Dating Over 40: How to Make the Most of a Singles Dance

I bet you ‘ve been to a singles dance or two and thought it was just horrible. When I was dating, I go  every six months. It was always a drama scene. First I had to pick out the right outfit, I’d try everything on in my closet, finally settle on something, but already felt like I’d been through the emotional wringer.

Then I’d go to meet a bunch of girlfriends at the dance.  We’d stand towards the back or near the wall in a group, surveying the men. Rarely did we see someone we felt was worth even thinking about. No one would get asked to dance and we’d end the night pledging to never go again.

Sound familiar? Well this is not the way to meet people at a singles dance!

If you are serious about meeting new men, here is exactly how to do it. Follow these 5 steps that I share with my dating coaching clients and I guarantee you will be asked to dance. When I got serious and followed these steps, I would sometimes dance all night with different men!

1. Wear something that makes you feel sexy and beautiful
If you can’t think of anything in your closet like that , go shopping today. Dating after divorce can be hard, so this is a step to shore up your confidence. Once you know you have a couple of the right outfits, you’ll never go through that emotionally draining try-on-everything scenario which is worth avoiding to keep your energy upbeat  and happy.

2. Get into the right mind-set
It’s just one night. It’s just one dance. Take the pressure off. What I suggest to my dating coaching clients is to decide  to meet new people, not Mr. Right. This way, you are free to meet a lot more people without worrying if each man is the perfect guy. Meeting lots of new people, even women is the recipe for finding love today.

3. Go with friends, but don’t  hang with them all night
Of course you can go with friends, but don’t cling to each other all night! Walk around alone for a while to make it easy for men to  meet you. Go to the bar and get a drink on your own. Walk to the ladies room by yourself. Men don’t like walking up to a bunch of women to ask one to dance. That’s the surest way to not meet anyone. So hang out with yoru friends, then separate and go it alone  throughout the evening.

4. Position yourself for success
Stand at the edge of the dance floor, smile tap your foot and look ready to go. This will show men that you are ready for a partner and to dance. I tell my dating coaching clients – Make it easy for men by demonstrating your interest in getting out there.

5. Be friendly and say “Yes”
The best way to dance with lots of different men is to say “Yes” to as many as you can. My dating coaching clients are surprised how well this works. Why? Because other men are watching to see how you reject their peers! Are you mean? Do you turn away everyone? Do you seem nice and open to dancing? What messages are you sending?

You can have some criteria of course. Mine was I’d dance with any man who didn’t smell or have bad teeth. And, I didn’t dance to slow dances. If a guy asked, I’d tell him to come back and ask again when the music was more upbeat.

Of the 30 men I dated, three came from singles dances. If you are dating over 40 or dating after divorce, why not add it to your action plan to see who you might meet? Follow this 5-step plan and dance the night away!

Dating After Divorce: School’s Out for Summer! Get Your Social Life Moving

So it’s the last day of June and everyone is finally done with school for the year. Now let the fun begin! That means mom’s too!

What will you do on your “summer vacation”? What new things will you try? What new places will you visit? Who will you meet?

Try this exercise right now”

Imagine that it’s Labor Day and you are looking back over the entire  summer.
What did you learn?
What do you wish you had done differently?
Did you have fun?
Did you meet new people?
Did you talk to lots of men?
Did you flirt and leverage your feminine charm?
How do you feel now?
Any regrets?

This is a very powerful exercise. Particularly true if you don’t want to look back with regrets. Summer is THE TIME FOR SOCIALIZING! Are you making plans? Calling friends, Searching the web and newspaper for local singles events you can attend? You better be!

When you choose me as dating coach, count on me to hold your feet to the romance fire. You are accountable and responsible for  your own summer enjoyment. That means if you want something to happen, get out there! Start planning. Meet new friends. Go to BBQs, the beach, the park. Walk, jog, bike, kayak. and more than anything else, smile and be friendly to EVERYONE.

