Defending the Cave Man – Long Wharf Theatre, New Haven CT 8/11-22
Discover Why Men & Women Think So Differently
This is a great play! Funny and totally on target. The play is a one man show with the character describing the difference between how men and women think. I recommend that all my single women friends and dating coaching clients see it. Fabulous insights into why men think what they think and why we don’t see it the same way. I learned a lot. Plus, it’s very entertaining – you will laugh, really laugh!
If you’re married or in a relationship – you’ll understand your man better. Go with him even. I totally loved it. Long Wharf Theatre in New Haven is a great open theatre that has a warm, cozy atmosphere. So much better than a big impersonal theatre – you can really see everything that’s going on and not a bad seat in the house.
Make it a girl’s night out and enjoy!
222 Sargent Drive New Haven, CT 06511
(203) 787-4282
http://www.longwharf.org/
Dating Over 40: Are You Ready to Be Cherished with Barb Scala
Are you ready to be cherished in a relationship? The interview below with Marilyn Graman, author of There Is No Prince and How to Be Cherished and myself was conducted by Barb Scala of www.bloomwithbarb.com Barb is a delightful speaker, author and coach, helping women sprout their dreams and grow their lives.
The interview covers a lot of ground including a very interesting admission by Marilyn about her relationship with her husband. She talked about how she thought her husband would demonstrate his love by following her rules. While he did love her, he didn’t always follow her rules and she talks about how she reconciled this divergence. A huge discovery!
We also discussed what closes you off to love and the critical viewing of men that interferes with your relationship success.
I also spoke about how all love starts with self-love and how it’s so important to get your own loving energy moving to attract the love you want. It’s about an hour, but it’s worth every minute.
Here’s how you can listen: Click here, then scroll down to May 13th – Are You Ready to Be Cherished?
Happy Listening!
Dating: Geri Brin Seeks Love for Her Son, Colby on the Today Show
Did you see the Today Show yesterday? Geri Brin and her son Colby were on discussing his Mom’s efforts to find him a mate. Mom, Geri Brin from www.FabOver50.com who has a blog on the site, has started a section of the website for Mom’s who want to set their kids up.
She was asked, “Is this meddling Mom, setting your son up and creating a website?” Geri says “No.” Personally, I think its a great way to get publicity for her website and blog which does look pretty good. But quite frankly, it makes her son look like an idiot. Does he have any mind of his own? I’d be wary of a guy who is 31 and let’s his Mom pick out his dates.
Perhaps its just his 15 minutes of Andy Warhol fame.
He sounded OK – after all, he says he does fish on his own, but if his Mom finds some great women, why not? He dates about one in three of her matches.
Colby talked about the last date she set him up on – a very attractive woman but he dropped the ball and didn’t follow up.
What! He didn’t even follow up with a woman who is VERY ATTRACTIVE? Hey, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. Hello, can you say testosterone? Where is yours?
Well, I guess you can’t blame a Mom for trying right? Good for you Geri. Maybe now that Colby’s been on national TV, your son will grow a set and find a good woman to settle down with.
Dating Over 40: How to Become a Millionaire Matchmaker
I read a great interview (from the Wall Street Journal digital netowrk )with Patti Stanger, Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker on how she became a full-time matchmaker. She started out in corporate America but eventually shifted her part time matchmaking business to her full-time passion. That’s often the story with entrepreneurs who decide to just go for it. At some point, you have to decide to take a risk…or not.
The same could be said for finding love.:
- You try the same old strategy year after year
- You go after the same type of guy, guy after guy
- You visit the same bar scene weekend after weekend
Do these strategies work for you?
Nope. Yet , week after week, year after year you try them as if these tired methods will suddenly start working. You keep thinking its got to kick in right?
As your dating coach, it’s my job to say, “That’s not likely to happen!” Yes, anything is possible. You could even win the lottery. But your chances are so much better if you buy a ticket. Get it?
Take a lesson from Patti. Three quarters of her matchmaking job is coaching her clients for dating success. If your methods haven’t produced a loving partner in over a year, perhaps it’s worth revisiting your strategies.
You might even consider working with a dating coach. Now, I’m not asking you to sign up today. But, keep this in mind – the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different outcome. The question becomes – what new method will you try to jump start your love life this summer? What risk will you take to get out of your comfort zone and try something new?
I’m over here routing for you! I’ve been in your shoes. I know how it feels to be single, frustrated, lonely and sometimes in despair.
On the other hand, I know you can find love. i did it, so many of my clients have done it. And I know if I could do it, and my clients can do it, you can find love too. Take a risk.
Take a tip from Patti’s entrepreneurial spirit and her matchmaking expertise. Try something new. Give yourself the opportunity to succeed with a fresh approach! Love is totally worth the effort.
