Dating Over 40: How a “What the Heck?”Attitude Helps You Find Love

When looking for love,, it’s not always easy to maintain a positive attitude. Yet, a good outlook is crucial to your dating success. How can you stay upbeat and open to trying new ways to meet people?

Dating Over 40: Don’t Believe in Love? Check out Christian the Lion Video

Last week the Today Show featured this YouTube video and today they did another story about the owners of this amazing lion named Christian. They kept him in their London flat for a year until he out grew city life, Then they had him released into the wild. After a year or so, they missed Christian the Lion, so they went to Africa to search for him and FOUND HIM. When you watch this video, you won’t believe your eyes. That lion has what appears to be a human level of love for his two owners. Get a hankie before you click to watch!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiGKWoJi5qM

And once you’ve watched, take time to reconfirm your own belief in love. The right man for you is out there. Your belief and ability to keep the search moving forward will help you find it. Love is your birth right. Don’t give up!

 

Dating Over 40: Why Don’t I Click with Men on Match

Dear Ronnie,

I’ve been on match.com for over a month now and I’m so sad to say that I’m just not clicking with any of the men. Do you think Match is really the best site? Could I be doing something wrong? I’ve only met one guy so far and am very surprised that out of the hundreds men’s profiles I’ve read, and the whole bunch I’ve emailed – nothing is happening. I’m 48, attractive, 5′6:, 136 lbs. long brown hair so what’s the story?

Mystified in Massachusetts

Dear Mysty,

There are so many reasons why you might be struggling, so I’ll list off a few and see if this helps.

1. It’s only been a month. while this is the time when you get the most views, it’s also a time when men of all kinds may respond to your profile. This is good from a volume perspective, but not always the best group of fellows to meet your requirements. 

2.  Do you email men that  seem right for you? It’s important to be friendly on line – which is not the same as pursuing men or asking them out. Nothing wrong with making the first contact, as long as you know, the men might not respond.

3. Are your emails short? Some people tend to wax on about themselves, but online, there’s no need. The guys can look up your profile if interested. So, just make a comment about his profile – no more than a couple of sentences and that’s it.

4. Don’t contact too many men at once. Try 3-5 then wait a week to see what happens. People are busy today and while it is true, someone who doesn’t respond quickly might not be interested, it’s also true that it might take time due to vacation, overwhelm, work, kids, etc. Give the process a chance rather than going full steam ahead and running through all the profiles before you’ve a chance to get skilled at the online dating game. 

5. Finding love is a process that takes time. How long? who can say? Sometimes its the first man who responds, other times it could take months. Everything I’ve learned about the Internet leads me to the same conclusion – give it at least one year before you quit. I think that’s sage advice so I’m giving it too.

6. Are you visualizing and firm in your belief that the right man for you exists? This is the most crucial piece of the puzzle, because this positive belief system will pull you through difficult times. Your faith that love is out there also acts as a magnetic draw, pulling in the right man. The Universe hears your desire and works to help you cross paths with the right man. Shore up your belief in love being possible for you and hold fast to that thought to harness the Law of Attraction and make it work for you.

Wishing you Love,

Ronnie

Dating Over 40: Your Inner Goddess is a Hottie

What’s an Inner Goddess? And how come she’s hot and I’m not?

Your inner Goddess is like your inner child, but all grown up and totally in charge. She’s got lots of confidence even if you don’t. She knows what she wants and what doesn’t work for her. She’s clear on how to get where she wants to go. Your inner Goddess is savvy, smart, and very attractive. She’s in touch with her natural-born femininity and understands how to wield her innate female power – the power of allure. Men want her AND she knows it. That’s what makes her so HOT.

Your inner Goddess is a lot like Wonder Woman. Remember her? But she doesn’t fight crime. Oh no. She fights the low self-esteem that other women are plagued by. She argues with that inner voice who says you are too old, too short, too fat, too wrinkled, to used, too broke, too whatever to find love. And often, that is a battle much bigger than any other super woman has had to deal with.

All this struggle doesn’t change a thing. Because it’s a simple fact: Your Inner Goddess is a Hottie and there is nothing you can do to change that. And trust me when I tell you that is good news!

What’s so good about that? Well for one thing, you can tap into her allure any time you want. It’s always there, and always on. You can learn from her, mimic her, make friends with her. Let her teach you what you need to know. Ask her for help. Work it baby, work it. Your Inner Goddess is there for you, so let her do all the hard work and you stay out of the way.

Once you start to catch on, then you can take over. You can tap her allure and turn on the charm to meet lots of new men. You can imagine her coming to the surface of who you are to educate and support you. She’ll flirt for you and she’s really good at it too!

Ready to get in touch with your own inner Goddess? It’s so easy!

1. Pamper yourself – take care of your skin, hair, body, clothes, car and  house.
2. Speak well of yourself – don’t cut yourself down in front of others
3. Appreciate yourself – you are the best thing you have going on. Trust yourself – you know what you like and what you don’t. Follow that and you will likely do very well.
4. Wear clothing that fits well, flatters your shape and is in good repair
5. Wear s-e-x-y underwear, just because you can
6. Smile at people and be friendly
7. Flirt whenever you can and whenever you feel like it – which should be daily
8. Imagine your success with men so that it feel real.

