Too Busy to See You?

Dear Ronnie, The Dating Coach,

I’m a single lady and already 28. Well my problem is that I’m afraid that I won’t ever find the right guy to marry. Wanted to be married when I’ve turned 27 years last year in January 2009, but unfortunately that was just a dream that has gone into shatters.

Before I dated someone for 8 years and we broke up. To me it feels like time I’ve wasted! I’m dating someone really charming now and he is older than me. He was married, but now divorced for many years now. The only problem is that he doesn’t have enough time because he is always busy. To tell you the truth we were together in the middle of February, but we are living in one town and only 15 minutes drive away from each other. I don’t know what to make of this.

Can you please help me – am I making a fool of myself to believe that we will be together?
Foolish in Florida

Hello Ms. Florida,

I know this might be tough to hear, but I’m sorry to say from my experience, if a man lives 15 minutes away, but doesn’t have time to see you, he probably isn’t serious about you. Yes, people are busy, but everyone makes time for what is most important to them. Of course I don’t have all the details, yet my gut tells me this is not a good sign.

Perhaps work is the most important thing to your guy. Or he’s dating others. It’s hard to say why he doesn’t have the time, but in truth, that’s not what really matters. The fact that he doesn’t want to see you as much as you’d like to see him is the concern. Have you asked to see him more often? That might be worth a try, although I don’t hold out much hope in this situation.

However, I want to encourage you to be positive and don’t give up hope! You are only 28 and have plenty of time to find the right man.

Also, you didn’t waste time with your old boyfriend if you enjoyed the relationship and learned what works for you and what doesn’t. That is crucial life and relationship experience that makes you who you are today. You are wiser having lived through it.

I recommend getting out there to meet new men and better candidates. This is what I often tell my dating coaching clients. You can’t meet men if you stay home.

Next, think about how you’d like to be treated.  Make a list of behaviors that you want to avoid in future relationships. Then, if the men you date start to exhibit the any of these behaviors, you know that’s a red flag about not being treated well and will need to rethink who you are dating.

There are so many great men out there, especially at your age. Make a commitment to yourself for how many things you’ll do to meet men every week, put on a smile, dress up and become visible! Have fun out there. I know you can find “the one” for you. If you are active and open, your chances of finding the husband of your dreams are excellent!

Wishing you love,

Ronnie

Photo credit: AnitaCanita

Dating After Divorce

Yet, when you think about it,  saying “Yes” might actually have a tremendous impact for the better on your dating life. This is particularly true if you are prone to saying “No” which  happens more frequently when dating after divorce or dating over 40.  I ask my dating coaching clients:

What Might You Say “Yes” To?
– A blind date with a friend’s brother
– Posting a profile on match.com
– Meeting someone you connected with on a dating site
– Going to a singles dance with a friend or even solo
– Trying speed dating
– Talking to a good looking stranger at a bar
– Having a coffee date with a new man
– Practicing your flirting skills
– Finding the right man for you and falling in love

That’s a powerful list with loads of possibilities.

On the other hand, when you say “No”, you limit yourself drastically. Being discerning is appropriate and a smart. But limiting your opportunities consistently,  minimizes the potential to achieve your desires.  This is true of dating and life.

When you say “No”, you are literally keeping yourself single. That’s OK if you prefer your single status.  But if you want to find a loving partner, saying “No” on a regular basis doesn’t serve you.

Have You Ever Said “No” to Any of These Questions:

- Can I have your number or email?
– Would you like to meet me for a drink?
– Would you like to dance?

I have.  I’ll never forget when I was 24, I was with my friend Nancy and her boyfriend Scott playing pool and this nice guy started talking to me and joined our game. As we were leaving he asked for my number.  I didn’t know what to do.  Should I give him the number of not? My friends said not to and I felt torn. I left without divulging my digits.

To this day I wonder about him. We had similar interests and he was easy to talk to. He seemed like a nice guy and he was a carpenter so he could build and fix things. It was a crossroads in my life. There was an ember ready to build into a potentially nice fire, and I snuffed it out.

What about When You say “No” to Yourself?

