Dating After 40: How I Knew I Met “The One”

If you know anything about my own success story about dating after 40 and finding love, then this will not be anything new. I like to share how I managed to find love to provide hope.to many people have given up or feel there is so little promise out there.  My feeling is, if I could find love, I’m quite certain anyone who has the drive and determination to stick with the process, can find love too.

My dating coaching clients often ask me about finding their soulmate. Sometimes looking for that perfect someone can be a problem and become a barrier to finding love. A lot depends on your criteria and how selective you are. You can probably imagine how being too picky might keep you single. But, other times times, you meet someone and there are signs letting you know you have found “the one”.

After dating 30 men if 15 months, here’s how I knew I had met a man that had the long-term potential I was seeking. I’ve told my love story many times, but this version made it to the eHarmony blog! I am so excited!

http://www.eharmony.com/blog/2013/05/13/finding-the-one-after-40/

The post Dating After 40: How I Knew I Met “The One” appeared first on It's Never Too Late for Love.

Dating After Divorce: Don’t Feed Men All Your Emotional Support

When you are dating after divorce, sometimes it’s not easy to understand the signals men send. They could be mixed signals such as this woman is experiencing where the guy is consistently in touch, but doesn’t have time to see her. But there is more at stake so please read on to understand how her heart is at risk here.

Hi Ronnie – The Dating Coach for Women

I am dating after divorce and met someone two months ago and we’ve had three dates. He lives 45-minutes away from me. We text each other several times a day and we initiate contact equally. On the occasions we have got together we have got on well and had fun. It is difficult for us to meet up as we are both single parents.

He says he wants to see me at times then doesn’t really make the effort. For example he told me he really wanted to see me but couldn’t as he had his daughter, then I found out he went out that night with friends! I don’t see the point in lying as I would have been fine with that as he’s not actually my boyfriend, I just don’t appreciate being told a silly lie! He doesn’t know that I know this.

We do speak on the phone a couple of times a week, but I feel he knows more about me than I do him. I was told by a mutual friend that he said he likes everything about me, has stopped texting other women he had interest in and would like to know me more. But this isn’t showing in his actions. He doesn’t know that I have been told either.

I want to get to know him better, but don’t really know how to approach the subject. Usually when I am interested in a man it moves way faster than this and I feel a little scared to say how I feel without coming across as sounding needy but want him to know I am interested without scaring him away.

Maybe he is stringing me along. We are both professional people who are dating after divorce. We have busy lives so I don’t understand why he didn’t make the effort to see me while we both had the “Opportunity”. Am I wasting my time or should I keep it going this slow, or talk to him? Do I just give up and ignore him next time he contacts me? I don’t really want to play games, far too old for that!

Confused in Concord, MA

Dear Confused.

I understand your confusion because this man is in touch so frequently, but makes no time to see you. Some men satisfy their need for female interaction with texting and phone calls. He gets all the support without having to spend time with you. This is the new version of “Why buy the cow when the milk is free?” behavior from men (vs. sleeping with a man before commitment.) 

Most women are very kind and naturally want to help which is why women are happy to lend an ear, offer emotional support and feel a growing friendship of this kind means something. Unfortunately, all it means is that you have given away your kindness, empathy and sometimes your heart for little in exchange.

This guy is definitely a waste of your time. However, that doesn’t mean he is stringing you along or doing anything wrong. He could be a player, texting and seeing several other women. But, it’s also possible that texting and the phone are all he is capable right now. That doesn’t make him “bad” or a player, just not emotionally available for a relationship.

Pay Attention to These Signals from Men
1) Having only three dates in two months is a big tip off that a man is not serious about a relationship with you. When a guy sees a woman he wants, he doesn’t typically dilly dally on setting up dates. If weeks go by between dates, that has meaning – he’s not the right man for you if you want something with long-term potential.

2) This is also true about his choice to see friends versus you.

3) Lying is not a good sign under almost any circumstances.

Put that all together and I want to ask you – are you really sure this man is worthy of your time?

4) Last, but not least, when dating after divorce or any time really, I strongly advise my dating coaching clients to never tell a man how you feel first. This can be disastrous as you wait around hoping he’ll let you know he feels the same way. Or watch him high-tail it as a reaction to your honesty.

I’m sorry to be the one to tell you but it is my job – Move on! This is not the right man for you for all the reasons listed in this post.

