I call this bench “Our Bench” because my husband and I kissed there - one of those tingling, longer kisses one summer evening. When I opened my eyes, I saw shooting stars and took that as a cosmic sign of my good fortune to have connected with Paul.

A couple of days ago, we were walking that same path like we often do. As we came near “Our Bench” someone else was sitting there. A man of maybe 60 and a woman somewhat younger - maybe early 50’s. “Hey they’re on ‘Our Bench!’ “ I joked with my husband. But he noticed more detail. The man, whose back was turned to us, was down on one knee!

As we walked passed, the woman had just finished putting the ring on her finger and was beaming. (I didn’t get to see the rock though - darn it!) They both looked so happy and we congratulated them wholeheartedly.

How romantic! And on “Our Bench” too. It’s a great spot.

People fall in love every day. The wedding business is still booming. Whether you are dating over 40, 50, 60, etc. there is still time to find love again. It’s never too late!

Do you have the desire to find love this summer? I tell my dating coaching clients to leverage the energy warm months and friendlier nature of people. smile more. Be friendly! Try some singles events. Get out there to mingle, meet men and cross paths with prospects so the right man for you can find you.

Wishing you love,
Ronnie

photo credits slightlynorth beach  and LJV ring

I picked it the moment my eyes landed on it, but at first I thought there were only four leaves. That was exciting enough. But, hiding underneath the top four, was yet another petal or leaf. FIVE - count ‘em FIVE leaves on one clover. I counted again because I just couldn’t believe my eyes.

Screaming with wild abandon, I ran into the house to show my husband. He didn’t believe me either - even though he looked at it with his own eyes, insisting that it must be some other type of plant. Ignoring his comments, I didn’t let it deflate my fabulous feelings of elation. I tucked the unusual specimen into a thick book, and went back outside  to weeding.

Naturally I returned to the same spot where I was to pick up where I left off when - eureka - I found a four leaf clover! I picked that one too and took it into the house to press between the pages of the same book.

I couldn’t help but think - wow that’s a lot of luck. Then in a moment of self-doubt I wondered if  it was a freakish anomaly? No, definitely a lucky sign and  a dynamic message of prosperity and Universal abundance. Yahoo!

The Universe is an amazingly abundant place. There’s no doubt about that. Just try to count the grains of sand on a beach or the blades of grass in your lawn, or even the leaves on a big maple  tree. (Or the leaves on my clovers.) Evidence of plenty is around us regardless of what the media says or  how the economy is going..

Even if you feel you live in limitation, which we all can from time to time, the abundance of the Universe is still there to behold.

What has this got to do with attracting men? PLENTY!

If you can start to believe that there are plenty of men out there:

• You will keep up with your efforts to meet men
• You will be able to think “Who’s next?” if you meet a guy who disappoints you
• You will look for opportunities to meet new men
• You will start noticing that men are all around you every day
• You won’t feel compelled to hold on to the wrong guy thinking you’ll never find another

That’s a lot of empowerment. And its all completely true. The Universe is filled with men. They may not all be right for you, but the supply is vast and limitless. Take a moment to really think about that fact and absorb it.

Many of my dating coaching clients insist that this is not the case. They feel there are no good men left. The good ones are taken or gay. This type of thinking is what causes so many people to give up before they really get going with their search.

Developing a belief in abundance can turn your dating life around and bring you the success you want. Sometimes it may feel like looking for a needle in a haystack - but that is still an image of abundance - is it not? Plenty of hay! And hay doesn’t negate that the needle exists. It simply means you may have to develop a bit of perseverance to keep going until you find what you want.

This summer, why not become determined to see the Universe as abundant? When you meet men that don’t satisfy, just think - “Who is next?”  Keep yourself moving forward and feeling positive that you will find the right man for you. And better yet - that he will find you!

If you are out there looking - that means you are making yourself available - and making it easier for the love of your life to find you! 

It’s easy to complain that dating is  not worth your time and you don’t want to bother.  Stamina and faith are required to persevere -  mingling and meeting new people. But which one will reward you? Complaining or keeping the faith

I want to reach through your computer or blackberry right now and share my recent brush with Universal abundance to bring you hope. This way of thinking kept me moving to date 30 men in 15 months - I met my husband and the rest is history. YOU CAN DO TI TOO!

If you feel you could use some help with believing, check out my audio program called I Believe in Love which includes a series of positive affirmations about finding and deserving love.