Marriage Proposal from the Grocery Aisle
What is one of the least likely places you can imagine a man proposing? Well, how about a Whole Foods grocery store? In front of an 80 lb. wheel of Parmigiano cheese. Oh those 30 somethings – aren’t they clever?
This is a great story though and apparently not the first marriage-related incident at a Whole Foods. Someone in Florida got married in one! Do you think they simply grazed at the salad and hot food bar? Did they picnic at the tables near the front door? Was the store open at the time? Was this a private affair? This creates so many questions in my mind.
You can read all the details here
But honestly, don’t you just love hearing these stories about unusual proposals? I do. I love it because it reminds me how many people fall in love every day. And get married. The wedding business is not shrinking at all. Nope, it’s thriving. Please let that fact spur you on and give you hope. For all you know, you could be next!
Get out there and meet lots of men. Mingle. maybe shop at Whole Foods – hey – it could be something healthy in the air there…
Dating Over 40: Are You Single or Unmarried?
Thank you Maureen Dowd for writing this fantastic Op-Ed piece in the New York Times asking when this shift occurs – going from being called “single” to the dreaded “unmarried.”
Dowd talked about how the marker can be 40 or 50, when people stop thinking of women as eligible and just unmarried. What a downer huh? Then she mentioned some skuttle-but about Elena Kagan who started off with a swagger about being the hip and powerful single woman and was reduced to rumors of being gay.
I know about this personally. It happened to me. Staying single until my 40th birthday, I rarely dated or talked about men whom I found attractive. I was shut down from all of this activity, I didn’t date and I didn’t meet men who interested me. It took some real soul searching to understand how I had contributed to my own single status. Turning 40 helped open my eyes.
Once I started dating and talking about all the men in my life, something shifted. One male friend, Mark, actually admitted he had thought I was gay and either not dealing with it or not talking about it. I must admit that conversation shook me up. For goodness sakes, if people thought I was gay, that certainly diminished my chances of begin set up on blind dates! Truth is, in the absense of information, people make stuff up as they stretch to understand your life choices.
This is a great article, as Dowd often writes. The close is positive and provacative where she asks why isn’t it possible that Kagan was coming to Washington and planning to sign up with jdate, now that she has a fancy new job. She could certainly update her linkedin profile and get noticed that way too.
Dating Over 40: Oxford PhD Married NYC “Garbargolist”
Finding Love is Possible!
Call me a mush, but this video from the New York Times site brought tears to my eyes. In case the link gets messed up – watch the video about Avery and Matt from the Style section.
Avery is extremely accomplished with a degree from Stanford and a doctorate from Oxford and her man – hauls garbage in alphabet city on the lower east side of NYC.
They met on the F train at the end of the day on Friday the 13th, apparently a very lucky day for the two of them. Avery sat down on top of Matt’s coat and they started chatting. The conversation was going well enough that when Avery’s stop came, Matt asked if she’d like to go for a drink off the train. Avery had an adventurous spirit and said the key word, “Yes”.
Don’t tell me that you are too intimidating to men. While Matt said he was intimidated, that didn’t stop him from pursuing Avery immediately. When a man sees a woman he likes, he goes for it.
Watch the whole thing so you can see his adorable marriage proposal. Fabulous!
As your over 40 dating coach, I hope you wake up after watching this video to realize that finding love is totally possible. And while you might not want to date a sanitation worker, that doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of other decent men out there who would be wonderful partners.
Get off your “Men are intimated by me” high horse and smile, strike up a conversation and consider men who you might usually ignore. They might not have the bad boy charm of George Clooney, but could still make you very happy. It’s worth the effort – ask Avery!
photo credit: Christopher Hawkins
Millionaire Matchmaker: Client’s Who Follow Patti’s Advice Find Love
Did you watch this week’s episode of the Millionaire Matchmaker? It was another great show! The theme Tuesday night was the “Bumpkin and the Bisexual.”
The Bumpkin
Somehow, this young, good looking Christian guy from Indiana (was it?) came to Patti for help finding a good match. Seems hard to believe he couldn’t find love with the help of his 50 relatives in his own backyard on the farm…Maybe its a small town. What do you want from a guy who says Pizza Hut is his favorite restaurant? He was pretty cute though.
The good news about Trevor is that he really listened to Patti’s advice and managed to select Patti’s two picks for his mini-dates. Then he went with the traditional blonde country girl for his big date at the 1-800 Flower farm. Nice setting but, uh, is Patti getting a bit commercial? Well, might as well make hay while the sun shines – that’s what they say down on the farm.
The Bisexual
Tricia is divorced and curious about dating a woman. She did have one experience in her past and thought it might be a good way to go after her husband of ten years cheated on her. Patti wasn’t totally convinced but went with the flow to provide what her client desired. At one point during the mixer, both Tricia and Trevor were talking to the same woman – that was a hoot!
