Millionaire Matchmaker-this week’s episode

Did you watch the show this week? I have to say that Patty has quite a way with her male clients. She can sure dish it out and lays it right on the line for them. No messing around. No couching things for a soft landing. More like - BOOM with a baseball bat, right between the eyes with her direct advice.

When she told the private plane man at the end that he’s such an LA  guy - too laid back - it was great! She let him  have it and pointed out that he’d be making a mistake to let his date dangle while he settles his travel plans.

Amazingly, he took her advice and they are now seeing each other. That was probably a big step for him, since he seemed so resistant to calling her back until he had his plans made - which could have been more than 10 days. Patty pointed out that it’s ridiculous to think women will be welcoming when so much time passes. (She was referring to more like three weeks as an example, but it still applies here.)

Way to go Patty. This is a dating show worthy of your attention. Enjoy - it’s on again next week on Bravo.

Start Dating Now

• Creating an "Action and Attraction" Plan
• Easy flirting tips that really work
• Reading between the lines about what men say and do
• Web dating strategies for a captivating profile and emails that get a response
• Work on your belief systems that may be sabotaging your success

Cashmere Mafia and Lipstick Jungle

OK, where have I been? Under a rock? Admittedly I don’t watch prime time TV. Not to say I don’t watch TV - because I certainly do. But obviously I am way way out of the loop!

There are two new shows that I have got to check out. One already started - Cashmere Mafia (Wednesday, 9pm est  on ABC) with Lucy Liu among others and soon to air is Lipstick Jungle (Thursday, 2/7 10pm NBC) with Brooke Shields and two friends. Do we love the titles.? YES!

But from this overview, my conclusion is they sound very familiar to Sex & the City rolled into Desparate Housewives.  Hmmm.  Of course Sex & the City’s Darren Star is behind Cashmere Mafia so that might have something to do with the striking similarity.

Still, I know I’m going to watch at least one episode each and make up my own mind. I just can’t let myself get out of  being "in-the-know."

Please comment if you’ve watched Cashmere Mafia and let me know what you thought.

Wrap Yourself in Affirmations

For my birthday, a good friend of mine gave me a fleece wrap covered in love affirmations!  What a unique gift - right up my alley.  I went to the website affirmagy.com and found a number of "affirmawraps" for various affirmations.

Right now they are on sale in honor of Valentine’s Day so check the site out in case you want one. Wrap youself up in a red fleece covered with lots of positive love statements and let them seep through your skin into your pores and consciousness. What could be easier?

And just in case you think this is utterly ridiculous, have you heard of Masaru Emoto who has written several New York Times best sellers? Well his books are about the power of positive energy and emotions on water. His first book (I think it was the first one) The Hidden Messages in Water points out that since the human body is made of mostly water, then we are greatly impacted by emotions and positive energy/thoughts. That’s why the affirmations make so much sense and do in fact work. It’s pretty fascinating stuff.

And, so the blanket is basically the very same idea.  Give it some thought. 

 

 

 

Millionaire Matchmaker’s 1st Show

Tuesday night, the first episode of Millionaire Matchmaker aired on Bravo network.  This is one of those shows where women who are watching will fall into two camps: 1) How can I be considered to meet these millionaires? and 2) These guys are idiots. Let me tell them a thing or two.

My bet is the hot 20 somethings will want to be on the show, the 30+ crowd will prefer throwing tomatoes at the TV screen. Such is life. Entertaining none the less I have to say. I visited  the site and posted a comment on the blog which hasn’t gotten much action yet.

On the other hand, the Lifetime series Matched in Manhattan’s blog has been literally flooded with requests on how to get on the show to get Matt Titus’s help. How much do I wish that I could email those women and tell them about a great alternative - dating coaching!  Well looking forward to seeing the next installment of this show as well - with this writer’s strike reality TV rules.

 

 

Magical Words That Capture Attention

Right now I’m going to admit that I have in fact been taken in by headlines like this one. And I hate to be the one to break it to you, but there is just no such thing. There are no magical words that will capture his attention. No magical perfume that will lure him to you. No magical dress size (contrary to popular belief). No magical flirting tip.

And yet, when you meet the right one, it is SO VERY MAGICAL! So how can this be? Seems like a contradiction.