Here’s what  Katie (42 and divorced) says about the program:

“When I started listening to the CD, I was angry about dating and men and not much of a believer in the idea that I could find love. But I really wanted this to be true. I decided to give Ronnie’s audio a try. After the first week I felt more positive and with more time, the shift surprise me! Now I feel like finding love is a real possibility for me and if I start to slip back into doubt,   I just pop in the CD and listen all over again. What a tremendous help - thank you Ronnie!”

photo credit  cygnus

I was very social during my 30’s with lots of girlfriends. But we never did anything together to meet men. We went to dinner, took vacations, attended workshops and the theatre. But rare was the focus  on man hunting.

The results? Nothing to speak of. I didn’t do much so how much could I expect as results? I just kept thinking it would happen, you know, naturally. Looking back I can see what an error in thinking that was.

Yesterday my friend Carol sent me this quote by Victor Kiam

                             ”Procrastination is the assassin of opportunity.”

Thanks Victor. You make a good point.

The question is - is your love life a victim of procrastination? Summer is the best time of year to mingle and meet men. With outdoor patio bars teaming, BBQ and picnics rampant, and everyone getting outside - you have a plethora of opportunities to find prospects! Are you leveraging the social possibilities or procrastinating?

for me, I didn’t start meeting men until I made a conscious effort to do so. I had to get out there and take part in activities where I knew single men would be. I met lots of men and I made some new single women friends too! Everything event I attended brought me one step closer to finding my husband.

The same is true for you. Every event you attend, every picnic, singles dance, speed dating event, blind date, Internet coffee date - they all work in your favor to find love.

“Make hay while the sun shines.” That’s another oldie but goodie saying. In CT it may not be so sunny. But the events are happening any way.  Which leaves you only two choices:

1. Get out there to mingle and meet prospects
2. Hang back, procrastinate, and do nothing to create a love life this summer

Of course this momentous choice is all yours. And as a dating coach and former single gal who found love, my hope for you is that you’ll choose door #1.

This might be your most fun flirty summer ever!

And if you need a kick in the panties, I’m running a workshop via conference call beginning Sunday night July 12th from 8-9pm east coast time. Four calls to get you excited and motivated, create a plan for prospecting, learn new flirting tips, and get the support and encouragement you need to do something to change your single status. Read more here

Call me to sign up at 203-877-3777.  Just $99 for all four sessions and a copy of my book MANifesting Mr. Right. I’m here to help!

photo credit freebird

Men who don't have time

Many of my dating coaching clients tell me about the divorced men they meet who are incredibly busy. Between their careers, kids, chores and hobbies, they just have so much going on. As a result, they can’t seem to find the time to get together. Hmmm.

To me, the word dating is really a contraction for two words - data and gathering. That’s the whole point of dating - to gather data about prospects to see if they are worthy of your time. For some people, they just date to have fun ansd meet people. But for those of you who might be looking for the “real thing,” you need gather data.

What does this really mean? Well it’s about observation. This is like high school chemistry class. Remember back then? You put the ingredients into a beaker, you stir, turn on the bunson burner and wait to see what happens. No adding more ingredients. No additional stirring. You don’t mess with the experiment or you won’t be able to identify the results.

Same goes for dating. You want to see what a man will do to “woo” you and win you over.

• Does he offer to pay?
• How soon does he call between dates?
• Does he call but not ask you out?
• Does he ask about you in conversation?
• If you met him on the net, does he ask to meet you within a week or two, or put you off?
• Does he cancel with excuses of how busy he is?

Observing during the initial courtship is crucial because it never gets better than that. Never.

Everything you  need  to know is right up front. That’s why you don’t want to prompt him, call him or offer to pay. If you do that , you are messing up the chem experiment and won’t know for sure what he would have done if you did nothing but be your sweet, receptive self.

This is how the chase works and the chase is not over. Oh no - the chase is still alive and how dating works, even today.

If a new prospect is too busy to meet you the first time, when will things get better? Based on a title of a famous dating book -”He’s just not that into you.”  If he was really interested and wanted to get to know you, he’d make the effort regardless of how busy he is.

Another possiblity is that he might not be serious about finding love. If a man is just dating around, then meeting you or the next woman doesn’t really matter. He can be cavalier because any woman he’s attracted to will do. That’s not a good thing either unless you are feeling casual as well.