Photo Credit: Anthimeria

The post Dating After Divorce: Are You Sharing Your Emotional Support, Hoping For Love? appeared first on It's Never Too Late for Love.

Find Love: Why didn’t he want exclusivity with me?

To Find Love, Go For Exclusivity in a Relationship

This letter was from a woman who had a hard time understanding why a man she met online, who seemed to appreciate who she was would let her go? The question really comes down to exclusivity. She handled this well, but I gave her a tip that can really help in the future.

Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach for Women,

I want to find love but here’s what happened. My heart is broken a tiny bit. Met a guy online and had three amazing dates. But I was paying attention: he talked about how important his work is and how it takes a lot of his time. He also said women did not always understand this about him. And was looking for a partner to fit in when HE had time. He could never commit to plans and has some financial strains because of his business.

On the third date, I told him I would not sleep with anyone if we weren’t exclusive. On our fourth date, he asked to clarify what I meant by being exclusive. I said I only sleep with boyfriends and would date in a non-committed situation for a limited time – about 2-4 months. He said he could not offer exclusivity, but wanted to keep going out.

Then he pulled back, still called, but less touching base. We saw each other two more times and the last time I felt I had to ask for time and attention, more than he was giving in the two-hour slot he had given me.

So I ended it by email by saying I liked him, wanted more than he could give and wasn’t going to pressure him and get hurt and wished him well. He sent me a very sweet email saying how great I am – good date and communicating.

My question is, why would he let me go? Or was he never capable? I feel sad.

Thanks for any insights you can give,
Frustrated in Framingham, MA

 
Dear Frustrated,

I know this is painful and my heart goes out to you regarding the disappointment on your journey to find love. Having gone on about six dates, you would think this was going somewhere. Unfortunately it did not because this man has a different dating agenda than you do. Not sure if he is incapable or simply not interested in a relationship. At least you found out early rather than six months down the road.

The good news
But the good news is that you are a savvy dater! You did catch on – he is not interested in a relationship right now. His business is his priority and he is honest about not wanting to make any promises. She is his first love. You would always be second.

Men (and women too) often use the work excuse as a barrier. “I’m so busy and women don’t understand me.” That works pretty good on most women, but not you!

From my perspective as a dating coach, he let you go because he cannot offer what you want. Sounds like he wants a no-strings, no expectations relationship with a non-demanding woman who is terribly busy herself so she doesn’t care. Or a woman who foolishly thinks he will some how turn around and want more once he falls in love with her – extremely unlikely. He did suggest continuing, but you declined which was very wise.

I also want to mention that your timing expectations seem reasonable – not sure of your age but 2-4 months to achieve exclusivity seems fair to me.

Keep some mystery! Don’t give away your timetable
Something to consider for future situations. You can explain that you don’t sleep with a man who is not exclusive, but you might want to keep your timetable to yourself. Men are funny about fitting into someone else’s timetable. They don’t need to know everything that’s up your sleeve…let them wonder what it will take to win you over – it’s more of a chase.

The reason I say this is I had a client who read in a book to wait 30 hours before intimacy. Phone calls and dates counted. Unfortunately, she told the guy she was dating. Even though it took time to get there, he waited the 30 hours to get her into bed and then disappeared. The game was worth it to him – maybe he liked a challenge.

So, a bit of mystery is not only good for him, it’s good for you too.

There are many more men, good men who want a relationship out there waiting to meet you. Get back out there soon!

Wishing you love,
Ronnie

 To learn more about online dating – Read more and Register for my upcoming program How to Sizzle vs. Fizzle Online starting Tuesday, May 14th

The post Find Love: Why Didn’t He Want Exclusivity with Me? appeared first on It's Never Too Late for Love.

Find Love By Dating Multiple Men

Find love through volume dating

So excited to share I was on HuffPoLive – video chat segment last Thursday discussing dating around and dating more than one man at a time. I’m a big believer in this. The reason? You just don’t know who will stick around and who will disappear!

Please keep in mind that I’m talking about dating – the first 4-10 dates, and not multiple relationships. That is something very different. The purpose of dating is to get to know someone to understand your compatibility and their potential for long-term relationship. Having a few dates doesn’t mean anything. There’s no exclusivity or commitment! All of that takes time and communication and doesn’t happen in the first three dates (or should I say very rarely happens).