The truth is not always easy to hear. Or easy to follow. Or easy to handle. (Makes me think of Jack Nicholson in that military movie where he says to Tom Cruise "You can’t handle the truth!" but I digress…)

So here’s the truth, not according to Garp, but according to The Dating Coach - that’s me by the way.

You are the magic. That’s right. Who you are. Your energy. Your personality. Your outlook on life. You are the magician who creates your life. Sometimes that makes me so angry. But I know it’s true.  When I am happy, feeling positive, believe things can happen, come my way, work out for me, they do. They just do. Well certainly the vast majority of times.

I know it’s not always true, but it sure is on most occasions.

The effort to do what you may ask?

To think positively. Focus on what you do want to happen, not what you don’t want or what you want to avoid. That’s easy. We do that all the time. Personally, I’m really good at that. That’s because it’s natural. The human condition allows for us to be good at focusing on the negative. We get trained throughout our lives to do that. No one trains us how to get past that and still put trust into what is good and working.

Here’s a non-dating example that really happened. My chiropractor has several treatment rooms in his office. He always used one particular room, but over time, he started getting a headache every time he used that room. Eventually, he shut the door and left that room closed for over a year!

Finally he decided that something had to be done. He had a Feng Shui practitoiner come in to clear the energy. But still he couldn’t open that door. Even though the energy had been cleared and the room emptied, he still had a reaction if the door was left open only one inch.

I really like my chiropractor and was wondering one night at 3am when I couldn’t sleep, why this was happening. What was it about that room that affected him so and what could he do about it?

Then it came to me like a flash out of no where. And I knew the answer. I had found the solution and was very sure of this fact.

Next time I saw him for an appointment, I shared my "ah-ha" moment about his treatment room. And it’s safe to say this applies to anything and EVERYTHING in life.

For the room to return to a good state, he had to stop thinking about what was wrong with the room. The room was in fact empty from an energetic stand point. Instead, he needed to spend time thinking about what kind of energy he DID want the room to have. He spent all his time rejecting what was there and wanting it removed. But there was no longer anything there!

So he decided to listen to my advice. He spent time in that room thinking happy, pleasant thoughts of how wonderful the room was originally. He brought up good memories. He sang a few happy songs. He said a few prayers. And within a short period of time, by my next appointment - the treatment room door was open!

That’s why i share this epiphany now. We all do this, you , me , my chirrpractor. We focus on what we don’t want and don’t like and what we want to be rid of. But when we do this - we stay attached to it!

Think about what you do want. Visualize. Fantasize. Smile. Feel how good things could be. Then take those positve feelings and build a good life for yourself. Do things that make you happy. Enjoy your hobbies, the theatre, exercise, craft projects, movies, friends, family, meeting new people and even dating.  As you enjoy and indulge in thinking good thoughts about what you do want, you are creating the magic that is you. And making yourself more and more attractive.

Start right now. Start slow if you like. Start any way you like. But get started. Your own personal magic awaits you.

 

Instant Dating?

Yes this is America. Since the time we invented fast food (Nathan’s, White Castle and McD’s) , it’s been non-stop fast/instant everything down to picking up your dry cleaning or a even prescription. So it doesn’t surprise me that we’ve gotten to INSTANT DATING!

One of my clients sent me this hoot of an article about a relatively new dating web site that is not about personality compatibility. Oh contrar - it’s about if your schedules align. Yup - www.CrazyBlindDate.com is not about browsing profiles for who might make a good match. You just plug in when and where you’ll be available and Voila! Instant date.

The Boston Globe had an article about some of the site’s clients and their results. Not too good really. Actually it seems the guys might have liked it better than the women. Although comments were mixed for both sexes. Of the people interviewed about their experience with the site, most were in their 20’s.

So if you find yourself bored and available and want to just meet somebody, anybody, a warm body, check out Crazy Blind Date and let me know what happens.  For some, the 20 something warm body might be enough motivation in itself wouldn’t it?