- I hate those singles dance!
– I won’t date a man who is balding.
– Men who are more than 3 years older than me are out.
– He’s nice but not my type.
– Blind dates just aren’t my thing.

When you say “Yes”, you allow the Universe to help you meet your match. When you meet lots of men, the right man has a chance to cross your path. When you say “Yes” to situations and men, you are a pleasure to be with,  living more fully and believe that all this effort will pay off.

And it will! It worked for me. It’s worked for millions of women.

Just for Today, Catch Yourself When You Say “No”
Say “Yes” at least once when you want to say “No.” You can become a “Yes” person and you can find the love you want. People find love everyday.  Say “Yes” and you could be next!

Photo Credit: TeenNow

Check out these  two programs for March that should be a total blast!

Use the promotion code RONNIE to save $5 at either event

1) Cougar/Boy Toy Hunt on 3/23, 7pm
For women 35-55 and men 21-30
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2) Rescue Me -  NYC Fireman Singles Party
Age range is 25-45
Read more and regsiter here

Is it me or are singles programs getting more clever than ever? I hear Single and the City runs a very good event and lots of men sign up – not your average singles program with an imbalance at all. If you live in the area, check it out. Don’t wait until they are sold out – register today!

You know how that can feel. If you’ve been out there dating, chances are this thought has crossed your mind as well. And sometimes, you do meet a series of guys who just want to date around with no strings attached. It can be frustrating. I totally understand.

What’s getting in her way?

First:
Maddy only feels comfortable going to singles dances. She likes to dance and knows where the places are that host these events. As far as Maddy is concerned, she’s “all set” with how to meet men. But she wants to know how to meet men who want a serious commitment.

Second:
Maddy, who is 48 and has been divorced for three years, only wants to meet men who are 48-50 years old. That’s a pretty small age range. Regardless of the limitations that her desired age range creates, Maddy is unwilling to consider broadening her horizons.

The Problem
Maddy has a narrow approach and age range for the men she’ll consider. No wonder why she is having problems finding a good man!  The more you limit your dating, the smaller the dating pool to choose from! This isn’t rocket science.

Yet, I could tell Maddy there was no moving her on these ideas. She doesn’t like to drive at night and knowing where she’s going minimizers her night driving concerns. She doesn’t think it’s reasonable to date men younger  and the last thing she wants is to date  older men. So there we have it -  two big obstacles in Maddy’s dating path.

Want to know the single biggest obstacle to Maddy’s dating karma? Maddy herself. Yup, that’s right. Because if a woman can’t open up to suggestions and new ideas, even when asking for help, she is in her own way. She is the impediment to her desire.

The Good News
Maddy has the power to change her dating karma dramatically. There are steps she can take to turn things around and meet a whole lot more men – exactly what she needs.

The Solution
Here are a few simple suggestions that can make a tremendous difference for Maddy:

1. Locate a few other ways to meet men. Get directions and drive to the locations during the day light hours, maybe on the weekend. She’ll  become familiar with how to get there and will feel more comfortable at night.

2. Widen the “net” to meet men who are 43 – 55 which will provide so many more prospects! Maddy will have a chance to get to know men from a much larger dating pool which  may help her connect with men who are more suitable and willing to commit.

3. Start using an affirmation that reinforces there are plenty of  good men who are relationship and commitment ready. Maddy may believe that there is a shortage of good men! She can combat that belief with affirmations which is a  positive statement, said in the present tense, that works it’s way into your subconscious mind.  That’s the place where all manifesting begins.

If you are having trouble finding good men to date and relate to Maddy’s problems, try these simple ideas. You can modify the steps to better match your own obstacles. These steps will definitely work – but only if you give them a try.

Now that I have read her new book, I can honestly say– it’s a must read for every woman over 35 looking for a husband. Read it if you have dated a lot of men and can’t find one who measures up. Read it if you can’t find any men worth dating. From either end of the spectrum, Lori’s ground-breaking book will wake you up and dramatically change the way you think about the ideal man.