The segment was with anchor Abby Huntsman – she was awesome and three dating bloggers in their 20′s! Plus me as the dating expert. Prescott, Jena and Joshua were all very smart about dating from my perspective.

But the funniest thing said was by Abby Huntsman who said  something like, “Well all this dating around is for people in their 20′s” – WRONG!  It’s for any age when you want to find love. never narrow your choices and set your sights on a man when you have no idea what his dating agenda is. He might not want exclusivity or a long-term relationship. So hedge your bets and date smart!

Here’s the link - watch and enjoy!

Photo Credit: Yuckbananas

The post Find Love: Date Around on HuffPoLive! appeared first on It's Never Too Late for Love.

Dating after divorce? Love complaints are trending on Twitter

Dating after divorce? Are you still bitter or angry?

Singles today seem to be more bitter and angry than ever. And the Internet allows them to say anything and speak their minds. Is this a good thing? I’m not so sure. In my opinion, bitter begets bitter and anger attracts more anger.  It appears to be building on itself rather than working itself out.

You might think voicing your complaints to friends, on twitter, on blog posts, etc. is a way to let it go. Is it working for you? Or do you still have all the same feelings? Getting things off your chest is a good practice. But when it becomes fun to complain, you have surpassed the benefits and moved on to a new hobby. There is a big downside to man bashing (or woman bashing of course)

In this blog on HuffPost Divorce, they created a slide show with 27 different twitter postings using the hashtag #Idontwantyouif . The comments fell into several categories that won’t surprise you too much:

• You are a cheater
• You have too much baggage
• You flirt with others or my friends
• You don’t plan on staying
• I won’t be your rebound
• You don’t put God first
• You don’t put me first

Get Clear on What Doesn’t Work for You

Hey, I am all for being clear on what you don’t want and what doesn’t work for you. This is especially important if you have a habit of attracting men with similar flaws. The best way to put an end to that pattern is to be fully conscious of the behaviors that don’t work for you. In fact, I have my dating coaching clients make a list of the experiences they never want to relive and the red flags tipping them off to what is coming with their type of guy.

When Complaining and Negativity Become Your New Hobby

My point in this blog is to heighten your awareness that negativity serves a purpose. You do need to know about yourself in relationship. After all, dating is a journey for self discovery. No question about that. However, when you make complaining about men and talking about what you don’t want is your priority – the thing you spend most of your time on, that starts to get in your way.

Complaining about what is and negativity never made anyone happier. So the next time you think about what’s trending and want to jump on the band wagon, please think again.

Dating After Divorce and The Law of Attraction

According to the Law of Attraction “like attracts like”. What that means is over-focus on what you don’t want can actually attract MORE OF WHAT YOU DON’T WANT! Go ahead, say your piece. Then please let it go and move on. Rather than clinging to your past hurt and disappointments, open yourself up to new possibilities.

Dating After Divorce – You Can Find Love Again

When you can let go, you know your healing process has moved on to the next level. And that level is where you can once again find love. Underneath all that anger, you know that’s exactly what you want right? As your dating coach, that is what I want for you too. I dream of you finding a new and better love. A man who is supportive, fun, loyal, healthy, successful, confident, with a great sense of humor and a really cute smile. A man who has time for you, respects you, and accepts you as you accept him.

When you are ready to move on from anger and be the love you want – you become a magnetic force for that love that cannot be denied. And love will be attracted into your life. I’ve seen it over and over with my clients. The love you want and deserve is not only out there for you, but completely possible. Focus on allowing it to come into your life now.

The post Dating After Divorce: Love Complaints Trending on Twitter appeared first on It's Never Too Late for Love.

This is such a common dating problem single women face every day. This letter from a reader really expresses the pain women go through trying to figure out what happened. Let me share a simpler solution.

Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach for Women,

I need to know what happened. I met a guy at a local event, we immediately hit it off and went out four times. On the third date we had our first kiss – very romantic, and after the fourth date, I haven’t been asked again.

All of our dates were spaced out- maybe once a week or 10 days. He never texted me frequently. It’s been a week since our last date, and I haven’t been asked again. We’ve run into each other a couple times and talked, but he never suggested hanging out.

