Dating After Divorce: Why Did He Contact Me on Facebook?

This is another one of those Facebook emailing stories.  They seem to be more common these days. Please keep in mind, Facebook is just  a communication tool and not a very direct method at that. If a man   to connect with you (especially a  man over 40) - he has to take things to a level beyond Facebook…

Dear Dating Coach,

Three years ago I had a very brief affair with a married man named Ralph. I moved and ended it. To my surprise, two months ago, Ralph contacts me on Facebook! I was over him and wasn’t expecting anything. But Ralph told me to keep in touch through the inbox private email function. He didn’t want to be Facebook friends – probably because that would be seen by the world.

When I looked at his Facebook profile he stated he’s interested in “women for friendship.” He’s still married and his kids are Facebook friends. I thought this was odd, but, I kept in touch anyway. I suppose this way no one knows that he and I are communicating. Also, I don’t know how many other women he is keeping in touch with in this manner.

Now I find the more I stay in touch with friendly banter, the less and less he responds. So, I decided not to email-unless he emails me first. Maybe he never wanted to be friends at all? If this is the case, please, please tell me why he even bothered to look me up after three years? I just don’t get him! Do you?

Irritated in Iowa

Dear Irritated,

Yes, I think I understand Ralph. He was probably pleasantly surprised to see you on Facebook and impulsively emailed you. He likely thought an occasional email would be light and fun, and wasn’t thinking about getting something started. That’s why the more frequent your emails are, the less he responds.

My advice? Stop emailing him. Stop looking at his Facebook page. Don’t waste another precious minute of your time on Ralph. Since you are over him, be done with it and move on to find single men who are free to date you.

Here are a few ideas to get your stared. Look for other single men or old friends you know on www.facebook.com and strike up conversations with them. Try www.match.com or www.singlesnet.net – both these sites offer large pools of single men. Get out from behind your computer and try a singles dance!

Sometimes we get tangled up in things and that make it hard to see the situation clearly for what it is. When it comes to true romance and male interest, emails are not real evidence or an actual plan of pursuit. A man who wants to date you will call you and ask for a date – actual, in person face time!

Wishing you love,
Ronnie – The Dating Coach

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One Response to “Dating After Divorce: Why Did He Contact Me on Facebook?”

1. Cara says:

   April 1, 2009 at 9:22 am

   Great advice, Ronnie. I decided not to friend my ex on Facebook. I don’t need to see an update on what he’s doing day-to-day and I certainly don’t want to see his relationship status changes, if there are any!