If you live in the  northern part of the country, warm weather only comes around once a year. don’t let it slick through your fingers like you have in the past. The clock is ticking on your romantic life.

Wouldn’t you love to look back at a ton of fun?
Wouldn’t you feel good knowing you took a shot and got out there?
Wouldn’t you be happy with yourself if you tried at least three new things?
Wouldn’t you be thrilled to have had 5 dates with new men?

You can do it!

This summer belongs to you. Use it wisely. Make it all worthwhile. Take a few calculated risks to move your social life ahead.

No guts, no glory girlfriend. Yes, I am most definitely talking to you. Yes You!

Take out a sheet of paper and make a list right now of five things you will try. Promise yourself and me, your dating coach, that you will do everything in your power to make them come true.

You are in charge. Take advantage of your freedom and sex appeal babe. Use it or lose it.

Tick tock.

photo credit: Claudia_Ar

Dating After Divorce: Would Recently Divorced Women Want Pre-Dating Support?

I met a friend for lunch yesterday who was encouraging me to offer a support group for recently divorced women who want to find love again, but might not be ready to get out there quite yet.

At first I questioned her about what I could cover in a group like this. As we talked, Sharon explained she had made so many mistakes after her divorce and she wished she could have had access to someone like me. Having a knowledgeable dating coach in her corner would have saved her a lot of heart break and angst, even before she got started.

Interesting idea. So many women want to know where to meet men. That is often the very first question popping into their minds. However, as a coach for women dating over 40 or dating after divorce, I know there are several crucial steps that come before where to find and meet men.

For example, are you open to men? Do you feel bitter, angry, disillusioned, or very guarded? Will you flirt with men or do you think this is simply unnecessary? How is your self-esteem? Do you have the confidence to handle rejection that is part of the dating process? Do you understand the opposite sex enough to navigate the emotional waters of the dating arena?

In such a group, we could discuss:
- Beliefs and attitudes about men that will prevent a good connection
- How to reduce or drop your baggage?
- How to open your eyes, heart and mind to love and men?
- How to shore up and strengthen your self-image and build dating confidence?
- What to avoid in conversation or in your online profile?
- What to expect with online dating?
- How to read between the lines of men’s profiles and emails?
- How to be savvy about using this method to meet men?
- How to establish your dating IQ so you’re savvy about the  singles’ scene?
- Do you have a support network for advice and to help when you over think a situation?
- Do you have a dating buddy to motivate you and go out to meet men with?

The more I think about this – the better an idea it seems…

If you’re a single women who is recently divorced and have more ideas on what would be good for me to cover, please share them with me. Leave a comment so I can know what people need and want to help them get ready and be smart about getting out there.

This does make a lot of sense – having a solid foundation and a basic dating IQ would provide a better foundation or jumping off spot for dating than simply striking out on your own. Thanks Sharon for your input! Girlfriends are great!

Dating Over 40: Too Much Debt and Lbs.Keep Men Away

Dear Ronnie – The Dating Coach,

I hear about so many women complaining that they have a great job, a beautiful home, etc., but they still can not meet a good man. Well that’s very troubling to me because I don’t even have those things going for me. I have lots of financial debt.  I know how I got there and am working on it, but its not so easy. Plus, men look negatively at you when you have debt.

Another problem is that it takes money to get involved with activities, socialize and go out. The financial strain cuts down on dating sites too. I know there are free sites, but that is a major pool of married men and men not looking to get serious, that’s why they go for the free stuff.

Even worse, men are just not interested when you are overweight. I got plenty of attention when I was slim but now with the weight on, the attention is drastically different. So here I am, struggling with debt, limited resources and too many lbs. Obviously I can not afford a dating coach, so how do you help people like me to feel hopeful?

Feeling hopeless in Kansas

Dear Ms. Kansas,

My heart goes out to you for your struggles. Your situation isn’t an easy one. And it seems both your weight and debt are affecting your outlook on life, attitude towards men and dating.