Your inner Goddess is there to help you navigate the adult dating scene – don’t let other things get in the way!

Have fun out there!

 

 

 

 

 

Dating Over 40: Text, IM, eMail – Don’t Men Talk on the Phone Anymore?

Lately I’ve been hearing a lot about men connecting frequently – but not the old fashioned way of a phone call. Today men are more interested in IMing or text messages. What’s that about? Well, let’s consider what’s going on here…

What do the email, IM and texting as communication methods have in common?

1. Quick way to be in touch
2. Can be a distraction from other work or activity
3. Fun time  waster if stuck somewhere and bored
4. Can be done while doing other things
5. Has the naughty or sneaky factor – everyone thinks he’s working
6. Not much emotion conveyed (possibly)
7. No one can hear them since it’s not vocal
8. Not as likely to get into tough question areas
9.Can’t get into anything too deeply – nothing too heavy

What did I overlook or forget?

Let’s face it, a telephone conversation takes a lot more time and effort.

Much of the usage behind these communication methods depends on the age of the man. Guys under 30 grew up with lots of technology. Culturally, the younger the person, the more techno inclined. Kids today are texting each other while sitting at the same table. it’s just the in-hip thing to do.

I do know women who feel slighted though when the guy they are dating prefers technology to real conversation. We women love the connection, the tone of voice, the little whispers, the sound of his smile. None of this can be conveyed via more modern equipment. it’s just not he same. A cute or entertaining IM exchange can be fun, but doesn’t replace the warmth of his voice.

What should you do if you have a man who prefers these new fangled ways? Share your own preference. let him know that texting is fun and a great way to keep in touch, but it doesn’t replace a phone call for you. Let him use any method he wants to communicate, but remind him how you love the sound of his voice and want to have a real conversation too.

Or, you can stop responding to all his IM’s etc and he’ll eventually get the message that way too. Not everyone is comfortable with being direct, although that is my personal preference.

If the guy doesn’t come around to calling you even a little bit more, then you have collected important data about his willingness to please you which is good to know right?

Happy texting!

 

Dating After Divorce: Should I Date More than One Man at a Time?

Now this is a FUN question!

Dear Dating Coach,

I’ve been dating Max for nearly a month and it’s been fun. He emails and texts quite a bit, and also calls, although not as often. We see each other 2-3 times a week and things are going pretty well. I’m not ready to get exclusive – just taking things slowly since I’m just out of my 15 year marriage.

There are a few things I’m not sure about and time will tell how they play out. For one thing he’s in his late 40’s and never been married. That makes me question if he will ever commit. Another is that he’s not crazy about animals and I have two dogs and a cat. We spend most of our time together at his place as a result. Last, I’m starting to question if we share the same ideas of lifestyle. I certainly don’t expect fine dining every time we get together, but eating a proper, healthy meals is important to me and he’s fine with chips and salsa.

To complicate matters, he’s away on a business trip for two weeks and in the meantime, I ran into an old boyfriend, Jack, who asked me to lunch. I went, we had a fabulous time and he asked to see me again.

So enough background. The question is – can I date them both?

Thanks for your help,
Lacey

Dear Lacey,

First off I want to thank you for reminding my readers that it’s an abundant world out there – you have the opportunity to date  two men! How nice.

The point of dating as I see it is to gather data about the person to see if there is long-term potential. And that is what you are doing with Max. sometimes what seems like a great connection unravels with a bit of time as you see you need more than attraction to  make a good relationship last. If you don’t not have the same values or principles about how you want to live, that can be a deal breaker.

I don’t have an issue with Max adjusting his profile since you two are not in an exclusive relationship. If you were, I would expect both of you to take down your profiles and focus on each other. But since that is not the case, it’s hard to limit his freedom – or yours.

If you want to eat better than Max does,  bring this up and tell him it’s important to you. Good relationships are full of compromises and you might as well start discussing things to work them out now. If you find he is unwilling to compromise, then you have learned something about him and his long term, Mr. Right  potential.

Regarding your animals, sometimes people adjust to animals, sometimes they don’t. It’s hard to say. But if you want to spend more time at your house, invite him there and observe his reaction. This is more information about his potential.

Since you have no exclusivity arrangement with Max, why not date Jack too? Spending time with Jack will not only help you get to know him again, but will also help you understand what works for you and what doesn’t regarding both men. Gathering more information in this case is a smart move.

This advice is based on the initial dating phase which usually means the first 4 to 10 dates or until you know you have a standing Saturday night date which signifies the firs t stage of relationship. This upfront period is when things are far more casual and free from expectations. It might be a lot harder to date both men longer term as feeling will build and intimacy will deepen. The last thing you want to do is end up in a situation where you are deceiving one or both men about your extracurricular activities.

I can’t provide the cut off date or how long this should go on. but I think you will know what is right for you and will make your choices accordingly. From my perspective, dating in multiples is a smart strategy to find the love you want. Things often crumble or disappear after a few dates which is to be expected and perfectly normal.