This is not another “how to date” book. You won’t learn new dating skills or how to react to his phone calls, first kiss etc. Marry Him is all about getting clear on what is really important to you in a partner, beyond the typical window dressing that women want. Reading this book, you’ll discover more sensible ways to determine if a man might make a good husband and become more realistic about what makes a good marriage over the long haul. Big hint: It’s not the twinkle in his eye.

There are some  incredible insights that will help you revise your strategies for looking for “the one.” The chapters are brimming with gems from social researchers at prominent universities, matchmakers, experts, dating coaches and Lori’s own epiphanies.

Gottlieb openly shares what she learned on her own search to better understand what went wrong in her dating life that kept her single. She looks at the idea of what is “good enough” in great detail to support a new vision for single women about what makes a good partner. I applaud this journey and her bravery to share it.

Here’s a sampling of the insights that Lori uncovered. See if any of this sounds similar to the way you approach dating.

How Women Get in Their Own Way
1. Feminism messed up her love life and women’s “empowerment” became synonymous with having high standards that are nearly impossible to satisfy. Also, to be strong and independent causes some confusion about the OK-ness of feeling lonely and wanting a companion and partner. Further, the “I don’t need a man” war cry, makes women seem standoffish and leaves many without a man.

2. Charisma, witty banter and fireworks may be fun qualities in a boyfriend, but stability and trustworthiness are the foundation for a good husband. There seems to be a criteria gap between the two jobs (from boyfriend to husband) making it hard for women to know what is best for them.

3. Assumptions and snap judgments limit love opportunities. Women create stories in their heads about a man which have nothing to do with the reality of who he is or what he thinks. Yet women believe their own stories more than any other possibility. Knowing less about a potential mate actually gives you a better chance of getting to know him.

4. According to social scientist Barry Schwartz from Swarthmore College, a lot of women are constantly looking over their shoulders for something better. They can date a man for years and not know if they want to marry him because a better man may come along. The longer a woman spends being indecisive, thinking there are better options, the more likely she will focus on her man’s faults.

5. Women want to date the alpha male who is nice. (That’s realistic right?) But alpha males are arrogant and self-centered, lacking the desired emotional capacity. Start accepting the fact that one human being cannot provide the level of emotional intensity that most men don’t want in the first place.  In addition, think about this rationally: Does the alpha male want a strong, independent, successful woman or a woman who can focus on his career and needs?

Strategies to Improve Your Odds for Finding Love
1. Favorite quote from Evan Marc Katz, LA Dating Coach: “[Dating] reality doesn’t suck. If you didn’t have the fantasy, the reality would be just fine.” Well said Evan! Along with this, wanting a man to adore you is another fantasy that gets in your way.

2. Second favorite Evan Marc Katz quote, “Look for a reason to say ‘Yes’ rather than ‘No.’ ” It’s much easier to weed men out, but more productive to find reasons to consider a man and give him a chance. I give the same dating advice to my clients all the time!

3. Don’t waste time on men who aren’t looking for a woman like you. Duh! If you’re not in his age range or don’t have the qualities he seeks, move on to find men who do want you.

4. In the 1960’s, the top reasons to marry were: 1) raise a family; 2) economic stability; 3) have a home and yard; 4) love. Love was not first in the ’60s. Today love is first in the me generation and other reasons fall behind that. Yet, statistics show you’ll be happier if you are more realistic and adjust your expectations about what marriage and men have to offer.

5. Can you break free of your old habits to try something new? If you will only date the same type of man who didn’t work out in the past, that’s a problem.  However, from this dating coach’s perspective, if you can open your eyes, mind and heart to consider other types of men, that’s when you know you might find a good match.

Get a copy of the Lori’s book Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. Read it with the mind set of allowing new dating perspectives to shift your thinking and create new methodologies. I’m happy to report that Lori is optimistic about her love prospects today. And, don’t forget my success story –  I  I found love at 41 (that’s Lori’s age) and married for the first time at 43.

One Thing I Would Add
Do you find it hard to visualize actually finding love with a good man? Do you wonder if you can turn things around and change your dating karma?

