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Interested in meeting men to date and getting second dates? These are two areas single women struggle with on a regular basis. I’ve got simple solutions so read on!
My question is about meeting men to date. I’ve been divorced fifteen years and only had two dating relationships in all that time, each roughly a year long. I “knew” neither would culminate in a long-term relationship but there weren’t exactly many options out there either. After divorce I initially focused all my time and energy first on raising kids then growing my business.
Why is it I’m fearless to meet new people for business but am chicken sh-t and tongue tied when it comes to meeting new men socially? I have had my share of Internet dating, speed dating and “just-lunch” dating without getting too many second dates so clearly I need to figure out why…
I could really use your help. Thanks!”
Tongue Tied in Arlington
Dear Tongue Tied,
Business women often tell me this story – it’s easier meeting men for business than for dating. You are not alone! As a dating coach with 10 years experience this is what I can tell you. In business, you are confident about what you have to offer and who you are. On the other hand, when it comes to meeting men to date, your confidence is not as strong.
One big reason that I can see is you have a lot more experience with business networking than meeting men for dating. How many years have you been networking and pushing yourself because you know its so important for your business results?
On the other hand, my bet is you could be a dating dabbler. This is how I refer to a woman who once in a while does something to meet men, but not that frequently. I know you’ve had “your share of dates” but finding love might not be as vital to your life as business. So, your experience and socializing might be light compared to your networking drive.
Now, imagine if you were meeting men socially as often as you were networking for business? How would you feel about your socializing competency then? That would be quite a different story right?
That’s exactly why I run the program called Operation Find Him Now! This group coaching program provides super simple conversation starters and flirting tips. But the main idea is to hold you accountable for meeting 50 men in 90 days. No dates mind you – just meeting men for a brief conversation. Women who participate in this program find it a total game changer!
While the next program won’t start until after January, you can still decide right now to hone your dating skills. Set a goal for yourself on how many men you want to meet per week. The more you meet, the better you’ll get at it! You’re confidence will grow, you’re desirability will skyrocket and you’ll quickly see how worthwhile this endeavor truly is. You can be as good at meeting men to date as you are for business!
Next, let’s talk about the “no second date” problem. This issue could stem from many root causes.
1. You talk about taboo topics on a first date
You want to avoid the following subjects on a first and even second date. Kids, work, how busy you are, how dating stinks, your ex, your health, and financial problems. Even stay clear of politics and religion; two known date-killing topics.
Instead be positive and upbeat and show him your best self. Talk about fun things like what you do in your spare time, hobbies, sports, vacations, food and wine/beer, movies and TV. Easy fun stuff that allows your passion to show.
2. You don’t show your date your best side
Maybe your tired from work and various responsibilities, so you aren’t as energetic as you could be. Or you aren’t very positive during your conversation. Perhaps you show up as you were from work without freshening up or wearing something that is date appropriate. You always want to present your “best self” on a first date to get a second.
Men want a woman who adds to their life and helps them feel good about themselves. Think about the last couple of first dates. Did you demonstrate how he’d be so lucky to have you in his life?
3. You tend to interrogate instead of having a conversation
A lot of women don’t want to waste any time with the wrong men. In an effort to be highly efficient, you might be trying to qualify your dates very quickly by asking him lots of personal questions about why he isn’t married, why his marriage didn’t’ work out, what he wants in a relationship, etc. This is very off-putting to a man and puts him on the spot.
If you want a second date – try having light, fun conversation. (See point #1) As you get to know a guy, you can spread those important questions out rather than cramming them into the first 30-minute conversation.
Photo Credit: Thomas TPunkt