After selecting the cutest macho woman out of the bunch, Tricia and her date went roller skating together, followed by dinner. There was some voice over in which Tricia admitted she wished her date had been more aggressive, so I wasn’t surprised when she told Stanger during the debriefing, that she prefers men.
Big Surprise – Patti’s Past Comes Out
Today, when I visited the Bravo site, I saw there were a bunch of new video clips from the show and one of them had been edited out from the show. There it was on the web – Patti admitting her own adventure as a bi-curious woman. Just once she says…She much prefers the staff!
It’s always something on the Millionaire Matchmaker!
I really appreciate Patti’s no nonsense approach with her clients and how she tells them like it is. When I speak with my matchmaker friends, they laugh saying if they ever spoke to clients like that – they’d have no clients! That wouldn’t work so well with some of my dating coaching clients either. Maybe when I get rich and famous like Patti Stanger….
Lori Gottlieb’s New Book – Marry Him – Creates a New Vision for Mr. Good Enough
When I first encountered Lori Gottlieb’s controversial article in the February 2008 issue of Atlantic Monthly, I hated the idea of settling and simply couldn’t get past the choice of language.
Now that I have read her new book, I can honestly say– it’s a must read for every woman over 35 looking for a husband. Read it if you have dated a lot of men and can’t find one who measures up. Read it if you can’t find any men worth dating. From either end of the spectrum, Lori’s ground-breaking book will wake you up and dramatically change the way you think about the ideal man.
This is not another “how to date” book. You won’t learn new dating skills or how to react to his phone calls, first kiss etc. Marry Him is all about getting clear on what is really important to you in a partner, beyond the typical window dressing that women want. Reading this book, you’ll discover more sensible ways to determine if a man might make a good husband and become more realistic about what makes a good marriage over the long haul. Big hint: It’s not the twinkle in his eye.
There are some incredible insights that will help you revise your strategies for looking for “the one.” The chapters are brimming with gems from social researchers at prominent universities, matchmakers, experts, dating coaches and Lori’s own epiphanies.
Gottlieb openly shares what she learned on her own search to better understand what went wrong in her dating life that kept her single. She looks at the idea of what is “good enough” in great detail to support a new vision for single women about what makes a good partner. I applaud this journey and her bravery to share it.
Here’s a sampling of the insights that Lori uncovered. See if any of this sounds similar to the way you approach dating.
How Women Get in Their Own Way
1. Feminism messed up her love life and women’s “empowerment” became synonymous with having high standards that are nearly impossible to satisfy. Also, to be strong and independent causes some confusion about the OK-ness of feeling lonely and wanting a companion and partner. Further, the “I don’t need a man” war cry, makes women seem standoffish and leaves many without a man.
2. Charisma, witty banter and fireworks may be fun qualities in a boyfriend, but stability and trustworthiness are the foundation for a good husband. There seems to be a criteria gap between the two jobs (from boyfriend to husband) making it hard for women to know what is best for them.
3. Assumptions and snap judgments limit love opportunities. Women create stories in their heads about a man which have nothing to do with the reality of who he is or what he thinks. Yet women believe their own stories more than any other possibility. Knowing less about a potential mate actually gives you a better chance of getting to know him.
4. According to social scientist Barry Schwartz from Swarthmore College, a lot of women are constantly looking over their shoulders for something better. They can date a man for years and not know if they want to marry him because a better man may come along. The longer a woman spends being indecisive, thinking there are better options, the more likely she will focus on her man’s faults.
5. Women want to date the alpha male who is nice. (That’s realistic right?) But alpha males are arrogant and self-centered, lacking the desired emotional capacity. Start accepting the fact that one human being cannot provide the level of emotional intensity that most men don’t want in the first place. In addition, think about this rationally: Does the alpha male want a strong, independent, successful woman or a woman who can focus on his career and needs?
Strategies to Improve Your Odds for Finding Love
1. Favorite quote from Evan Marc Katz, LA Dating Coach: “[Dating] reality doesn’t suck. If you didn’t have the fantasy, the reality would be just fine.” Well said Evan! Along with this, wanting a man to adore you is another fantasy that gets in your way.
2. Second favorite Evan Marc Katz quote, “Look for a reason to say ‘Yes’ rather than ‘No.’ ” It’s much easier to weed men out, but more productive to find reasons to consider a man and give him a chance. I give the same dating advice to my clients all the time!
3. Don’t waste time on men who aren’t looking for a woman like you. Duh! If you’re not in his age range or don’t have the qualities he seeks, move on to find men who do want you.
4. In the 1960’s, the top reasons to marry were: 1) raise a family; 2) economic stability; 3) have a home and yard; 4) love. Love was not first in the ’60s. Today love is first in the me generation and other reasons fall behind that. Yet, statistics show you’ll be happier if you are more realistic and adjust your expectations about what marriage and men have to offer.