I invited him to an event, but he said he had other plans. I want him to not beat around the bush. If we’re not going to hang out I want to have a conversation. I want him to tell me how he felt. I want an answer. I hate leaving things unanswered and it leaves me kicking myself in the butt. A little confused because he said at the end of the last date, “see you again soon?”.

I’ve been struggling to not run through my mind what I did wrong or how I messed up my words when I was nervous a couple times. I wish I could just know why? Why not me? What can I do better? And it’s always worse thinking what if the reason was related to something that you did or didn’t say or do because in that moment you weren’t “yourself”.

I keep telling myself, let it go, let him go, don’t contact him, and if he doesn’t contact you he’s not meant to be in your life. I don’t want to be pushy or come across needy, clingy, or desperate. I hope I haven’t already. I need your advice please.

Need to Know in Newington

Dear Need to Know,

I am sorry for your pain. I know how hard this is. But let me help you see why you already have much of the answer you yearn for. He didn’t beat around the bush – he made it clear he doesn’t want to see you by not asking you out again. Case closed. It really is that simple.

Men often can’t bring themselves to tell you they plan not to see you again and many times they aren’t sure when they see you last. In addition, most men hate to hurt a woman’s feelings and want to avoid an emotional scene. That’s why they say things like, “I’ll call you” to leave a positive spin. Truth is, they think this is being kind.

I Need to Know

About that need to know and the need for closure. My dating advice is also simple. This need will cause you more pain than almost anything. This may be hard to face, but you will NEVER KNOW. That’s just the way it is and there is nothing you can do about it. One of those life mysteries that will never get cleared up. Learn to accept this and save yourself months of angst.

What Did I Do Wrong?
Regarding your concern that you did something wrong, let me calm your fears. If you did say or do the wrong thing, and he got turned off that fast, he was not the right man for you. You want a man who can roll with you in good times and not so good.

Now if you told me you had a melt down and were screaming at other drivers, or were cursing at the waitstaff, then I would suggest you work on yourself. However, if normal conversation and not seeing eye to eye on politics causes a man to dump you, consider yourself lucky. You are lucky because he showed his true colors early and not six months down the road.

The Purpose of Dating Is to Get to Know You
He saw something that he knew didn’t work for him. But, and this is huge, IT DOESN’T MEAN YOU DID ANYTHING WRONG. It just wasn’t right FOR HIM. maybe it’s time to build up your dating confidence and self-esteem. Women often think they did something wrong, but instead his walking away demonstrates he wasn’t right for you. Yes, it is that simple.

My dating coaching clients tell me all the time they NEED TO KNOW or they want CLOSURE. But the truth is, and you have to trust me on this, YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW. Here’s why this is totally true. Do you really want to know…

• Your laugh is irritates him?
• You butter your roll the same way his ex did?
• He wasn’t attracted to you enough?
• Your political views turn his stomach?
• He thinks your butt is too big?
• He liked the babe he went out with last night better?

NO! You do not want to know any of these things. Knowing this is not helpful because you can’t do anything about it. He discovered you weren’t a good match and he stopped calling. Case closed. Yes, it’s disappointing. But, rejection is a part of dating.

Keep in mind, you only had a handful of dates and he wasn’t not pursuing you hotly, seeing you several times a week and constantly in touch. He was slow and casual. And I’m afraid you have taken it all too seriously.

The best thing I can tell you is to try not to get prematurely attached to men you have a handful of dates with. The beginning of dating is fun, but tenuous. That’s what makes it so exciting – because you don’t know what will happen or if he’ll call again.

This guy didn’t work out, but there are others to discover. Get over this guy and your need to know. It’s holding you back. Let go and move on. Have confidence that you are wonderful just the way you are and the right man will see that and want you.

The post Find Love: I Need to Know – Why Doesn’t He Want Me? appeared first on It's Never Too Late for Love.

Are you dating after 40 and wanting a spiritual man? That’s certainly your choice. But is it a real deal breaker? What’s really important to you?

He has to be spiritual

As a woman dating after 40, you have some clear ideas about who the right man for you. With some life experience behind you, you certainly  know what you don’t want.

What’s on your list for the ideal man?

As a dating coach for women dating after 40 , I am a fan of making a list of what you want in your ideal mate. Why not put everything down on paper? This process sends a message to the Universe and helps attract that guy to you. However, remembering that you are simply describing your ideal man – it’s so important to be realistic as well. Yes, ask for whatever you want by all means. I’m not here to tell you want you can and cannot have.