Not only must you open your eyes, mind and heart to men, but most importantly, you must BELIEVE THAT FINDING LOVE IS POSSIBLE. Without this fundamental belief, you won’t want to bother. And you certainly won’t try changing anything. Why put effort into something that has no chance of working out, right?

To help you remedy this self defeating thought pattern, I’m offering my audio program, I Believe: Affirmations to Attract Love Now at an incredible discount. Normally, $29.95, the “I Believe” audio program is only $12.97. This for the downloadable MP3 file only. I’ve sold nearly 100 copies this month alone. It’s my way of offering you coaching support during your search and bolstering your mind set.

The audio features three different length recordings approximately 20 minutes, 12 minutes and 6 minutes, plus a full explanation of how the process works. These affirmations were developed specifically to permeate your subconscious mind and create the belief that you can find love. 

If you have trouble imagining that everything can work out for you in the love department, this audio will surely help. For $12.97, you don’t have much to lose. Get your copy now and start believing in your own romantic future.

And be sure to get your copy of Lori’s book too!

Then yesterday at about 4pm, Dave felt spontaneous. Since he found himself without a plan for the evening, maybe she’d like to get together? Heather was excited because Dave seemed, fun, bright, interesting, successful, and his photo looked great. So she said, “Sure!”

Dave lived in a town about 20 minutes away. He wasn’t that familiar with where Heather lived so he suggested two places in his own town. Heather thought about this and it made her wonder. Part of her thought, “I love to try new places!”

But another part of her mulled over the possibility that this was some sort of red flag.  She took note of the fact that he was asking her to drive to him. Heather couldn’t decide if she should shake off this negativity and just go or re-evaluate the offer and Dave. Excellent question isn’t it?

That’s when Heather picked up the phone to call me. She told me the story and with each new piece of information, I helped her “interpret” what Dave was saying, between the lines. This is an important skill for success with online dating. Here’s what I thought Dave meant:

*******

What Dave Said: “His work is bi-coastal and he spends a lot of time in California. Dave wasn’t sure when he’d have time to get together.”

What Dave Meant: Don’t expect much from me. I’m really busy/dating other women/can’t be bothered…etc. Hard to say exactly why he doesn’t want women to expect much.

What Dave Said: “He felt spontaneous. Since he found himself without plans for the evening, maybe she’d like to get together.”

What Dave Meant: I don’t plan ahead/Let’s see if she’ll bite/I’ve got nothing else to do.

What Dave Said: “He wasn’t that familiar with where Heather lived so he suggested two places in his own town.

What Dave Meant: I’m not investing much/Let her come to me/Its all about me.

********

Now, I agree, who knows what Dave is really thinking. I’m not that adept at mind reading. So, I suggested to Heather (as I would with any dating coaching client) that if she had nothing to do and wanted to meet him that night, what the heck?

We also discussed how the beginning of a relationship, even the first email, sets the tone for the future. That’s what was behind Heather’s decision  to pick a spot half way between them to meet. She wants a balanced relationship and has, in the past, been prone to giving more than she received. Asking him to meet her half way was a good step in the right direction for balance.

We’ll see what happened with Heather and Dave. My bet is he’s a player, not real boyfriend material. I’ll keep you posted.

Here’s a thought – Wouldn’t it be a relief and tremendous advantage if you had someone to call to discuss your perplexing dating questions with?

Well now you can! Just call me at 203-877-3777 to schedule a private dating coaching session and get all your dating questions answered. Whether you need help with online dating, where to meet men, understanding your man, believing love is possible, or figuring out how to get started, I’m here to help.

Hello?

One of my favorite movies, Moonstruck has a great line delivered by Cher. She says to Nicholas Cage, “Snap out of it!” That’s great advice for those looking for the perfect soul mate. In my recent interview with the BBC’s 5Live radio, the woman interviewing me suggested that we blame our false relationship ideas on Hollywood. I agreed whole-heartedly.

Women get hung up on this dreamy idea of a “soul mate.” It’s story book stuff really. Something out of the movies.

