jewish holiday is based on the miracle of lamp oil (enough for just one day) lasting for eight days and nights, while awaiting a new supply.
 
Let’s use some of that miraculous energy to shed light on your love life, with eight simple lessons to attract love at the holidays or any time. You’ll find a new love lesson each day for eight days starting today so stop by to discover every single gift! (Hanukah actually started last night, so you sticklers out there, please forgive me for being off by one day.)
 

Love Lesson #1 – Know Who You Want as a Partner

 
So many people I talk to aren’t really sure what they want in a romantic partner. They have some vague idea of what sort of person might work best, but feel that they will know him when they meet him. OK, that might be true. But sometimes it can really help to define the personality characteristics that will work best.
 
I’m not talking about assets like a stock portfolio, a BMW or a high-powered job. What I am suggesting is becoming aware of personality aspects that you find attractive such as loving, kind, communicative, spontaneous, active, healthy, accepting, affectionate, etc. Making a list of what appeals to you is a great way to heighten your awareness of looking for the right man for you.
 
On the flip side, sometimes clients use this list of criteria as a means to stay single. If you over-define who you are seeking, then you effectively manage to cross most prospects off your list. Obviously this is not the intent.
 
Most women seem to fall into one category or the other. Only you know your own tendency. If you date any man who has the gumption to pursue you, it might be a good idea to better define the qualities that would suit you best. But if you think only the rarest of men could possibly measure up, then you might want to relax your criteria a bit. Catching on?

Stop by tomorrow for your next love lesson and have a great day!

December 5, 2007 | Filed Under Blog | Leave a Comment 

Dating Over 40: Cutting Things Short Turns Up Attraction – Less Is More

Has anyone ever read David DeAngelo’s dating e-newsletter?  I have found it to be a rich resource for discovering what this male-oriented dating expert thinks men should do to capture a woman’s attention. It Gives me the flip-side peak into how men think.

In his most recent email, David claims that after a man asks for and gets your phone number of email, he should make a quick exit stage left to build some tension, curiosity and leave with an air of mystery.  After all, a man in demand, a guy who has places to go and people to see, is more attractive than someone with idle time on his hands.

Well, what’s good for the goose is for the gander or is it the other way around?

In any case, I think this very same advice works for women as well.  That’s why I’m all in favor of short first meetings. While some experts claim coffee dates are not romantic, I say it depends on where, what time, who you are and how you handle yourself.  Bit still, the point is, don’t let a coffee date, roll into a dinner date, and into a night cap date.  Oh No.

Why? Because this dramatizes that you have nothing else to do and your schedule is wide open.  So much of your initial attraction is not about what you say but instead about body language, non-verbal cues and reading between the lines.  Hence, lingering, no matter how much you may bat your eyelashes, is not that attractive. Being a little less available is far more appealing.

Oh, I know – you don’t want to play games. But dating is a game. Not an ugly one of manipulation, but one of presentation and positioning. It’s about making a good impression.  And the best impression leaves him wanting more – just as David DeAngelo says that women want.

That’s because what is readily available is not ever as desirable as what is just out of reach. Women complain all the time about guys who are too nice and around too much. This the very same concept!

The point is, to maximize your Attraction in Action, quit dragging out your first dates. Have a nice time for an hour or 90 minutes, flirt your butt off, then high tail it out of there and leave him wanting MORE. If you tell him all your cute stories in one night, what will you talk about next time?  Leave some mystery and let him wonder where you’re off to. Give him something to chase and if he’s interested, he will most definitely follow the trail.

 

 

 

December 1, 2007 | Filed Under Blog | 2 Comments 

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