Many women fall into the trap of serial monogamy which means they stop dating other men after one or two dates to focus on the one man. This is not always the wisest move since you can end up with a man who doesn’t meet you rneeds because you  got too wrapped up and involved before you finished the courting process.

Dating in multiples is the perfect solution to serial monogamy since you can distract yourself from thinking  too much about one man (as women often do). This can not only help you stay objective about the men you date, but also help when one drops away – you still have another to get to know.

To wrap things up, I say yes – date them both AND keep your eyes open as you get to know them to see who has the best long-term potential, shares similar values and ways of looking at the world, is easy to be with and treats you well. If you are having fun – great! If you start noticing red flags – pay attention and don’t ignore them! And hold off on intimacy while in observation mode to remain objective. This is the best advice i can give you to guard your heart and help you make savvy dating choices on the road to finding Mr. Right.

 

Dating Over 40: Don’t Forget About Girlfriends!

Marilyn was complaining recently that she was tired of spending so much time alone. She just broke up with her boyfriend of three years and they had done EVERYTHING together. Now she was boyfriendless and companionship scarce.

What about her girlfriends? Well Marilyn had focused her life on her man. Some of her friendships stayed intact,, but many were either married or fell by the wayside. Now that she is single again, her entire solution to time on her hands is to look for a man who will fill that void.

This is not the best strategy for several reasons.

Ever hear the phrase – "Men come and go, but girlfriends get you through."? It’s true isn’t it? Most of us need our girlfriends for support, a good cry or laugh and maybe some occasional commiserating. Men are great – don’t get me wrong, but we all know – they aren’t women and no one can replace your women friends or sisters. We understand each other because we think in similar ways.

If you are suddenly single and looking for ways to fill your time, think about making some new girlfriends! Today more than ever, there are single women of all ages to befriend. And, today -many are vibrant, active and want to do things!

The fastest growing segment of the travel industry is girl getaways! Why? Because women love to travel and they are no longer waiting to find men to go with! You have freedom today like never before to get out and enjoy the world. So make a few new girlfriends if you’re short on buddies. Then, get busy having fun.

Do you know how attractive a woman is who lives a rich, full life?

Highly attractive!

And how happy is a woman who is active and plans fun activities for herself? Very!

• Open the paper and look in the calendar section to see what events are interesting to you.
• Check out the Red Hat Society if you are over 50
• Find a book club or take a pilates class
• Try continuing education – most school systems have a catalog of programs!
• Visit www.MeetUp.com to discovers a huge variety of special interest groups locally, from volleyball, to gourmet dinners, a Course in Miracles study group, knitting, biking and kayaking – it’s all out there.

As humans,  we are social animals. Don’t put all your hopes, dreams and energy into only finding a man to fulfill all your needs. Live your life and while doing that – keep your eyes open and look for a great guy who will expand your world even further .

 

Is it a Bad Sign When You Flirt with a Man in Seminary Training?

True story. One of my clients, Katie, sent me an email about meeting a great guy – who turns out to be studying to be a priest! OK, When I read the email I laughed out loud.. But it does make you pause and think about things doesn’t it?

She was worried this was a sign that she is running out of options. I say no, not at all.
But most certainly barking up the wrong tree!

What could this be about from a cosmic perspective? Well, it’s so hard to say. it could really mean absolutely nothing and was simply an opportunity for a good belly laugh. That in itself can be quite healing.

But what if this is a sign of some kind? Here’s one thought going back to barking up the wrong tree – is Katie having a problem attracting men who are unavailable?

Unavailable men aren’t just married. They could also be in a relationship, just divorced or separated, gay, uninterested in dating, emotionally unavailable or …a man of the cloth.

Hmmmmm – I hope this is making you think for a bit. Do you have a habit of attracting unavailable men? Think back to your dates or crushes and consider them from  this new perspective. Do any patterns appear?

If you find this is true for yourself, as it may be for Katie ( we don’t know for sure of course) there is something you can do about it.
Ask yourself these questions:

• Are you truly available to date?
• Are you open emotionally?
• Do you make yourself available to meet men?
• Do you have time in your calendar?
• Do you have room in your life – literally look around your
  home to see if anyone could join you there

And how about your belief system: 

• Do you like men or do you think they are all bad apples?
• Do you believe love is possible for you?
• Do you feel worthy of love?

This self-examination can be very revealing and incredibly powerful for turning your dating luck around. Be honest with yourself. Identify your actions or beliefs that may be getting in your way. Then do something different!

If you need to change your belief system – affirmations are an excellent method that works wonders.
If you need to make yourself more available, make room in your heart, calendar and home for a new man.

In my book MANifesting Mr. Right, Chapter 4 talks about clearing your mind, heart, calendar and your clutter and provides a number of exercises to help you accomplish these goals.

Plus, in Chapter 6, you will learn about four sure-fire methods to open your heart to love. 

If the signs say that you are unavailable, commit to turning that around so you can find the love you want and deserve. it’s completely "doable" and possible. Not only have I done it, but so have many of my clients. You can do it too! Why not start today?