Anyone can have an emergency and not be able to meet. But if this becomes a pattern and happens more than once - RED FLAG. Why waste your precious time on a man who can’t keep a date or find the time to meet you? Move on. There are plenty of other men to date. Don’t be too nice accepting or making excuses for him.  You deserve better. Please honor yourself and look else where.

 photo credit - metamuro

Enjoy this fun, interactive presentation for women on how to maximize feminine charm. Spice up your self-image for greater confidence and learn sure-fire flirting tips that will help you live a more creative, spontaneous and fun-filled life. Bring your girlfriends for fun tips, wine and yummy nibbles.

Thursday, June 25th at 5:00pm
Pilgrim Furniture
1755 Boston Post Road, Milford, CT

Admission: Please bring a new or gently used book for children to benefit Read to Grow

RSVP - Space is Limited. Please call 860-276-0030 x106

There’s no question that online dating has gone mainstream with more singles than ever seeking and finding love over the internet. That’s because nearly 50 million people are online! During this fun, interactive workshop learn about the many different sites available and the pros and cons of some of the more popular ones. Discuss how to write a dynamic, effective profile. Discover how to filter out inappropriate candidates. Meet other singles and share different strategies for getting to know people online. Discuss tips for staying safe when you meet for the first few times and what types of dates work best.

Tuesday, June 23  7:00-9:00pm  Norwalk Community College, Norwalk, CT
To register, call 203-857-7080

The trust issue shows up in two distinct ways:

• 1) Trust in the opposite sex
• 2) Trust in yourself, in your judgment and ability to pick the right person

Neither of these issues is a breeze and some people suffer the affects for years following the end of a marriage or relationship. 

Thankfully, according to a number of experts, trust can be regained.  It requires a shift in behavior, improved self-esteem, and the passage of time. I spoke with a few local therapists who shared their viewpoints for healing the ability to trust others and yourself as well.

All three professionals agreed that the number one factor for rebuilding trust in others is to not give it away blindly. Instead, hold off and let people earn your trust.  When you start to get to know someone, observe what your date does.  Watch for congruency between what they say and their behavior. Actions are what count because as everyone knows (and some of us have learned the hard way), talk can be cheap. The best solution is to no longer automatically believe what people say.

Test the waters by taking small steps.  tart with something that doesn’t matter much so you lower the risk and learn about this new person. Look for patterns. See what develops. Take baby steps and let the trust build when you see proof that each new level is deserved.

One therapist, suggested that people build their “active listening” skills and start paying close attention to how someone else listens and responds to you. Does the person dance around your questions rather than answer them directly, avert their eyes, fidget, or hem and haw?  These are all behaviors that might point to a less than honest conversation.

In addition, people are counseled to take time to notice how your body feels.  Look for changes in perspiration, breathing, pulse rate and even how your “gut” feels.  Your body sends these signals to let you know if you’re hearing the truth or not.  Listen to and respect your own instincts to determine if someone is worthy of your trust.

Rebuilding trust in yourself and your own judgment is critical for all future trust.  By making this your first priority, you will start to make better choices and take better care of yourself.  A second therapist explained that the devastation caused by divorce is proportionally related to how well you maintained your own needs during the marriage.  It’s just smart to never forget how to take care of yourself.  Preserving your own ability to take care of yourself ensures that you can always count on yourself and keeps your personal power and fate within your own hands.

 The third therapist looks at divorce and the ability to trust from a spiritual perspective and she recommends Debbie Ford’s book, Spiritual Divorce.  The steps mapped out will help you come through the process without “baggage” which can certainly get in the way of trust in future relationships.  Your experience and outcome will be more positive by following these steps and honoring the process, yourself and the relationship.” 

 All three professionals insist that people can successfully rebuild trust in themselves and others, given a real desire to heal, some time, and the proper support. This willingness to trust again will be the foundation to open your heart to find a healthy, long-lasting, and loving relationship.

As a dating coach, I can tell you that I have seen people heal and move on to trust again. My clients have made tremendous progress to open their hearts to love and the opposite sex. The effort you put into this shift will be well worth your time since the long-term reward is finding the new loving relationship you dream of.

Yes, you can meet 50 men in just 100 days. This program will help you at whatever stage of the dating journey you’re in. Active daters join to get new insights and newly single or inactive folks join to get rolling.  Everyone benefits by sharing and listening.

Each session includes new dating topics to get you moving, motivated, or clear up confusion. Discover how to break the ice and start conversations with men, flirt easily and how to be an irresistible woman.

