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Understanding Men: He Texts, But Doesn’t Ask Me Out

Are you having trouble understanding men and
figuring out what men want?

Understanding Men – That ‘s a Big Question

You are not alone. This is such a constant problem for single women of any age.  I just got this email from a woman who is confused by the mixed signals she’s getting from a guy she had one date with. Maybe this has happened to you?

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Dear Ronnie,

I had a first date with a guy two weeks ago. It went really well and I texted him the next day. He said he was would love to see me, but was busy. I am having trouble understanding men.

Since then he texted me every three days. First he said he hoped he had time to see me at the weekend, so I thought he would call. At the weekend he texted me after 6pm on Saturday and said he was with a friend, but wished he knew I was free. Three days later he texted he would like to spend time with me this weekend. I replied I would be free. On Saturday, he texted me about 8:50pm and asked me how my day was. I texted back it was fine and he replied he spent the day painting for a friend.

Is he playing with me? Why does he hint he wants to ask me out, then does not?? Please help me with understanding men.

Thanks so much,
Texted and Confused in Missouri

 

Dear Texted,

When a man says he wants to see you but, doesn’t make the time, its called “Stringing you along”. He is seeing someone else or a few other women, but wants to keep his options open with you in case the others don’t work out. A lot of men do this. (Women do it too.) I’ve also heard it referred to as “chatting you up” when a man calls to talk, but doesn’t ask you out.

Really its the same thing. The men who contact you with no intention of setting up a date or making time to see you are a dime a dozen.

Dating is a lot like playing poker

In addition, this guy purposefully texts you on Saturday night  to see if you are home with nothing going on. He’s doing some detective work on you. If you answered his texts right away, you communicated unwittingly that you have nothing else to do. Plus, you revealed that you are very interested and hopeful about him.

As I would tell any of my dating coaching clients, your responses have actually lowered his attraction to you. Had you been busy and responded a few days later, that would have made him more curious about you. A woman who is busy and sought after, is always more attractive. Dating is a lot like playing poker, you don’t want to show your hand because you give the game away. In this case, you don’t want a man to know you have nothing to do on a Saturday night or that you are more interested in him than he is in you.

Understanding men: When he’s interested, he will ask you out!

As a dating coach for over 10 years, one thing I know for sure  – when a man is truly interested in you, he will ask you out. He’ll want to see you. No matter what that man has to do, he will fit you into his schedule. So, painting “for a friend” (probably his current girlfriend) on a Saturday night would not get in his way.

My advice is to ignore his meaningless texts and let him go. But, let me warn you, ignoring him may cause his interest in you to increase. That’s because you are invoking “the chase” which men still get hooked into. The chase is still alive and well. Men like to work towards a goal.

That’s why I advise my dating coaching clients not to text, email or call a man the day after a first date. don’t invade his space by communicating. Instead, thank you him on the date and tell him you had a good time. Then, in basketball terms, drop the ball in his court and just leave it there. If he’s interested, he’ll pick up the ball to call and ask you out.

So, if Mr. Text suddenly starts showing you more interest or calls to ask you out, please remember this. After one date he decided not to see you again and started stringing you along. Is that really the kind of guy worth dating? Is that the kind of guy you want to open your heart to? I doubt it.

Wishing you love,
Ronnie

 

Photo Credit: The Unquiet Librarian

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205 Responses to “Understanding Men: He Texts, But Doesn’t Ask Me Out”

  1. Nikki says:

    There is soe grain of truth to it, but at the same time it is a bit more complicated then that. Men will not get more interested in a woman just because she is ignoring him! Nonsense! So you ignore him, but also would ignore him millions of other women! Now which one of tgose ignorant women would he chase? And maybe men do like a chase to some degree, but they are not that dumb. And would you want a guy who is dumb inough to jyst chase for the sake if a chase and then lose all his interest onxe he got you?In fact this is precisely the kind of guy who us every woman’s nightmare!

    So you start ignoring him to see how much he is into you. No big deal! While you are ignoring him he is noticing that cute hairdresser who is smiling and flirting with him, or that sexy waitress, paying a lot of atrention to what he says. Simply ignoring a guy is a sure way to allow him get distructed by all other beautiful women and lose his focus.

    And yes, one day your ignorance and patience do pay off! Suddenly in a flash he remembers you, wants to see you, calls you and asks you on a date. And then oops, get distracted again by another cutie and does not show up. Is this the kind of relationship you are dying to gave?

    IDK, but rather then waiting desperately by the phone for days and days, I see nothing wrong with putting my Yan in action and call myself. And even if it is a no, so at least
    I have my answer and can move on.

  2. Ronnie says:

    Well that’s one way to go Nikki. But i think you have missed my point. I don’t say ignore men just to do that. I said stop replying so quickly so he can want her more if he does want her. And if he doesn’t call – that IS an answer – it means he is not interested.

  3. Delilah says:

    I have a similar question. I have been talking to this guy for a few months now. We started off as just friends doing business. I started to like him a little more than just being friends or business and I can tell that he might feel the same way also from his body language. I invited him to come with me to a charity event but he said that he would not be able to make it. He texted me when the event was going on asking me how it was going as if he really cared. A couple of weeks later he told me that the reason he could not go is because he was seeing someone but that relationship was now over. This was in Dec 2012 we kept talking we have done even more business and he texts me all the time about personal things not business. When valentines day 2013 came around I was hoping he would ask me out but he never did. On the day he texted me telling me how much of a horrible time he had and that he wanted to hang out with me the next day. I’m no fool so of course I did not take him up on his invitation. We still text everyday he has asked me out since then but I really could not make the date. I’m not sure if I should hold on hoping this guy really does like me since we text a lot or If I should just give up and move on I would love to hear your advice thanks.

  4. Ronnie says:

    Hi Delilah,
    I hope you don’t mind but I’m going to get right to the point with my answer. This guy asked you out once and you couldn’t go and he’s never asked you out again? Supposedly he’s free and he’s not asking – unfortunately, he’s not that into you. While the details are different with your situation, the advice is the same.

    Stop texting him, let go and move on. If he wanted to date you – he would be doing that right now. I know this is hard to hear and understand because you wonder why he continues to text you – because it feeds his ego. Feed your own ego – you deserve better! Please look for a good man who is ready for and wants a relationship with you.

  5. Delilah says:

    Your totally right I’m going to just let go thanks for your advice.

  6. Danielle says:

    I’ve been friends with this guy since high school and now he had resurfaced during our freshmen year of college. We have been hanging out and going on dates for a few months now. He has said he ins’t looking for any relationships at the moment but I like him and I can’t tell if he likes me. He’s not a huge texter but he has texted me first before and when he text and if he stops talking he will usually text me the next day saying sorry and the reasoning for not responding. Sometimes we will go a week or two without talking since people tell me let him come to you, let him make the first move. I decided to be bold one day and I texted him and he responded right away he asked me to hangout also and has done this most times when I text him first. So to me it seems that he likes it when a girl takes charge.

  7. Ronnie says:

    Hi Danielle, I know this maybe hard to understand, but when a man says he’s not interested in having a relationship – please BELIEVE HIM Whether or not he texts or responds or even LIKES YOU won’t usually change this. Women often think, “Oh he doesn’t mean with me” but yes, he does. It’s not really about you, its about how he doesn’t want the ties or involvement that come with any relationship. You can read more about when to believe a man or not and consider joining my Inner Circle monthly Q&A call http://www.nevertoolate.biz/n2l4l-inner-circle/ to get your questions answered.

  8. Danielle says:

    I know he doesn’t want a relationship with me or with anyone but I feel like if he wasn’t into me then he wouldn’t even be giving me the time of day.

  9. Ronnie says:

    Hi Danielle,
    Being into you is not enough if you want a relationship – he has to be into you AND want a relationship. You can certainly date him if you want. Only you know if he’s going to break your heart or you can be OK with casual. Just don’t think you are going to convince him to get serious. It could happen, but what are the chances?

  10. Jainie says:

    Hi Ronnie,

    I met a great guy one night through mutual friends at my best friend’s birthday party and ended up chatting and making out with him at the party. We text for a while and went on a couple of dates but things never picked up so I cut off contact (he was noncommital, slow to pursue, took days to respond to texts). We’ve recently reconnected but he again seems slow to pursue (waiting 3 days – 1 week after dates to check in, always by text, not directly asking me out). It’s only been a couple weeks since we reconnected but I’m thinking of cutting off contact again. I really like him and enjoy spending time with him but want a man who will pursue me, not someone who’s teeth I have to pull. It’s confusing as, when we are together, he seems genuinely interested and even talks about future plans. Is it worth playing games to raise his interest level?

  11. Ronnie says:

    Hi Jainie – Let me save you time and heart ache – you cannot change a man. Game playing will not work. The only thing you can change is maybe his haircut and his wardrobe – that’s it. A leopard does not change it’s spots so they say. Move on to find love with a man who is ready and who wants you.

  12. kk says:

    Hey Ronnie,
    I’ve been talking to a friend for a couple of weeks now. He’s a single dad to two very small children, and rarely has time for himself. I don’t mind, as I am also a single mother. He always texts me good morning, and a few random texts through out the day. He doesn’t call. We met up once to let our kids play, and had amazing conversation. We also met up once on his lunch break. He’s so hard to read, and I’m afraid of losing a friend if I push the issue. What are your thoughts on this?

  13. Ronnie says:

    Hi KK,
    Actually, I don’t think he is hard to read. He doesn’t have much time as you said. Enjoying each other doesn’t always indicate a man’s readiness or availability for a relationship. In addition, I don’t recommend “pushing the issue”. What works best with men is to be open and friendly and follow their lead for the first 4- 10 dates depending on the situation. If he asks you out, go! But don’t wait around for him and don’t ask him out. If he wants to see you, he has already proven he knows what to do.

  14. laurie says:

    Hi Ronnie

    I find it rude and just plain cruel. A guy persued me practically relentessly texting continuously, calling me, we met up a couple of times to chat and get to know one another – he gave every indication he was keen as. We hooked up one night and after that night the texts slowed to one or 2 a day so i asked if he was still interested and he came back with sorry had just been really busy with family. But he didnt actually say he was still interested. I texted back saying no probs just wanted to know where things stood – no reply. Then the next day i get a text asking how i am and said he needed to sort out his work stuff – he had taken time off between jobs and was low on money and starts a new job in a week or 2. He also said maybe couldn’t catch up til next week? I texted back it was a shame as I had a few days off and would have liked to have caught up but no probs. never heard anything from him so texted the next morning and have heard nothing since. What really gets me is he had the opportunity to say he was no longer interested when I asked him but now I’m just left wondering if he isn’t interested or he is embarrassed he has no money to take me out like he said he wanted to and really is busy? I’m not a game player and am pretty straight up and he seemed to be the same way. Should I just wait and see if he will get in touch to get together like he said or just lose his number and forget about him??

  15. Ronnie says:

    Hi Laurie,

    Here’s my dating advice, remember that texting constantly means nothing. It’s a lazy way to get to know someone. He wanted to get you into bed – you went for it. That’s why I advise my dating coaching clients to wait for more consistency.

    His agenda is not for long-term romance. He’s giving you lots of excuses – busy, no money, work demands, etc. Learning to read between the lines – he is telling you he’s not available, i.e. not interested. Men do not like to be direct. They don’t want an emotional scene or to hurt your feelings. He tried to spare your feelings with his excuses. This is how men do things.

    Next time a guy texts you a lot, now you know better. To slow down the texting, don’t answer right away or every text. Texting is not pursuing, but dating is. Hold off on intimacy to see if a man is willing to see you on a more consistent basis.

  16. Julie says:

    Hi Ronnie,

    I have a slightly different issue. I’ve dated this guy a few times now, he’s very affectionate and compliments me when we’re together and even by text.

    We last went on a date a week ago and although he is texting every day he hasn’t said anything about meeting up again.

    He calls me sweetheart, darling and texts several times a day saying he misses me.

    I don’t reply immediately, in fact I don’t always reply to every message, for example on Saturday I was out with friends all day and didn’t reply until night time and he’d text asking where I was and saying he missed me. He’d text several times. So being available isn’t the issue.

    I figure he can’t miss me that much or he’d at least be talking about meeting up again? It’s not difficult to write a text saying you miss someone, surely the evidence is in the actions? Or in this case lack of action.

    I like him, a lot, but if I’m being played and if he’s not really interested then I need to just cut my losses and move on.

    Am I being too impatient or should I just lose his number?

  17. Ronnie says:

    Hi Julie,

    I see this as EXACTLY the same issue and I agree that texting is lazy. If he missed you, he would want to see you. Dose that mean he is playing you? Not necessarily. What it does mean is that you two have different ideas or agendas about dating. Yours is more serious – his seems more casual. If you want more, move on – this fellow doesn’t seem likely to offer you what you want.

  18. Les says:

    Hi Ronnie,

    I met someone two months ago, we’ve had three dates and he lives 45 mins away from me. We text each other several times a day, we initiate contact equally. On the occasions we have got together we have got on well and had fun. It is difficult for us to meet up as we are both single parents. However, he says he wants to see me at times then doesn’t really make the effort. For example he told me he really wanted to see me but couldn’t as he had his daughter, then I found out he went out that night with friends! i don’t see the point in lying as I would have been fine with that as he’s not actually my boyfriend, I just don’t appreciate being told a silly lie!.. He doesn’t know that I know this. I like him a lot but wouldn’t say I miss him. (I suppose it’s difficult to miss someone you have hardly spent time with). We do speak on the phone a couple of times a week but I feel he knows more about me than I do him. I was told by a mutual friend that he said he likes everything about me, has stopped texting other women he had interest in and would like to know me more but this doesn’t reflect in his actions, he doesn’t know that I have been told about this and he has not told me this..I have been hurt in my last relationship and I have been told that he has. I feel like I want to get to know him a bit better but don’t really know how to approach the subject. Usually when I am interested in a man it moves way faster than this and I feel a little scared to say how I feel without coming across as sounding needy but want him to know I am interested without scaring him away. It actually feels like there are barriers up on both sides. Maybe he is stringing me along. We are both professional people who do have busy lives so I don’t understand why he didn’t make the effort to see me while we both had the Opportunity. Am I just wasting my time or should I keep it going this slow, or talk to him? Do I just give up and ignore him next time he contacts me? I don’t really want to play games, far too old for that! I’m confused,

    Thanks x

  19. Schlawina says:

    Hey Ronnie I have a question, I met this guy online and we have been talking for over a month now. He pays for supper when we go out or order in, we’ve been to a movie and had movie night at my house, twice. He has been opening up to me very slowly, telling me about his past relationships and about life experiences. only thing that bothers me about him is that he is a horrible texter. He says he just doesn’t like to text a lot, I mean sometimes we spend all night texting, playing 20questions, then other times he won’t text me for days and I think he is mad, but when he calls to set up a hang out he sounds cheerful and when we hang out all seems fine. The other day I texted him and he texted back a few times then stopped. So I sent him “aw you don’t even text back :(” and he responded “Hey sorry i’m not always around my phone” that was friday. today is sunday and I haven’t heard from him since. i haven’t tried texting im tho, I feel like if he really liked me tho, wouldn’t he make sure he is around his phone so we can talk?

  20. Ronnie says:

    Hi Schlawina, Interesting, most women complain about men who only want to text. Your guy doesn’t want to text but does call and ask you out. To me you are ahead of the game this way. So what if he doesn’t like to text? It’s not his thing and he told you that already. You can’t make him text you. And you are pushing yourself on him by texting him when he has already told you he’s not into it. Stop texting him unless he texts you first and be happy he wants to date you.

  21. Kori 521 says:

    I have a similar difficulty in understanding this guy whom I dated a week back. We had a good time together and after date he messaged me that it was fun day with me and he wants to hang out again sometime. After that he did not text or called me for 5 days, and suddenly on 6th day he called me. Unfortunately I was outside and could not attend his call and text him to call me back. He mentioned that he will call in a while but he never called. Again next day he texts me saying whether my SMS is free or we can talk on phone. I said it is free and then he disappeared without any SMS. He did not call today and today is the 7th day.

    I want to know if he is interested or just playing another poker game…..?

  22. Ronnie says:

    Kori,
    He might not be playing a game – he might be casual and not super interested. Or he might not be good at follow through. So it doesn’t make him “bad” or a game player, but it doesn’t mean hes the right man for you either. I’d move on to find a man who will be more consistent and knows how to pursue a woman to get things started.

  23. jules24 says:

    Hello Ronnie,

    I have a similar situation from the ones above. I met this guy last year in a club, and he instantly asked my number. Two weeks later he texted, but I was on a date so I wasn’t into the conversation with him that much. Eventually he told me he realized I was busy, and that we should talk another day. From that moment on, he texted me once a week, but never asked me out. Nevertheless, every time we saw each other at parties we would hang out the entire evening. He even made an effort to get along with my friends. At one point he stopped texting me and I found out he had returned to his previous girlfriend. Once they broke up, he began texting me again, more constantly.