One thing I know for sure is that working on improving yourself and your situation can really help boost your self-esteem. I encourage my dating coaching clients to start their journey by loving and appreciating themselves. All love starts within, that’s why the best way to find love is to start by loving yourself.

So let me ask you a few questions…

- What steps can you take to appreciate who you are?
- What steps can you take to improve your financial situation?
- What steps can you take to improve how you feel about your looks?
- What steps can you take to improve your appearance?

By focusing on these things, you will experience the benefits and positive changes. When you take care of yourself, you  honor yourself and your self –esteem rises automatically. And a confident person is always far more attractive.

I have another question. How do men know about your debt? You cannot be shunned because of debt if a man doesn’t know about it. I advise my dating coaching clients to keep  their financial situation (good or bad) to themselves until things start to get more serious. Then, if it seems appropriate, you can tell your man about your financial situation. Truth is, this is no one’s business but your own unless you are combining finances.

I gave the same advice to a woman who was a cancer survivor. Everyone has problems, but you don’t want to shine a big spotlight on them. You lead by putting your best foot forward and highlighting your best assets. This is not being deceitful at all. It is simply a matter of presenting yourself in a good and positive light.

You may have some problems, but no one is completely problem free. Everyone has issues and absolutely no one is perfect.

So, my advice to you is to focus on yourself for a while until you build your self-esteem and start feeling better about yourself. Make some headway on your finances and your weight if you like, and then get out there and start flirting!

Wishing you love,

Ronnie

 photo credit: TW Collins

Dating Over 40: Just Starting Again at 54 – What’s the Best Way to Start?

Dear Over 40 Dating Coach,

I need to start getting out there again. I am divorced, 54 and have been unemployed for 18 months. I haven’t spent much time looking to date since I’ve been focusing on the job hunt.  But I’m ready to start doing something.  What would be a good first outing? 

Thanks,
Ready to Start

Hi Ready,
Where to start? Good question! A lot of my over 40 dating coaching clients ask me this same question.

Much depends on your attitude and outlook. And where you live determines what type of events are available.

Another question is do you have a friend to go with? A dating buddy can make things easier at first. But it’s not a requirement and you can go alone – I did!

But, without more info, I’d recommend a singles dances. They are usually low cost and certainly low risk. And if you like to dance -  potentially fun! Singles dances don’t require any commitment – you just show up and dance when asked. Very simple.

But here’s where the attitude comes in…

To make the most of the event, here are some tips that will make all the difference. These tips are all about your attitude at the dance and how you interact with men.

1. Stand at the edge of the dance floor with a smile, tap your foot and look ready to go. Don’t cling to your girlfriends. Walk around or stand near the dance floor by yourself part of the time to make it easy for men to approach you.

2. Say “Yes” to as many men as possible. Other men are watching how you respond and who you reject before they approach you. Men don’t like to be rejected so they look for women who seem low risk and friendly. So be nice!

3. Don’t expect to meet the man of your dreams – just appreciate meeting new people. This is a great opportunity to get used to the singles scene again and get  your feet wet at a low pressure event.

The more experience you have, the more comfortable you’ll be maneuvering at singles events. Being comfortable signals confidence which is a very attractive quality to both men and women.

4. Be as friendly as possible to everyone you meet – you never know who those people might know! I met my husband because I was nice when I met his sister. She liked me enough to suggest a blind date with her brother!

Everyone there might have a son, nephew, brother, colleague, neighbor, uncle, father, etc. who they could introduce you to.

5. If you danced a few times – think of it as a good night and be willing to go again! Someone new will attend each event so give things more than one attempt before you cross it off your “dance card.” 

Personally, I dated three guys who I met at singles dances. And yet, before I got out there on my dating journey with the right attitude – I hated dances! No one ever asked me to dance and I rarely met anyone.

Why is that? Because I stood against the wall with my girlfriends and complained the whole night. Not very attractive . Plus, I didn’t make it easy for the men to approach me since I was rarely alone.  