5. Can you break free of your old habits to try something new? If you will only date the same type of man who didn’t work out in the past, that’s a problem. However, from this dating coach’s perspective, if you can open your eyes, mind and heart to consider other types of men, that’s when you know you might find a good match.
Get a copy of the Lori’s book Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. Read it with the mind set of allowing new dating perspectives to shift your thinking and create new methodologies. I’m happy to report that Lori is optimistic about her love prospects today. And, don’t forget my success story – I I found love at 41 (that’s Lori’s age) and married for the first time at 43.
One Thing I Would Add
Do you find it hard to visualize actually finding love with a good man? Do you wonder if you can turn things around and change your dating karma?
Not only must you open your eyes, mind and heart to men, but most importantly, you must BELIEVE THAT FINDING LOVE IS POSSIBLE. Without this fundamental belief, you won’t want to bother. And you certainly won’t try changing anything. Why put effort into something that has no chance of working out, right?
To help you remedy this self defeating thought pattern, I’m offering my audio program, I Believe: Affirmations to Attract Love Now at an incredible discount. Normally, $29.95, the “I Believe” audio program is only $12.97. This for the downloadable MP3 file only. I’ve sold nearly 100 copies this month alone. It’s my way of offering you coaching support during your search and bolstering your mind set.
The audio features three different length recordings approximately 20 minutes, 12 minutes and 6 minutes, plus a full explanation of how the process works. These affirmations were developed specifically to permeate your subconscious mind and create the belief that you can find love.
If you have trouble imagining that everything can work out for you in the love department, this audio will surely help. For $12.97, you don’t have much to lose. Get your copy now and start believing in your own romantic future.
And be sure to get your copy of Lori’s book too!
Dating Over 40: Lori Gottlieb’s New Book “Marry Him” Is Must Read
Lori Gottlieb's New Book
I am reading Lori Gottlieb’s newest book which is fantastic! About half way through, my copy is covered with tons of colorful stickies, placed to remember each little gem. That’s how many good points Lori makes. I want to buy a case of books to give one to each new client as mandatory homework.
Not All Single Women Think this Way
My review of this book will require a couple of postings since it’s rich with insights into the plight of single women, 35+ who feel all the good men are taken. Lori is speaking to just one segment of the women I deal with as an over 40 dating coach. These women want the “perfect man” or they can’t be bothered. Why should they settle for someone less then they expect or deserve?” It’s understandable why they might think this way. If you relate to this, please read on and get a copy of Lori’s book!
Having worked with women for the last eight years, I can tell you this is not the only perspective about dating and men that keeps women single. But it certainly is as significant group, whose thinking and belief system keeps them from finding the love they desire.
Chapter 2 “How Feminism F**ked Up My Love Life.”
If you’ve ever heard me speak in person or have read my blog for a while, you know I point to this fact frequently. Women today are confused because we’ve been raised to build a career and let the relationship wait if it must. Women also have to deal with newly acquired, yet traditionally masculine business skills frequently (and sadly) applied to the dating arena. Uh – that does not work!
My War Cry – Men and Women Are Equal, But Not the Same!
While men and women may be equal, women have adopted the idea that equality means we are the same. This ridiculous premise is responsible for many women being unable to get a relationship started. For example, if we are equal, then why can’t a women ask a man out, pay, call him and get the ball rolling? Women ask me this all the time.
Dating is an Archaic Mating Ritual Rooted in Survival of the Species
Unfortunately, most women who have tried being hte pursuer have failed and end up angry, frustrated and confused. Even in this day and age, dating remains an archaic, mating ritual rooted in biology and survival of the species. Men still prefer to be in charge of courtship and the chase. Nothing here has changed from the days of the caveman.
If you pursue a man and end up in a relationship, you will likely find a guy who is happy to have you do everything, make all the decision, pay for everything or all three. If this sounds good to you, go for it. But most likely – it makes the hair on the back of your neck bristle.
Competition is Not Romantic
Women want to take charge, but they also want a masculine man who is a leader, can be a good provider and most likely be more successful. These old standards are in direct conflict with being the chic-in-charge. When women want to be the leader – they compete with men, not put themselves in a romantic light. Competition is definitely not romantic. If you want a strong man, you need to ALLOW him to BE THE MAN.
Ballroom Dancing
Think about ballroom dancing. How many leaders are there in a great dance duo? Just one right? And how many followers? One as well. When you have two leaders, you get a power struggle. Conversly, with two followers, you go no where.
The ballroom dancing analogy relates only to the first 4-10 dates, until you are in the first phase of relationship. That’s when things rebalance and women and men take turns in the power seat. But if women try to pursue and use their business skills early on to get the ball rolling, most men will lose interest and drop the ball.