And yet, I am here to be a voice of reason. While there is nothing wrong with wanting every item on your list or a spiritual man,  understanding that you might not get every single thing is smart too. Hopefully you will get the majority of qualities you seek in a romantic partner.

Prioritize your “must haves”

So, when my dating coaching clients tell me they are very spiritual (not religious) and they MUST be with a man who lives by the same principles, I’m going to admit that I wince a little. I do. The reason is because some personality requirements are more prevalent and easier to find than others. Connecting with an honest man you can trust, who has a kind heart – ABSOLUTELY. Finding a man who shares your same religious views, that’s reasonable too.

Unfortunately, finding a man with those Universal spiritual principles is a much bigger request. Women are into this stuff – the Law of Attraction, healing and energetic way of seeing the world. This is vastly more popular among women. After all, this philosophy stem from the divine feminine.  As a result, the number of men who embrace this type of spirituality is very slim.

Does that mean you cannot have what you want? No, not really. But it sure does dramatically limit your pool of applicants.

Men have their own style of spirituality

Over the years, I have noticed that men dating after 40 often have their own unique connection to the divine, if you are open to seeing it. For example, while my husband read a few books on astrology in his younger days, he doesn’t subscribe totally to my spiritual philosophy.

Yet, Paul is very attuned to the animal and plant kingdoms. He feeds the birds conscientiously. He will point out an owl hooting in the dead of night that I never would have heard on my own. He sees animals all around as we walk through the woods that would get past my attention for sure.

For me, I wanted to find a man who would accept my spiritual principles. I figured that was enough. I could still share my viewpoint and philosophy with my girlfriends as I always have. These women are open to spirituality. But not all my girlfriends. Do you drop your girlfriends who don’t hold your same spiritual beliefs? Not likely – I hope.

Hey, if this is paramount to your happiness, than by all means wait for that spiritual guy. I have a friend who married after 50 for the first time, waiting until she found a man who shared the same guru. That’s OK by me – it was her choice and it’s your as well.

But, if you are dating after 40 want to find love sooner rather than later, let go a bit on how your man MUST BE SPIRITUAL and into your healing work and self help books, etc.  That can still be a big part of your life AND you can enjoy the love of a good man too – all at the very same time. Life offers amazing possibilities when you can open up to them.

The post Dating After 40: The Man I Date Must Be Spiritual appeared first on It's Never Too Late for Love.

Waiting for a Second Date

Waiting for a Second Date?

This question is from a midlife woman who just starting dating after divorce. She is waiting to hear about getting a second date and we all know how hard that can be!

Hi Ronnie  – The Dating Coach for Women over 40,

I’ve been divorced for 2 years now and am back on the dating scene, especially online dating. I met a guy online who called me first, set up the date, complimented me on how nice it was to meet with me and asked if I minded that he contact me again. He sent me a follow up text a few hours later telling me it was nice to meet me and would like to see me again soon.

My question is do you think he will call or text again soon to set up a second date? I do not want to text or call him and cause him to think twice about going out with me. We both have children and need to coordinate our time with kid schedules. He is also going to school right now, which I know is very important. I support bettering yourself.

Dating is so hard sometimes and  I just don’t want to make a bunch of mistakes.

Thanks Ronnie, I appreciate your advice,
Hoping for Second Date 

Dear Hoping for Second Date,

I know it’s hard to wait for that second date! And good for you for trying to avoid mistakes right from the start.

As the woman at the start of dating, holding off from initiating is the best thing you can do. The truth is, you should do nothing, unless he initiates first. Then of course respond!

You are smart to not reach out to him. If a man is truly interested, he knows what needs to be done to date you. It’s his lead and he is the one to call and schedule dates. I refer to this as the Ballroom Dancing Dating Principle. At the start of dating, the first 4-10 dates, its best to let the man lead just like in dancing. And as a woman, it’s your job to follow.

When you follow this dating principle, you won’t wonder if a man likes you because either he is calling and asking you out or not. Texting, IMing, emailing, or talking on the phone do not count. He has to go on dates with you face-to-face to have it count as true pursuit.

