Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach,
It might be so naive of me, but the problem is I can’t get over this guy. I was really into him about four years ago. Recently, I found out he is in a new relationship which seems serious. I keep comparing myself with his new woman and regret that our relation did not end up like his current one. This feels like such a loosing a battle! How can I get rid of this awful feeling and get over this break up to find love again?
Please help Ronnie
Lost in Lafayette
Many women struggle with break ups or devastating dating disappointment. My heart goes out to you for your loss. However, it has been four years now and so it’s definitely time to move on. When you hold on for years after a break up, you are giving your power away to that man. I know a lot about this since I lost 18 years over my college boyfriend!
1. Build your self esteem. Change up your hair and makeup and get some new clothes. Maybe you need pampering to feel cared for and special again. Exercise or workout with a trainer. Whatever makes you feel beautiful and strong – that’s the way to go. You are an amazing woman. Let yourself shine once again. Building your confidence is one of the best ways overcome break ups.
2. He’s not the only man. You may be operating under the idea that he was the only man for you, but this is not true. Remember there are other single men out there. I don’t believe there is only one perfect match and you have had your love.. That is total nonsense! There is definitely more than one love for every person or no one would ever find love again. After a break up, it may feel that he was the only one, but its time to realize that line of thinking is holding you back.
3. He wasn’t the right man for you. If he was the right guy, things would have worked out. So, whatever is going on with him now doesn’t matter. There is no need to compare yourself to his new girlfriend because you don’t need to be anything like her. He’s not the right man for you so who cares about either of them? Time spent on that is wasted time which is true for all break ups.
4. Stop thinking about him. When you catch yourself thinking about him, STOP IT! Think about something else – anything else. This is where distraction is so important. You need to practice shifting your thinking and if you struggle with that, then throw yourself into a new project. Start exercising. Take up a new hobby. Go out with friends. This is one of the best cures for break ups
5. Try positive self talk. Come up with what you want to say to yourself when you catch yourself thinking about him. Maybe you remind yourself that there are other men out there. Maybe you tell yourself that you are lovable. Or say, “My new boyfriend is on his way to me now.” With break ups, consciously say something positive that makes you feel good to shift those painful thoughts to be something happier.
6. Smile more. This may sound too simple, but it really works. The more you smile, the happier you get. Then try smiling at other people too. This is a quick positive interaction that spreads good feelings! You also look prettier when you smile. Don’t hold back any longer – show those pearly whites and grin from ear to ear. It is absolutely contagious!
7. Go out to meet new men! There’s nothing better for break ups than to meet new men. Start mingling and paying attention to how many men really are out there. I’ve had dating coaching clients tell me that before working with me, they really thought everyone was married. But that’s not true! There are lots of single men who would love to meet a woman like you. But you won’t meet them at home – you have to go out!
That’s it – my seven tips to get over break ups and kick start your love life again. As a dating coach for women, one thing I have seen countless times is women recovering from break ups and finding love again. Try these powerful suggestions and move on to better man who is right for you.