Why am I Attracted to Married Men?
Dec 19 | Filed Under Main |
This is such a tough question - why are you attracted to married men? There are so many possible answers, but I’ll try to give you a few to see if we can clear up at least part of this mystery. Let’s look at this situation from the perspective of a woman who does want love in her life and would like to get married or have a long-term committed relationship.
Some married men are just plain attractive! So it’s natural that you would find them attractive.
But what you do with that attraction? That’s really the question. Do you start to walk by him more often? Find ways to start conversations? Become a good friend? If you find yourself investing in a relationship with a married man - even if it never gets close to adultery, you are still investing in a dead end.
Why would you waste your flirting energy on a dead-end situation? Another good question right?
I remember when I was 25, I had a mad crush on a married guy - his name was Lou. He was a talented graphic artist, very cute, quite social and a superb flirt. While he sat just six desks away, he’d call my extension and whisper silly things into my ear. Nothing that was really that inappropriate - but very exciting.
Prior to this, I never understood the whole "married man" thing. I foolishly thought - well you just don’t get into those situations. But there I was. And I knew I needed to do something that would break off the connection. I hadto shift gears and change my focus because this was going no where - yet it was driving me crazy. And consuming me.
At the time, I did the only thing I could think of - I went to visit friends in another state, and removing myself from contact for a week. Thankfully - this worked very well. I had a full seven days off from his little whispers which gave me the strength to separate and smarten up. It wasn’t easy, but I was successful.
This comes up more frequently with clients than you might think. Many times it’s still innocent - but the attraction is undeniable. And this can cause a person to get lost in the future of possibilities - which may or may not actually exist.
So, why would a woman expend energy going down this path of certain frustration and heartache? Here are a few reasons that might make sense to you:
-Maybe it’s safer to flirt with a man who is unavailable - less risk of rejection
-Maybe the flirting started out innocently enough, but then escalated
-Maybe you don’t really want what you say you do
-Maybe you’re afraid of getting what you want
-Maybe you have your own issues about commitment
-Maybe you don’t want to give up your own freedom and you don’t have to with a married man
-Maybe you don’t believe there are any good single men
Ahhh, you can see the list could get very long.
I can’t say why you, personally, are attracted to these unavailable fellows. - Only you know what lies beneath this behavior. And if you don’t know for sure - at least you’re the one with access to dig down deep.
But I can share three suggestions that may help shift your focus - away from him and towards what is better for your love life.
1. Start believing that there are great single guys out there. Think positively along these lines several times a day.
2. If you’re in the process of a flirtation with a married man that concerns you - catch yourself thinking about him and say to yourself, "This man is evidence that I am attractive and I thank him for that. Now I turn my attention to finding available men."
3. Ask yourself, "What am I gaining from the situation?" and "What am I giving up when I flirt with this unavailable man?" This exercise can be very revealing.
Falling for a married guy happens a lot. If you’re in this situation, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, support yourself by taking steps to disengage and move on to the find the love you want and deserve.
5 Responses to “Why am I Attracted to Married Men?”
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Thank you for this!! I’m really starting to see the light. Thank you!
This was pretty helpful.
However I am in a committed relationship with a great guy, but can’t get my mind off of my married boss who sits right across from me and makes blatant advances.
The problem is; thinking about him is like hitting a drug button in my brain. I’m addicted so I need to tapper off here.
I think it started out as him going through a mid-life and me basking in an ego boost,yet now he wants to do drinks after work. I’m inviting another coworker to keep it honest.
Mona,
Wow - that’s a tough one. I’d advise extreme caution. One type of outside fraternization can lead to another. I wouldn’t spend a moment alone with him - who knows what might transpire and you want to keep your job and relationship intact.
It’s so hard when you want attention and it shows up from the wrong source. Maybe there’s a way to get more attention at home and that will help to quell the fires. All the best to you,
Ronnie
I think the better question is when married men - and so few single men - are attracted to US.
No one seems to want to comment on that. Not even the “professional” dating coaches.
argh. attracted to, and attractive to a successful artist who is, yes married. he has offered we work on a project together; which as you understand could skyrocket my career.
he is not flirtatious.
nor am i.
however, we have had many engaging conversations. as we get to know each other more, the attraction grows.
we work in the same building, hang out in the same cafes. know the same people.
i am concerned our attraction may not be kept to a minimum: coffee, conversation but may escalate into something more.
advice, thoughts, ideas welcome.