    He was constantly stringing me along, giving me excuses for his behavior, asking me everything about me, my job, my family, my life. He told me why he returned to his previous girlfriend, even though I never asked for an explanation, until the point where I told him “we should go out”. We did and he explained to me that he had just got out of a very difficult relationship. She had an affair, and that was the reason why he was being so cautious and slow with me.

    We had a great time on our date. Ever since our date, he texts me but strings me along, giving me all sorts of excuses every time he speaks to me. I know as a fact he is texting other women, so last time he texted me I didn’t answer. The next day he spoke to me again and I told him I hadn’t realized I never answered the previous text, and once again I cut off the conversation when he told me not to worry about it.

    I really like this guy. I just need for him to take me seriously. He always has the right thing to say, very sweet to me. I don’t know what to do if he texts me again or if I run into him, since we frequent the same places. help me please

  24. Ronnie says:

    Hi Jules,
    Unfortunately, there is no way to make a man interested in you. He might like texting and hanging out, but if he was interested in you romantically, you wouldn’t be confused at all. He’d be asking to see you on a regular basis. This guy has a million excuses. He will break your heart if you let him – not because he’s mean, but probably because he is probably not relationship ready. Move on to find a man who is better suited to you and ready for a relationship. You deserve it!

  25. Kori 521 says:

    Hello Ronnie

    How to know that a guys likes you on your first date and he is just playing some test game to see what the girl is upto? It is very difficult to know guys on date….

  26. wthdude says:

    I just got out of a longterm relationship of 8 years. I met a guy online but at first didn’t want a serious relationship and told him and also told him I might be moving out of state. We ended up having sex and then he would contact me every week or so for it. Then I got pregnant, but didn’t tell him. It made me want to date him so I told him I had a crush on him. Then he asked what that meant did I want to date but that didnmean we should date. So then I had a miscarriage, didn’t tell him about that either. By this time I’m in love with him. Then he invites me over for sex and we do it. Then he asked me to go on a walk so I said yes. Its been 20 days and I have txt him 2 different times. He responded but we haven’t hung out. What does all of this mean?

  27. Ronnie says:

    I’m sorry you are going through this. But I am going to be honest and direct here with you.

    You sent him mixed messages and started with not wanting to get serious and that you might move. You slept with him without being in a serious relationship. Now you have feelings for him. But, because you changed the rules of how you feel, doesn’t mean he will join you.

    This happens often to women who aren’t honest with themselves in the first place. If deep down you want a relationship, but for some reason tell a man you don’t, he will not likely join you as you fall in love. He thinks this is a “no strings attached” relationship. And, you didn’t give him a chance for intimacy to develop by being honest about your pregnancy.

    I recommend that you think about what you want in a relationship. How you will relate to the right man. What level of honesty and intimacy you plan to have. I’m sorry to say this guy will probably not be the one for you. And it seems right now he’s not even interested if he hasn’t contacted you.

    Your best bet is to start fresh with a new man and hold off on intimacy until you know what you want in the relationship.

  28. Katherine says:

    Hey Ronnie, when a man asks you if you’ve “hooked up with anyone else” when you start hanging out again after a month of seperation (casually hanging out and having sex) does that mean he’s probably interested in you as more than a casual thing? (We were hooking up for about a month prior, he also seemed into me before i cut ties with him…. dated another guy, broke up)
    Also he sends me a text messege from across the country a month after he left to go there for business, to check up on me ( no communication after he left) does that mean he cares for me, or just looking for a fallback girl for when he comes back?
    Additionally, we worked together for about a month (this started after we met… more of a crazy coincidence… thing) as well and would flirt with me while at work, nothing over the top however… im thinking he may of been afraid to be rejected by me again.
    What is your opinion on this situation? It would be greatly appreciated. This whole thing is super confusing.

  29. Ronnie says:

    Hi Katherine,

    You know I can’t say for sure why he asked if you’d been with another – perhaps it was a health concern but it doesn’t mean he wants more than something causal. Hooking up is all about being causal. Since you read my post on texting, you already know I don’t think it means much, especially since there hasn’t been any other communication since he left. Flirting, texting, hooking up – nothing here says he’s interested in anything long term. If you want a long-term loving relationship, its’ not very likely with this guy. Move on to find real, lasting love.

  30. Antonia says:

    Hello

    i work with this guy (not on the same floor) we met in the elevator and he asked me about my name and searched me on the company’s websited and contacted through a work chating system we have. He asks me to go for morning coffee to the cafeteria almost everyday and he texts me too (would say every other day) asking what am i doing or even sharing something that he’s doing. He lives an hour away from me. We went out on three dates together but no kiss no nothing. He didn’t ask me to go out again. Do you think he’s interested? should i just let go. Honestly i can’t sit down and wait for him to make a serious move because i can feel that he probably has someone else or probably keeping his options open! please advise.
    thanks

  31. Ronnie says:

    Antonia – You coached your self! Good job! If he was interested, he’d be asking you out and spending more time with you. I’d stop having coffee with him for sure. Either he’ll ask you out again or he’ll move on as you should too.

  32. Liz says:

    So I’ve known this guy since we were kids but never really talked until now recently since he found me on facebook. It had been years since we seen each other or talked. I always saw him as a friend but now am starting to like him. But I’ve noticed what a big flirt he is on FB that it actually bothers me. And he is always the first one to text or message me and sometimes doesn’t keep the conversation going. Sometimes it seems like he ignores me for a few weeks then starts texting me again. I unfriend him on FB because whenever I would leave him a message he wouldn’t answer. I’m just really confused about him. I would appreciate your advice, thank you!

    One more thing he is a really talented musician and is always getting gigs to play at. I’m a musician too and have asked him to help me with my band and he has agreed…so I will working with him soon. Just hoping I can see how he feels about me or if I should move on.

  33. Ronnie says:

    Hi Liz,

    Sorry to be so direct but this situation is no different than the post. The guy is inconsistent and you already unfriended him on FB. Ummm, you still wonder how he feels about you? Flirting doesn’t mean anything, neither does texting. If he was truly interested in you, he’d ask you out consistently. Don’t look for love with this guy. You want a man who consistently shows interest, contacts you, dates you and doesn’t leave you confused.

  34. Nony says:

    Hi Ronnie,

    I was introduced to tis guy two months ago now and we have been on a date every week except one. He has paid for all the dates except one when it was his birthday. My issue is he calls me once a week to set up a date and I don’t hear from him until the next time he calls to set up another date. He has not made his intentions clear to me. The two times I have texted him first he replies the next day saying he fell asleep early when he was active on his social network. Ronnie is this guy interested in me or is he just taking me for a ride?

  35. Ronnie says:

    Hi Nony,
    this is a tough one. He’s interested enough to pay and consistently take you out weekly. But, he is not very communicative or responsive. he hasn’t picked up the pace by wanting to see more of you. Men don’t usually make their intentions known – that would e so nice! As women, we usually have to figure it out. It’s possible he’s not ready for more of a relationship or doesn’t want more.

    Here’s what I recommend. If you like the guy (which you didn’t mention) then use your feminine charm to encourage him to do more. You can say something like, “I enjoy our time together and seeing you once a week is nice. I think it would be great to see you twice a week and talk to you a bit more so I can get to know you better.” Then don’t say another word.

    Give him time to think and respond. What he does next will help you get a better idea of what he wants. This is a combination compliment and gentle request. If he likes the idea, he will smile and feel flattered and maybe even agree. If he doesn’t want more, he may not say much, or get defensive about his slow approach. That ‘s the immediate reaction. But if he truly is interested in a lasting relationship, he will start to see you more and if not, you have your answer.

    Don’t try the direct approach by asking him what his intentions are. This doesn’t go over good with men. Hope it goes your way!

  36. kay says:

    Hi,

    I met a guy at University,the first time we ever spoke he complimented my name,my trainers and generally was really flattering,i told him i lived enar him and he suggested we hangout.and took my number but clumsily kept not saving it and he seemed really embarrased when he had to ask me for the third time to enter it into his phone. The enxt couple times we met he said hed text me to hangout,that was over two weeks ago and nothing.Hes a proffesional skater and works full time,but do you think i should text him to hangout,or will that seem desperate.I have it bad,i dont want to get hurt!

  37. Ronnie says:

    Hi Kay,
    If you “have it bad” as you say, then do not contact this guy. You want to be with a man who pursues you, not one who will only respond. If he’s really interested, he will ask you on a date. Not sure “hanging out” really qualifies – its very causal. And that might be all he wants. I’m sorry to say, right now, your skater guy doesn’t seem very serious abut you.

    Here’s a solution for almost any dating situation. Think of ballroom dancing. There’s only one leader and one follower. In the very beginning of dating, the man is the leader – let him pursue you. Do NOTHING except respond to his contact and request for dates. That’s the best way to know if a man is interested.

  38. Asia says:

    Dear Ronnie,

    I have recently met this guy on a dating website. He was very nice the first few weeks. We would talk everyday for hours.

    We finally decided to meet up, and at the end of that “meet-up” he asked me out on a date. I agreed. However, his behavior radically changed after that. He’d text me to plan a day for the date, we both agree on the day, then a few days/hours later he comes up with an excuse asking to reschedule.

    He’s done this like 3 times already. We haven’t been able to set up this first date because of his inconsistency. Yet, he keeps sending me a text every Monday.

    He’s never cancelled, he just keeps rescheduling.

    I’m confused. What’s wrong with him?

  39. Ronnie says:

    Hi Asia,

    this is one of the hardest things about dating. You will never know why he does what he does. What’s more important is to know how you want to be treated. Do you want to be rescheduled continuously by a man? I think not! For get him. You deserve much better. Don’t answer him any more and move on – he doesn’t know what he wants and he will break your heart.

  40. Monica says:

    Dear Ronnie! I have met this guy on a dating website? We have been chatting for over 2 months, he has been asking me out but I just wasnt too interested at the beginning and was always making up excuses, but I finally ended up meeting him. We had a great first date, he texted me right after telling me how beautiful and funny i was and asking me if i’d like to hang out again. We set up a date , and the day before he texts me saying his leg got swollen and wont be able to make it ( he had a torn tendon and i knew about his lef problem before we even met) a couple days after that he rescheduled the date, and ended up canceling the day of, due to bad weather ( it was raining) i got really mad at that point, felt like hes playing with my head and asked him straight up what the deal was, but all he said is that he was not going out in that rain. We still text, he complements me and flirts with me through texts but has not asked me out again since. All he says is ‘ next time we hang out’ but never actually asks me out. I dont know what to think.. I really like the guy , but feels like he lost interest, but then why all the flirty texts? Thanks for taking the time to read this

  41. Ronnie says:

    Hi Monica, like I said in the post – men flirt simply because its fun and makes them feel good! That’s the same reason why women flirt. It’s not always with any deeper intention than that. Asking men directly never works – if you have to ask, you really already know the answer. You can tell by his actions that he is not seriously interested in you so you might as well move on.

  42. Sara says:

    Hi Ronnie!
    I recently met a man online and we hit it off right away.After the first date he texted me the next day and we hung out again the following day (took a walk and watched a movie.) That was a Sunday.
    I won tickets to a ball game that week and asked him to go. We had another great night. He was even talking about the future and road trips we would take. We have not slept together but had some great make out sessions. I didn’t see him for the rest of the week but he texted regularly. The next week we made plans on Monday to hang out Wednesday. Tuesday his grandfather passed away.:( I told him I was so sorry and was of course here if he needed an ear. Obviously our plans were postponed. That Thursday I texted him something to try and make him smile, but didn’t hear back for almost a week. Which is fine because losing a loved one is hard and he barely knows me. The only problem is his text was short and sweet and I never heard from him again. I finally texted him asking how he was today and he responded quickly, but after a short exchange…nothing. He’s not asking me out anymore. Am I being insensitive and impatient? Or has he moved on?

  43. Ronnie says:

    Hi Sara, this is a tough one. Maybe he’s upset and busy with family matters. Maybe he has decided not to date right now. And maybe he’s decided not to date you. This is impossible to know. It does seem that if he was interested, he’d at least be in touch. You’ve only had three dates so things had just gotten started. My dating advice is to date some new men. If he pops back into the picture, you can always date him later. But I see no reason why you should wait around – it doesn’t seem promising right now.

  44. Cortnie says:

    Hello Ronnie!

    I don’t know where to start. I guess I’m just looking for some guidance? Okay so I met a man at work about 2.5 yrs ago and since then we’ve been seeing each other. Only thing is is he’s NEVER taken me out. its always been a late night date at his house. I honestly thought it was due to our working schedule as I am a RN and he works 2 jobs. Things came about as to what I thought could of been the reason, but I didn’t want to make any assumptions. I thought it was another woman. He’s mentioned a ex but swore that is was just that. I noticed “womanly” items around is house and he said it was since she use to live there she hasn’t gotten to picking them up. Well as the days went on, those things disappeared. He texts me everyday, but I can’t get him to call me or return any of my calls. He reply in text. He won’t even acknowledge the missed call but reply as “hey wyd”. I mentioned to him that we need to spend more time with each other in public and not in front of his TVs. hes mentioned that he will work on us spendig more time but it hasnt happend. 2.5 years in and I’m centimeters away from calling it off. He’s 11 years older then me too. He always compliments me and tells me He loves me but I don’t believe him. I truly believe He is involved with his ex (as I’ve seen pictures on his social sit that He has finally asked me to be a friend on) or others. I’m not sure if I’m being gullible or stupid for staying this long. Its a lot more but I gave you a snippet.

  45. Ronnie says:

    Hi Cortnie, I think your intuition about this guy is right on target. If he has women’s things at his house – he has another woman guaranteed. This is not the relationship you want – it’s secret, not public and communication is one way. You deserve a relationship that is open, loving, communicative and honest. Trust yourself! Jump the centimeter as you put it and cut yourself loose to find a more loving and available man.

  46. Jasmine says:

    Hi Ronnie,

    I had a lunch date with this guy through a mutual friend. We had been texting here and there for about two weeks prior to the first date.

    I thought the date went well. We were constantly talking and laughing.

    Right before he left he hugged me and said ‘so i will call you sometime and lets hang out’

    I sent a thank you text on the same night and he texted me back right away saying ‘no problem! :)’

    I dont want to rush anything (it has been a day since the date) but I am curious as to what his thoughts are. Should I wait for him to contact me again or should I text or call him?

    Please help!

  47. Ronnie says:

    Hi Jasmine,

    If you want to date smart, you will get clear on the fact that you cannot call to see what he’s thinking. First of all, he’d never give you a straight answer. Second, you don’t want to look desperate. I have two other posts you should read to help you understand this situation better.
    1) Don’t call men http://www.nevertoolate.biz/2013/04/15/second-date-dating-is-a-waiting-game-for-women/
    2) waiting for a second date http://www.nevertoolate.biz/2012/09/05/dont-call-him-4-reasons-why-you-shouldnt-pick-up-phone/

    Dating is like ballroom dancing. Follow his lead but do not initiate or you could easily turn him off and make him run. Hold on girlfriend. Let the magic build a bit to see what your new guy does next.

  48. SocialBug says:

    Hi Ronnie,

    I’ve been in a LTR for the past 5 years now and I still am. I have children with my boyfriend and we also live together. I am young and very outgoing so I do hang out from time to time and party (bars,club). WELL one night I was out and a friend of mine ex boyfriend friend came up to her to say hi, saw me and introduced himself to me. I can tell right away he was interested in what he saw , well we talked for a little but couldn’t talk much because it was so loud in the bar. Because of that he asked me for my number and I gave it to him (since at the time me and my boyfriend was constantly arguing). Well he texted me right away telling me how good I looked and he was pleased to meet me. I said thanks and that was all for the night.

    The next day he texted me and we added each other on facebook and was talking on there for a little while. He told me how much he couldn’t wait to see me out again. That eventually happened 2 weeks later we saw each other in the bar and I didn’t want to go straight home ,so I went to hangout with him at his house with my friend. To make a long story short we ended up having sex , but it was not planned , quick and HE initiated it.

    I felt a little dumb afterwards because I never intended to have sex with him let along that quick and easy. Well it’s been a yr later and we are friends he’s a very nice guy and we text not a lot but not a little either . He always text me first , So I’m not just waiting around on him plus I have a bf.

    He always text me saying he just wanted to check on me. I tell him I’m good we have a short convo and he just vanish in the middle of us talking. Should I continue to talk to him? Or Is he not inviting me on a date because he knows I’m in a relationship and don’t think we will o far? I’m kinda ready to just stop talking to him often ,because I feel like were not getting anywhere. Please help me I REALLY need some good advice.

    P.s Sorry for the long comment

  49. Ronnie says:

    I am curious how you see this playing out. Here you live with your boyfriend and have children with him, but you stepped out on him with an old boyfriend and then continued contact with him. Now you are wondering if you are getting anywhere with your old boyfriend, yet you still live with the guy you have kids with.

