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How do you respond when a man hands you his card and says, “Give me a call?”
Whatever your response is, I sure hope you don’t call him!
During my dating journey, I had several men offer their card to me. Usually I was smart and just smiled. But one fateful time, I got taken in by a very handsome guy who had moved here from Italy. Seriously hot and sexy with the accent and style you can imagine. Good sense escaped as I bravely decided to call him. The number he gave me was to his social club and I asked if he was there. What a great moment this must have been for him, each time a woman would call him in this public place. The bar tender announced, Joe, another woman for you!
Arggghhh! I felt so incredibly stupid. But I did smarten up and never called another guy.
1) He’s lazy and rather have you do the work. He finds you attractive and if you want to do the initiating, he’ll go for the ride. But he is leaving the ball in your court. Like I said, he’s lazy.
2) He doesn’t understand dating roles today and is confused about what he should do to date women. This is a statement about his masculinity because he is demonstrating a degree of uncertainty and lack of confidence. As my husband says, “Any man worth his salt knows its the man’s job to ask a woman out and pay for the first few dates.”
Yet, we live in confusing times and there are a small percentage of men who feel timid about taking on the role of pursuer. He could still be a nice guy even if you have to be in charge of everything. It’s hard to say.
3) He’s not serious about you or any woman and is not looking for a relationship. He hands out cards like candy just to see who will call. And if not, some other woman will. It doesn’t really matter to him.
As you understand men better, you can see that none of these men are worthy of your time. Forget the popular, but he’s shy mentality. That is nonsense. Even a shy man knows exactly what needs to be done to date you.
So, how should you handle a man who asks you to call? The dating advice I give to my dating coaching clients is a simple script, “Oh thanks, but I’m old fashioned and I don’t call men.” Of course any variation on this will do.
1) It sets a boundary and let’s a man know what he has to do to pursue you. If he is truly interested, he will ask for your number and call.
2) It tells him that you know you are the prize and if he wants you, he’ll have to invest his energy into winning you over. A little resistance does wonders for your desirability. This is so important rather than being too eager, available or handing yourself over on a silver platter.
Now some of my dating coaching clients insist they should call. maybe the woman is really into the guy like I was or she’s feeling that she doesn’t want to let a “good one” get away. If you absolutely must, then call him ONE TIME. But do not ask him out or suggest getting together or you are once again you are in the driver’s seat – not the seat you want to be in when just starting to date a new man.
Don’t fall for this card sharing trick! Since dating is a game, leave the ball in his court. Let him decide to pick up the ball and run with it to get your number, call and ask you out. let him pay too for at least the first and second date. That is the only way you will know how much a man is into you – when you drop the ball and don’t lift a finger. If you do the initiating, you will be pulling your hair out wonder how much he is into you.
Photo Credit: San Diego Shooter