I am 37 with a school-aged child. I’ve been seeing a 37 y/o guy with no kids/never been married who when I first met him said “I love kids” and he wanted children of his own. I said I wanted the same thing.

 He called me every other day and always responded to me if I text/called which was every other day because I felt he needed time and I thought we should and were taking it slow. Anyway, 3 months into the relationship he said he wanted to take me away for my birthday. We went.

Then he went away for one week for business. When he got back and after not calling for a week, he said, ” I had such a good time with you but…I decided that while away, I was going to end it because I found out I could see us becoming closer and it scared me because the last relationship I was in with children was the worst one I had”.

Also, he said, “You deserve better then the way I treated you.”  By the way, the relationship he is talking about was 2 years ago and he has only dated other women for 3 months maximum length of time.

I told him, I’m sorry you feel that way and let’s be friends. Did I end it too soon?

Please let me know what you think and thanks,
Too Soon

Dear Too Soon,

I don’t in any way mean to offend you. The end of any relationship is always hard. But, it sounds to me that he ended it before you did. Of course, there is so much I don’t know about:

-Did the two of you have a good time while away together?
-Did anything happen on the trip that might have turned him off?
-What did he mean that he didn’t treat you well? Did you feel that way?

To me, with the limited information I have, it doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong. If you mirrored his communication style, then you handled things well.  Unfortunately, I don’t have much more to go on.

Sometimes after a trip, a man might decide that his woman companion wasn’t as good a fit as he hoped. Or perhaps he met someone else on the business  trip. Sometimes men say things like – “It’s not you, it’s me,” a line made famous by the Seinfeld character George Kastanza just to get out of a relationship without having to really say why. We could keep guessing for weeks.

Instead, when you feel better, get back out there to find a better man. One who knows what he wants and is ready for a relationship with you.

If this guy did treat you badly, then make a list of the things you don’t want to experience again, and put it somewhere you can easily refer to it after meeting and dating new men. This can be a big help to keep you from the same kind of guy who isn’t into children. I’m wondering – is it possible there were some red flags you didn’t pay attention to?

There are plenty of other men and you do deserve to be treated well. If in fact, he had left the door open, and you did end things by playing the “let’s be friends” card, then you made a wise choice. He was telling you that things weren’t going to work out.

Take his advice and move on to find a new man who will appreciate you and your children and is relationship ready.  And I hope you won’t spend too much time wondering what happened. This is one of those potentially infuriating situations where you will never know what really happened. But in truth, it doesn’t matter because he wasn’t ready for you.

To learn how to handle a variety of dating situations and discover ways to attract love and the right man, register for the Dating for Keeps Expo. It’s a free, week-long teleconference starting 9/20-24 that features 12 top dating experts from around the US.

Wishing you love,
Ronnie – The Dating Coach

This is an audio recording that captures a portion of our first session. She is taking on The 90 Day Challenge! (scroll to 9/26 – that’s when the next group session starts.) That means Carolyn’s goal is to meet (not date) 50 men in the next 90 days. We’re going to talk strategies for dating over 40, build up her flirting skills, and discuss how to leverage her feminine charm. When she’s done with the challenge, she’ll be a much more irresistible woman.

Keep up with us over the next  12 weeks (90 days) and see  how Carolyn does. I’m betting that she takes on the challenge with grace and meets even more than 50 men! But no pressure. Let’s be her  love life cheering section, support her and get her moving in the right direction so she can find the love she wants and deserves.

After all, that’s what dating coaching with me is all about.

Love after 40, 50, 60 etc.

I saw it with my own eyes.

Two people kissing on the beach last Sunday. They looked like a lovely couple. Both were tall and in their bathing suits. Both had grey hair.

It was the most perfect afternoon at the beach. The wind was light, blowing her shoulder-length, salt and pepper hair.  The tide was out and they stood on the sand bar, ankle deep in the water. The tiny waves rushed their ankles, covering and uncovering their feet.

They had been walking slowly, hand in hand through the light surf on one of the last summer afternoons of the season. They looked happy, even from afar. Then, they kissed…rather passionately.  It’s not a public beach, so there weren’t a lot of people watching. (There is public access for people like me .)