    Here’s my dating advice. Love the one you’re with (The title of an old Crosby, Stills & Nash song) or leave him to find another. If your ex boyfriend was still interested, you would already know. Why are you looking outside your relationship? How would the man you live with feel about this? How would you feel if he did this to you? These are very important questions.

    Please spend some time soul searching and decide what you want. Being faithful has rewards. If you have relationship issues, see a counselor together. Ultimately its best to be in only one relationship at a time.

  50. Jenny says:

    Hi Ronnie,

    I met this guy two weeks ago, he took my number, and we’ve been hanging out twice before spending the night together. The first time we hung out together there was a lot of other persons, including single women, but he was only carring for me because I am not the most talkative person, by smiling and staring at me almost all of the time.
    So we met again, we spent the night together, had a “lunch date” five days later, and then spent the night together again.
    Here are my issues :
    – he takes several hours to text me back since the begining and I am always the one who initiates the conversation (but I also take my time to answer)
    – he said that I can be a potential date, and as I was scared to be rejected, I texted him to let him know that I was not looking for something serious, he told me that he wanted the same thing (in fact, I want to know him more)
    – he is an extrovert and a positive person among people, but with me he is really sensitive and tell me about all of his secrets
    – he invited me to an activity with his friends on a saturday night but I did not came, and asked him to come to my place just after if he felt it. He did it, but told me later that he will never see again one his friend who joined him during this activity because he was going to go back to his homeland, and that he did not even say goodbye to come and spend time with me
    – I know he’s been texting with another girl before we spend the night together, but the girl was not interested, and in that case, he was the one initiated the contact

    What should I think about it? I am a foreigner and know nothing about the dating etiquette and the attitude to adopt. I want to know him but don’t know what to do. He’s going to be out of town for a while, what do you suggest me to do?

  51. Ronnie says:

    Hi Jenny – It helps to get to know a guy first and take things slowly if you want to find a guy for a serious relationship. But you told him you didn’t want serious and he told you he agrees. That’s it then – you’ve set yourself up for his booty calls and made it OK by turning down a date and inviting him over after. So there’s no worry about etiquette, dating or anything else. You’ve got casual sex and I’m sorry to say that usually doesn’t go any farther.

  52. isabel says:

    Hello Ronnie,
    So my situation is that I’ve been dating a guy for around 3 months already.Neither of us has a car so we rarely see each other. Most of the time we are texting, and he is the one who initiates it 90% of the time. I’ve been told by many not to be clingy or needy with guys when I date, so I have followed this advice. Last week he send me a message that said “If I don’t ask about you, you don’t ask about me.” Yesterday he send me a message that said “You never ask me to go somewhere with you or meet at the university.” After that he called me (we hadn’t talked on phone in several days) and said he wanted to see me and that he will try to come see me. After the phone call, we didn’t text anymore and of course we didn’t end up seeing each other. I like him a lot but we don’t get to see each other and his actions contradict his words. I don’t know what to think about this, we haven’t seen each other in 3 weeks already :(

  53. Ronnie says:

    Hi Isabel, It’s not clear to me why you didn’t see each other after he said he was going to come see you? From my viewpoint as a dating coach, I’m sorry to say you are having a virtual relationship, not a real one. . You don’t need a texting buddy – I’m assuming you want a real, face-to-face relationship. You’re not going to get that with this guy.

    There must be plenty of eligible men at the school you are at? Find a local guy who has time to see you and knows how to follow through on his promises. I tell my clients talk is cheap and easy, but a man’s actions are what matters most. This guy has no action. Let him go because he’s taking up space in your heart but not delivering much in the way of a true relationship.

  54. Ronnie says:

    Dear readers, if you have questions, please keep your comments very short. I cannot post the lengthier questions. thanks! xoxxo Ronnie

  55. Aine says:

    Hi,

    I have a different angle. I met this guy online and instantly hit it off. We went out on a date and had an amazing time. Next day he texted me to say how fun it was and to thank me. We have been on 7 dates in a week and a half. Every morning he texts me to wish me a good morning, when I don’t see him we talk or text on the phone. But…we still have not even kissed yet. We have an intimate bond, and he brings up how our chemistry and everything flows….he calls me babe and sweetheart…I have never ever made a move on a guy, so that is not going to happen. I have tried to broach the issue, but it goes nowhere really and I am so uncomfortable bringing it up. I have another date tomorrow, and just cannot stop analyzing everything….I have never dated this long without kissing or being anyway physical. Do you think he just wants to be friends? Yet our connection seems more intimate than friends…

  56. Ronnie says:

    Hi Anne, I agree- That’s a lot of dates and contact to just be friends. There is a problem here but it’s hard to know what it is. Is he from a different culture? Could he be gay? This isn’t the kind of thing you want to talk about – I can see why it would be difficult.

    Does he get physically close to you when you feel things are intimate? At an opportune moment when you are physically close to him, try giving him a little kiss. There’s gotta be a point when it would seem natural. Then see how he responds. That will get you an answer. A little kiss is not so aggressive or some big move on a man. I don’t recommend suddenly being all over the guy – just that quick, little kiss so you can see what happens.

    Now if he freaks – that’s an answer. If he pulls away, that’s an answer. If he doesn’t kiss you again – that’s an answer. If he doesn’t even talk about it, that’s an answer. None of these are the answers you want, but the suspense will be over knowing he’s not into being physical with you. You sort of know this now, but you are still hopeful. the kiss might even cause him to open up a bit. Find out with a light kiss and let me know what happens.

  57. Patricia says:

    Hi Ronnie,
    I met this guy on match.com. He is 46 and I’m 37. We both have never been married, have no kids, we have professional jobs (he is a Sales Director and I’m an Auditor). We exchanged a few messages during the first 2 weeks, then he asked me out and we just had our first date last Saturday evening. I think the date went really well, we had a couple of drinks and then went for dinner. Our date lasted about 6 hours, we couldn’t stop talking, there were no awkward moments. The chemistry was great and we ended up kissing passionately and at the end of the date we decided to take a long walk along the river, holding hands and kissing some more. Today is Tuesday (4th day after our date) and I haven’t heard from him. Not a single word. I take it he is probably not interested. I just don’t understand why someone would kiss me and spend 6 hours with me if they weren’t interested at all? :( He seemed like a nice mature guy.

  58. Ronnie says:

    Hi Patricia,
    There’s no telling what makes people, men or women, do what they do. I’m sure he was enjoying the time he spent with you, but he didn’t wanted more. At least not yet. This is why I recommend not having long dates, because being human, you get hooked in emotionally. Next time you have a first date, keep it to about 90-minutes. After that, if you like the guy, say, “Thank you, nice meeting you and I have to be going”. You can compliment something you liked about him or enjoyed about your time together letting him know you liked him. Don’t try to close by saying how you hope to see him again – that’s his job.

    If he was the right man for you, he’d be calling and he still could, but the longer it takes the less likely to happen. Keep in mind, he might not want a girlfriend, but was thrilled to get your attention, adoration and kisses for one night. Sometimes men like an ego boost. I advise you to let this go. However, it is great evidence that men find you attractive and there are more and better men where he came from. Face your future knowing this man has brought you one man closer to the right man for you. You may have to kiss a few frogs, but you are on the journey to find love and if you keep going, you will!

  59. Rana says:

    Hello Ronnie,

    Thank you always for all the advise!
    I appreciate you a lot:)

    I met this guy though online dating site.
    We talked online for a month and he asked me my number. He has been texting me since almost everyday.

    Even before we meet, he has been so sweet and nice. He puts me smile on my face and I really liked him.

    After texting for 2 weeks, he asked me out. He was as sweet as the texts. I was so nervous but we went on a coffee date and dinner. He texted me the same night ” You are everything I’ve hoped for!” I think every sigle woman would fall in love with him…

    He asked me for a 2nd date. It was a friday night after work. I was a little tired since I was up from 6 AM. But we went to the beach, dinner, and movie.
    He was nice whole time and I thought we got to know each other more.

    BUT, since that night, he doens’t text me like before… He dosn’t ask me out anymore.

    Yet he texts me everyday.
    But they are like texting to female friends. No flirting at all.

    Should I take this as he is not interested in me anymore?
    I am thinking to stop text him back becasue this is meaningless. I am looking for a man who loves me and want to spend time with me.
    I am sad to see all his change, but I think I should let him go…
    Thank you.

  60. Ronnie says:

    Hi Rana, – it is a bummer but he’s not showing interest now and there’s just nothing you can do to change that. It has to come from him. I agree with your strategy – stop texting him! See if he takes the next step to contact/call you or if he fades away. In the mean time – look for other men to date.

  61. Ash says:

    Hi Ronnie!
    Met a guy a month and a half ago in Vegas, and turns out he lives a few hours away from me. He texted me every day for almost three weeks, but every time we made plans they fell through. He eventually saw that I was close to his area with a friend on Facebook, and when he texted me about not letting him know that I would be close to him so that we could meet up, I told him he had stood me up twice and that I didn’t think he was interested any longer. He never responded, and I let it go.

    Fast forward to today, almost three weeks later, and he just texted me a picture of himself hiking. No message, just the picture. What???? Do I respond? Do I ignore? I’m pretty sure he and his ex maybe got back together and then broke up again, so he’s probably testing the waters to see if I’m still interested. But I feel like if he wanted to reach out to me, it should’ve been approached differently. What should I do? I’ve thought about him now and then in the past few weeks, and it seemed like we were interested in each other, but I don’t like how he’s handled this. Help!

  62. Ronnie says:

    Hi Ash, It’s hard to say for sure so my advice is to go with your gut if you really like him. However, keep in mind that men are at their best in the beginning – so what you’ve seen already doesn’t bode well. He doesn’t seem the type of guy who will pursue or knows what he wants. If his relationship is on and off as a pattern, I wouldn’t get mixed up – that’s a no win situation. And I agree, what kind of wussy approach is his texting you a photo? I’d hike right past that guy and look for other men to date – a man who knows what he wants and doesn’t show these signs of social laziness or lack of confidence.

  63. kissa says:

    Hello Ronnie,

    I met this guy abour 1 month ago through a friend and after the night ended we said goodbye and walked me back to my place. 2 days later he text me to see how i was and what was new..
    1 week later he text me again to see how things are. (nevrasking me out). Then 1 week later he text me to see how i am and says long time no news from you. And he says we should plan something one of these days and i said ok sounds good. And he replied saying so we will keep in touch and let me know when you are free and dont hesitate to let me know.
    Im a bit confused why did he wait this long to vaguely ask me out, usually guys ask me out right after or a couple of days.
    Help!!! PLS

  64. Ronnie says:

    Hi Kissa,

    He’s a lazy guy hoping you’ll do all the work. And if you fall for this, you’ll have to continue doing it all so don’t even bother getting started. If he was truly interested or the right man for you, he’d be asking you out just like you said.

    Sounds to me like he’s looking for texting buddies and women to chase him – it’s a big ego boost and too many women fall for this. You’re a smart woman knowing this just doesn’t seem right. Move on to find a man who knows how to pursue you.

  65. Lisa says:

    Hi Ronnie.

    I had a great first date 10 days ago with a guy I met online. At the end he gave me a kiss. He text me the next day asking how I was. I text back.

    Over the weekend, he went to a wedding (alone) and sent me a pic of him and some male friends at the wedding. On Sunday, we chatted a bit via text and I sent him a pic of me and my female friends out. He asked me if I had a busy week ahead and I said so so. He said his work week was busy and then he was headed home for a few days.

    Wednesday night he asked how my week was going. I went to bed early that night, so text him back Thursday morning on my way to work. Nada since.

    Since last week, I have had 3 more dates with diff. guys. 1 was good; other 2 were pretty bad. However, I like this first dude. I should also mention he started his own company 6 months ago; I work 3 jobs and take a master’s course once/month.

    Why hasn’t he asked me out again? What’s with the random texts? I’m dying to ask him when do I see him again, but my dating history is a train wreck so I am trying to change cause ultimately I want to find a partner and settle down.

    I have above average looks and am frequently asked if I’m a model or actress. Not sure if that matters, but I’m tired of being solo.

  66. Ronnie says:

    Hey Lisa, It’s so funny about the human heart. The one guy who is too scarce to ask you out is the one you want. But he’s not the right man for you because he’s NOT asking you out. If you read my post you know what I think of texting. If you need to hear it again, texting doesn’t mean anything. It’s a lazy way to interact with women and feel adored when he gets your response. Stop texting him and keep going out with new guys. Good for you for having quite a few dates! That’s how you will find love.

  67. marie says:

    Hey Ronnie!

    So i’ve been talking to this guy for about a lil over a month now and i really like him. We’ve went out on dates twice and not so much since. Which is becoming a promblem for me. We still continue to text eachother and talk everyday but whenever i mention hangingout he blows it off.

    He compliments me and tells me he likes me all the time and shows interest it seems but wont make plans to hangout. Although i really do like him, I’ve told him that i wanted to stop talking to him because i didn’t see the worth in talking to someone who cant make time to hangout if they “supposedly” likes me.

    And whenever i mention doing that he assures me that he’s worth my time and gets a little saddened because i even mentioned it. But im like back and forth with my feelings because i do like him and want to continue talking to him but then him not trying to make any effort to see me, bothers me and makes me not want to continue talking to him.

    Please i need advice on how to handle this situation or if i should give him a chance to try and make an effort. What to do?!

  68. Ronnie says:

    Hi Marie, Since you posted your question here, I’m assuming you read my post about men who text. I’m sorry to tell you this and I know it’s not easy to “hear” but what he says via texting, phone email doesn’t matter. Because he’s not trying to get together with you. So he’s not interested enough. Men who are truly interested find a way to see you. some even cross oceans to make it happen with a woman they like.

    So this man is wasting your time…and when you continue tecting…you are letting him do that. Don’t discuss how you feel with him. Just stop texting and move on. Find another guy, and try to avoid too much texting – or at least thinking it has any meaning.

  69. Vicki says:

    Hey Ronnie,

    I met this guy a little over a month ago.. at first I wasn’t too interested but he asked me on a date and I decided to go. We hit it off and had a great time. Since then we’ve had three dates (He always texted me after the dates to tell me he had a good time and would like to see me again soon) and I’m getting more and more attracted to him. He usually initiates text conversations and the furtherest we’ve gone without contact would be around 3-4 days. However, since our last text, he hasn’t texted me at all for almost a week. The last text I sent first, asking him what he was doing later, he said he was driving home for a wedding and asked me why, I said Okay I just wanted to see him and it ended with him saying that he was thinking about me too.

    So I really don’t understand this sudden disappearance. Is he not as interested as I think he is? Is he texting other people he’s more interested in? Or is he playing games? I don’t know if I should contact him, wait or forget him..

  70. Toni says:

    Hi Ronnie:

    I’ve known this great guy for about two years. We connected through work, and I think that is the main reason why we are still on each other’s minds.

    We went in a few dates about a year and a half ago, but honestly I put him in the friend zone because he is a single father to three kids. I had no kids at the time and I didn’t think I could handle a responsibility like that. We both feel a connection and have remained friends even after dating.

    I had a terrible situation with my on again off again fiancé last year and he was really supportive through it. I’m not one to jump on relationships so even though my fiancé and I had broken up, I didn’t pursue a relationship with my friend.

    Fast foward to three months ago, I found out I am pregnant after reuniting with my fiancé for about four months. Needless to say, my fiancé and I are not together anymore.

    I communicated this to my friend and he let me know he’s my friend and will be around if I need anything. I thought that was very sweet of him.

    After that four hour conversation, lol, he continues to text frequently. I’m not wanting to be in a relationship right now, but I would like to have some masculine energy around me from time to time. I’m not worried about my friend pressuring me for sex. We’ve never been intimate but one time during a massage he sent me all the signs that he is attracted to me physically.

    So anyway, a couple of days ago I texted him a message: ‘hey, when is movie night?’ He responded that I have an open invitation to come over when ever I am ready and hinted that I could come that night. So I said that I would come when he invited me. We then got into an exchange where he insinuated an invite but never said the specific words. So today, I sent him a message saying that I was still waiting for the invite. He replies ‘what invite?’ I respond never mind. He then responds, whoa whoa I’m just wanting to gain clarity on what you are talking about. I ask him how could he not know. He then says ‘ oh to movie night?’ And I say ‘ yea I guess’ He says I told you can come whenever you are ready. I then ask him is that an invite?

    So long story short he never explicitly invited me and I didn’t go. He sent a message tonight asking why I didn’t come, and I responded that I wasn’t invited.

    Am i making a big deal out of nothing? I feel that he is emotionally guarded due to the situations that left him a single father. I can understand that but I feel that he should still be able to express his emotions and wants/desires to me without me prying it out or taking it upon myself to organize time spent. Am I wrong? I really like him but I think if he can’t express basic emotions then I will be in misery when I am looking for expressions of more complex emotions. What do you think? Thanks in advance!!