“There’s No Love for Me” Syndrome - Limiting Beliefs about Love

Yesterday I talked about Hugh Jackman Syndrome, and today I’ve decided to come up with my own syndrome - "There’s No Love for Me" Syndrome. This woe-is-me outlook on love includes the following eight limiting beliefs about love:

1. All the good men (women) are taken.
2. Love doesn’t really exist or last.
3. Who would want me? I’m too old, fat, unattractive, problematic, dull, etc.
4. Men (women) can’t be trusted - they’re all scoundrels.
5. I’ll never find the right one for me.
6. I’m too busy to date.
7. I can’t remember how to flirt or connect with men (women).
8. Love is pain, so I want neither.

We’ve all heard these beliefs or said them ourselves because they are so prevalent today. Personally I think that’s a sad statement. For whatever reason, as a society, a lot of Americans have become more and more isolated. So many of us work very hard, live at light speed cramming in too many responsibilities and taking little time out for ourselves.

But, self care and time out are crucial for a healthy, balanced life. And personal playtime or socializing is just as crucial. While you can live a full and joyous life solo, if you long for love, you’ll need to do something about it to make it happen.

If you suffer from "There’s No Love for Me" Syndrome, here is one surefire way to turn things around. Start noticing happy couples. Yes they do exist! You might encounter them at the movies, at the grocery store, out to dinner, or walking down the street. Setting your internal radar on finding happy couples is one of the most powerful ways to re-wire your subconscious mind AND turn your dating karma around.

Countless people hold these limiting beliefs, so if these sound all too familiar, you are in no way alone! And sometimes just acknowledging this by itself can help to dissapate this negative outlook on love. In addition, when you start seeing happy couples, it refutes these negative thoughts, so you’ll automatically  have a much harder time hanging on to them and they can start to melt away.

I wouldn’t do this dating coaching work if I didn’t believe down to the core of my soul that finding love IS POSSIBLE! I turned these thoughts around for myself and found my husband. Every day another one of my clients makes this dramatic shift and their love life starts to blossom. Why not join the fun? See for yourself that love is out there for you!

The Hugh Jackman Syndrome

I read this great article from the Sydney Morning Herald Blog (very well done) discussing why dating sucks and the Hugh Jackman Syndrome. Well that’s a new one on me. I had to read more to find out the basis for this new dating syndrome.

I was quite stunned to find out that an unnamed dating coach instructs women to toss out all men who don’t mimic Hugh Jackman’s behavior in the movie Kate and Leopold. Now I must admit that I am a big fan of this romantic comedy. But we all know it’s a movie right? And I do believe in romance and that a man should treat a woman well. Yet, we need to stay in the real world or the "syndrome" will result in remaining single - at least that’s my thought.

Of course when I heard the Hugh Jackman Syndrome, my thoughts immediately went to an entirely different movie - Someone Like You with Ashley Judd. In this film, Hugh plays a playboy type turned guy with a heart as he watches Ashely self-implode over Gregg Kinear who plays a total idiot.  

This movie is actually based on the book entitled the New Cow Syndrome -  Ashley’s character develops this theory how men are like bulls. Scientific research discovers that a bull will only mate with a particular cow once per season. Then it’s on to new cows. They never go back for more. Interesting supposition, yes? This probably serves the animal kingdom, but raises havoc as you can imagine in Ashley’s world.

What’s the point of these movie ramblings? Enjoy the movies, but remember it’s make believe. Stay real with your expectations. And get out there to find the love you want.

 

If You Don’t Love Yourself, How Can Anyone Else?

For whatever reason, we are not taught positive self talk. Instead, from years of what has been called "constructive criticism," we learn to berate ourselves.  For so many, we are meaner to ourselves with our inner chatter than we would ever imagine being to any one else on the face of the planet!

You know it’s true.  And it messes with your self-esteem.

All those comments like, you’re too old, not pretty enough, too fat, too thin, have mousy hair, nothing special to say, not bright enough, not quick witted, don’t make enough money, grew up on the wrong side of the tracks, didn’t go to a good enough school, didn’t go to college, say the wrong things, am not very interesting, blah blah blah!

Raise your hand if some of this doesn’t circulate in your brain from time to time.

But what can you do about this inner nastiness that seems to have a rather tenacious mind of it’s own? Well, according to Richard Carlson, author of Taming Your Gremlin, everyone has this problem. And everyone has a gremilin that chatters on and on viciously and incesantly. So you are not alone with this issue.