Don’t Make Excuses for Him

Midlife Dating Can be complicated that is true. Often you do need to coordinate schedules with work, school, kids or other responsibilities. Never the less, a man knows what he has to do to win you over. If he is serious about winning your heart, he will make time! Or yo will discover that he is not serious or not ready to take the action that is required to form a lasting relationship.

So while your date is busy, don’t make excuses for him because he knows what he has to do. On the flip side, you need to be available for him too. That doesn’t sound like a problem in this case, but for many women, they can’t seem to carve time out of their busy schedules to date a guy. I recently was speaking to a new client who thought spending 90-minutes looking at her online dating site was too much time to invest per week! Seriously that is not much time at all.

So, yes, you might as well wait to see what he does. In the meantime, keep looking for others online. You don’t know if your current guy will  follow through or not so keep your options open until you are more certain.

Once in a while a women feels she absolutely must call the guy to just see what’s going on. many women feel a little nudge can get things moving again. If you insist on this, here is my advice – don’t say anything about a second date when you contact him. Keep it light and short. Say something like – thought about you when…then mention something you did that he had an interest in.  maybe a newspaper article, movie, TV show, sports game, etc. If that doesn’t get you a second date – move on!

The post Second Date: Dating Is a Waiting Game for Women appeared first on It's Never Too Late for Love.

Dating After Divorce – What Happens After One Great Date?

Dating After Divorce Can Be So Confusing

Dear Ronnie – The Dating Coach for Women

I am 51 years old I haven’t dated in many years. Recently, I met a guy online – David.  We had our first date four weeks ago and since then we talk everyday and text. But I haven’t seen him again and would really like to. I asked him after the first date if there would be a second.  David said yes, but still haven’t seen him. He is going through his divorce and has a lot going on. He has a heavy work schedule  – a 12-hour work day which doesn’t give him much free time.

David told me he can’t be in a relationship with anyone right now. I told that was OK and we could be friends first which is always the best policy. Then we can see where things go. He agreed! Will there be a 2nd date?

David is true a gentlemen and he hid his profile on the site. I asked him why he did this and he told me because I checked his profile online to see if it was still there.

Ronnie, what do you think I should do? David is such a great guy – really ideal for me. Please give me your advice.

Thank you,
On hold in Ontario

Hello On-Hold,

This might be hard for you to hear, but I am going to be straight with you since you have asked me for help.  I will touch on several dating after divorce topics since there is so much to address in your short email. Please know I say all this with your best interest in mind.

1. When a man tells you he cannot be in a relationship, please listen to him and believe him. Going through divorce and healing after takes a lot of time. If this man is in the cards for you, better to wait until at least 6 months to a full year after his divorce. Right now, he is not capable of a relationship which you can see since he hasn’t even managed a second date.

Please don’t wait around for this man – it will break your heart and spirit and keep you from finding a better match with a man who is ready and who’s heart is free to love you.

2. My advice is not to date men who are not divorced or even if they are separated. In fact, I wouldn’t date a man who hasn’t been divorced for a full year. That’s when they seem most ready for relationship again. Men who are dating after divorce who do not take the time to recover are often confused and jump from woman to woman. Or they just want to sample the merchandise which is understandable. Or worse, they date a woman who helps them get over the divorce and once feeling better, they dump her.

3. You don’t want to hide profiles or not date others after a single date. The point of dating is to get to know if someone is a good match. When you narrow your options too quickly, it will feel like you are constantly going through a breakups as things don’t work out. It’s very common to have one, two or three dates with a man and have him disappear.

It’s important to realize that dating is not the same as being in a relationship. After one date, you still know very little about the person – if you are compatible, share similar values, desires for the future, etc. The purpose of dating is to see if there is potential for a long-term relationship. Or, your agenda might be to casually get to know people so you can learn about yourself and what you want in a partner. Dating is a fact finding and learning state of being.

If David took his profile down, it wasn’t because of you. He just can’t handle dating right now as you can see because there hasn’t been a second date

4. Phone, emailing and texting are supplementary forms of communication that do not indicate a true relationship is starting without being accompanied by face-to-face dates. (The only possible  exception to this could be a long-distance situation, but even that is dicey.)