  71. Andrea says:

    Hi Ronnie,

    I’m on an online dating sight. One month ago a guy contacted me. We messaged back inquiring about one another. He gave me his email address and we moved our messages there. He sent me a list of questions about myself, and he responded to them as well. He asked me for my #, and we have spoke three times. The 1st two times were great…. We had been texting and emailing frequently ( he initiated a lot). The last time we spoke, we hadn’t communicated at all for a few days prior to the call. It was a bit awkward. he is working over seas and will be coming home in two months . Within the 1st week of meeting me on line, he said how he likes to travel when he’s home( he works private contract gvnmt security and comes home for 5 weeks back to the states), and that he’d love to come up and visit me. I’m able to see that he’s online all day( whether he’s actively looking or just has his phone set to the dating sight, I don’t know)on the dating sight. I realize his days are like Groundhog Day every day, and that he doesn’t do much but work and sleep, and there’s not much opportunity to sociolize, where he’s located at his job. On the last phone call he told me of his probable date to come to the states, and mentioned some happenings going on in my city that he’d be interested checking out. I’ve heard( texts) from him maybe twice this week since our phone call last week. ( He started cooling off the texts and not being so frequent a week ago)I replied to his last text two days ago and haven’t heard from him. He ends all his texts with “XOXO’s””, and has said how he can’t wait to meet me and that if I like him in person we can plan a trip for his next vacation. He’s extremely flattering and comes across so nice. I have googled him and he seems legit…. I realize there’s not much going on in his life and therefore not a lot to talk about in terms of how his days are going. I’ve not contacted him for two days and don’t plan on it …. Thinking that would be your advice . He’s told me that he looks fwd to hearing my voice again soon.
    I’ve really grown to like this guy from our correspondence … I realize it’s fantasy like tho because we haven’t met in person ….. So, should I sit back and not contact him again and wait to hear from him?? He always says at the beginning of his texts how its always so nice to hear from me…. I realize that he’s communicating with other women( it’s never been said, but I’m not naive — I’m doing the same with other men…. But, I really like this guy so far).
    So, do I not text him and sit back and see if he’s really still serious about coming to meet me in person and not initiate texts??

    Andrea

  72. Ronnie says:

    Hi Andrea, I apologize but I’m going to come on strong with this answer. This story smells fishy. How do you know he doesn’t live here and travel around meeting women? He tells you things he knows every woman wants to hear. Unfortunately, it seems like you are falling for it, even though you are smart enough to know this is a fantasy relationship. Don’t you want a guy you can see on a regular basis? I’m quite sure you can do better than him. He’s not even keeping up with communication. Let your smart side win and move on.

  73. Ronnie says:

    Hi Vicki, It’s hard after 3 dates that go well to understand what happened. The truth is there is no way to know. Yes he is probably seeing/texting other women. And he may have found one that’s a better fit. Or he may have “candy store mentality” wanting to try every flavor so to speak. It doesn’t mean he’s bad or a player. But it does mean he might not be that into you (thanks Greg Berhandt) at this point. Since you initiated last and haven’t heard more, I’d let it go. He knows how to get in touch, but as more time goes by, I encourage you to get back out there to find another guy.

  74. Ronnie says:

    Toni – I read your question 3 times and you’ve got me confused. I say this with love, but here’s how I see it. You say you don’t want a relationship now, but you’d like male company. Then you finish with being worried the guy will frustrate you if he can’t express his emotions. If he’s a friend, he doesn’t need to express emotions or issue you a formal invitation. I do think you are making a big deal out of this if you want him as a friend – just go over for movie night. If you want more, then don’t put him in the friend category. I hope you decide what you really want with him for your sake and his, because I bet anything you’re sending mixed signals and confusing the hell out of this guy. My dating advice is to take time to get clear about the situation and your feelings before you take your next step.

  75. Sarah says:

    Hey Ronnie, I need an unbiased opinion that I can’t get from family or friends. I was dating this guy for three months – we were really close and when I asked him how he felt about us he stated that he really liked me. He continued saying it was too good to be true. After that day, our communications were short and I began to feel he was starting to push me away.

    I questioned him and he apologized, saying he had a lot going on. He asked me to give him time. Two weeks passed and nothing. So I told him if he couldn’t make time then we should just end it.

    He started dating someone else and they lived together. I backed off and gave him space since it was me that ended things although a part of me feels as though he walked out before I put it in words. He got mad at me because I accused him of being standoffish and treating me like I had done something awful to him. He flaunted his relationship in my face by bringing her shopping in my community. Ouch. It took me a long time to get over this. I began to focus on myself (working out, getting more involved in the community, and just becoming more active).

    Turns out the women left him after she cheated on him. I felt bad for him and continued to talk with him after his break up. I was still interested in him despite everything. He said didn’t want anything serious, but he asked to hang out the following week. I was a little dumbfounded, but due to obligations I said no. We never picked a specific day or time…Needless to say, I have not heard from him.

    In an effort to do things differently, I have pretty much not allowed myself to overreact. I am slowly getting to the point where I can let go of him. I do care a lot about him and I want him to know that I am still interested…but I am not waiting.

    Is this wrong? People feel that I should have not responded, but the problem is that I would have regretted it. Now I can look back on this situation and know that I have done all I can.

  76. Ronnie says:

    OK Sarah – This is such a long comment and there are so many things to comment on. This is where dating coaching would really be helpful because I see a lot of confusion in what you wrote to me. YOU asked for unbiased so here it is. Please know while I”m being so direct, I do have your best interest in mind.

    1. I advise my clients not to ask a man after 3 months how they feel because it can push a man away – as it did in your situation. After that he got scarce and you ended it – which was appropriate.

    2. When a man says “he needs space”, that’s a nice way of saying, “You are not the one for me”. Then you accused him of being standoffish? You weren’t dating him so your expectations are off base.

    3. He was living with a woman and you kept in contact? That would have been a good time to move on and find a new man who was interested in you.

    4. When a man says he doesn’t want anything serious – BELIEVE HIM! “Hanging out” is code for friends with benefits. Then he didn’t follow up with real plans? More clues for you – he’s not that interested and not the right man for you.

    5. Focusing on yourself and letting go of him – yeah! First – there is nothing to hold onto really – you are not in a relationship with him. You maybe holding on to dreams about him, but is that real? Second, focusing on yourself will help build your self esteem and make you more desirable. Men are attracted to confident women!

    6. Your advisory team is RIGHT! Stop talking to this man who is not giving you what you want. I’m not blaming him – after all, you have been open to communicating with him. It is up to you to aim higher and choose better for yourself. Listen to your advisers – they are smart. If you want a loving relationship, please move on, take care of yourself, build self esteem and stay away from men who want to “hang out” or don’t ask you out on dates.

    Wishing you love,
    Ronnie

  77. Sarah says:

    Thank you :)

  78. Melissa says:

    Hey, I would really like your advice on something that has really been bothering me. I knew this guy for about a year now and I stopped talking to him recently. We had this amazing friendship and feelings for eachother. We had this conversation where he told me that he wasnt ready for another relationship and that he didnt want to lose me and that i was very special to him. The annoying part about it all is that he started a new relationship all out of the blue and because i always initiated the texts once i stopped texting him, i havent heard from him in like 3 weeks. What hurts me the most is why havent i heard from him if im so special to him? I feel like ive been lied to and it makes me upset. I mean beyond our feelings i feel like we had a beautiful friendship and he could atleast honor that but i havent received not one text message since he has been in this new relationship. What could that possibly mean? Does he not care at all for me or must i wait longer before i get a text?

  79. Ronnie says:

    Hi Melissa, the whole point of this blog post is that texting doesn’t mean anything. I’m sure that man did care for you during whatever transition he was going through. But now he has a romantic relationship and is getting his emotional needs met by another woman. What if she doesn’t want him to continue with his other female friends? There could be many reasons he has stopped being in touch. But, most of all, not all relationship, romantic or friendships last forever. Let go with grace, think about what you learned, and move on to find the love you want and dese4rve.

  80. Bee Yal says:

    Hiya, I met this guy on holiday, where our parents were born and raised. I’m 19 he’s 18 and we always teased each other, joking about and flirting. Then he got my number and when I left a week before him, he’d make sure to find wifi and talk to me everyday, and when he came back to UK. We’re not going out but he gets jealous if I have a guys picture or mention any male names. He’d always ask me where I am and who I’m with. It’s going to be 2 months in a week that we’ve been talking. I’ve got two problem, one he won’t ask me out, isn’t he interested? Also we had an argument which I started, as he would reply late at his friends and now he won’t write to me today ?

  81. Ronnie says:

    Hi Bee, When a person expresses jealously, wants to know where you are and who you are with, the person is demonstrating serious controlling behavior. Plus this guy is not asking you out. Given these two things, I advise moving on. If you were to get involved, he might be the type of guy who would try to control what you do, who you see etc. He was fun on holiday. You enjoyed it! Now let go and move on to find someone more interested and MORE healthy. Wishing you love, Ronnie

  82. Shawnna T. says:

    Hi Ronnie,

    I met a man a over a year ago. We literally had one of those bright light, love at first sight moments and made an immediate connection. One that was so strong it was a bit scary. We talk pretty much every day since then but spend very little time together. He has expressed since day one he has major commitment issues. I assumed the feelings we had would eventually bypass that. It didn’t. He spends a lot of time working and so do I. We also live in different towns so we can’t just meet for a quick coffee on a weeknight. To make a long story short the weekends are when we can be together. He always has something going on. Now he is adamant he hasn’t dated anyone or is interested in anyone else. I have. I make it very clear and never lie. I figure if it bothers him he should conquer his fears and step up. At one point I got fed up and started dating someone and was somewhat reaching exclusivity. When he found that out he was very upset. Said he was working and wasn’t dating at all and I was always dating and maybe he should start dating others etc. We had a long talk and I dropped the new man and said I wouldn’t date anyone else. Well here we are again and no plans to see me yet again. I know we have a very strong emotional connection, one that is nothing like I’ve ever felt and we are quite a bit older than the average in-love couple, we are not spring chickens who fall in love every other day, we are both very successful and have demanding careers and good heads on our shoulders. It isn’t like we are teens or inexperienced. I don’t want to lose him because I know we have feelings and I feel he is definitely the one, but I really don’t understand what he is doing. He just keeps talking about how afraid he is about commitment that he thinks I will hurt him. Yet when we are together we talk about our future and being together and we are completely inseparable and in sync, when I’m with him he is a lot more open and talk about his feelings more and I can see in his eyes he is scared. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to date anyone else I’m completely in love with this man. But it has been over a year and we are just going in circles.  

  83. Ronnie says:

    Hi Shawnna, Here’s my dating advice which you might not believe or want to hear. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but your relationship with this man will never progress beyond where it it. He has told you as much. He may like to talk about the future when with you, but his behavior, which is the only thing that matters, proves otherwise. People do not change much and this has already gone on for a year.

    I know you love him, but love is not enough because he cannot give you what you want. You want a fully mature relationship and he is not capable. So if you want to see a man more regularly, you’ll have to find someone else. This guy is sadly a deadend.

  84. Melanie says:

    Hi Ronnie,

    Can a significant age difference be an excuse to not want to date someone? Also, is texting meaningless? This guy texts me pretty occasionally, and used to flirt with me a ton without crossing any lines (meaningless, again, I guess).

    If age difference is a dealbreaker for him, which I’m not entirely sure it should be.. or if it’s an excuse.. But shouldn’t he just move on and stop being my friend? I mean he’s clearly not interested if he has not asked me to hang out, knowing I would say yes.. He just suggests it. Or is he waiting it out? Is waiting it out just a pathetic explanation? Not sure. We’re on amiable terms right now but I just wish he would drop off the face of the Earth. I know I have the power to ignore him, but clearly I’m still on his mind..

    The age difference is not illegal by the way. Less than 10 years, but more than 4 years. Half of the opinions I get are that we’re on two entirely different wavelengths (even though whenever we chat in person he never feels “old”). The other half say that it shouldn’t matter, as long it’s legal.

    So what gives?

  85. Ronnie says:

    Hi Melanie, it’s impossible to know why people do what they do. What matters most is how you feel and what you do. I don’t think an Age difference of less than 10 years is a big deal. But it could be an excuse. Since this man is not asking you out so he is not that interested. Why does he continue to text? He must enjoy the contact with you, but that doesn’t mean he wants a relationship.

    Sometimes married men or men with girlfriends text because they can connect with other women without really cheating. Or they are men not capable of more. Or they are bored, lonely or just like the attention. It doesn’t really matter why. The point is he is not asking you out.

    And, yes, texting is absolutely meaningless without a man taking action to see you. There are more men out there so don’t wait around for this guy.

  86. Ann says:

    Ronnie,

    I met a guy online. He asked me out, but had visitation with his daughter so I suggested he not get a babysitter and we could schedule a date when he didn’t have visitation. Because I travel a lot for work, he suggested he cook and I come over. I did. He wanted physical after her bedtime, but I declined. He seems like a good guy, but now that summer visitation is over and he could date me, he still ask me to do all the driving (40 mins) to his house where we can have take-out. Why can’t he take me out? Three times he has asked me to come to his house and three times I have declined. Am I asking too much or is he selfish?

  87. grace says:

    Hello, my ex boyfriend ended things…without really saying that he ended them and now is dating another girl. However I have seen him two times in 4 months and he texts or calls me everyday! ! I am not proud to say this but we did sleep together during those times…he has told me that he loves me but idk…we have been together for a long time and we know eaxh other for a long time…I still love him..but I want him to wake up from this state and take me more seriously. .how do I do that..

  88. Ronnie says:

    Hi Ann,
    I know this one from my own personal dating experience. When a man wants you to come for dinner – you are dessert! Now that you know this, you can understand why he won’t take you out. His agenda is sex, not wooing you. He feels he doesn’t have to woo you since he got you to come to his house when you didn’t even know him.

    I just want to point out how very dangerous this is. As one woman to another, please don’t do this again. Don’t go to a man’s home until you know you’ll be safe and you are ready to be intimate. Even if a man is a nice guy, it just sends the wrong message.

    So, are you asking too much or being selfish? NO WAY! He’s the wrong guy – yes it’s that simple! Next time this happens with another guy, tell him you prefer to be out in public until you get to know him better. Case closed!

  89. Ronnie says:

    Grace – seriously, don’t you deserve better than this creep who left you, got a new woman, then cheats on her with you? Ditch this dude – he is poison! I know you love him, but you have let your self-esteem disappear as you take the tiny crumbs he gives you of his time and so called love. He will never take you more seriously until you take yourself more seriously. And to be honest, even then, he’s clearly not the commitment type.

    If I could do only one more thing with my life, it would be to help women see that you can’t make a man DO ANYTHING. Men have to WANT TO LOVE YOU AND BE COMMITTED. Your desire and love for him, nor any amount of words or manipulation will ever make a man love you or commit to you. So sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you’d best move on and shut him out of your life before he takes your very last drop of self-respect.

    Value yourself more and know you deserve more. Expect more from men, in fact demand it or don’t bother with them. If you continue to accept such bad behavior, you will continue to be poorly treated by men.

  90. Lilly says:

    Hi Ronnie!
    I talk to lots of guys online and ended up talking to a guy a few months ago, who mentioned on his profile he wanted a relationship. We were talking then suddenly his page disappeared. About 8 days ago he messaged me again, explaining how he removed his profile because he ended up getting back with an ex, but it didnt work out, and he remembered talking to me and thought I was cool. We used to talk alot before he got back with his ex, and we have talked every day the past 8 days and he told me he thinks im amazing and gorgeous, but he hasnt even mentioned going on a date. He says things like ” i will have to cook for you sometime” but never actually plans a date. And on his profile it still mentions how he is looking for a relationship. Do I ignore him and move on or suggest a date myself?

  91. Ronnie says:

    Hi Lilly,

    This guy is happy to have a texting buddy vs. someone to date. If he was going to ask you out, he would have already done it. Right now, he’s doing the non-committal thing, talking about nebulous dating possibilities. Blah, blah, blah, talk is cheap as I mentioned in the blog post. And cooking you dinner? That’s an invitation to have sex because you’ll be dessert. Don’t fall for that.

    Do NOT ask him out! That is not the answer ever. You might want to read this post to learn more about not pursuing men. http://www.nevertoolate.biz/2012/05/09/dont-pursue-him-or-hell-think-of-the-movie-fatal-attraction/ He says he wants a relationship, but he’s not acting on it. Either he doesn’t want a relationship with you or he doesn’t want one at all. My bet is he’s wounded after breaking up with his ex again and desires the presence of a variety of females to help him get over her. So yes, move on.