And there is hope. But it will take some practice. The good news is, you are not your gremlin. Your true authentic self would never be mean, only supportive.

Here are a few things you can do to quiet that gremlin, take back your power, build self-esteem and start to love yourself again. Pretty important stuff if you’re looking for a healthy relationship. Because you have to be healthy to start with.

1) Start to recognize your gremlin’s voice and wake up in that moment to realize you don’t have to listen to that stuff! And your gremlin does not have to be the one in charge. Allow your authentic self be in charge!

2) Tell your gremlin to shut up if you have to!

3) Tell your gremlin to go on vacation, lock it in a drawer, tell it to go away - whatever will work to distract and cut your brain off from that broken record that plays constantly. This does work believe it or not.

4) Ask your gremlin what it is afraid of. Your gremlin does have a real job - to keep you safe and from looking foolish. But in that small, narrow comfort zone, you’ll never get a chance to stretch and try something new - that’s why you need to get past the gremlin. Find out what the fear is about and you can sneak past it!

5) Be kind to yourself. Once the gremlin has been berating you, you’ll need a good dose of kindness and understanding. Remember that you are most likely doing the best you can. Shore up your inner strength and move forward to try again. Everyone makes mistakes so ease up on yourself

6) Remember you don’t have to be perfect. That’s a great excuse to keep from trying anything new. First time out you won’t be perfect - but to try is to learn something new! Cut yourself some slack.

7) Appreciate how far you have come with whatever your goals are. Praise yourself for what has gone well. This is crucial to your self esteem so believe the good things you say to yourself and empower yourlsef for MORE!

Once you start down this road to recovering your self esteem, your confidence will build. When you appreciate yourself, you will learn to love yourself. No matter who you are - you are a unqiue individual. There’s not another like you in the whole wide world. And that is great news.

Cherish that. Nurture that. And believe in yourself. You’re the only who can do this so do it with gusto! A whole new world will open when you are kind to yourself first. Amazingly, others will start to respect you and show it more as well. Smile at yourself in the mirror and know that you are worthy of love!

 

Looking for Catholic Men over 60?

Just got a call from my client, Kathryn who after three weeks on line says, "There are so many men! My sister advises me to just see two at a time, but that’s hard to do!" How cute is that? And how tremendously exciting. Kathryn literally giggled like a school girl.

Let me tell you how this all started. Kathryn is 61 and a widow.  She really wants to meet a Catholic nice man, but where? She didn’t want to go on line - yuck. She already did that and it was horrible!  We checked into local area churches and unfortunately, none had singles activities for her age bracket. We googled everything we could think of to find Catholic singles activities, but came up empty handed.

Call me a die-hard if you will, but I went back to the online thing. I poked around the Catholic singles site and found that CatholicSingles.com had the largest number of men in Kathryn’s age bracket in her area. So I made a case for her to try online dating again, because honestly, with a religious requirement, I’m just not sure how else to find the guys.

She decided to try again and signed up.

Ladies, if you are over 50 and Catholic, try this site or check into the other similar sites. Do a search on each site to see how many men are in your age bracket and geographic area. If a site doesn’t let you search - SKIP IT!  Forget AveMaria singles  and others like it and stick to the ones that give you a PREVIEW of who is out there.

Then write a profile or call me for help, post it and feast your eyes! Who knew there were so many men on these religious sites?

Other big Christian sites include www.ChristianSingles.com and www.BigChurch.com . But there are literally tons of these religious sites and many are very well populated.

Get out there and start looking. You could have  a date for Valentine’s Day if you get started right now.

Matched in Manhattan Tonight on Lifetime!

Tonight at 9:30pm EST is the first episode of the new realtiy TV Show Matched in Manhattan. I am really looking forward to seeing what they come up with and how Matt handles his clients needs. If you want more details, I wrote about this show last week too.

Should be very interesting and I’m guessing farily entertaining.  If he’s direct and to the point - that can be fun and informative.  If he soft-pedals it, that could be annoying. Let’s hope he doesn’t mince words and gives his clients the straight poop on what works in today’s complicated dating scene.

Then we can all learn and benefit!

Let me know what you think of the show - this is your place to vent about reality TV’s newest entry!