I don’t believe in the narrow notion that there is only one right person. I think we have options and some are better than others for sure. Identifying a partner who can be a good counterpart, a good husband and companion – this is worthwhile. Tossing aside most men as you look for the one soul you were meant for? I’m not convinced this is the smartest way to find love.

Letting go of the search for the perfect man allows a woman to consider who might be a good, solid match instead. That is the way to find a happy, healthy relationship based on reality rather than fairy tales.

Love can be magical – its true. But the practical aspects of love and partnership are also crucial to a lasting, happy relationship. I’m not here to dash your romantic dreams. I’m rooting for you and supporting you 100% to find the love you want and deserve. The wider your search, the more men you consider, the more willing you are to get to know the men you meet, the better your chances for connecting with a good man.

Saying “No” is the easy part. I tell my over 40 dating coaching clients that learning to say “Yes” takes courage and conviction. Try saying “yes” to the men you meet more often. Even if you think time is too precious to waste, getting to know men is never a waste of time. Better than letting a good one get away because time was too tight to waste on him. You know exactly what I’m talking about.

As many experts say, “Cast a wider net.”  Take the pressure off and get to know more men. Push yourself  to give every decent guy who is in the “ball park” three tries before he strikes out. Don’t let a couple of four letter words limit your options and possibly keep you from finding a good man to love.

I’m 62 and have been a widow for five years. Finally I felt ready to try my luck at dating, and at the beginning of December, I met a new guy at a dance. I took an instant liking to Fred and he felt the same way about me. Our relationship escalated quickly after that night. He called me several times a day and we saw each other frequently - four or more times per week, spending the entire weekend together. I was totally enjoying the experience.

Then, just before the holidays, he retreated. Basically disappeared, Stopped calling.  I wracked my brain trying to figure out what I did wrong. I just couldn’t take it anymore not knowing, so I called him and asked him directly,  ”What’s going on?” Fred was slow to reply but after some teeth-pulling he told me that it was all too fast for him. Even though he’s been divorced more than 6 years, he was questioning his readiness for such an intense relationship.

This made me crazy because the speed and intensity were totally his doing! I would have been fine with a slower approach, but he seemed to be high gear - I just went with it. I must admit it was very romantic.

Fred explained that he’d like to see me again, but  wants to take things slower. I agreed because  I’m not seeing anyone else and I like him. I did tell him that I planned to keep up with my dating activity, although I haven’t met anyone of interest at all.

I’m  confused about where we’re going. We see each other once or twice a week and he calls me regularly – maybe 5 times a week. What do you think is going on? I’d appreciate any insight. My goal is to find a man who will be in a committed, life-long relationship. I’m afraid to bring this up and was thinking I should wait to see what happens until maybe June.

– Louisiana Lady

Dear LL,

Fred wanted to slow things down because he didn’t want the intensity of your relationship? Yet,  he talks to you almost daily and sees you consistently. Don’t ask yourself what YOU did wrong! To me, it looks like Fred wants the benefits of  a relationship without the commitment.

John Gray of Venus and Mars fame, talks about this pulling away as “retreating into the cave.” Not all men are cave dwellers, but when they do retreat, the time away and reasons why vary. It seems to me that  Fred freaked himself out which makes me think he has some intimacy issues.

However, here’s what I say to all my over 40 dating coaching clients: So much depends on how you feel about this situation. If you are happy and feel you don’t need more definition, that’s OK. And let’s keep in mind that it’s only been three months. But if you want more, you might as well bring it up.

I don’t advise waiting until June – by then you will be very attached to Fred. If you want to understand what’s going on – just ask him. His reaction will say it all:

- If he’s angry – then you have an answer – he doesn’t want more and he doesn’t want to deal with it
– If  he’s happy with things the way they are, you can decide if this meets your needs of not
– If he has an open conversation where you explore what you both want and he agrees to move forward – that would be good news!

All three are possibilities and you will have an answer, eliminating worry or feeling like you’re in the dark.

Regarding looking for other prospects while dating Fred, I doubt you can honestly say you are open and available. Fred is taking up space in your life and heart which reduces your chances of meeting anyone else. Please don’t fool yourself, thinking that because you haven’t met anyone else, there isn’t anyone better out there.