  92. Meredith says:

    So I think I already know the answer to this and know what I need to do but it is so hard. I reconnected with a guy I knew when we were little back in April. We hung out all summer and talked everyday and still talk everyday and hang out some but not as much because I’m a teacher and have to work now! Anyway, he is finishing up a divorce and has said he isn’t ready for anything serious which I totally understand. My problem isn’t that, it’s the fact that he’s so wishy washy with me and it’s like he’s bipolar. One week like last week for example, it was great! He texted me first..wanted me to come over, etc. now yesterday and today it’s like pulling teeth to get him to talk! We had a rough couple weeks at one point because I think my questions about a relationship kinda scared him away. I asked questions and he got irritated but we got over all that. The other part to all of this is that he’s on disability because he was in a bad accident like 6 yrs ago. I get so frustrated with him when he acts crappy to me because I do a lot for him and not to sound mean but a lot of women out there aren’t gunna want to be with someone like him who doesn’t work and feels bad a lot of the time. I don’t want say that to him because I know it sounds horrible but sometimes I feel like going off on him! I’m sure the answer to all of this is to just back away and see if he comes to me. But on the subject of texting. I am such a texter and of course at times he gets annoyed by it. I’ve tried to do better and like I said last week he pretty much texted me first everyday. I guess another reason I get annoyed is because he acts like he doesn’t text me sometimes too like its all me. I’m just weak in situations like this and I don’t know what else to do!

  93. Ronnie says:

    Hi Meredith, Here’s the most important thing from what you wrote – he doesn’t want anything serious. When a man tells you out right what he doesn’t want – you must believe him! He is not finished with his divorce and worse yet, has physical problems that sound like they keep him from working. That affects a man’s self esteem and willingness to be involved. He is not capable of more right now and not emotionally available. Pushing him will not change that.

    In addition, you are trading “doing stuff for him” for his love. You think it will make him love you. Many women do this, but it is not wise. When women help men heal hoping to be in a relationship with them, men tend to get better and move on. The Florence Nightingale nurse bit usually backfires because men don’t like to remember their weakness. Once he is better, if he gets there, you will be a reminder of a bad time in his life.

    Stop helping him and help yourself. Let go and move on. Find a man who is relationship ready. Your love for him does not mean he will ever love you the same way and you are getting in deeper and wasting time with him. I know this sounds harsh but I say it all with compassion knowing that the truth is what might set you on a new course that will serve you better and help you get what you want – a relationship with a loving man. This guy is not it.

  94. iris says:

    Hi
    I have a question,,,,, met this guy on POF he has been talking/texting me one year now….. finally he says he wants to meet…. 2 weeks ago he said this week, it came and went…. he had a nickname for me shiksa girl now he is calling me love and by my name Iris,,,,,he text cam me He is a capricorn so I dont know why he isnt asking me out? is he stringing me along… he says i am a woman of substance which is nice… your advise please? one time only have an amazing day

  95. Ronnie says:

    Iris – This post totally answers your question – 100%. I don’t mean to be harsh, but you’ve wasted a year in a virtual relationship! He will never meet you or ask you out. What he says is irrelevant – it’s what he does to see you, which is NOTHING, that matters most. Talk is cheap and meaningless. He’s probably married or in a relationship already. If you are smart, you’ll drop all communication and move on. Sadly, you are the one letting him waste your time.

  96. Kathy says:

    Hello Ronnie, I meet a guy on my class. it’s been a month and he asked me out. the date went great, we kiss. the next day he asked me out again. everything was great until he introduced me and he forgot my name… after that i felt awkard and when he try to kiss me i didn’t kiss him. Since then we still talk very friendly. he hasnt asked me out again or try anything with me. I don’t know what to do or how to show him that i do like him. we see eachother in class and text sometimes but nothing. altough he does talk to me normally. what should i do?

  97. Ronnie says:

    Hi Kathy,

    He forgot your name in the moment – that is awkward I agree. But in a way you punished him by pulling away and not kissing him. He probably felt embarrassed.

    You might as well learn this at a young age – there’s nothing you can do to make a man like you. Either he does, or he doesn’t.

    However, in this case, next time you get close to him, you might say, something like, “Gee I’m sorry I pulled away the last time you tried to kiss me.” Don’t say anything more. If he starts up again, that was his cue that you were still interested. It’s subtle and gives him room to make his own decision and not feel embarrassed.

    But there is no guarantee that he will.

    Hey – there are tons more guys out there so don’t worry – he’s not the last man you’ll kiss!
    Ronnie

  98. Kali says:

    Hi Ronnie. I have a male friend who Iv stayed in contact with, over the miles, for 7 yrs. now… he has been there for me, and listened to me, through some rough times, I went through with another person… He is a great guy… When we do text or speak on the phone, its for hours… and it flies by… I have kids from a previous relationship… he is always so interested in how they are doing, etc… and so sweet about them… lately I noticed things different… he has told me he is missing me, on the phone, and in text… he has said he would like for is to meet … in between our miles… lol. has said he is excited to see me… when we do talk, we are always laughing together… the best time Iv ever had talking to somone… sometimes hel text for days, then not for several… men are so frustrating! your thoughts?

  99. Ronnie says:

    Kali – who can say what that is about? How far apart do you live? If it’s so far that it will be a once in a lifetime trip or a once a year trip, don’t count on this turning into a relationship. Although, stranger things have happened.

  100. Kali says:

    Ronni, we live 5 hours apart… I do know with all the men Iv ever met… this one is always on my mind… I love talking to him… he really listens to him… he makes me laugh, and smile… whos t say what wil happen?… I dont know…

  101. Kate says:

    Hi ROnnie,

    This guy in question, he texts me everyday starting in the morning and ending with a good night. He and I are both busy, but my gut feeling tells me there is something more to it. He asks me out, but I feel it’s not very genuine. Like he asks me out to go with him on Friday (I told him before that Friday I would be leaving somewhere for a week)and when I remind him that I can’t because I’m leaving for a week somewhere, he doesnt suggest another day. He is supposedly busy with his studies. I have mixed feelings about him. Everytime I tell him to stop contacting me if he is not serious, he tells me that it’s not true. I think he is probably dating other girls too, but he tells me he isnt. Then why can’t he find an hour or two to hang out with me??

  102. Ronnie says:

    Hi Kate, your gut tells you there is something there, but you aren’t sure how you feel about him. That’s confusing to me! As I say in this post, texting has NO meaning. Only dates matter because that is how you get to know someone.

    You say when you couldn’t make that one date, he didn’t offer another time. Did you? If you are interested in a man and can’t make the time he asks for, suggest another option so he knows you want to see him. “I can’t make it Friday, but how about Tuesday?”

    Of course he is seeing other women – you haven’t even met him yet have you? There’s no exclusivity until you have several dates and then it’s been discussed.

    I think you have already invested too much in this one man. Texting is not getting to know someone so find others to connect with and meet them quickly so you don’t waste time in these virtual relationships.

  103. Lola says:

    Hi Ronnie,

    I don’t know where to start. This guy started texted me in May this year and was really interested to take me out. Finally, I agreed and eventually we started dating. It went great, he was very nice, caring, always making sure I was ok with everything we were doing. Whenever, I was busy with my work he would find the way to see me, (no matter what).
    In August, we started having fights because I was jealous and now looking back I don’t think I had a good reason for it. I would actually just pull back (like not contact him, find the excuse to not see him…). Every time after ‘my pull back’ he would initiate a contact and meet me to have a conversation about it. (but he said he didn’t like it and didn’t think it was healthy for a relationship). This happened few times in two months.
    I admit, my behavior was pretty immature.
    I finally realized I was overreacting and decided to be better about it.
    However, now he seems distant. His texts are also somehow cold and less frequent. For example, on Saturday night he asked me if I wanted to go out and have a drink or come to his place and watch the game with him. I decided on the second one and the night was great. In the morning, he made me some breakfast and I left his house at 2pm. The rest of the day went without a single text. I texted him the next day and we exchanged few brief texts.
    The day after that, I got really impatient and asked him If everything was ok because we don’t talk as much as before and things seem somehow weird between us. He replied that everything was fine, he was little busy at work but still finds the time to talk to me.
    It’s been 3 days since we met last time and he hasn’t yet asked to see me. He just texted me today to say hi.
    I should add we both don’t like talking on the phone so texting work for us and I am ok with that. And it is true he has been busy and stressed at work lately, if it matters at all.
    My question is: Has he lost his interest? Why aren’t his texts sweet as before? Is it my fault because of all the drama I was making before?
    What do I do if he keeps asking me out but not as much as I would like it?
    (I am not ok with seeing him only once in a week).

    Thanks.

  104. Ronnie says:

    Hi Lola,

    It does seem like the drama you created did turn down the heat. I’m not sure if that can be rekindled, but I’m also not sure why he is still seeing you, but with less enthusiasm. Normally, I don’t recommend the direct root, but in this case you could try saying something like, “Looking back, I know now that how I acted about the jealousy thing was foolish. I was wrong and I apologize. Now things don’t feel the same between us. Is there anything I can do to regain your trust?”

    Maybe you already apologized so this will be redundant and won’t make any difference. But if you haven’t tried it or want to give it one more shot, do it. Other than that, there’s not much you can do. A man has to want to be with you. Perhaps he’s just taking some space to see how you react. Clearly he didn’t like the drama and doesn’t want you to play him.

    In the mean time, I highly recommend that you work through this jealousy issue so this won’t come up with a new guy. You may find it helpful to speak to someone about this and learn methods to get past it. Creating mistrust and pulling away feel like punishment to some people. In a way, that’s what this guy is doing now – he’s pulled away, probably to keep his heart safe.

  105. Lola says:

    Thank you Ronnie,

    I have talked to him in the meantime. He exactly said the same thing. He said that jealousy has left some bad taste in his mouth but he has also brought up another issue.
    He said that he was always the one to initiate conversation and dates and kind of got tired of it and decided to pull back and see how things would go. But would occasionally text me to remind me he was there. I did reassure him that I was trying too (maybe not exactly asking him out) but I was always happy to meet him, even after long and exhausting hours at work.
    He said he does care and that if he ever stops to feel that way he won’t have a problem to let me know.
    I did apologize about the jealousy issue. He said that he tried to see things from my perspective and he can partially understand it.

    I just hope I haven’t ruined everything and that things will work out.

    Any thoughts on his pulling away because he wanted me to initiate things?

  106. Ronnie says:

    Lola – depends how many dates you had before he pulled away. For the first 4-8 dates, I tell women to let the men lead. But after that, you enter the first phase of relationship and you can use a 3:1 ratio – initiate once for every three times that he does. With time – it will balance out further.

    I doubt this situation is going to turn around – after all he said he’d let you know…so I’d move on. Don’t take all the blame – perhaps you just weren’t a good fit.

  107. Lola says:

    Thanks Ronnie,

    I am not sure what you mean by ” after all he said he’d let you know”. He said if he ever felt not interested in me he would let me know.

  108. Rizzan says:

    hello Ronnie,
    I’ve been talking to this guy almost 8 mos. our communication is
    Thru texting & Skype he lives in different state. It’s like a long distance relationship. I met him when he flew here for business & after that meeting we’ve been start talking he told me he likes me & he thinks I’m adorable. At first I didn’t pay attention to him because I think he’s a player u know how businessman they travel a lot & meet different people. I told him why you keep texting me he says all kinds of sweet stuff like we have this chemistry & passion & he likes my company. There was a time he just text me & say Hi & how I’m doing but he didn’t call just text but not very often because he’s too busy in he’s career & the kids .

  109. Ronnie says:

    Hi Rizzan, Texting and Skype are nice, but not a REAL relationship. If you are looking for love, this guy is not it. Who cares what nice things he says if you never go on a date? Dump him and move on to men who are available and take you on dates to get to know you. TExting is a dead end if that’s all that happens.

  110. sienna says:

    hi Ron..so I met this guy last year at a party.We hangout and eventually ended up making out before the end of the night.We got together a few months later and he still constantly texts.Problem is he never asks me out on a date.He tells me everything he’s doing through text.I’m really growing to like him by the day.And I’m afraid that he doesn’t feel the same way. Should I just cut contact and move on or just tell him how I feel.This casual texting is killing me softly.I need to know what his intention is

  111. Ronnie says:

    Hi Sienna, As I explained in the original post, a man’s texting means nothing. If a man doesn’t ask you out, he’s either not that into you, needs an ego which you provide by texting, likes the fantasy better than actual dating, etc. Nothing good. I’m sorry to tell you he has no intentions with you. Please don’t tell him how you feel! You won’t gain anything by telling him – this is never a good idea. You make yourself too vulnerable and less appealing. Yes, stop communicating, let go and move on. He’s not the right guy for you or he’d make time to see you.

  112. sienna says:

    :(( thank you Ronnie

  113. Destiny Bennett says:

    Hi Ronnie.

    thank you for all of your great advice. In terms of meaningless texting and phone calls, would you recommend not responding to those at all unless it explicitly shows that he’s trying to plan a date? Or would you recommend mirroring his contact frequency and not placing too much into what he’s saying until he asks you out again?

    I’m interested in seeing where things are going with this guy. We’ve had 3 dates so far and he’s texting/calling pretty regularly (albeit it seems only when it’s convenient for him now) but hasn’t planned a next date – so was just wondering if I should ignore all communications not related to a next date, or should I remain in contact when he reaches out but don’t respond as readily as before in order to show that I have other things going on?

  114. Ronnie says:

    Hi Destiny,
    It’s hard to make blanket rules. With this guy, at least you’ve had three dates. If he doesn’t ask you out in the next 2 weeks, I advise you to consider him a drop out from your dating pool. He’s no longer interested enough to ask you out if that much time goes by. This could happen for countless reasons so there’s no use looking for the answer. At that point, you can start to ignore his texts etc. Or let him know you are seeing someone else if that feels right.

    The other thing you can do is slow down in your response as time goes by. It’s human nature to sometimes get lazy. So if it’s just laziness and you slow your response, he might get curious and do something more to stay in touch. Or not – can’t know for sure.

    Every communication doesn’t have to be asking you out. But when weeks go by and no mention of seeing you again becomes the rule, that’s when its time to say bye bye.

  115. Clara says:

    Hi Ronnie!

    So this guy in class has been looking at me the whole semester. I would catch him staring at me… we’d smile or laugh, but no interaction. He asked me out for a drink on the last day of school.

    As exams rolled in, we studied together. He’d text me at the end of the day saying he had a great time with smileys. We made out once and it was great. He’d ask me to lunch after his final. I paid for my meals so I didn’t think of it as a date. Anyways he suggested we should go grab a drink, but no plans are made.

    When I do see him though, he tells me about himself and he asks about me. He teases me. He tries to find an excuse to touch me (brushes his arm), stays close to me physically. When we’re with people at a bar/party, he would immediately try to sit next to me when there was an available seat and has his arm behind me on my seat. This is all what happens when we see each other within the last 2-2.5 weeks, but it’s going slow now!

    Should I just give up on this guy? Is he just stringing me along? Is there any way I can salvage this? I don’t want to demand to see him, but is there a way to somehow bring that up without sounding desperate? Because this texting is getting lame!! If you have any other tips, I would ever be so grateful.

  116. Ronnie says:

    Hi Clara,

    It’s hard to know why he’s not asking you out after all that positive interaction. One thing that surprises me is that you paid for your meals. Why did you do that? You may have sent him mixed signal that you don’t want to date him. He asked you out so why did you not consider those dates? I think you may have confused him. When a man asks you out, let him pay to not send confusing signals.

    I can’t quite tell if he’s still in contact or not form your question. If he is, text him back- of course! The chase does not mean you become unresponsive. I don’t believe in letting texting become the relationship, if if he just texts, but doesn’t ask you out, I wouldn’t bother responding. If you do want to see him, you can ask him one time. Keep it simple and just say, “Hey, let’s get that drink you’re always talking about on Friday night” See what he says. If he doesn’t say yes or offer another time to get together, let it go. That will be your sure sign he’s not that interested.

  117. Sara says:

    Hi Ronnie,

    I met a guy online a little over a month ago. We texted for about 2 weeks before we actually met. He asked me out for dinner & drinks. We really hit it off & he paid for everything. About a week later he asked me to go to the movies with him and 2 friends. He said his friends really liked me, and again paid for my movie ticket. Since then, we haven’t been out again. However, he said that he wants to hang out with me all the time. I work a very set schedule – daytime Mon thru Fri in an office. He works in retail so his schedule varies and can include weekends and nights. Since we met, I went away on vacation for a few days. He has been busy with work due to the holidays. I’m getting a little frustrated with how slowly things are going. Do you think I’m being impatient? I think in the New Year things with work will slow down for him and he will be more available, and I think I should just wait it out and see. What do you think?

  118. Ronnie says:

    Hi Sara,

    Of course you can wait and see – no harm done – New Year’s Eve is right around the corner. Sometimes schedules do conflict. But more often, the man is just not interested enough. He might not be ready for a relationship, he might be dating others, or sorry to say, you might not be the one for him even if he seemed interested on the date.

    I recommend meeting other men online while you are waiting. You are not dating him exclusively so don’t take yourself off the market. If it turns out it was just a temporary gap due to scheduling, you’ll find out.

    But why waste time waiting when you could be meeting other men? You never know how things will turn out during this initial dating phase, so what works best for most singles is to date multiple people at the same time very early on. Many will shake themselves out of the running so don’t worry about having too many boyfriends. The idea is hopefully one of them that you like will stick around long enough to click and fall in love.