Attitude and outlook are everything on the singles scene. Smile, be friendly and decide that you are open to meeting new people. Then, let it go and see what happens. Deny your preconceived notions and just be willing to go with the flow. This is the recipe for enjoying singles dances.

Wishing you love,

Ronnie Ann Ryan - The Over 40 Dating Coach

 photo credit mharrsch

Dating Over 40: Try Multiple Ways to Meet Prospects

Talking to Sharon about her search for love, she stated boldly that her dating action plan solely focused on web dating. As a new over 40 dating coaching client, Sharon is in the beginning stages of meeting men.

While I think it’s great to have a plan and feel committed to it, I am also a big believer in a plan that uses several methods for meeting prospects. Yet, I didn’t want to discourage her about the approach she chose. Gently, I did suggest that while the Internet offers one of the quickest methods for meeting new guys, she should probably consider additional venues. She wasn’t crazy about the idea, but I let it drop for the time being.

Two weeks later, Sharon shared her online dating results with some disappointment. Seems there aren’t that many options in the small state she lives in. She expressed concern over not finding enough prospects and even though only two weeks had gone by, she was immediately discouraged.

I understand believe me. And while I still feel the Internet definitely has something to offer her, I reminded Sharon of how I had suggested trying additional methods in conjunction with the web. “Oh yeah, I remember, ” replied Sharon.  Suddenly this advice was making sense and sinking in.

The good thing about the Internet is that it gives you fast entry  to the dating world and excellent practice, especially if you have been out of circulation for a while.  While 12% of marriages today come from Internet dating, that still leaves 88% that do not.  Is online dating a good tool? ABSOLUTELY! But its not the only one in your tool box so to speak.

For Sharon, I recommended she look into singles dances, see if speed dating was an option in her area, and to check out the meetup.com groups.  Sharon doesn’t have children, but if she did, she could look into Parents Without Partners as well, which is a national organization. And I know they are often open to singles who don’t have children too.

Beyond these groups and singles events, there is still another excellent option which Sharon was not considering. What else could she take advantage of? How about her environment and flirting with the men she comes in contact with on a daily basis?

Sharon claims she is not a good flirt and is more than out of practice – she just doesn’t do it. I encouraged her to give it a try and start to make this a practice. It’s a great way to interact with men and I guarantee it will add a lot of spontaneous encounters, smiling and fun!

I know this works and you do too. Evidence is astonishing – such as women who meet their man at the dog park, at the grocery store, at a bar, or even walking out of a store. I know women who have met their men through these casual encounters and chance meetings.

Old fashioned friendliness can be a superb method for meeting new men. Even though the men may not be qualified (i.e. you aren’t sure if they are single) being open, warm and friendly makes you more approachable. When you make this a daily practice, you get really good at it – and then you’ll be more confident and at ease at singles events where the men are qualified (i.e. single and looking.)

My advice to singles over 40 and those dating after divorce is this: Don’t rely on one particular method to meet new people. Mix things up and be sure to swim in a number of “pools”  to give yourself maximum exposure. Prince Charming is out there, but he needs to cross your path to find you.  Make it easy for him and make yourself available!

photo credit: mydimension

Dating After Divorce – I Don’t Know Where to Start

If you have just recently come through a divorce, or are in the process, you may be starting to think about dating. As a dating coach for women over 40, I meet a lot of people in this situation.

Many women are concerned about being vulnerable again. Some are afraid all the men will be cheaters or liars. Some are desperate to find love again to heal the pain of their recent rejection. But still, many recently divorced women need help knowing how to get back into circulation.

Step 1 -  Do Some Healing First
My advice is to start with some healing work. Before you go out there, it helps to be on solid more ground emotionally. This might require the passage of  time and therapy. You might want to join a divorce support group. Other healing methods include body work such as massage or Reiki, or energy balancing. Prayer, meditation and visualization can be very productive as well for healing. All of these techniques will help you recover from the emotional pain of divorce.

