I’m a fan of the Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo TV and last night’s episode was great to blog about! First, I love Dr. Pat Allen who tried to help Angela and Shonda with how to balance their own alpha tendencies in the presence of an alpha man. What they cut out was most likely a lengthy explanation of how the last thing an alpha male wants from a woman is competition!
Think back to the old days. The husband would go off to work hard all day, providing for his family. When the “king” came home to his “castle”, his wife catered to him, maybe even met him at the door with a drink to help him relax from his hard day. Don’t worry, I’m not suggesting we go back there.
Even though so much has changed for the alpha male today and he knows you’re busy and can’t cater to his every whim, he still wants that “soft place to land.” What makes him feel good is hospitable feminine energy to compliment his hearty masculine energy. Unfortunately the Millionaire Matchmaker’s clients this week, Angela and Shonda want to meet alpha men (which means the lead dog of a pack) using their own alpha energy. Dr. Pat said it best when Angela expressed how she wants a strong man to dominate her. She point blank told her she’ll be a spinster. I agree!
If you are an alpha female who cannot manage to turn it down and let your beta female come forward around men, than you will not likely attract an alpha male. Nor would you be comfortable with him! This type of romantic coupling will lead to nothing but power struggles and fighting.
Powerful women struggle with this idea and I don’t blame you! I understand from my own life and dating journey. I worked in the corporate world and made it to the top of my career chain with my MBA in hand. I really know how you feel.
It wasn’t easy to develop your masculine side and achieve your career success. You’ve earned that power seat and hate to give it up for one minute. And, the truth is, you don’t have to. Neither Pat Allen, nor I are asking you alphas to let it go. We are asking you to open to understanding how healthy masculine/feminine energies work best together for a lasting loving relationship. That is what you want right?
So, if you insist that you must have an alpha male for a romantic partner who is even stronger than you are, you will need to learn how to appeal to him with your feminine charm. All that means is you cannot come from your day job to a date and still be in charge. An alpha male wants to be in charge. Can you let him be? Can you make room in your alpha world for him to retain the function of being an alpha man?
Angela actually said she wanted a man to dominate her. Now there’s a challenge! From what I saw last night when she was flirting with her three potential dates and then during her actual date, she doesn’t want to give up a moment of control. Angela thrives on feeling better than a man.
The one man who could have dominated her turned her off! Face it – Angela has a conflict between her desire and what will work for her in a relationship. She has created a scenario that will definitely keep her single and in total control – her underlying and primary desire.
There is another option. Be open to a masculine man who has balanced feminine side as well. This renaissance guy will be supportive and thoughtful. He might dash out to the store for you or help with domestic chores. He’s still a strong virile man, but not an alpha male. You’ll still need to be careful about bruising his masculine ego, but you won’t feel the need to compete with him. This can be a better match for the alpha female – one that offers a balance of Yin and Yang for a healthy, satisfying, non-competitive relationship.
Here’s an analogy that is simple and very helpful for clients who work with me as their dating coach. This applies mostly to the initial dating period – power in relationship tends to balance out a bit. Think of ball room dancing. How many leaders are there in ballroom dancing? Just one. How many followers? Just one again. If there area two leaders, there is a power struggle and you wont’ dance well together. On the other hand, two followers wont’ get any where. You need one of each to float around the room like dancing with the stars.
Does this make you a door mat? No! It just makes you a smart woman who understands how to work your way around a masculine man. You know the best way to appeal to his masculine side is with your feminine charm. Men choose women who makes them feel good about themselves. That’s exactly what feminine charm does – it heightens his masculinity!
As a smart business woman and alpha personality, you want to use every trick in the book to have your way right? Then don’t mess with mother nature. Follow in her foot steps and let your inner Goddess and feminine charm capture his attention so he wants to win your heart.