  119. Toni says:

    Hi Ronnie,

    I met this met this guy online as well and am now wondering if I should let it go.
    We’ve been in contact for 3 months now, mostly through text messages but he’s called me a few times.At first, it was kind of hard to schedule a time to meet but he did invite me once and I declined – it was 10pm. I asked him to provide enough notice the next time. No other invites came so I asked him to join me on a hike, but he cancelled the night before (after I texted to confirm). We, instead, just ended up talking on Skype, and it’s been the most meaningful conversation this whole time.
    We eventually went out once to the movies (which I had to pay for because he was late!)
    Since then, the texts have been scarce and there have been no other invites. Why does he keep texting if he’s truly not interested? I’m starting to think it’s time to throw in the towel. What do you think?

  120. Ronnie says:

    Hi Toni,
    Yes! Throw in the towel! Your instincts are right on target. There is nothing going on if he’s not asking you out so drop him and move on. Don’t answer his texts. Keep in mind that meaningful conversation is not dating. Does it have value? Yes, if you don’t mistake it for romance. That is a level of friendship – so it may have value, but not it it keeps you from seeking the love you want. Then it is a deterrent.

    You deserve better! So move on to men who want to spend time with you and connect consistently so you can develop a loving relationship and watch it bloom.

  121. Lola says:

    Hi Ronnie,

    Here is my situation: After a lot of arguments and efforts my boyfriend said he had enough and he still cares about me but doent want to torture each other anymore. (I tried to apologize, to convince him to stay together but he was saying no (in indirect way, though).
    After one day passed without contact, he texted me that is was so cold outside and if I wanted to go out I should dress warm. My question is: Does he want to tell me something more or was it literally that (dress warm). I mean it took me some effort not to call him and then he texted. I really want him back. What do I do? Call, text, give him some time, wait for him to text…?
    Thank you.

  122. Ronnie says:

    Hi Lola, Sorry it took me a while to respond – I think you should take his comment as it is – dress warm. men aren’t that cryptic. If he wanted to say something deeper, he would have. Breaking up is never easy. The only way I know to get a man back is not to try convincing him. Give him the space he wants. If he misses you enough, he’ll come back on his own. But trying to convince him will often push a man away even further. And for next time, remember its wise to pick your arguments carefully – anyone can get overwhelmed with too much fighting.

  123. Kris says:

    I’m starting to feel lousy about myself! I’ve been doing online dating with three possibilities keen and interested. With two of them I’ve been on first dates, they avow interest, and then…texts and phone calls, no in-person dates. The last one only texted and “had to cancel” the last 2 proposed dates. I drop men quick as soon as I see there won’t be a 2nd date but at this rate I’m not going out at all! And yes I keep it non-physical.

  124. Ronnie says:

    Hi Kris, Sorry this has been disappointing, but I recommend readjusting your expectations a bit. You are going to meet many men who “flake” and disappear. This is part of dating today. So just expect you are going to have to meet a lot of men and don’t make any one man or date important. Instead, recognize this is a process. And plan on meeting at least 50 men. It may take less or more, but keep track so you know how you are doing. Just keep going – you’ll find better men who are seriously looking for love if you meet enough guys.

  125. Kris says:

    When you say “plan on meeting at least 50 men”…in what space of time? A month? (yikes) or over a year? I’m rather shy as it is so I find it difficult to go to mixers or smile back at men in public.

  126. Rosie says:

    Hi,

    I seem to be having a problem.
    I have had several dates with a guy and all seemed well.
    However, one night something happened that hurt me, he apologized and so it was left.
    I was a bit upset the next morning but we cleared it up and hugged and kissed.
    He went away for the weekend and only texted on the Saturday evening a mere ‘Hello’ which I didn’t respond too. Sunday a feeble conversation which I didn’t carry on as I felt he didn’t ant to either (I’m not a clingy kind), he promised we’d make plans on the Sunday – no mention made and the Monday – still no text.

    What does this mean? What do I do?

  127. Natalie says:

    Dear Ronnie

    Trouble in paradise . I met this guy years ago at a party nothing of it just got introduced . About a month ago we bumped into each other at a club got along really well and exchanged numbers .. Went on a date the following day for coffee , and a couple more days later went on another coffee date ..

    And than suddenly it just stopped he wasn’t making the effort to see me again it seemed as though I was the one asking him .. He goes out every weekend always “busy” now Ronnie I’m a very smart girl and have been dating for a while having read you’re posts I couldn’t help but applaud you every single word is right ! I know this I know all of it – I know his only stringing me along I know that he only calls and texts me when it’s covenient for him and when the conditions are right for HIM . But I can’t help it I really like this guy and just want him to want me ! I want him to WANT to see me and WANT him to make an effort . The other day he mentioned he was over “the nightlife ” he just turned 30 and wanted to “talk to me” about where this was heading and he said when were you free next (asked on a Friday night ) I told him maybe Sunday … I called him Sunday morning to see what he was doing and he made no effort to ask about what I was doing later that evening he said he would call me that night and he never did .. It’s not Tuesday and still no word from him

    His still alive because his on social media … ( I am Not stalking ) but what do I do ??? I know what to do but I just don’t ! Please help
    Me confused and may be in love haha

    Love Natalie

  128. Ronnie says:

    Hi Rosie,

    Sorry you are having a problem with your guy. I have a question for you…if you cleared things up, then why were you unwilling to talk on Sunday? I’m not saying this is your fault. But after an upset, people often need reassurance that all is well. Even though his Saturday attempt was a weak hello, he did contact you, and did so again on Sunday. But you didn’t feel he was putting out enough effort?

    You said you aren’t clingy which is good. But you maybe he thought you were a little cold or standoffish. Maybe he felt you were punishing him. Maybe he feels guilty or insecure. Maybe he doesn’t want to be rejected. Who can say?

    If you are truly interested and don’t want to let this go, you could reach out to him. But my advice is to be happy, positive and not complain about what happened if it really was cleared up. Don’t punish him if you want to move forward with him.

    Some experts would say that if he was a man worth his salt, he’d pursue you. And that might be true. So if you want to walk away, you certainly can. Sometimes my dating coaching clients like to try one last time before walking away, just so they don’t look back with regret that they could have done something and didn’t take the chance. The choice is yours.

  129. Ronnie says:

    Hi Natalie, I know how hard this is but there is absolutely nothing you can do to make a man want you if he doesn’t already. The only action you can take is not to contact him again. If he does want to see you, he knows what to do. My bet is that he is confused about what he wants. That’s why he waffled on you. He might be thinking about his life and what he wants long term, but until he has that sorted out, you and other women will be casualties of his indecision.

    The very best thing you can do is let go and move on. There will be other men. But when you hold out hope for a guy who doesn’t follow through, you rob yourself of the opportunity to meet others. He’s taking up space in your heart without the interest or intention to deserve this special place. And worst of all, this is the kind of thing that can ruin your self-esteem and confidence. Let go gracefully and know that of course there’s a good man out there who is ready and looking for a great woman like you.

  130. Rosie says:

    Thank you Ronnie, brilliant advice as always :)

  131. P says:

    Hi Ronnie,

    I met this guy on match.com. We have had 4 dates so far within the 2 months of talking, texting. We text mostly every night. I do like him, and ask him a question about his ideal date. Bummer it seems it is more casual dating for him. I don’t want to be string a long either and emotionally attached. Then again, I never dated and this seems too good to be true for the most part. I don’t want to sound desperate. He was in a long-term relationship before. I found he might move. Still talks with his ex as a friend 1x/week. I know it can take some time and get to know you process. Some of the signs tell me I just let him go? If so , how should I go about it?

  132. Ronnie says:

    Dear “P”, I’m sorry to say your instincts are right on target. I agree it’s time to let go. Four dates in two months tells me he’s not that interested. Some men love to text, but how many others could he be texting? This is more of a virtual relationship than a budding romance. For true relationship status, you need to seem him on a regular basis face-to-face. I know this might be hard to hear but seeing you twice a month gives him lots of time to date others – that’s what he is probably doing. You deserve a real relationship with a man who wants to spend time with you. For a healthy relationship to develop, I would think you need at least a date once a week unless this is a long-distance situation.

    Listen to your gut and let go. There are better men out there for you who want to be a with a great woman like you.

  133. Shanel says:

    Hi Ronnie,

    For a little over a month, I’ve been dating an older man who recently started a new business venture (he also has a full-time job that he works at night). We’ve been on four dates and we talk/text everyday. When he speaks of the future, my son and I are part of it.

    My dilemma is that his new business takes up a lot of his time. We haven’t seen each other in over two weeks. While I am naturally a loner and I’m quite comfortable with being by myself, I do get lonely (which is why I joined the dating site where he and I met). With his current work schedule and the business he is building, I feel that we don’t have enough time to spend with each other. I’ve spoken to him about my concerns to which he replied that he understood and asked me to be patient with him.

    I feel that we should be able to meet/go on a date at least once a week. Am I being a brat by thinking this way? Or do I have a legitimate concern here? Thanks for your time!

  134. Laura says:

    Hi Ronnie,
    I feel so confused lately. I’ve gone through a lot of disappointment from relationships that makes me look for negative aspects first from any guy pursues me. And there’s this guy who tells me that he wants a serious relationship with me after a few dates. I wasn’t attracted to him at first, but he treated me so well that i started to view him as my possible future man.

    Lately, I realize that he’s not so intense like before. He texts me everyday from morning to night but often finds excuses to not see me in person. He’s a busy person with random schedules and I do too.

    At first he would try to seek time when we could meet up but lately even when there’s a chance, he just stays at home because he feels tired, or going to the gym, or going with his family. I can’t help but think that sometimes he just making excuses and just don’t want to see me. I told him clearly that I don’t feel him sincere enough because his actions say so. He always says he’s still serious with me, and he’s the type to go slow at first.

    He says that he isn’t a man that would date a few girls at the same time also. But he says he understand what I’m thinking and will try to think about showing actions that he cares and put more effort into me. But I still don’t see it. What do you think I should do?

  135. Ronnie says:

    Hi Shanel – this is a great question. I answered it at length in this blog post http://www.nevertoolate.biz/2014/04/08/he-has-no-time-for-me/

  136. Ronnie says:

    Hi Laura, You are already smart enough to know that a man’s actions say everything. And he is saying “I don’t have time for you”. Talk is cheap so don’t believe a word he says. My dating advice is to move on. Why tie up your love life with a man who doesn’t want to spend time with you? That’s not a loving relationship. I just answered another question like yours on my blog. Here’s the link to read it if you like. http://www.nevertoolate.biz/2014/04/08/he-has-no-time-for-me/

  137. Sonia says:

    Hi Ronnie,
    I am working in Kuala Lumpur for 6 months and met a guy at a dinner party thrown by his mum. We got on really well, after a night of heavy drinking he dropped me home and we slept together. While drunk he told me really likes me and would I stay in Malaysia. The next day we hung out all day (and he asked if he could take me on a date the next day and help me unpack on the weekend as I’m still living out of suitcases). But that night I told him I couldn’t stay in KL but he stayed over again. The next morning we had an awkward goodbye. Ever since I’ve texted three times to ask when we’re meeting, with evasive responses. How can I fix this? I actually like him and after a lot of thinking, if it worked, I would actually stick around in Malaysia.

  138. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Sonia, this is a bit tough because often men say things like this to get a woman into bed. I could be off base, but I tend to doubt he was genuine. So when you said “no” you may have shortened your fling, but I doubt it changed things. If he was serious about you and really meant that he wanted you to stay, wouldn’t he want to see you while he can to try to convince you to stay? If you absolutely feel you have to do something which I don’t recommend, you could simply text and say, “I’ve re-evaluated and would like to stay. When can you meet to talk it over?” But don’t get your hopes up.

  139. Rinks says:

    Hi Ronnie,

    I have been going through such a difficult and confused phase. I dated a guy 5 months ago. We had a great connection between us and were talking every day for couple of hours no matter what. The guy was not in my town but he made sure to visit me every other weekend and I got too attached to him.

    One weekend I was visiting my friend near his town, he asked me if we could meet up for few hours and I said yes since I was totally into him. Instead of few hours we spent a whole night together talking to each other, future planning and all. I felt so good to be with him.

    Next day we spent the day together and everything was perfect. I returned home. A day after that when we were talking on a phone, I got angry for some small thing and he told me that he believe the relationship is not working out. I was shocked to hear it from him and couldn’t believe that he is the same guy with whom I spent the whole night with. When I asked him the reason he started giving me excuses like he wants to go back to his home country and may not return, has many other problems to deal with and can’t pay attention to any serious relationship now.

    I started crying on a phone he said he won’t find a girl like me, but when I argued, he got angry and hung up! I tried to reach him for few days, but he never replied to my messages or calls. I couldn’t figure out what went wrong in the relationship. Did I overreact? Should I have given him some time? He could have told me everything when we met but he didn’t. I’m still confused why did he do it?

    I started talking to an another guy but this guy is slow. He talks less, doesn’t call me that often, texts me every other day. Finally he asked me to meet, but he is in the other state so would visit me sometime soon. But since he doesn’t talk much I don’t understand if he is really interested in me or not?? Our phone conversation also last only about 20-25 minutes. Should I look forward to see him or just move on?

  140. Julie says:

    Dear Ronnie,
    I read your amazing advice and hope you can help me well to begin with I meet a guy on Fb . He was in love with another girl for another country and all. He didin’t look at me first when that girl rejects him he started to look at me and we chatted a lot there was a good feling and all since we guy and myself are from differentcountry we only chat on Fb then .

    One day I realized i had a crush on him so I keep it to myself first then he somehow discover it he respond postively and was affectionate to me calling me beautiful , asking about me I was happy.One day just suddendly he dissappear for one month straight and reappear the next month saying he miss me and getting jealous if guy toy with my heart I told him I appreciate he care for me i was not expecting he answer right away but maybe later so until then i keep myself busy and all talk with another friend .

    But he never replied after one week two week three weeks so I let go like I did not care and suddendly he message me saying he was happy for the compliment and he is sorry for late reply cause he was busy and couldn’t log out and hope I understand . I take some day before reply and said it is ok I understand. but I want to know does he value his job over me? or is he not interest in me anymore and try to politely give excuses to not speak with me?

  141. madge says:

    hi – i have knew this guy 20 years ago we always got along & all we lost touch & then about 2 years ago saw eachother again & reconnected. he started texting me for 3 months none stop we finally planned a date & met up & things went a bit far I can say. We did text after that but during the week after meeting he mentioned we would get together agin & that heliked me had always liked me. Well 4 days after meeting up he said he’d text me later & never did – i texted hima sking are we still friends haven’t heard from you til this day no reply it has been 3 days since we last texted. I mean we texted all day every day even when he had things going on but now it seems he’s ignoring me – did i just get played???

  142. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Julie,
    I’m sorry to be the one to tell you but, texting and Facebook messaging are a fun way to flirt, but without a real, face-to-face meeting, you are not dating or in a relationship. It’s just Facebook and it is fun. I think you have put too much meaning into these interactions. His answers are nonsense. And if you were dating a man who used work as an excuse – that means dating you is not his top priority. My dating advice is to move on and find a guy to date who is local. That will be much more fun.

  143. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Madge, Unfortunately it does look like you just got played. I know that stinks! This is why I recommend women don’t sleep with a guy, even if you knew him from before until you have had several dates to see consistency in his pursuit of you. He might have been one of those old-fashioned guys who thought it was fun, but you were too easy. (The double standard still exists.) He might have just wanted a little something and is now ready for the next little something. It’s impossible to say what his motivation was.

    Remember, this is really more about him than you. He is obviously not the right guy for you because the right guy would want to see more of you, not hide, be too busy or evasive. Next time hold out a bit – not because he’ll like you more but because you’ll get a better idea if he just wants a quick roll in the hay or could be interested in spending some real time with you. There are better men out there so not to worry. Wishing you love,
    Ronnie

  144. Julie says:

    Thanks for the advice Ronnie it help me a lot

  145. Meg says:

    Hi Ronnie! A man I just started dating recently made plans to pick me up and take me to an outdoor event on a Saturday night, which I was excited about. A few hours prior, he texted me with a different plan – I should drive to his house, park and we would take a train to a different event. I didn’t like this switch-up (and the assumption that I would drive to his house instead of being picked up at my house). I said that wouldn’t work for me and declined, and if he wants to see me again, he should keep the original plan and pick me up. Did I do the right thing?

  146. Lola says:

    Hi Ronnie,
    So this guy was interested in me. But he would always only want to hangout after 11pm and just wanted to text vs talking on the phone. But whenever he said he’d call back it never happened. His excuse was he was working and I wasn’t understanding. So I didn’t want to deal with the texting anymore and decided I needed to move on. Then he starting texting me again. After I tell him this isn’t going to work and he says he’s going to change.

    He sends”I miss u.
    I have a serious question for u.
    I wanted to wait until I saw you in person but my patience is gone.
    Will you be my girlfriend?”