5. When a man doesn’t ask you for a second date and its been four weeks since your first date, you can assume he’s just not that into you. This holds true no matter what his other behaviors are from texting, to calling, to saying nice things. Even if you communicate several times a day. This happened to me too when I was dating. I learned the hard way that talk is cheap, even if it’s fun and romantic. If he was into you, he’d be dating you not just talking/texting. This is true whether you are dating after divorce or any time.

So many women fall into this communication trap especially when dating after divorce, thinking they are building a foundation for a relationship as they share sweet tidbits of communication or even  long, in-depth conversations. However, please understand lots of men need feminine support and kindness, but will not date them. Men like David might lean on you and get their emotional needs met, but that has nothing to do with dating you or moving into relationship.

6. Friends first is great if you both are good with that concept. But your intention here is to hope he comes around. This is not a good idea and wastes your time for finding a real, loving relationship. Don’t bother dating a man who says he’s not ready – see point #1.

7. As a dating coach for women, my advice for dating after divorce is to walk away from this situation which is not looking promising from the word go. Instead, find a man who is emotionally available and ready now for a relationship with a great woman like you. You deserve way more than David can provide at this time and for some unknown amount of time into the future.

I only want the best for you – to see you in a happy, healthy, loving relationship with the right man for you. I’m so sorry t o say, David is not the one. In my 11 years experience, my concern is that he a destination on the road to heart break.

Wishing you love,
Ronnie

The post Dating After Divorce: I Had One Great Date – Now What? appeared first on It's Never Too Late for Love.

Online Dates – What to Do When the Wrong Men Contact You

Disappointing Online Dates – How to See the Positive Side of the Wrong Men Contacting You

As a dating coach for women, I understand how aggravating online dating can be. Many of my clients complain how men don’t read (by the way, neither do some women) because if they did, the wrong men would not contact them. So, the struggle begins because who wants attention from the wrong men?

Who are the wrong men? They are too old, too young, the wrong ethnic background , not enough college, not divorced yet, not enough hair, not enough height, not enough income, etc. You get the picture and maybe you feel the exact same way. What are you supposed to do about all these guys and how do you stop them from contacting you?

You might think I’m crazy, but before you click away, please consider the basic logic of my recommendation for a moment.

When men contact you for online dates,
it’s a compliment

 

When a man contacts you, he finds you attractive and he appreciates you as a woman. Now, you might not be interested in him, and that is perfectly OK. But, please don’t deny the compliment because that hurts only one person – YOU! I advise my dating coaching clients to turn this around to recognize the compliment. Then before deleting his email, say “Thank you for appreciating me” in your mind.

Think about it – how will you feel if you start this practice? Doing this will boost your confidence and self esteem. Seeing emails from “the wrong men” from a positive light can make you feel more desirable and attractive. You absolutely cannot lose – there is only upside to following such advice.

One of my dating coaching clients saw a huge uptick in online dates as a result of this shift in attitude. She became more magnetic and that translated to better quality men contacting her.

What’s the downside of trying to keep the wrong men away?

Women try a number of approaches to keep the wrong men from contacting them and it unfortunately backfires. Some put it in their profile with comments like “no couch potatoes, no men from more than 50 miles, no bald guys, etc”

What’s wrong with doing this? Men read this as criticism, even if they are not the men you are trying to ward off. Since most men choose women who make them feel good, you have ruined your chances. Boom, you shut him down and he clicks off to find a woman who isn’t critical in her profile and seems easier to please.

Of course you are entitled to date whoever you want. I’m just suggesting you don’t spell out the men you don’t want in your profile if you want to attract decent guys.

What’s the best way to handle contact from the wrong men?

Like I advised above, simply say “thank you” to yourself before deleting their emails or winks/flirts. That’s it. You don’t need to respond or engage with these men. Just realize they did take the time to contact you and it showed their appreciation for you.

In addition, this technique can  help you deal with the fact that many men won’t respond to your email contact either. Not every man will be open to you. When you are easier on the guys you don’t like, you will also take the rejection more in stride. That helps a lot when you are looking for online dates.

Take in the compliment and boost your ego. You will meet plenty of men who aren’t right and you won’t be right for plenty of men. That doesn’t mean you can’t find love online. Please try to relax and let the stuff that doesn’t matter roll off your back. That’s the best way to keep a positive outlook, continue to seek online dates and find the love you dream of.

The post Online Dates: Why Do The Wrong Men Contact Me Online? appeared first on It's Never Too Late for Love.