Three Ways to Scare off a New Man - Happy Halloween!

Oct 31| Filed Under Main | 

Boo! It’s Halloween, one of favorite holidays. And a great backdrop for talking about dating. Halloween is about the fun of being frightened and scary things that go bump in the night. All of that has its place. But the last thing you want to do is scare off a new man in your life. Here are three ways you might inadvertently frighten your date away and how to avoid them.

1) Staunchly Independent
You are an independent woman who doesn’t "really" need a man. I get it. But that is the last thing you want him to feel. Most men want to feel needed. Not by a needy woman - that’s something different. But to do man things for you. Help with your car, fix stuff, carry hearvy things. A staunchly independent woman who wears that status boldly and talks about it directly can be off putting. You know you can take care of yourself and more power to you! But, don’t send him packing before you get to know him.

You can be independent all you want - just don’t flaunt it in his face. Let him open the door for you, order the wine, pick up the check. Let him have the traditional role and "be the man." If you want to be your most attractive, be yourself, be warm and receptive, and be easy to please and appreciative of his efforts.

2) Trying on the Future
When you meet a wonderful man, it’s hard not to get caught up in the excitement. That is the fun part of dating. However, if you start doodling your name with his, if you think how his surname sounds with your first name before the second date (and you know you do this sometimes) that is a very scary thing. Don’t plan your future before you have one. Stay in the present moment. Anything can happen - and that’s to move the relationship forward or to cut it short.

When you lean into the future, you may appear anxious. And anxious might look like neediness - Oh no! That is often the downhill slide for a man. So avoid over thinking the future. Stay present, keep your eyes open and know that it will all unfold with time.

3) Fixing Him Up a Bit
Let me tell you straight out - you cannot change a man. You cannot change anyone, except yourself and event that’s not so easily done. The only thing you can change about a man is his clothing and his hair - maybe, if you’re lucky. But that’s it. 

He is who he is. Your attempts to improve him could be taken as a lack of appreciation for who he is right now. That’s not good and doesn’t bode well for your budding relationship. Pushing him to change is a great way to push him away.

Yet, this is a mistake that women make all the time. I remember myself thinking about a guy and wishing I could just mix together a good part of someone else with the new guy’s qualities to have the perfect partner. We all have done this from time to time. Does it work out? Nope.

So refrain from fixing him. Appreciate who he is right now. And if you cannot do that, he’s probably not the right man for you.

How to Enjoy hte Magic
There are many more chilling things women do to chase men away, like not returning phone calls, taking about your ex, complaining that all men stink, etc., but we’ll save that for a rainy day. In the mean time, if you are dating someone who seems to be in your ball park for the qualities you seek, smile at him, praise his efforts, give him a warm reception and enjoy the magic that is falling in love.

Happy Halloween!

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