Here’s what recent participants have to say about the group coaching process:

“Being on the call made me feel so much better as I came to realize that I’m not alone. Lots of other women feel the same things that I do!” — Randi

“I didn’t do my usual ‘make excuses routine’ because I was motivated knowing the call was coming up. I didn’t want to be the only one not doing anything!” — Betsy

“Ronnie gave me several valuable tips that have made all the difference in my flirting ability.” — Michelle

The Winter Challenge was a Huge Success!
Participants talked to more men in  100 days than they ever dreamed of before and had fun doing it!  Their friendly, flirtatious encounters turned into more dates and today they are feeling very differently about dating. The group has really shifted everyone’s dating experience for the better.

You might ask, “How can I possibly find 50 men to talk to?”
One of the main benefits is to discover that men are everywhere you are! You won’t be dating 50 men, just  TALKING TO THEM. You could meet men at the grocery store, at speed dating or a singles dance, in line at the bank, picking up your cleaning, or walking your dog. Most women just don’t notice  men.

“What’s the point of meeting 50 men?”
Here are several of the incredible behavioral and belief shifts that have transformed these women participants:

7. They used to think there weren’t any men to talk to and now, they look around to see how many men can be added to their list!

6. Meeting new men and talking to them has become fun! These women no longer see it as drudgery, thinking, “Ugh, another loser.” Turns out that a lot of these men are really interesting.

5. They discovered you don’t have to be a super model to approach men. Any woman can be friendly and flirty. And, 99.9% of the time their conversations and ice breakers are well received which has boosted their confidence.

4. They totally embraced the challenge (after initial skepticism) and plan  to do to meet men at at least twice a week. This activity has become a natural part of life. They don’t stress about a particular event - because they know - if one doesn’t work out or go well, there is always another.

3. They now recognize how many men are out there. They see the abundance and have touched it so they know it’s real. That means it’s only a matter of time and a numbers game to meet the right one. How true!

2. Today, these women are adept at meeting men. They don’t sweat over starting a conversation or stammer with nerves. This is the confidence that comes with  practice which cannot be achieved any other way. They didn’t start out being  super sociable or flirty, but they are now.

1. The number one benefit? Meeting more men = more dates! After all, Isn’t that the number one goal?

What’s Included?

• Five one hour group coaching sessions
  Sunday nights: 6/21, 7/12,  8/2 , 8/23, 9/13   from 8:00-9:00pm east coast time
• Once a week emailing for questions in between
• The book MANifesting Mr. Right (if you don’t already have one) or any audio program of your choice.

This is a $786 value when compared to private coaching and a lot more fun and inspiring!

But I want this to be an accessible program that anyone can take advantage of. That’s why this price is so incredibly low. Get on board now with the best program you’ll see all summer any where.

All this great support and info for $124.99

How does it work?
Group coaching is a fun and inspiring way to get the support and information you need to date more successfully this summer. Get all your dating questions answered, end confusion and minimize frustration.

Where does the group meet?
You’ll dial a special conference number and everyone will be able to listen and talk. It’s easy and very convenient. No driving, no parking and no gas costs.  Just a regular long distance charge on your phone bill. That’s it. All materials, as well as the phone number will be provided after your confirmed registration.

What if I can’t make a session?
Not going to be around for all the dates? No problem! Sessions will be recorded so that you can hear everything that happened, in case you have to miss one.
You deserve to find the love you want. Join the fun and make it happen.
$124.99

Early Bird Registration by 6/1 - pay just $99

Register Online Now!

Pre-registration is required.

dating after 40

The Situation
Paul and I went to Home Depot Sunday to pick up a number of items. The biggest one on the list was the filter for our under-the-sink water filtration system. We walk in, I see a couple of employees and I ask where the water filter replacement parts are. The guy walks us over to where they are displayed.

Paul had written the model and filter numbers down for me and I had the paper in my pocket. I had also called GE because they don’t seem to sell those filters  any more so I got the new replacement number. The employee hands us the filters that match the new numbers and it becomes obvious that this was incorrect.

The Fax Paux
Had I been using my feminine brain instead of my masculine chick-in-charge brain, I would have realized the best course of action was to step back and let my husband take over.  No such luck - I forged ahead discussing options with the guy. My husband started fuming - it took me  while to catch on. Oh oh.