    I call he responds with

    “It’s loud where I am at I ‘ll call u in a few.”

    A few days past by and nothing I call again.

    He sends a text saying he’s busy watching the game bb so text him.

    He proceeds to call me selfish. He didn’t have time to babysit. And say
    Life is not just u in it. Don’t expect to find me when its only convenient to you.

    Was I wrong for wanting to have a real conversation with a grown man?

  147. Sydney says:

    Hi – I met a guy a few weeks ago, he has 2 children, and owns a small business with his family. For our first date we went out for drinks, everything seemed to go great. We texted back and forth for several days, and then his birthday came and we went out again. He paid for dinner, and I bought him a drink afterwards at a bar.

    Since then, he has texted me every single day (he initiates the conversations) but he has not asked me out again. The last time I mentioned it he said that he was busy, but he would see how the week would go (we never ended up going out and I didn’t want to press it). I know that dating someone with children can be difficult because he spends a lot of time with his kids, which I do value and admire. I don’t know if i’m being impatient and unreasonable (it’s been almost 2 weeks since I last saw him) or if he is playing me. I just feel like he is sending mixed signals because he keeps in contact with me very regularly but hasn’t made an effort to hang out. I did want to add that he is a bit older, I am 25 and he is 33. Help!

  148. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Meg,
    I understand how you feel about the original plan and last minute changes can be difficult. I also understand that he was asking you to drive when he said he’d pick you up. I don’t know how you declined so I can’t really comment – if you were nice or curt. But I wouldn’t have gone either.

    However, when you meet someone new, never let him pick you up. Keep your personal information close to the vest for a few dates until you feel more certain about him. Your safety comes first. I’m glad you chose not to go to his home either. Stay outside the home and meet in public places. Also, I recommend not going on such a long first date. Coffee or drinks is much better until you know you can enjoy his company. Just watching out for your best interest.

  149. Michelle says:

    Ronnie, I have this guy that I met online and he we both have chemistry we have had one date but have been talking on the phone for 2 months almost every night for at least 3 to 5 hrs and texting daily, we have gotten to know each other through our conversations, but here is my question and a little background on him, he has depression and has since his 20’s he is in therapy and on meds, he is struggling still and to make things worse he lost his job 2 weeks ago and it’s depressing him more, I really want more dates with him but he says he wants to take it slow and since his funds have changed it’s not easy, however I told him that we could do things that cost nothing like a hike or park area, he has trouble sleeping so he never knows when he is going to have a good day or bad, not making excuses for him, but I really care about him and I am concerned, I know dating a depressed person is not easy and I have had depression my self so I know and most of my family has a well. I really don’t won’t to give up on him or that he will get better again I think once he gets a job things will improve, just how long should I be patient with him, he is a good person and he has shared more with me than anyone and I do know that he is not seeing anyone or dating any other woman I ask him and he told me no he was not dating anyone else, I just really want to see him again but don’t want to push and I understand his circumstances, I’m sure you will tell me that he is not healthy enough yet and needs to get his self in a better position before he dates anyone, but he has made future plans with me about dating and meeting his parents, I just don’t know how much longer till I see him again.

  150. m says:

    “This is such a constant problem for single women of any age.”

    That’s because men refuse to fix it, and women keep putting up with it / keep being actively encouraged to put up with it by the dating & relationship “gurus /experts”.

    That’s not rocket science.

  151. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi M, There is nothing that all men are guilty of. There is nothing all men refuse to fix. There are people who have your same agenda and those who don’t. I’m not suggesting women put up with anything. Nor would I say that women don’t do their own share of this kind of thing to single men. (Because they sure do). I offer insights and understanding so women can make better choices. I don’t blame an entire gender for anything.

  152. Ira says:

    Hi Ronnie,

    I find your advise really fruitful and I would really love to ask for your advise.

    Im 24 and doesn’t have a boyfriend for 5 years already after breaking up with my ex bf. Although Ive been to couple of flings already but none of it worked out.

    There was this guy that I was really interested. He is just 20 years old. I met him in an online game and we became friends. AT first I was acting as her elder sister since I am older than him. It was just plain friendship at first and we talk everyday. I dont take him seriously since his younger than me.

    One day he is in the same area where I work and decided to visit me at work. This is our first face to face encounter. We watched movie right after I got off from work and we went to his place to watch more movies. We had a great time together and he got me into bed. Right after that he is still consistent in calling me if he has time we even see each other the second time because he needed some help to pick some new clothes to buy. When we were in public he doesnt like me to be sweet to him unlike when we were alone. He even said that I dressed weird and I am too loud. He doesnt pull the chair when we eat. He even stands first and work towards the exit when were done eating. It is as if he doesnt want the people to see us that were together walking. Its just insane.

    after couple of weeks he still calls and text but only for a few minutes.and I noticed that he will only call if he needs something from me like to check his reports or to check his email for him.

    Im really trying to understand him that he is also busy and im really trying so hard to have patience, and Im trying to conditioned myself that since he is young he doesnt like me since Im way too old for him and too mature for him. but at the end of the day I am still hopeful that he will appreciate everything Ive done for him and fell for me.

    I am giving myself 2 more months to see if something will happen for the both of us. Right after 2 months Im thinking of cutting all my connections/communication with him to see if he will chase me afterwards. But right now, it feels like everyday im getting hurt even more and im falling for him deeper. Ronie, do you think what Im doing is good or should I not wait for 2 months to cut ties with him :(. Im sorry for the stupid question

  153. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hello Ira,
    This guy is not in love with you. I’m so sorry to say he is using you. You already know this since he only calls you when you need something. When a man says he’s too busy to see you, that is guy code for “You are not important to me.” A man’s appreciation of you will not get better with time. Don’t spend another two months with him. Move on now to find a boyfriend who wants to see you consistently and treats you right.

  154. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Michelle,
    I’m so sorry to be the one to tell you this, but this guy is using you for therapy and emotional support. That is not a true relationship and it is certainly not love. You can’t get slower than one date in two months! You may find this shocking but you are too patient. No amount of patience will fix this situation. You are not his nurse maid and that will not make him better or make him love you as you should be loved.

    You deserve to have a relationship with a man who is healthy and emotionally available. Not one using you to relieve his depression. This might be hard to hear but its the straight truth – talk is cheap. Future plans mean nothing if he doesn’t date you today. Don’t put your hopes on this guy coming around. It’s not going to happen. No way.

    This guy will break you heart and you are letting him waste your time. Please move on to find a healthy guy who wants to see you and wants a real relationship. That’s my honest dating advice.

  155. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Sydney,
    He might be a very nice guy, but my bet is love and dating are not his priority. His business and children come first which is not that surprising. But once a guy starts with, “I’m too busy” and “we’ll see”, that is man code for dating is not my priority. Or even worse, you are not my priority. He might keep in contact because he’d like to date you, but he just can’t right now. He’s probably not going to change any time soon. A man who is truly interested will do what it takes to see you no matter how busy he is. I’d move on to find a man who is ready and has time for love.

  156. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Lola,

    There’s nothing is wrong with wanting a real conversation with a man. But clearly this is not THE MAN! He’s not looking for love, but a booty call – that’s what late night dates are all about. Do not respond to another of his lame texts. He’s just saying what he thinks will get you back into bed. Drop him and run! Look for a man who will talk to you, who wants to see you and pursues you consistently. Don’t accept anything less because you deserve more!

  157. Brittany says:

    Hi Ronnie,

    I’m stuck in a similar situation. There’s this guy that I work with, and we’ve become friendly with each other. We’ve hung out a few times, and he regularly texts me at some point during the day, but lately he doesn’t want to hang out. I’ve asked if a couple times to hang out the past week, but he declined each time so I no longer ask. He’s not seeing anyone, and he flirts with me at work and openly acknowledges that he does. Where we work at i’m part time and he’s full time, and the other day he mentioned he was excited to see me at work the upcoming day because he hasn’t seen me in several days. I’m just confused about it all. If he wanted to see me, he could have asked to hang out on one of his days off, but he didn’t. I’m generally confused about the way he texts me everyday and the way he flirts with me at work, but yet he seemingly within the previous couple weeks no longer wants to hang out or do anything. We’ve hung out several times prior to this, and we got along great. What do you think about all this?

  158. Karin says:

    Hi Ronnie,
    I met a guy a few months ago on a boat (we are both sailors), and we’ve been texting just about everyday since. We live a long distance from each other. After about a month of talking he made the drive to see me, even though he only had a few days to spare, and we had a great time. Last week I flew up to see him for the weekend and again we had a great time. But now I worry that maybe I was being a little too forward by flying up spontaneously to see him. We’ve talked a bit since, but the texts are getting less flirty/engaged. He’s home right now moving into a new place. Should I back away? Did I make myself too available? Or is he just comfortable now and doesn’t feel he has to ‘try’ anymore. I’ve been hurt a lot the past couple years, so I’m just trying to prevent it from happening again. Tough being a (female) sailor…

  159. Kris says:

    I am wondering if i am coming on to strong. I’m divorced for a long time was on a online dating site. I picked through so many profiles my eyes hurt. I found a man local to my area who is everything I want. Handsome, smart, intelligent and his conversations can make anyone’s heart pound and pulses rise. Here is a 36 yr old woman on a dating site he is about 10 years older then I which hat is not the problem. He tells me everyday how much I am in his thoughts and in his mind. I asked him about talking on the phone but he ignored me. I am seeing the signs. He emails me but I am like then show me put your money where your mouth is. The problem is am I setting my self up for a big let down. I’ve been lonely for a while with kids and work – life is stressful. I want to be cared for and loved, but also want a companion. But I might be foolish for wanting this to go somewhere – it may not go anywhere. I find him intriguing and hope this not a fake relationship.

  160. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Kris – yikes! this is not a fake relationship – this is NOT a relationship. If he won’t even talk to you on the phone – he’s not interested in dating you or ever meeting you. Drop him now like the toxic poison he is! He is stringing you along which unfortunately some men do when they find a needy woman who will play their game. Stop texting immediately. Get back online and talk to more men. There are definitely men who will email a few times, then call you, then meet you all within 10 days tops. Go on several dates and stop wasting time with this bozo. Because you are so right – the big let down is on it’s way. Don’t open yourself up to that. Move on asap.

  161. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Brittany,
    I know this stinks, but please don’t ask men out. If a man wants to date you, he knows what to do. So he may have been curious about you, flattered or did have a good time. But 99% of the time, men want dating you to be their idea. They don’t like being chased by a woman. It’s part of the hunter instinct and you cant take the DNA out of dating. If you feel you have to ask a man out, only do it once. If he thinks its a good idea, he’ll take over and ask you out again.

    The thing is, he might really like flirting with you and seeing you, but doesn’t want a relationship. Or doesn’t want a relationship with a woman he works with. And now you know texting is meaningless unless paired with regular face-to-face dates. My advice is to stop texting or responding immediately. If he asks why when you see him, just say you’ve been busy. don’t waste more time flirting with him until you can just be friends and enjoy it. If he has any true interest, he might do something about it. But either way, you won’t be still sucked in or left hanging. Move on to find other men – he is not the one for you

  162. Monica says:

    Hi Ronnie! I met this guy online from a dating site, he took the initiative we started chatting/texting immediately. I feel like we connected and have the same beliefs and common interests. We both right off the bat explained to each other our likes and dislikes and had mutual feelings.. We became close after a week of talking he begged me everyday to meet him but because our work schedules and distance we had a hard time finding the time. He is recently divorced has children and sees them every other weekend. We FaceTimed just to get to know each other alittle better before we met up and afterwards he asked me if I was still interested? I said yes because I was and so did he. The next day he asked if I wanted to come meet him when he got home from work he did have the kids but they would be asleep by the time I got there. So I did go ahead and meet him…

  163. Melody says:

    Hi Ronnie,

    I have recently discovered you and I already appreciate your work. I’ve known this guy for about a year, but it was just hi and by and a few passing jokes. I’ve recently moved back to town and we saw each other. He instantly hugged me and wouldn’t let me go. I was very confused by this gesture. Fast forward to now we have been on 3 dates, and he will text me often and I will reply hours later or sometimes the next day. We have gone out on the weekends and weekday. The dates have been fun and we have laughed a lot. The third date I allowed him to kiss me. He has asked me out again, but he hasn’t called me directly. I really don’t know the rules of dating anymore, because I have been gone for some years. What tips would you give me? Thanks in advance.

  164. Danielle says:

    Hi Ronnie,
    So I met this guy on POF seemed to hit it off really well through messaging. He asked me what I was doing on the weekend and I happened to be free. We went out for lunch and drinks and had a great time. Date lasted about 6 hours. He gave me a very passionate kiss at the end and said to give him a call or text him as I was getting out of the car. That evening I didn’t hear from him which was fine wasn’t expecting a message so soon anyway. Sunday rolled around and was hoping to get something from him at least saying he had a good time but then thought maybe he was waiting for me to text him since he did say text or call me. So as much as I know you should never contact the guy first, it was driving me nuts because in the back of my mind I was thinking well what if he’s waiting for me to say something first since he DID say call me or text me. So to make myself feel better I sent him a message thanking him for a really good time yesterday. He responded right away and has been texting me every day since. Just random good mornings and messages throughout the day. Which makes me feel good because it lets me know he’s thinking about me. So It’s now Friday and I’m sitting here waiting to see if he is going to want to see me again this weekend but he isn’t asking me if I have any plans or trying to make any plans with me this weekend. I’m kind of confused. Why would he send me good morning messages every day and chit chat through the day but not try to make plans to see me again? I’m assuming I’m making myself too available and he’s not all that interested.

  165. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Monica, I put your full question and my response into a blog post http://www.nevertoolate.biz/2014/06/23/understanding-men-recognize-newly-divorced-man-trap/

  166. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Karin, I put my reply and advise into a blog post for you http://www.nevertoolate.biz/2014/06/26/understanding-men-was-i-too-forward-with-him/

  167. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Melody, You’ve had three dates that you enjoyed. The guy asked you out but didn’t call you. Does that mean he didn’t pick a date, time and place? Wait to see what he does. This is a critical turning point after 3 dates. Some men disappear. The ones who are more interested will continue pursuit. Your best course of action is to do nothing. If more than 10 days go by, he’s not that into you. That’s when you move on. a man who is truly interested won’t let more than a week go by in most cases.

  168. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Danielle,

    Sorry to say this but perhaps you should read this post on men and texting again. men who do this like to keep women on the line. It’s an ego boost. I understand that one tie you may want to reach out – that’s not the worst thing esepcailly just sending a text. But this man is not genuine interested or he would have asked you out again. Drop him and move on.

    One other piece of advice – not all men will text every day after the first date. Men have a different sense of time in dating than many women do. And since texting daily is meaningless without actual dates anyway. If a man is interested, he will usually call within three days. Certainly within a week. After that, I’d say a man is just not that into you. Shift your expectations for after a first date and you won’t drive yourself crazy and have to text. You are likely thinking about a man you had one date with way too much. That’s why I recommend dating more than one man initially – so you don’t over focus. Good luck out there!

  169. Lynn says:

    Hello,

    I had a good date with this guy a few months ago. Since then he has called me on the phone and texted me 5 or 6 times a week. We spend anywhere from 1 to 2 hours talking about little stuff. He has mentioned having a second date and I tell him a certain day and then he says lets play it by ear and then he doesn’t say anything else about it but he is still calling me several times a week and we talk or text between an hour to 2 hours. What is going on here?

  170. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Lynn,

    1. Texting and phone calls are meaningless without face-to-face dates.
    2. Men who do this are “stringing you along” who knows why – it must be fun or ego boosting.
    3. Some married men or those in relationships do this to cheat without really cheating.
    4. Some men don’t really want more than your emotional support. Stop talking to him on the phone for longer than 10-minutes. You are giving your emotional support away hoping to trade it for love.
    5. If a man wants to see you no matter how busy he is – he will ask you out and make time.

    Go meet someone else who is relationship ready – this guy is wasting your time and your are letting him do it.

  171. Lynn says:

    Thank you for that advice so far. I was afraid that was the case. Another thing I find that is odd is that he tells me the reception is bad inside the house and he has to go outside to call me. Ive never heard of someone having a phone where they have to go outside to call. So are you suggesting that I just stay on the phone with him for 10 minutes? Or should I stop responding to his texts and calls 100 percent? He has told me that he was single.

  172. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Lynn – doesn’t sound to me like he is single – why keep this going even if he is? Drop him and move on – he’s not going to ask you out again or he already would have done so

  173. chris says:

    Hi Ronnie

    I met a guy on Friday night. We hit it off and just seemed to click. I ended up going back to his place but there was no sex, just lots of kisses etc. He cooked me breakfast the next day and was talking about next time and catching up again. We got each others numbers. He is 5 months out of a relationship and has shared custody of 2 kids. He text me Saturday night to see I got home ok and i replied and he replied back to me but then I left it as he didn’t ask a question. I text him with a cute message sunday morning. No reply. I text him asking how the rest of his weekend was on Monday night. No reply. I dont get it. Why text me Saturday night if he had no intention of talking to me again. Its now been 7 days since he has contacted me. I dont know what to do.