Why do this first? Well, if you are not healed to some point, you will be at risk of low self-esteem. This can translate into making poor choices regarding prospects. Sometimes people choose partners that have similar flaws.  Or you might not know how to maintain proper boundaries for your own self-preservation. When your self-esteem is intact, you can handle rejection better as well.

Step 2 – Relax and Date Casually
The next step is to get out there and see what’s going on. Think about what personality characteristics might be a good match for you. Notice the types of people you meet and feel attracted to.  Discover who is attracted to you. Get comfortable striking up conversations, flirting and interacting with men.

Do all this with a more relaxed and casual attitude rather than launching into a serious search for “the one.” Hold off until you get your feet wet. This continues to promote your healing process and allows you to make better decision as you  learn about the new single you.

Where do you find the men? Online, at singles dances, singles events, singles volunteer groups, speed dating, matchmakers, blind dates, singles meetup groups, etc. Going to bars or taking classes  will not offer you the quantity of single men you need to meet. I’m not saying not to do things you like. But, you will need to attend singles-oriented events to find plenty of single men to sample.

Step 3A – Get Clear on What Qualities Will Work and Stick to That
Be discerning about who you date in this next phase. Now that you have a better idea of what may work for you as a good match, date men to get to know them and don’t be afraid to let a man go when he doesn’t meet your needs or treat you well.

  

Step 3B – Be Clear on What You Want, But Give Men a Chance
Sometimes women get crystal clear on what they want and this can be too limiting. That’s why I have created two angles on this step to address both extremes. If you are too picky, you may never find the right guy because you are looking for perfection. There is only one Donald Trump and one George Clooney.

Most men can’t measure up to this standard, so you may need to loosen up a bit and be more realtistic to meet more men. The more men you meet, the better your chances of finding a good match – someone who has an open heart to love, who is honest, loyal, financially stable, attractive, fun, communicative, etc.

Dating After Divorce Can Be Fun!
Dating at any time can be trying depending on your attitude. If you truly believe that you will find love again, your chances are excellent. On the other hand, if you think all the good men are taken and everyone else is a loser – you will find that to be true.

The best advice I can offer as a dating coach, is to get out there, relax and have fun. There are always more men. So, if a good one gets away, relax and know there are plenty more where he came from. Smile, be friendly, and enjoy dating after divorce. If you’re enjoying yourself, you will be far more attractive!

photo credits:  Donald = Eric Rhoads, George = Sebastian Neidlich

Over 40 Dating: How Come Men Are My Friends, But Don’t Ask Me out?

Dear Ronnie,

I am a very friendly woman of 51. People say I’m attractive. I’m easy to talk to and make new friends quickly.  I happen to have a lot of male friends and find it easy to be “one of the boys.” Growing up with a lot of brothers makes that come naturally to me.

But from a romantic stand point, I’m not as fortunate. How can I get the guys to ask me out rather than just think of me as one of their buddies?

Thanks for your insights – Deb

Dear Deb,

I’ve had other dating coaching clients complain about this same thing. This can be a frustrating situation because the men obviously like you. But as tweens would say, how can you get the guys to “like you like you?”

#1  Do You Think of Yourself as a Desirable Woman?
A lot has to do with how you see yourself when you interact with men. Do you see yourself as the younger sister? Do you see yourself as the buddy? Or do you see yourself as an alluring, desirable woman who can hang with the guys? Because that’s a “whole nother ball game” if you catch my drift.

Your own feelings of being desirable are crucial to how men interact with and see you. Those are the “vibes” that you telegraph non-verbally and energetically. So step #1 is to work on the inside to tap into your feminine charm and allure.

#2 Do You Shift into “Supportive Friend” Mode?
Sometimes women become a sounding board and shoulder to cry on right away in an effort to connect and be compassionate. This is a great technique for building friendships, but not great for romance. Many women like to help stray puppies or wounded men to get over a past relationship. Even if this turns into a relationship, often men move on once they feel sufficiently better.