Emasculation is Not Pretty
Since the Home Depot guy was interacting with me - he was ignoring my husband. And that makes sense since I was obviously the person in charge -  not such a good thing when your husband is standing right there. As a woman, in a man’s world, taking charge makes your man feel superfluous and unnecessary. Anyone want to volunteer to feel unnecessary? It’s not a good feeling and it’s really not pretty for a man.

My Nature and Family History
I am a chick-in-charge. Getting to 40 and being on my own, I had  to be a chick-in-charge. It was a job requirement too because I worked in a very competitive field - marketing at a top consumer packaged foods company.  And in all honestly, I come from a driver family where we are a bit bossy, speak up for ourselves and get our point heard if you catch my drift.

Fast Forward to Today
Today I’ve been married for nine  years (it’s so hard to believe.) Having dated 30 men in 15 months to meet and marry my husband, I was more in tune with this during my dating frenzy. But in marriage, now that we are together, I can tend to forget that I need to leave room for my husband to be the man.

What is My Priority?
Being in charge at Home Depot? Is that really my top priority? It better not be if I want my man to stick around. Why couldn’t I have let him take over, step up and be in charge of the water filter? My nature is to step up and take charge, but it sure doesn’t suit his nature - at Home Depot. There are other situations where my nature is perfectly acceptable and he’d be fine with me being in the driver’s seat. But not in the man’s world of home building supplies.

Once the event was over, I took a step back to understand his perspective. I get it now. Of course it would have been better if I had gotten it then, in the moment, before I made him feel small and foolish. Before I pounced on his easily wounded male ego and pride.

Yielding the Right of Way
Allowing Paul to be the driver of Home Depot activities, is this really a big concession? No. Mostly he goes on his own which in hindsight is clearly a better option. I love my husband and to keep a marriage happy requires a series of compromises and adjustments. Giving way at Home Depot is a rather small concession in the scheme of things. After all, its tiring to be in charge of everything. I’d prefer to split the duties. What was I thinking?

After we made our purchases, I suggested we cross the street for a hamburger and french fries.  He loves burgers and fries. But, I’m the decision maker regarding most meals so he doesn’t get that often in my quest to eat healthy.

It may be an old tired saying, but you can catch more flies with honey. I’m not really trying to catch flies, but I do want my husband to know that he is loved and very needed. He started smiling again when he saw how many fries were in the bag.

photo credit  photos from PT

attracting men

I often read a blog written by the Dating Goddess. She offers a great perspective on dating after 40 - she even thinks its “delicious.” What a great attitude!

How Do You Think about Men?
One of her recent posts asks women if the men they meet are weeds or wildflowers? She goes on to explain that in her garden, they are often the very same plant.  Some she pulls out immediately, while other weeds are actually beautiful wild flowers like mini-pansies, Queen Anne’s Lace and morning glories that grew by natural means in her garden and add to the beauty.

What a wonderful way to look at men!

Do You Notice the Wildflower Types?
Many woman are all too familiar with the weeds that need pulling right away. But how many appreciate the contribution of the wild flower types? Learning to appreciate men, their masculine qualities and what they bring to the planet is a crucial piece for successful dating and finding love .

The “Weed Perspective” Can Indicate a Limiting Belief
If you automatically think that most men are weeds - that indicates a problem. It’s an attitude or limiting belief that men do not have much to  offer, are not good enough, and are not worthy of your time or interest. Certainly that is true for some. Just like that’s true for some women from a man’s perspective.

However, if you complain about men more than you enjoy them - stop and think  for a minute how that impacts every interaction you have with men. I work with many dating coaching clients on this very topic.

This is explains why women who like men are more attractive to men!

To Be Most Attractive  to Men- You Have to Like Men
Energetically, men can FEEL IT if you don’t like them or have disdain for them. And that makes them steer clear and pass you by. That is not what you want. You want men to consider you as a  potential great catch right?

So how can you turn this habit and behavior around? Is it even possible to shift this belief enough to make a difference? Of course it is!

Here’s how you can get started:

Try  Spotting the Wildflowers
Everyday, spend at least 3 minutes twice a day looking at the men in your vicinity. As you walk down the street, go to the store, stop at the post office, eat lunch at a restaurant, look around. Become aware of the men in your space and ask yourself - what is good about this man that would make his wife/girlfriend love him?

Beginning to see the good qualities in men rather than their weed-like aspects is the first step to opening your heart to more men and finding the right one for you. My dating coaching clients who have done this exercise are usually very grateful they made the effort.

phto credit Slight_clutter