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Being a dating coach for 10 years now, I have noticed a trend which frankly troubles me. Many women who are dating after divorce don’t respect men. They don’t value, like or appreciate men. You can tell by how they speak about men – both the new men they meet and the ones from the past.
Now its understandable. Divorce is very hard and these women have been hurt, disappointed, cheated on, controlled, and/or lied to, etc. As a result, they expect men to not be good people. I’m going to blame TV, movies and the media too – just think of Lifetime TV.
Yet, and this is very important, these same women dating after divorce want to find a loving man as a romantic partner. Now, I can tell you this is a problem of tremendous proportions for so many reasons.
1. If you don’t like, respect, or appreciate men, why do you want one in your life? This creates an unresolved conflict within your mind.
2. If you generalize that all men stink, you lump the good with the bad and limit your opportunities.
3.If you bash men as a source of entertainment with girlfriends, you reinforce that there are no good men. This belief gets into your subconscious mind and influences your experiences.
4. Your belief that there are no good men becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You see, its the human condition to want to be right. So, when you believe all men stink, you look for evidence to support this, so you can be right. You point it out to a friend after a first date saying, “The guy was a jerk just like all the other guys.” Does that sound familiar? You have just made your point again – there are no good single men.
So I ask you, do you think this belief is serving your quest to find a decent man to love. Nope! But it sure will perpetuate you experience that all men are unworthy and can’t be trusted.
But, can this really be true of ALL MEN? Do all men deserve this treatment? If you are at all interested in truth, you cannot honestly believe all men are bad. Some, but not ALL.
If you deeply desire love, this bad habit of man bashing requires transformation. A few men may hurt you. But NOT EVERY MAN. There are good men out there. Your belief that this is true will help you find the good ones. But without this belief, you are lost.
How can you turn this thinking around? Consider the men you do like – your brothers, uncles, nephews, fathers’ grandfathers, sons, friends’ husbands, colleagues, neighbors, There have got to be a few good ones. What do you admire and appreciate about these men as human beings?
When you change this habit to speak well of men, you demonstrate to the Universe that you respect men. This gives you an advantage over other women, because so many women have lost their respect for men.
So please stop the man bashing. Look for the good in men and you will find it. Notice what they do that is caring, sweet, loving and desirable. This is how you create positive feelings about men. You will be more open and far more attractive energetically to the good men out there. If you are serious about finding love, and are guilty of man bashing, take this giant step towards love today.
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