Nothing wrong with listening. Just try not to rescue every man you meet. That’s not a good recipe for romance.

#3 Are You Rugged and Independent?
If you act like one of the boys – tough, rugged, independent, and completely capable of taking care of everything yourself, then you aren’t showing much vulnerability  Most men want to feel needed.

Now it’s great to be independent, don’t get me wrong. But some women advertise this fact – which unfortunately is not attractive. Not being clingy and needy is one thing. But a woman who appreciates a man and could use his help is just more attractive. So, in this case, the answer is to be a bit more vulnerable. Ask for help – even if you just need him to reach something for you.

Deb, think about these three items and see where you net out. If you can work on these areas, you may find that the men start to see you differently, and thus consider you for the romantic partner you want to be.

Wishing you love,

Ronnie

photo credit: kelvin

Dating After Divorce: Is Procrastination is Keeping You from Meeting Your Mate?

Do you procrastinate? I’ll admit that I do for somethings.  I certainly procrastinated about looking for a man in my 30′s. In fact I didn’t just procrastinate, I did almost nothing. I went to the occasional singles dance and usually went home depressed. That’s about it.

I was very social during my 30′s with lots of girlfriends. But we never did anything together to meet men. We went to dinner, took vacations, attended workshops and the theatre. But rare was the focus  on man hunting.

The results? Nothing to speak of. I didn’t do much so how much could I expect as results? I just kept thinking it would happen, you know, naturally. Looking back I can see what an error in thinking that was.

Yesterday my friend Carol sent me this quote by Victor Kiam

                             ”Procrastination is the assassin of opportunity.”

Thanks Victor. You make a good point.

The question is – is your love life a victim of procrastination? Summer is the best time of year to mingle and meet men. With outdoor patio bars teaming, BBQ and picnics rampant, and everyone getting outside – you have a plethora of opportunities to find prospects! Are you leveraging the social possibilities or procrastinating?

for me, I didn’t start meeting men until I made a conscious effort to do so. I had to get out there and take part in activities where I knew single men would be. I met lots of men and I made some new single women friends too! Everything event I attended brought me one step closer to finding my husband.

The same is true for you. Every event you attend, every picnic, singles dance, speed dating event, blind date, Internet coffee date – they all work in your favor to find love.

“Make hay while the sun shines.” That’s another oldie but goodie saying. In CT it may not be so sunny. But the events are happening any way.  Which leaves you only two choices:

1. Get out there to mingle and meet prospects
2. Hang back, procrastinate, and do nothing to create a love life this summer

Of course this momentous choice is all yours. And as a dating coach and former single gal who found love, my hope for you is that you’ll choose door #1.

This might be your most fun flirty summer ever!

And if you need a kick in the panties, I’m running a workshop via conference call beginning Sunday night July 12th from 8-9pm east coast time. Four calls to get you excited and motivated, create a plan for prospecting, learn new flirting tips, and get the support and encouragement you need to do something to change your single status. Read more here

Call me to sign up at 203-877-3777.  Just $99 for all four sessions and a copy of my book MANifesting Mr. Right. I’m here to help!

photo credit freebird

Dating Over 40: How to Have More Dates than Ever

The more I read, the more clients I work with, the more clear things become. The recipe for finding love has revealed itself to me. I will share it here and now. Come closer so I can whisper the secret in your ear.

• Let go of your ideas of perfection
• Stop getting in your own way
• Say yes more than you say no
• Open your heart to love and men
• Allow yourself to be vulnerable, yet savvy
• Don’t listen to all that inner chatter
• Date just to tell a new story
• Appreciate and enjoy men
• When one situation doesn’t work out, ask yourself – who’s next?
• Connect with your inner Goddess and unleash your allure
• Let your irresistible nature show
• Know that you are worthy of love
• Believe that finding love is possible for you

This may seem like a long list, but most tips fall into only two categories

1. Love and be yourself
2. Let go fo fear, take the pressure off and just date

Does it surprise you to seem so simple? Is it possible that dating to find the right man could be so basic? What if all you had to do is follow these two rules?

