Has this happened to you?
There’s a guy at work, church, or in your social circle. When you see him, he seems to light up. He seems very interested in what’s going on with you and catching up. He may flirt with his eyes, or verbally, or even touch you lightly. For some women, the man has actually taken things as far as kissing you once or twice.
Every time you see him, you experience the intense excitement of attraction. You feel prettier after talking with him. Your heart might be going pitter-patter. Its such a great feeling, exhilarating really. He must feel it too! How could you be the only one feeling this? There’s absolutely no way he doesn’t feel this same electricity. The same attraction. The same excitement.
But, and this is a huge but -
He Doesn’t Ask You Out!
Your relationship is stuck at flirting. And it drives you completely crazy. You simply cannot stop thinking about him. Every time you run into him (which might be daily, once a week at church, or occasionally in your social circle), afterwards you spend days going over every detail of your interaction. What he said. His smile. The way he looked at you. How he lightly touched you on the arm or shoulder and the sensations that coursed through your body as a result.
Which leads you to wonder why he doesn’t ask you out. Which creates a certain degree of frustration because you do not understand! How can this be? Why doesn’t he take it to the next obvious step?
I have had several dating coaching clients tell me about these interactions at church and at work. Other people have asked you about the situation, thinking you must be seeing each other. They’ve noticed how things are between you. How can they see it, but he doesn’t do one thing about it?
Well here are three possible reasons why he’s not asking you out:
1. Oh yeah, he’s attracted to you. However, he is actually involved with someone else. And for whatever reason he doesn’t want to mention that because he enjoys flirting with you. It makes him feel good too.
2. He isn’t ready or looking for a relationship. But flirting with you gives him his “feminine fix” and then he’s on his merry way. He definitely benefits from flirting with you. It makes him feel alive and wanted. He loves the attention you give him. Yet, he has no intention of ever taking this one step further and he’s probably not emotionally available.
3. He has something going on in his life that is keeping him from being active romantically. It could be financial trouble, health issues, emotional baggage, or any number of other concerns. It doesn’t really matter though because he’s not moving forward any time soon.
Why is this so confusing and agitating for you? Here it is in a nutshell:
You mistake his flirtations and interactions with you as being in some sort of relationship.
A relationship with potential or promise. That’s a huge perceptual problem for you. The truth is, THIS IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP! And sadly, 99.9% of the time, it never will be.
Does this mean flirting with this man is a waste of time? Not necessarily. There are some benefits as long as you are clear this is going no where. Flirting like this:
This is the biggest problem with Mr. Flirtypants:
He Is Not Mr. Right. If he were Mr. Right, he’d be asking you out.
He has some major flaw that keeps him from entering a relationship with you. Please don’t forget that essential piece of the puzzle.
If you find yourself in this situation, take the time to evaluate how long this has been going on and if there is any reason to believe, in reality, if he’ll ever ask you out. Remember, 99.9% of the time, nothing will ever happen and these are dead end situations that disappoint you and take you away from your mission – looking for and finding love.
Find out the 5 Big Turnoffs That Drive Men Away when you download my dating advice in this free book.