  174. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Chris,
    Some men text on Saturday to see if you are at home or out and busy. Or maybe he was bored. As I tell all my dating coaching clients, don’t bother trying to figure out why men do things or assign meaning that you think it has. This is a frustrating waste of time with no truth or value. You will never know why he did what he did. Just chalk it up to him being the wrong man since he didn’t ask you out again and move on to the next. By the way, this next piece of advice is provided for your safety. Please don’t go back to a man’s house until you know him better. You were lucky this time and he was a gentleman. But you never know. Be smart and be safe.

  175. Lynn says:

    Hi Ronnie,

    I got another situation I have a question about. I had a date with this guy that went really well. During the next week we talked on the phone and then had a second date that went really well. After that this guy disappeared for 2 weeks. He didn’t text or call me at all. Then after 2 weeks he concacted me again and for the next 2 months we went out several times and then he disappeared on me for 2 more weeks. He then reappeared again and we went out several more times over the next 4 months. After our last date he was gone for good and since then there have been no texts and no dates and no calls. So why would a guy disappear for 2 weeks 2 different times during the whole 6 months that we had been going out?

  176. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Lynn,

    It’s very difficult to understand why anyone does anything really, not just single men. But here are a couple of possibilities.

    1) Your guy was a casual dater and was dating other women at the same time. Those two week periods – he was wrapped up with someone else who he dropped or she dropped him. Seems like he rather not be alone so you were his best case scenario, but not a true love interest.

    2) He wasn’t interested in a commitment but liked you enough to hang out for a while until someone better came along.

    Since it’s impossible to really know, I’m suggesting a strategy for future dates.

    When a man disappears for two weeks, understand he’s not serious about you. Let him go and move on. If you want to give him a chance anyway – let it slide ONE TIME. If he disappears a second time, move on! Don’t continue to date a man just because he came back. Now you’ll never go through this situation again.

  177. Linda Lou says:

    I met a guy online and we went on a date a year ago. Since then we have done the texting, the sexting, and see him on occasion when I volunteer. He had told me in the past that he was lonely but that dating is impossible with his young son since the last time he dated, the girl dumped him after meeting his son, so now he doesn’t want to bring anyone around.
    Well, after a year, I finally met the son at a neutral place, where I volunteer, and the son and I hung out for a few hours.
    This guy and I tried the FWB relationship but he felt I was getting too attached and I was, and so we disconnected for a week at a time until he texted me. So really, we haven’t gone very long without texting. We have texted a solid year, most every day with the occasion 3-4 day reprieve.
    I just don’t understand if he really things we are “just friends” or that we can be FWB’s again, or if there is a serious interest.
    He has confided in me about his anxiety, so I presume that that is what his behavior is all about. He’s got anxiety issues and is afraid of getting too close until he feels comfortable.
    I like him, but know that we are only friends so cutting him off is hard.

    What do you think Ronnie? What should I do with this man?

  178. saisha says:

    Hi, I have met a guy through a matrimonial site. We instantly hit it off and he seemed very much interested. Due to some things he thought I was a show off which was sorted later on. He slowly stopped texting much and said that I am busy by then I had totally fallen for him. He keeps saying that I think a lot and get angry on petty issues. He also confessed that at times has time but doesn’t call wondering what to talk. We have goneon the first date which went fine. I was the first one to say that had a good time n he replied the same.sincethen we kept in touch in bits like over chat but the response wasn’t that great or improved.he always thinks that I am not serious about life and don’t set priorities and knows that my dad and I don’t go well so says that I’ll gel well with your father and that we just want u to get going and take efforts than doing things like watching movies or paying attention to how much weight I have lost.he also said that I want u to be busy as that will make me feel that you have a life of ur own n its good to have space. I haven’t texted or called since sat I got a hi text n what’s happening on what we discussed last I chose not to reply because I think that I should play the same game he likes being chased so even I wan play hard to get. I really like this guy kindly help me understand what exactly is he thinking about me?

  179. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Saisha,
    I have to admit, it’s a little difficult to understand what you wrote. But overall, I think you should pay attention to the fact that this man is constantly pushing you away. He told you several reasons why he doesn’t think you are right for him. As a dating coach, I must tell you when a man says things like that you must BELIEVE him.

    You may like him, but he doesn’t think you are serious enough, show off too much, don’t have a full enough life. He is not the man for you because a man who is interested would tell you what he LIKES NOT what he DISLIKES.

    It’s time to move on and stop texting this guy. Sadly, you are looking at a dead end and heartbreak if you continue on this path.

  180. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Linda,
    You are trading emotional support in the hopes that he wants a relationship with you. You listen to his problems and offer encouragement. Yet, he has clearly said he doesn’t want a relationship and can’t have one because of his son. In addition, he stopped the FWB because he felt you were getting too attached. BELIEVE him when he says these things to you. There is no long term interest on his part.

    He is gaining something from the texting and emotional support. As a dating coach, what I want you to understand is your emotional support is a PRIVILEGE. When you give away your support or your body with nothing in return, you are short changing yourself.You have already wasted an entire year of your life with this guy. My advice is to stop texting him. Please move on to find a man who is relationship ready because this guy is definitely NOT the one for you.

  181. SL says:

    Hi.

    This is not an actual dating question, but it’s somewhat related. I do a lot of community theater, and a man I haven’t seen in 25 years, who I am connected to on Facebook, is coming to see the show. The thing is, I didn’t invite him to come. If you’re not aware of this, if you create a Facebook event page, you can send out invitations to people to come. I created a page and invited a bunch of people to come. I also placed the page advertisement on my page for other people to come if I didn’t send them direct invitations. I didn’t invite him or even consider inviting him. Lo and behold, one day after I put the Facebook page up for my show, he responds on the page that he’s coming to the show. I’ve told a couple of people that he’s coming, and they think he’s coming up to see me. I’m not sure that that’s the case or not-I’m not asking for an answer to that-because he likes musicals, apparently. For a variety of reasons, I’m very nervous about it. One big one–I haven’t seen him in 25 years. This guy went to my junior prom with me in high school. Back then, I actually asked him to go with me, and I was a pain about it, you know, being 15 and all. However, we were never involved at any time in my life. After the prom, we went on with our lives, and that was that. I’m nervous about this because he’s coming to the show from over an hour away from his house, and I don’t know if he wants to see me, see the show, both, or whatever. How do I just get this off my mind and forget about this until I actually see him at the show. Yes, I want to see him and catch up.

  182. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Sounds like a dating question to me! There are only three ways that I know of not thinking about something. 1) Find someone else to date and take your mind off him. 2) When you catch yourself obsessing, have a topic all picked out that you can shift your thoughts to. For example. plan a vacation or a party. 3) Distraction also works – clean your house or exercise. Start a new project. Anything to take the focus off Mr. Junior Prom because who the heck knows why he decided to show up. And, you may not know after the play is over and you see him. Good luck and break a leg.

  183. SL says:

    Thank you.

  184. SL says:

    Sorry to populate your board like this. I remember that I was with my ex-boyfriend when I bumped into him, and he was with a friend So, it was 20 years, not 25, LOL.

  185. Este says:

    Dear Ronnie,
    I have known this man from an online site. We have been in touch by texting and calls since last January 2014. At first, we planned on several meetings but they were canceled (due to his and my work business). I feel comfortable talking with him (he always initiates the calls). I can tell he is a smart guy, we can talk for hours from one topic to another including sharing sexual conversations. He even share his fantasy of being and making out with me.

    Kindly need your advice and input, Ronnie. Thank you so much.

  186. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Este,

    I wrote a blog post to answer your question. You can find it here http://www.nevertoolate.biz/2014/07/14/understanding-men-i-want-meet-him-but-talk-text-only/

  187. Ester says:

    hi am dating this guy who i really feel about i mean i love him but afraid to tell him, we meet last month and i went to his place yes eveythng went well he text and calls me but now he has not asked me at his place but i think he loves me but why hes not saying anything am confuse shud i tell him on shud i muv on coz now we slowly luzing communication please help.

  188. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Ester,

    I”m sorry to be the one to tell you but a man who doesn’t ask you out, DOES NOT LOVE YOU. Yes it’s really that simple. For whatever reason he feels complete and has lost interest. Sometimes men do this after they sleep with you. Not all men, but some. Best to start looking for a new man to date. I strongly advise not telling a man how you feel, especially something as strong as love. It just exposes you and makes you feel vulnerable. Let the man say this first to guard your heart.

  189. jane says:

    Hi,
    I met his great guy online we talked everyday through text or Skype for at least a month. He went on holiday and was quite keen to text me everyday and said that the next day he got back he would like to meet up. I obviously said yes and was excited. He told me at every possible moment that he was nervous but really excited and couldn’t wait. At this point I got my expectations really high as we had this great connection. When it came to the date it went okay he was talkative but it wasn’t what I expected and it ended with just a hug and he said “let me know when you get home”
    I did the saying no no of texting later on saying thanks you and that I got home safely to which he replied 2 hours later “Sorry I fell aslp!!! Thanks for coming to meet me ^_^ sorry I was such a bore, I can promise you I won’t be that tired next time you see me! Your a really interesting person.

    Now a week later I had a few brief texts nowhere near the communication we had before. What went wrong I’m really confused?

  190. me says:

    as a man i think the guy might not have money

    sometimes a guy wants to date but he realizes he doesn’t have the money and he is trying to iron things out without the woman finding out he is dealing with hard times

  191. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hey Me, If you want to date but are on “hard times” as you say, better to go on a cheap date and pay than have our date pay half. Unless you are under 30 – things are changing under 30 and going dutch might not be quite as bad. But you won’t make a great first impression this way no matter what the age.

  192. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Jane, That certainly wasn’t the text of a confident woman. Why would you ever say you were boring? If that ever happens, better to say nothing than to show your lack of confidence in yourself by saying something like that.

    Truthfully, it doesn’t seem to me like he was going to ask you out again anyway. He didn’t ask to see you again or try to kiss you. I think he was already showing you there wasn’t going to be a second date with such an ending of the first.

    My best advice is do not talk so much before a first date! It builds up a fantasy in your head about who the guy is and how good the connection is. You must meet in person before you get so wrapped up because some people are great on the phone, some are great writers and then you meet them and NOTHING. NO CONNECTION – NO ENERGY. Better to have only a few emails and one phone conversation before you meet so you don’t get so attached – its not real until you see each other face-to-face. And even then, you need to see what kind of man he is before allowing yourself to get attached. Dating requires up to 8 dates and sometimes more before you enter relationship and exclusivity.

  193. Lucy says:

    Hi Ronnie,
    I have been texting this guy for the past 3 weeks now. He texts me everyday and always initiates contact. I have seen him once during this time on a night out where we met in a club and made out. He has said things in texts like, when are you going to let me take you out?, i’ll take you to that soon, fit me into your weekend? and hopefully get to see you soon?

    BUT everytime I say yeah that would be good, or ask him sure when? He says whenever you want and then just kind of tries to get out of actually setting anything up. I ignored him for 2 days after 2 weeks of texting because I just felt like what is the point? and he sent me sad faces because I wasnt replying to him. I have no clue why but decided to pretend I had been really busy so continued to text him after that. I never initiate but always reply in a happy friendly way. I have suggested he calls me instead of texts a few times but he never does and makes up stuff like oh I was out or I fell asleep. As I’m writing this I know its pretty obvious he just can’t be bothered with anything. I just wanted to get your opinion on why on earth he continues to text me every single day and keeps carrying on conversations even when Im quite blunt, and says that he wants to meet up when I havent said anything about it? But then never actually bothers to meet up?
    It really baffles me as to what the point is? and why a guy would bother doing this at all if he cant be bothered to see you?
    Yesterday I ignored his pathetic morning message because it have nothing to reply to and then in the evening he text again saying guess youve been really busy today then?
    Like hes upset I didnt reply??
    The situation is so silly but would love to hear your opinion :)

    Thankyou

  194. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Lucy – the real question is why do you keep texting when you know he has no intention of seeing you? For him it’s an ego thing – he wants you to adore him and be hopeful about him. And you are. What’s in this for you? Read the post and my answers to other women again. The answers are all the SAME. Drop it, stop texting him and move on. Don’t text more than a few days with a new guy without a date being set, even a second or 3rd date. It’s pointless as you can see.

  195. Josie says:

    Hey Ronnie- I met this guy online at the beginning of July. We live 75 miles apart from one another, so we’ve been on 2 dates while he’s been in town for business. During these dates, he was attentive, funny, and a complete gentlemen. We have great conversation and so much in common. He has been divorced for 1 1/2 years and has a 2 year old daughter that he gets on a weekly basis. So with that being said, he told me that he has been really enjoying getting to know me and spending time with me- but at this time he is in a “rebuilding” phase. He said that we could take things very slow and he hasn’t been seeing anyone else, so I thought that was good to hear.

    He texts me every couple of days to tell me that he is thinking of me and hopes I am doing well. I rarely initiate texts because I don’t want to push him or seem desperate. He says things like he would like to take me to certain places or just see me again soon, but he hasn’t asked me out again! Our last date was 3 weeks ago. I don’t know if I should ask when we could see each other again, or if I should just see what happens. It’s confusing because I’m totally in to him and I’m pretty sure he’s really into me too- but I think we are both scared to go too fast. I just worry I will push him away! What are your thoughts?

  196. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Josie – he’s like all the other men women have asked me about on this post. For whatever reason, he’s not moving ahead but keeping you hanging. If he were into you like you think, he’d be setting up dates. You deserve better. Stop texting him and move on to find the love you deserve.

  197. Guy says:

    Coming from a guy I can tell you two powerful things guys love. Try texting first every now and then, not all the time (makes you look desperate) but that random text works wonders. And DON’T wait too long before texting back. As a guy knowing many others that agree, when a girl takes too long, we automatically assume she really doesn’t care and makes us lose interest

  198. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Thanks for sharing the male perspective and the great advice for the gals.

  199. Mika says:

    I have been talking to this guy for almost two months now. We text all day. We have great conversation. But we have only hung out one time. He is going through different issues with his family, he is not married. I work two jobs and so does he. So scheduling is an issue. He communicates all the time and he is into me and always says when he has time we will go out or hang out. Should I move on or stay patient and wait to see where things go.

  200. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Mika,

    If you don’t mind having a virtual relationship you can keep going.

    But if you want a real relationship with face-to-face dates and passionate kisses, you’ll never get it from this texting penpal. He’s not emotionally or physically available.

  201. Izzy says:

    Hi, my thing is, I have known this guy for bout 20 years, he used to go out with one of my best friends older sister the first of those 8 years, he since moved to another state. we have stayed in contact here and there, last I have seen him was 11 years ago. we have facebooked and talked via phone a few times in the last 4years. 3 months ago his ex-from so long ago passed away, I think he took it kind of hard, he tried contacting me via FB and asked my friend for me to call him. We talked for almost an hour, and have been in contact since, he has told me he has always felt something for me, and recently expressed deeper feelings, I have just had a loss in my family last week, and he seemed to be there for me, I have two surgeries coming up, yay :) and was planning on flying out for a visit after in Feb. (I HATE flying) he said he wanted to visit sooner and wanted to come here so we planned on November, but we haven’t talked for over a week, he works 7-3 and off weekends. Last I texted was how I had a dream of him, and he said good morning. next asking is he still coming out and needed to switch some dates around, if he wants to talk to call me, he texted he still is coming out, but no discussion on hotel/plane. or no call. later I sent a pic I was at a concert he said, Nice, that’s it. I haven’t heard anything from him in 3 days, he was the one that pursued me non stop in the first place, last month also have tried to back off due to his inconsistency and he said that’s the last thing he wanted me to do and would call me but not discuss my feelings. my heart is wrenched, I really care about this guy, and he has always seemed genuine and sweet as long as I have known him. why the game? he’s been my friend for so long, that was one reason I dint want this to get serious. But now I’m not even sure if he is worth being a friend if he can string me along like this. I want to text him or call and tell him how he has made me feel, but not sure I would get a response. And if he answers, I am not even sure what to say. Or do I just back off and let this go.. I’m 47 and he is 45. you would thing at this age there wouldn’t be these games.. Thank you for all of your advices!

  202. Ronnie Ann Ryan says:

    Hi Izzy,

    I don’t mean to sound callus, but the truth is, you were not in a real relationship. it was virtual and all talk. Without face-to-face dates, you are not really seeing someone. Now I’m sure he did appreciate the emotional support you provided and you did get some back from him as well. But not you can see when it comes to getting together – he’s falling away.

    Just like all the other comments on this post (and there’s a lo of them), my dating advice for women is to not trade emotional support in the hope for love. In fact never trade anything for love. I’m sorry you are going through this but ti’s time to wake up and move on. Please look for a man who is local so you can have real dates and get to see how he pursues you which will tell you how serious he is. Wishing you love.

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