If you could find a way to start fresh and follow these two elementary guidelines, would you?

It might seem easier when read then to implement, but it is totally possible. All that is required is a decision that you can make in the snap of your fingers. Make the decision. Start today, right now.

Then put on something pretty including your smile and get out there.

Dating Over 40: Could the Biggest Obstacle to Finding Love Be You?

Yesterday was very unusual because I ran not one but two workshops! One was a private home party in the morning. The other was the last of the series in the Spring 100 Day Challenge.

What struck me after doing two workshops in one day was the high level of resistance in some of the participants. Wow!  Here are some of their concerns which I bet will sound incredibly familiar:

• I don’t feel comfortable talking to men I don’t know.
• I don’t want to waste time with the wrong guys 
• I don’t want to go to singles events (just a bunch of losers).
• I can’t flirt because I feel foolish.                  (Photo Tanya & Steve)
• I really don’t have time to date. I know my schedule and I can’t fit in anything more.
• I don’t go to singles dance because they are  meat markets.                                                                                   
• I can’t talk to just any guy because how do I know he doesn’t just want to sleep with me?

Ouch! That’s a lot to handle  for this dating coach when you roll them all into one day. But this is what I think…

Evidence of Resistance – I Can’t, I Don’t
When I look at the list, one thing that stands out  is “I don’t and I can’t.” That is resistance pure and simple. Putting up road blocks  from the word go.  Limiting yourself to only doing things that feel comfortable. Not much change will occur with these ideas.

If  It’s Not Working, Stop Doing It
When you do the same thing over and over, and don’t get the results you want – that’s a message. When what you normally do isn’t working which causes you to complain a lot,  stop doing it!  If you want new results, if you want something different to happen – you will have to  DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

Who Says You Have to Be Comfortable all the Time?
Growth is not always comfortable. Neither is learning a new skill. Think about learning a new language. When you first start- you are guaranteed to sound like a fool. Does that stop you? Not usually. Why? Because you know you are trying something new and you are likely to feel foolish until you get some practice in.

No One Ever Died from Flirt Failure
Same thing applies to dating. It’s a skill. You won’t likely feel comfortable talking to men, trying a speed dating event, flirting at the bank until you try it and discover you will survive. No one ever died from flirt failure.

 Not only will you survive but you will discover it can be a whole lot of F-U-N! Remember fun? Fun is brought on by spontaneity, creativity, loosening up on the tight controls and going for it.

Your Comfort Zone is Killing Your Dreams
If you want to find love, you have got to get out of your own way. Your comfort zone will keep you locked into behaviors that are comfortable but don’t produce results. If you are making the effort to find love, why not be productive?  Push yourself to try something new.

• Go to speed dating
• Try a singles dance
• Check out a Parents Without Partners meeting
• Flirt with a stranger – it’s harmless
• Smile at a man who is smiling at you

No Downside to Being Friendly
Try being friendly. It doesn’t hurt – honest. And it will produce results. Some of my clients apply these ideas and make lots of new women friends – that’s good too! Plus, they may know other men. And a new girlfriend can be your dating buddy so you have someone to go out with. There is no downside to being friendly – it can only  improve your life.

Your Love Life Hinges on Being Friendly and Trying Something New
Hey -it’s only your love life hanging in the balance. Ask yourself – what am I willing to do? If you answer not much, then you don’t really care about love. And you know what? That is perfectly acceptable. It’s totally up to you.

But if your heart sinks when you think about living the rest of your life alone – get committed! Try something new. Flirt, smile and go to events. Meet as many new people as possible . The warm weather is here so people are naturally friendlier. Get in the game. Start today.