According to Lori – Empowerment Equals Unachievable Standards for Men
Lori talks about a different aspect of feminism than I do: how empowerment became synonymous with having high standards that are nearly impossible to achieve in real life. She says that’s exactly how so many women have empowered themselves right out of a good man. Excellent point Lori and very true!
Shift Your Perspective to Create New Opportunities
Lori exposes the deep inner workings of her mind regarding dating. Sharing her belief system could quite possibly open lots of doors for sincere readers who are willing to make changes. If you can open your mind to hear what she is saying, (and what so many of the experts she has interviewed convey as well) you will start to experience a shift of perspective. This shift can be the key to finally seeing, meeting and finding the love you want.
Tapping into many experts such as Rachel Greenwald, author of Finding a Husband after 35. Evan Marc Katz, America’s preniere dating coach and author of several books, matchmakers, and many well-known professors and researchers, Marry Him could practically be considred the new Bible for 30 something (or 40, 50, etc.) women who want to find a husband, but have not been successful so far.
Bottom line for the first half of Lori’s book: Get real or stay single. The choice is totally up to you.
More soon, so stay tuned!
Dating Over 40: Internet Dating Causes Adults to Stay Single – NOT!
Yesterday someone left a comment on my blog about a new ebook – it had a negative angle on dating. The book’s premise blamed online dating for the cause of the large American single adult population and the advent of serial dating vs. committed relationships. Huh?
There is so much noise out there in the dating business. People naturally take different approaches. Mine is a positive outlook and one that I hope inspires and informs so that you can get out there to find the love you want. On the other hand, there are experts who talk about the downside and negatives. Not sure why or what the benefit is.
But I can respond to this concept of the Internet causing more adults to be single and commitment averse.
Internet Dating Causes Adults to Stay Single – NOT!
The Internet has NOT created more adults who are single and never married. While there maybe a “candy store” mentality that some folks operate under, always wanting to try another flavor, the Internet did not create this. Here are some factors that did help create this social phenomenon of half the adult US population being single.
1. Women’s Liberation allowed women to go to work, become financially independent and take care of themselves. We no longer NEED men, but many of us still want one for the partnership, romance, and/or child rearing.
2. The Sexual Revolution made it OK to have sex without commitment. OK for men and OK for women. Remember that old adage, “Why buy the cow when the milk is free?” Well there you go – cow buying is no longer required. No, we are relying on people’s desire to commit rather than necessity for financial stability or intimacy.
3. A 60% divorce rate has generated many mid-life singles.
Serial Dating vs. Committed Long-Term Relationships
Serial dating is a symptom of something even bigger than Internet dating which is happening in our society. Today, change is the constant in our fast-paced lives. This however was not always true. People used to find a job, get married and live in the same house for life.
But, before you lament the loss of life-long partnerships, think about this:
- How many people work for one company throughout their career today vs. in the 1950′s or 60′s?
- How many people live in the same house for decades or for life?
Given these two foundational mainstays of our previous stable lifestyle, it’s not that surprising today, with all the upheaval and changes, that romantic partnerships might not last either.
When I work with my over 40 dating coaching clients or speak to singles groups, and someone brings up feeling bad about several broken relationships, here’s what I say:
“Today, change is part of life. Situations shift and end all the time. Most importantly, learn from your experiences and possible mistakes and move forward in growth to create something new and better.”
That’s my view on the state of monogamy and relationships today. The Internet is not responsible for the fickle taste of men or women. Online dating is not guilty of creating a rampant single society. And in addition, Match.com did not start women’s lib, the sexual revolution or a 60% divorce rate.
People are the cause of these situations! OK and maybe the media for creating unrealistic expectations that many hold for the opposite sex. But that is still people who are influenced by the media. We, as adults, are responsible for how we react to the world and what it offers us.
To all of you dating over 40 or dating after divorce, stop looking to place blame about what you don’t want and feel angry about. Replace that anger by thinking about what you do want and how you can make it happen. Then get out there and do something about it!
Millionaire Matchmaker – TMI Keeps Chef from Second Date
Rather than picking apart the two millionaires Patti had on the show last night, I want to talk about the dark-haired chef that both men chose initially for their mini-dates. I wish I could remember her name but it escapes me, so for now I’ll call her Chefgirl. Let me share important dating tips from this over 40 dating coach.
Chefgirl has a great smile, beauty, knows how to cook and came across with confidence in teh first impression. Unfortunately, this fell apart in the first few minutes of her 10-minute mini-date with both Tyler and Justin.
With Justin, it wasn’t long before she started talking about her eating disorder from her teens brought on by her mother’s death. Totally tragic. But, this detail about her life has no place in the first few minutes of meeting someone new. Especially with a man you want to impress. You can share this info, but later when you have started to get to know each other. (Read more about this) When my over 40 dating coaching clients tell me about their dates, I always ask what they talked about at the first meeting for this very reason.