AOL Sponsors 2008 Love Survey

Just released on January 2nd, AOL Personals has completed a survey among it’s clients about their views on love. The survey was conducted in age brackets so you can see the generational differences of the respondents.

Not surprisingly,  marriage is on the chopping block with a high percentage of respondents who don’t feel marriage is necessary to validate committment.  For 20 somethings, 50% think this is true, while 40% of 60 somethings believe this.

But how about this figure - between 43%-50% of survey respondents think you can love more than one person at a time! The highest rankers are 40 somethings. I find that rather intriguing.

Another interesting question is should marriage last until death? (that’s a bit gothic maybe) While the vast majority agreed at a rate of 64% to 68%, the 30 somethings win hands down at 73%. That’s 73% of 30-39 year old singles on AOL Personals think marriage is "till death we part."  This is the biggest shocker to me, given the state of marriage, the divorce figures, and the fact that so many respondents don’t even think marriage is needed to validate commitment.

Anyway, the conclusion drawn by the AOL professionals and the survey administrators is that the desire for love is still going strong so sign up today.

I too can validate this idea - the desire for love and partnership is a basic human condition that has not changed. THE WILLINGNESS TO TAKE STEPS TO FIND LOVE- Ahhh - THAT HAS CHANGED DRAMATICALLY!

It’s a brand new year. What steps will you take to make finding love a priority and a reality?

The Law of Attraction in Action - Got 20 Minutes?

I just had to share this with you as soon as I heard this outrageous good news.

One of my clients has been struggling with believing that love is possible for her. Carrie has come right out and said that she doesn’t think it could really happen. Yet, she’s hired me - so I pointed out the inherent conflict there. After all there must be a part of her that believes or why waste the cash on my coaching right?

We’ve been talking about shifting her consciousness by using affirmations. Carrie needs an overhaul of her underlying belief system and to reprogram her mind, expectations, and outlook.

Sounds like a very tall order yes? How could anybody accomplish this and how long will it take?

How about 20 minutes?

Today, Carrie took a 20 minute shower and while she washed her hair, she decided to focus on her affirmations. She spent time on the idea that love is possible, that it can happen to her, that she is ready, willing and open to have whatever she needs to shift to find the love she wants. Pure focus, 20 minutes.

This afternoon, Carrie got an email from a guy who is new to one of these social networking groups. (Not an online dating service.) He found her profile and sent her an email saying that she sounded interesting and since they live in the same area and he’s new in town, maybe they could have a drink sometime.

Is he the man of her dreams? Who knows. She hasn’t met him and he might not be.

BUT,  THIS IS UNDENIABLE, AMAZING EVIDENCE OF THE LAW OF ATTRACTION IN ACTION! On the same day that Carrie made a very conscious decision to focus on the outcome she DOES want, rather than continue to put energy into what she doesn’t want - and she gets this email out of the blue.

Who knows what is next for Carrie, but one thing is for sure - the shift in her energy delivered IMMEDIATE RESULTS.  Why not try it for yourself?

I used this process when I was looking for love and the proof is in the pudding - seven years of happy marriage.

I’m so psyched about Carrie’s results, I’m going to apply this same thing to other areas of my life right away. I’m on the band wagon. What about you?

Climb aboard this fast paced train - the Law of Attraction can be applied by anyone, any time.

The time is now. The person is YOU!

 

Cuddle Parties?

Happy New Year!

Have you heard about this? Monitored parties where you arrive in PJ’s and select partners to cuddle up with. No hanky panky, just supervised dual gender nuturung human contact. Cuddle parties, which have been held in New York City, LA, Seattle, Australia and London, are for people who crave intimacy, something which for many people can be very hard to come by.

There’s an article on ABC News about it and the officlal web site explains cuddle party history, structure, rules,and has a calendar of events.

How surprised was I to discover that this rather unique concept was developed by two New York therapists, Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski, back in 2004. Being blatantly honest, I can see this sort of avant garde communication workshop doing well in California and Australia - but London and New York? Yes, you CAN learn something new everyday.

If you have a free minute on this glorious New Year’s Day, checking out the innovative cuddle party web site might set a warm and intimate tone for the year to come. Let me know what you think.