Summing Things Up
I don’t often tell my dating coaching clients to walk away. It depends on what you want and how you feel about the relationship. If you’re OK with things, keep going, but if you want more, then ask for what you want and be willing to accept the consequences. Not asking is like sticking your head in the sand and will lead to far more heartache later.

photo credit: pixie_bebe

Lori Gottlieb's New Book

I am reading Lori Gottlieb’s newest book which is fantastic! About half way through, my copy is covered with tons of colorful stickies, placed to remember each little gem. That’s how many good points Lori makes. I want to buy a case of books to give one to each new client as mandatory homework.

Not All Single Women Think this Way
My review of this book will require a couple of postings since it’s rich with insights into the plight of single women, 35+ who feel all the good men are taken. Lori is speaking to just one segment of the women I deal with as an over 40 dating coach. These women  want the “perfect man” or they can’t be bothered. Why should they settle for someone less then they expect or deserve?” It’s understandable why they might think this way. If you relate to this, please read on and get a copy of Lori’s book!

Having worked with women for the last eight years, I can tell you this is not the only perspective about dating and men that keeps women single. But it certainly is as significant group, whose thinking and belief system keeps them from finding the love they desire.

Chapter 2  “How Feminism F**ked Up My Love Life.”
If you’ve ever  heard me speak in person or have read my blog for a while, you know I point to this fact frequently. Women today are confused because we’ve been raised to build a career and let the relationship wait if it must.  Women also have to deal with newly acquired, yet traditionally masculine business skills frequently (and sadly) applied to the dating arena. Uh – that does not work!

My War Cry – Men and Women Are Equal, But Not the Same!
While men and women may be equal, women have adopted the idea that equality means we are the same. This ridiculous premise is responsible for many women being unable to get a relationship started. For example, if we are equal, then why can’t a women ask a man out, pay, call him and get the ball rolling? Women ask me this all the time.

Dating is an Archaic Mating Ritual Rooted in Survival of the Species
Unfortunately, most women who have tried being hte pursuer have failed and end up angry, frustrated and confused. Even in this day and age, dating remains an archaic, mating ritual rooted in biology and survival of the species. Men still prefer to be in charge of courtship and the chase. Nothing here has changed from the days of the caveman.

If you pursue a man and end up in a relationship, you will likely find a guy who is happy to have you do everything, make all the decision, pay for everything or all three. If this sounds good to you, go for it.  But most likely – it makes the hair on the back of your neck bristle.

Competition is Not Romantic
Women want  to take charge, but they also want a masculine man who is a leader, can be a good provider and most likely be more successful. These old standards are in direct conflict with being the chic-in-charge. When women want to be the leader – they compete with men, not put themselves in a romantic  light. Competition is definitely not romantic. If you want a strong man, you need to ALLOW him to BE THE MAN.

Ballroom Dancing
Think about ballroom dancing. How many leaders are there in a great dance duo? Just one right? And how many followers? One as well. When you have two leaders, you get a power struggle. Conversly, with two followers, you go no where.

The ballroom dancing analogy relates only to the first 4-10 dates, until you are in the first phase of relationship. That’s when things rebalance and women and men take turns in the power seat. But if women try to pursue and use their business skills early on to get the ball rolling, most men will  lose interest and drop the ball.

According to Lori – Empowerment Equals Unachievable Standards for Men
Lori talks about a different aspect of feminism than I do: how empowerment became synonymous with having high standards that are nearly impossible to achieve in real life. She says that’s exactly how so many women have empowered themselves right out of a good man. Excellent point Lori and very true!

Shift Your Perspective to Create New Opportunities
Lori exposes the deep inner workings of her mind regarding dating. Sharing her belief system could quite possibly open lots of doors for sincere readers who are willing to make changes. If you can open your mind to hear what she is saying, (and what so many of the experts she has interviewed convey as well) you will start to experience  a shift of perspective. This shift can be the key to finally seeing, meeting and finding the love you want.