Patti checked in with Justin to see what he thought about Chefgirl and he told her – TMI – too much information and not pleasant or up beat. Patti then shared this feedback with Chefgirl between dates, telling her to talk about subjects. But, Chefgirl didn’t get it and she proceeded to bring up her mom’s death at the beginning of her next date with Tyler, the other millionaire.
OMG! I wish I could spend one hour with Chefgirl to do some sorely needed dating coaching - her dating life would dramatically improve. What a shame with so much going for her which is exemplified by both millionaires choosing right off the bat. Then she failed the next test and couldn’t get a second date.
If you recognize yourself in this, refrain from spilling your life history and sad stories for later. Tough topics have their place, but require a foundation of connection and some intimacy before you can get to that level of sharing. Instead, keep things light and happy and smile as the guys asks you for date number two.
Dating After Divorce: Millionaire Matchmaker is Back on Bravo Tonight!
Millionaire Matchmaker
Yeah – Patti’s back with season 3! This time with a ring on her finger. Guess she finally convince her beau to poop or get off the pot. Good for her! She’s been flashing a large and quite sparkly, heart-shaped ring in the commercials announcing the first show of the new season!
Can’t wait to see her new matchmaking clients, how she coaches the difficult ones and her strategies to keep the ball rolling and make matches that stick. One thing I like about Patti is how she tells the guys when they are unrealistic – one of the biggest issues with dating today for men and women.
It’s hard to get people to manage their expectations and come to some sort of realism. The difference with Patti’s clients is that they are millionaires, so she tries to make them happy while dishing out the advice. If you got a fee of $10,000-30,000, wouldn’t you try to make your client happy too? Reality does have a different look to it when that much cash is on the line.
I’ll watch and keep you posted for sure – Can’t wait!
Dating After Divorce: MANifesting Mr. Right – The Book Works!
MANifesting Mr. Right
Before working with me, Daphne was dating Pete, a man who seemed like a good package, but over time displayed similarities to her ex-husband. Oh no. When we started dating coaching, she was still seeing him ocassionally, but no longer in a serious relationship. We talked about how much space he might be occupying in her heart and mind, but Daphne felt quite certian he wasn’t preventing her from meeting new men.
As she read my book, she came upon the page where I ask the reader to sign, making a contract with herself to make finding love a priority. Apparently Daphne took this commitment very seriously. So much so, that ever since signing, she claims things have really turned around.
First – Daphne began to re-look at her relationship with Pete and just didn’t know what to do. We came up with the solution together that she might consider letting go of him in three months. That time line tactic helped Daphne relax and it didn’t take that long for her to give him up. She recognized that he was keeping her from being truly open to new men and that didn’t coincide with her commitment to find love. Today she is free of Pete and comments on how great that feels.
Second, contrary to what so many of my over 40 dating coaching clients tell me, Daphne is meeting a large number of qualified candidates online at Match.com. While others say all men stink and there aren’t any good ones left, Daphne is having a field day. They are coming out of the woodwork just for her. Men with education, good jobs, wealth, boats, looks, etc. Go figure.
Third, Daphne is getting really good at weeding out the men who will not be a good match to make room for the guy who could be an excellent prospect. She’s not wasting time with the wrong guys, but she is giving men a chance to maximize her options. Smart Cookie that Daphne.
The point is this: while Daphne credits her current success to my book, MANifesting Mr. Right, (which I must say I do appreciate) I would say it’s her attitude, open mind, and actions that are creating this level of positive activity for her. She hasn’t met “the one” yet, but each man seems to be a bit closer to the guy she hopes to manifest.
Adopt Daphne’s attitude and see what happens for you. Make a commitment to yourself to make finding love a priority. Write a great profile (or have me help you with yours) and then get out there to meet men. Enjoy and appreciate the men even if you haven’t nmet the right one yet. You’ll likely relax knowing that it’s just a matter of time and you’ve got everything else aligned for the best dating karma possible.
Thanks Daphne for inspiring me and enjoying the journey!
Dating Over 40: BeautifulPeople.com Swims at the Shallow End of the Pool
weighing in on the issue
OMG! I just heard about this unbelievable move by a now infamous dating website. Have any of you over 40 daters heard about this?
At www.BeautifulPeople.com – members vote if you fit their beauty standards for this elite site. If that isn’t scary enough, they took this to the next level. After the holidays, management put literally thousands of members up for a revote. The reason? Possible holiday weight gain.
Guess what? 5,000 members were voted off the island!
My question is -how was this decided? Did these members have post-holiday photos up or does the site have some cyber link directly to members’ bathroom scales?
Here’s what Robert Hintze, founder of BeautifulPeople.com has to say about this action.
“As a business, we mourn the loss of any member, but the fact remains that our members demand the high standard of beauty be upheld. Letting fatties roam the site is a direct threat to our business model and the very concept for which BeautifulPeople.com was founded,” This was reported in an article about the recent demise of so many members.
