Why Didn’t He Call? The Best Way to Handle Rejection

Why didn’t he call? We had such a good time?

Hi Ronnie,

Why didn’t he call?  I just have to know.

I met a guy through a dating site. We exchanged emails and he spoke to me. We met the same evening we spoke for coffee and chatted for 2 hours. It was obvious that he was interested in me. At the end of the first date he asked me out for next day evening. I liked him too so I agreed. We went out skating on second date rather he was teaching me how to skate. He behaved like a gentleman though he had to hold me to ensure I didn’t fall.

We had a fun date. He dropped me home and I thanked him saying it was fun. He said call me some time it would be good to talk.

It has been 4 days since then. I didn’t text him or called him. I haven’t heard from either. I found him online on the same site and couple of times both of us were online at the same time. I didn’t ping him nor did he. I am confused now. I thought the date went well and he liked me then why this silence? Is he expecting me to call him? I do not want to do that. I am confused now.

Please advise,
Confused Girl

Dear Confused,

First, let me address your question about why didn’t he call, then I want to talk to you about dating safety.

This kind of situation happens all the time. You have a great time with a guy on the first date or two, then you don’t hear from him and you wonder why didn’t he call. There are probably a million possible reasons why this occurred so giving you a definite answer is pretty tough. But the bottom line is this – for whatever reason, your date changed his mind.

If you read between the lines, he did tell you he wouldn’t be calling you again right? He certainly demonstrated that he knows how to pursue you and did so at the start. But after skating he dropped the ball in your court, suggesting you call him. That was his way of saying “I’m no longer going to pursue you”. And you have not heard from him.

Does that mean he wants you to call him? Not really. It means he changed his mind and is moving on. I know this is tough because you’ll never know why. However, this is what I tell all my dating coaching clients when a man disappears and its the bet way to handle rejection early on:

When a man stops calling within the first few dates,
he has done you a favor.

How can I say that? Well, there is good news – he didn’t waste MONTHS of your dating life before disappearing! He quickly figured out the match didn’t suit him and he left you free to find a better man. Who is better? Let me tell you – a man who knows you are the  right woman. A man who continues to pursue you and likes you more each time he sees you. That is the kind of man you want.

In truth he saved you a lot of pain down the road by checking out now. So, if this happens with another guy in your future, remember it’s a sure sign he was not the right man for you. Yes, it really is that simple.

Frankly, I’m proud of you for not calling him. That takes guts and confidence so you  get a round of applause for not jumping in to find out why didn’t he call.

Why didn’t he call is not the right question. Instead you want to know, “Who’s next?” Because there are so many men out there to meet and date. You will find another guy, there is no question about that!

Next I want to talk to you a moment about dating safety and how things work. And this is really important!

1. I don’t believe you should meet a man the same night. Often s guy who is in a rush to meet you wants to get into your pants as fast as possible. Thankfully, that wasn’t true this time, but you want to be careful. email a few times and meet him in a couple of days to see if he shows consistency and follow through. And talk on the phone before you meet anyone to see what you hear in his voice.

2. Letting this man pick you up at your home when you hardly knew him was a big “No No” in my book! Do not tell a new guy your last name, where you live or work. Guard your privacy and safety! You don’t know who this guy is no matter how nice he seems. I’m not trying to make you fearful, but you do need to protect yourself until you know the guy is OK. After a few dates, then you can start to share some of that personal information.

3. Don’t be so available. You are woman with a life of your own so you are not free to meet a man at a moment’s notice. What is too easily attained is not valued. This may sound stupid or manipulative, but it is human nature. I’m not saying play hard to get and make him wait a week. But the same night is not advisable.

There are plenty more men where this guy came from so get back on line, be safe and meet some new and better men to find the love you want.

Photo Credit: UWdigitalcollection

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