Tapping into many experts such as Rachel Greenwald, author of Finding a Husband after 35. Evan Marc Katz, America’s preniere dating coach and author of several books, matchmakers, and many well-known professors and researchers, Marry Him could practically be considred the new Bible for 30 something (or 40, 50, etc.) women who want to find a husband, but have not been successful so far.

Bottom line for the first half of Lori’s book: Get real or stay single. The choice is totally up to you.

More  soon, so stay tuned!

Over 40 Dating

Well, we made it – the final day of the Valentine’s Week Blog-a-thon. It’s been incredibly fun and very exciting connecting with all these fabulous dating experts across the country. I hope you have enjoyed it as much as we have AND, we hope this helps you have a fun and memorable Valentine’s Day.

The post below is mine – from Ronnie Ann Ryan – The Dating Coach. I’ve been a dating coach for 8 years now and since I found love and married for the first time over 40, I know you can do it too! Whether or not you’re marriage-minded, finding love is a real possibility. Hopefully, you have a firm grasp on the idea so it’s firmlyembedded into your psyche. I’ve worked with over 2,000 people to successfully jump start or accelerate their search for love. People fall in love every day – why not you?

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Crazy as this may sound, one of the best Valentine’s Days I ever had was right after I broke up with a boyfriend. I was upset and unhappy. So, I spent some time thinking about what would make me happy and be fun. I came up with this list and let me tell you – it worked like a charm!

If you are single and dating over 40 or dating after divorce, try some of these ideas yourself this year on Valentine’s Day and see if the holiday passes with greater ease, and even some joy!

Buy Flowers for  Your Girlfriends!
That’s right – I bought my friends Jill and Michelle a big bunch of gorgeous flowers, and some for me too of course! They were totally thrilled and I was too when I saw the appreciative look on their faces.

Have Dinner with Friends
We went out to a nice restaurant and enjoyed the meal we’d like to have had with a partner. The meal was truly memorable with yummy seafood and decadent chocolate cake for dessert. We deserved the best regardless of our relationship status!

Toast Your Friends and Your Life
Yeah, we even went for the champagne.  We toasted the good things in our lives and each other. Then we made wishes for the following year and the next Valentine’s Day.

Buy Cards for Friends and Neighbors
Do you know someone who is sick, single, older and/or alone? Is there someone who often helps you at work? Brighten their day and yours by remembering them on Valentine’s Day. We gave Valentine’s to everyone in our classes in grade school – return to this practice and watch the smiles!

Buy Treats for Your Pets
Sometimes there’s nothing better than the unconditional love of a pet. Treat them well on Valentine’s Day to enjoy the love they share with you all year round.

Celebrate with Your Children
Your kids can make your Valentine’s Day very special. Make a big deal of the holiday for them. Cook a special meal, put chocolate hearts in their lunch boxes, or have a family game night. Whatever your family would like – do it up and share the love.

Smile All Day Long
There are plenty of singles who might feel down on Valentine’s Day. You can brighten their day and yours at the same time with something as simple as a smile. When you catch a man’s eye, smile back to acknowledge him. There’s no promise of anything more – but this can make someone’s day and yours too. Smile often enough and it may even become a habit! You can’t lose when you flash those pearly whites.

It’s Just One day
This is what I tell my over 40 dating coaching clients. -if none of these suggestions work for you, then keep this happy thought in mind. Valentine’s Day is just one day, once a year. It will pass quickly and then you can go back to life as usual. On the other hand, try something new from the list above. I’m sure you’ll be glad you did.

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Want more Blog-a-thon? Great!
To read posts from all the other days this week, see links below and enjoy.

To read Day 1 by the Dating Goddess, midlife dating expert click here
To read Day 2 by Alyssa Johnson, relationship after divorce expert  click here
To read Day 3 by Laurie Davis, eFlirt Expert and co-host of LoveNation click here
To read Day 4 by SingleMomSeeking, top-rated single mom blogger click here
To read Day 5 by Terry Hernon MacDonald, happily married dating blogger click here
To read Day 6 by DeAnna Lorraine, Dating – Relationship Coach & NLP Practitioner click here

photo credit LuLu