Are you as shocked and befuddled as I am? Excuse me? Fatties? How fat could these people be if they got voted on in the first place. I can’t help but think this was a poorly thought out PR ploy to get attention. Like Madonna says, even bad publicity is good publicity. Do you think there are skinny folks now so curious to see if they can cut the mustard that they are lining up to be voted on? Does give one pause…
Ah, the price of beauty is very high. What a great site this must be, packed with quality members that have their priorities in order. I’m sure it’s hard to choose among the vast assortment of shallow-minded hotties.
Would you even want to be associated with such a site? Honestly, I think they did the ousted members a favor. Maybe now these singles will have a chance to find real prospects for a love based on more than the percentage of body fat.
I would most certainly advise my dating coaching clients who are dating over 40 or dating after divorce to steer clear of this dubious online community. There are plenty of other sites to find prospects. Don’t bother with this nonsense!
Care to weigh in on this one?
Oh my, sorry for the pun there – just couldn’t help myself!
photo credit: playingwithbrushes
Dating Over 40: Top 10 Romantic Movies with Happy Endings
I’m a sucker for a movie with a happy ending.
And I’ll avoid almost any movie without one. There’s already too much hard ache in the world - why would I pay to see more?
So, as my New Year’s gift to you, I wanted to share my Top 10 Favorite Romantic Movies. It’s a great way to get inspired about finding love in the New Year. I have assigned several of these as homework for my over 40 dating coaching clients.
1. Something’s Gotta Give
Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson – dating after 50 – awesome dating movie that I often assign as homework! Watch Diane transform herself from being cut off and unapproachable to a desirable women – from her clothing to her attitude about men.
2. Kiss Me Goodbye
Sally Field and James Caan – He’s her dead husband who comes back as a ghost before she marries again.
3. Someone Like You
Ashley Judd and Hugh Jackman – Love angst, understanding men creatively with the “New Cow Theory” and happy ending!
4. Dangerous Beauty
15thcentury Venice courtesan falls in love. Gorgeous sets and costumes brings you back to the Renaissance. Story of a woman with power during a time when women were nothing. Invigorating!
5. Kate and Leopold
Meg Ryan and Hugh Jackman – Advertising Exec struggles with career, men and love. Throw in some time travel, an ex boyfriend and love from an age gone by to make you smile.
6. Much Ado About Nothing
Shakespeare’s play made into a movie. Easy to follow and light-hearted fun. Kenneth Branagh, Emma Thompson, Denzel Washington. Great love story with twist
7. Holiday
Cameron Diaz switches houses for a vacation witha woman in England because of love gone bad with unlikely but really fun happy ending.
8. Shakespeare in Love
Story about Shakespeare and how he falls in love with an actor during the play Romeo and Juliette. Great scenery and costumes again fro the Renaissance. Gwyneth Paltro
9. Chances Are
Cybil Shepard and Robert Downey Jr. - Story about reincarnation and love with plenty of humor and fun twists.
10. Practical Magic
Story about modern day good witches and love with Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman
Dating Over 40: 8 Love Lessons for Hanukkah – Limited Time ebook
8 Love Lessons for Hanukkah
Hanukkah starts tonight! This Jewish holiday, also referred to as the Festival of Lights, features the menorah with nine candles. One candle for each day and a nineth to light the others.
The historical event remembered dates back to ancient history when Judah Macabee lead his people to a victory over a group of agressors. during the battle, the temple lamp oil lasted for eight days (even though only enough for one day) while waiting for a fresh supply.
To celebrate, I have a special Hanukkah gift for my readers. Whether you are single and Jewish or not, please feel free to download my newest ebook: 8 Love Lessons for Hanukkah. Inside you’ll find eight savvy dating tips for all single women (one for each day of the holiday). It’s not just about Jewish dating and Jewish singles; these lessons can be applied by any single woman looking for a romantic partner.
You can download your copy here. And please feel free to share the ebook with your single girlfriends, coworkers, and family members who might enjoy and benefit from the suggestions to improve their dating results. Send them here to download a copy of the book for themselves!
It’s my way of shedding light on the subject of finding love during the holiday season.
Dating Over 40: NY Times Article Looks at Cougars & Mentions New Book with My Chapter
If you are interested in the cougar phenomenon, the NY Times ran a very interesting article that includes authorities from many research studies around the country. The article, entitled “Rethinking the older woman-younger man relationship” is lengthy and filled with surprising statistics about this new trend that began with the stars and is now part of real life.
At the very end, the author mentions the new book with my chapter – Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am, by Linda Franklin. How exciting! Her book does take a fresh look at women over 40, not as preying on younger men, but as being smart, sexy, independent women proud to be over 40. That’s hard to argue with if you ask me! What over 40 women doesn’t want to be described this way?