You don’t want to look back and realize the biggest obstacle to finding love was you.

Over 40 Dating: I’m So Excited about My First Date, But I Don’t Want to Appear Desperate

 

Dear Dating Coach,

I met this really great, attractive guy (via Match) who I had a wonderful dinner date with this past weekend . I’ve never met a Match.com guy like this. Usually there’s no spark, but I’d give many guys the three date try as you suggest in MANifesting Mr. Right. But this date was really great! Sparks, laughter, and smart, conversation.

Mr. Wonderful emailed to say that it was one of the best 1st dates he’s ever had. (me too!) He asked me to go out again next weekend. Wow this is fun. I just worry that my enthusiasm could appear as desperation, I don’t scare him off. I’m not desperate, just excited to meet someone like him.

Any advice???
Ms. Wonderful

Dear Ms. Wonderful,

First off – yeah on a great first date! Next, take some deep breaths. Be excited, but not with him. Share that excitement with your friends.

Not to rain on your parade, but being a veteran myself and based on all the women I coach, it’s so important to keep things in perspective. Yes you had a great date, yeah!

But it’s only one so far, even if it does look promising.

Time will tell. You have a lot more data gathering to do and observing.

This is the exact reason why I recommend volume dating – so you don’t over focus on any one guy.

The best thing I can tell you believe it or not is to distract yourself. If you find yourself thinking about him too much, read a book, talk to friends, exercise, watch a movie, start a new project, even go on a date with someone else.

If it works out, there’s no downside to guarding your heart, and if it doesn’t – well then it was a wise move.

On your next date, be your happy enjoyable self, but be sure not to gush or over share. You can say you’re having a great time. You can compliment and praise him. But don’t over do it. As you know when someone pours on the compliments and excitement too thick – it can repel. And even worse it can come across as INSINCERE

Nothing is tougher or more fun than the beginning of a new potential relationship. Mr. Wonderful has a lot of proving to do still before you know for sure that he is the one.

My advice is to take things slowly. At the very least the Universe has now shown you that you are ready to attract the men you want – that is very big!

Wishing you love,
Ronnie – The Dating Coach

Dating Over 40: First Date Scheduling Difficulties

Dear Ronnie,

I have been communicating with this one guy on Match that in the virtual world seems like a good fit for me. We’ve been trying to meet however because of our schedules it hasn’t happened yet. I finally said lets talk on the phone – he said he would call me on Monday or Tuesday night…..he never did.

I received an email from him Thursday with the following:

“Sorry I have not called yet but it has been a very busy week. My available quality phone time is usually after 9pm, and I don’t want to call that late on the first call. My nephew is in a basketball playoff tonight at 6pm and if I do get home early enough I will give you a call. “

I am a little turned off that he didn’t do what he said he was going to do….words and actions matching is very important to me.  Am I being too stubborn and black/white?

Scheduling Challenged in CA

Dear Ms. Scheduling,

It’s always best to pay attention to a man’s actions rather than listen to his words –  advice many grandmothers would give because it’s true in any era. This guy has already shown that his word is not good.  If talking on the phone and meeting you are not his priority now, when will It be? Things don’t get better than the beginning.

First impressions count. He’s not impressing me or you either. Listen to your gut.

I know sometimes women want to give a guy a chance which normally I would advise.  But I’m not convinced this guy is worthy of your time. If you really want to meet him – what the heck? Just keep your guard up and be aware that his follow through is likely a big issue. His priorities are not focused on finding love.  And, his actions don’t bode well, so don’t fall for any additional empty promises. If he doesn’t follow through again – go fishing for a better man!

Remember, you can’t date a man in the virtual world no matter how good he looks there. He needs to be in the real world, pursuing and pleasing you to make him a viable candidate for romantic partner. Real men who want a relationship do exist! Don’t settle for anything less. I don’t care how busy the guy is, if he wants you or is serious about love, he will make time.

Wishing you love,

Ronnie