Linda Franklin encourages women to live full, rich lives and to go for their dreams. This is a positive and empowering message. Since her background is financial, the final chapters are devoted to managing your money and she offers lots of great advice.
Feeling cougar-like or willing to admit you’re a wanna be? Great – pick up your copy today.
Dating Over 40: Review of New Book – Prince Harming Syndrome
Karen Salmansohn’s new book, Prince Harming Syndrome is a must read for women who tend to choose men with similar flaws. Some of my over 40 dating coaching clients refer to this problem as “having a broken picker”. Whatever you call it, if you are a woman who goes for the bad boys who treat your poorly, buy this book immediately.
Here’s why…
Karen has masterfully outlined every detail about being attracted to the wrong men and how to turn things around. The back cover of her book states: “Do you sometimes feel as if you’re wearing a KICK ME sign on your heart? If so, you are not alone. Unfortunately, there are far too many women who suffer from PRINCE HARMING SYNDROME – the tendency to become involved in troubled relationships.”
Let me give you a peek inside. I was entranced from the very first sentence:
“Once upon a time I suffered from what I call PRINCE HARMING SYNDROME - the tendency to date what I call “bad boys”, charismatic, smart, funny successful, handsome guys who seem like great catches until they suddenly erupt into a rage over innocuous things (like my not making the bed, my being 10 minutes late, my joking with a male waiter) – or these bad boys would simply prove to be dishonest cheaters.”
Sound familiar?
I cannot tell you how many of my over 40 dating coaching clients or those dating after divorce insist on instant chemistry with a man and this is often the result – bad boys who treat them poorly. But Karen’s explanation of what this is all about and her step-by-step process to change your habits and romantic luck is truly breakthrough.
In chapter 1, Karen fully explains how and why the Law of Attraction and affirmations work and exactly how you should put this system to work for you – by writing your own happily ever after story.
Chapter 2 outlines the five essential personality traits to look for in a real Prince Charming. Strong character isn’t descriptive enough since Stalin, Hitler and Napoleon all had this quality, but um, we don’t want to date them (OK they are dead, but you get the idea.) Plus Karen explains warning signs to watch out for – very helpful!
In chapter 6, the author explains the changes you want to consider making to attract a Prince Charming of your own. Every detail makes complete sense and is sound advice that will work for your life regardless of circumstances. For example, why raising your self esteem and self-love are the most powerful attraction magnets around.
In chapter 8, Karen helps you trouble shoot relationship issues with suggestions that address each one. She says, “Love at first sight is easy. It’s love at 1001 sight that can be very difficult.” Good point. To stay the course takes work and Karen shares insights that will help you survive and thrive including three savvy strategies for handling conflict.
In chapter 9, Salmansohn provides reasons why you might need to break up with your current Prince to reach for higher ground. She is thorough and supportive in every explanation and yet also cautions women in chapter 10 not to be the type of woman always throwing back the man hoping to catch a bigger/better one.
What I love about this instructional volume is how no stone has been left unturned. Karen addresses everything you can imagine with humor and sound advice that any woman can ingest and follow. The book is a quick read and yet is something to be savored as you learn about yourself, the ways of Prince Harmings and begin to apply the strategies for success.
Prince Harming Syndrome offers a recipe for avoiding future Prince Harmings and finding your true Prince Charming. I recommend this to all my over 40 dating coaching clients and any woman who is dating after divorce. Get your copy on Amazon
Dating Over 40: Read My Chapter in The Real Cougar Woman Handbook
Are you curious about the cougar lifestyle? What is it all about? From finances to romance, this new book by Linda Franklin covers it all. And my secrets for a real cougar woman love life are in chapter 9! I’m so excited to be a part of this fabulous new book which is already getting rave reviews on Amazon.
Linda Franklin, the founder of The Real Cougar Woman, has an interesting story to tell. She was the first Canadian woman to own a seat on the New York Stock Exchange and manage an all-male trading department for a leading Wall Street firm. She left the “old boys club” to start Real Cougar Woman and discover the secrets that make an over 40 woman look and feel fabulous. Today Linda helps thousands of women unleash their Real Cougar.
Chapters include topics like soul searching, hormones, sex, financial independence, anti-aging and love among others! Linda’s definition of being a Real Cougar varies a bit from the TV hype and tacky shows like Cougar Town. Instead, the author encourages women to be smart, sexy, independent and proud to be over 40! She takes a very positive and healthy approach to this feline look at maturing and falling in love with life.
This is sure to zoom to the best seller list and I am thrilled to be a part of things. I consider myself a cougar because I was over 40 when I met my husband who is four years younger (and he always will be darn it! But hey, it’s only a number right?)
Get your copy on Linda’s site or at Amazon It’s the purr-fect thing for women over 40!