The woman’s back was to me and I could see they guy caressing her bottom…hmmm – hot action for the beach in daylight huh? My first thought was, maybe they should get a room.  But, this was not the behavior of a couple married for 25 years if you ask me. After all, the beach isn’t in Hawaii or Bora Bora and it wasn’t sunset. So, I started thinking, this must be a relatively new relationship!

There it is – proof before my eyes of what I already know so well to be true:

There is love after 40, after 50, after 60 , etc.
Yes, there is!

So, if you’ve been sitting on the sidelines wishing, yet doing nothing about your love life…
             -If you feel bitter about your social situation and complain about men
             -If you are too timid to try anything new
             -If you think all the good men are taken
             -If you think love has passed you by
             -If you think you already had your chance for love and that’s it
             -If you wince at the thought of dating again…

Then I hope reading this reminds you of what is possible. That couple on the beach in CT found love! You can do it too.

In case you are thinking – yeah, sure, right. But how? Well here’s something that can help – register now for the Dating for Keeps Expo. This week-long dating seminar for women starts 9/20-24 and you can listen live for free via telephone (long distances rates may apply)

Topics include cougar dating, dating after divorce, flirting and body language, understanding midlife men, how to apply the Law of Attracton to manifest love, online dating, delicous dating after 40, fixing your broken picker in case you have one, and so much more.

Don’t hesitate another minute – join the fun and sign up right now

photo credit A Single Atom

Group Coaching Program Starts 9/26

Yes, you can meet 50 men in just 90 days. This program will openyour eyes to see new ways to talk to and meet men, including building your flirting skills – the natural man-magnet tool! No matter what stage of the dating journey you’re in: active daters join to get new insights and newly single or inactive folks join to jump in the dating pool. Everyone will hear techniques that will help them and feel the benefits of group sharing.

Each session includes new dating topics to get you moving, motivated, or clear up confusion. Discover how to break the ice and start conversations with men, flirt easily and how to be an irresistible woman.

Here’s what recent participants have to say about the group coaching process:

“Being on the call made me feel so much better as I came to realize that I’m not alone. Lots of other women feel the same things that I do!” — Randi

“I didn’t do my usual ‘make excuses routine’ because I was motivated knowing the call was coming up. I didn’t want to be the only one not doing anything!” — Betsy

“Ronnie gave me several valuable tips that have made all the difference in my flirting ability.” — Michelle

Participants talked to more men in 90 days than they ever dreamed of before and had fun doing it! Their friendly, flirtatious encounters turned into more dates and today they are feeling very differently about dating. The group has really shifted everyone’s dating experience for the better.

You might ask, “How can I possibly find 50 men to talk to?”

One of the main benefits is to discover that men are everywhere you are! You won’t be dating 50 men, just TALKING TO THEM. You could meet men at the grocery store, at speed dating or a singles dance, in line at the bank, picking up your cleaning, or walking your dog. Most women just don’t notice men.

“What’s the point of meeting 50 men?”

Here are seven of the incredible behavioral and belief shifts that have transformed these women participants:

7. They used to think there weren’t any men to talk to and now, they look around to see how many men can be added to their list!

6. Meeting new men and talking to them has become fun! These women no longer see it as drudgery, thinking, “Ugh, another loser.” Turns out that a lot of these men are really interesting.

5. They discovered you don’t have to be a super model to approach men. Any woman can be friendly and flirty. And, 99.9% of the time their conversations and ice breakers are well received which has boosted their confidence.

4. They totally embraced the challenge (after initial skepticism) and plan to do to meet men at at least twice a week. This activity has become a natural part of life. They don’t stress about a particular event – because they know – if one doesn’t work out or go well, there is always another.

3. They now recognize how many men are out there. They see the abundance and have touched it so they know it’s real. That means it’s only a matter of time and a numbers game to meet the right one. How true!

2. Today, these women are adept at meeting men. They don’t sweat over starting a conversation or stammer with nerves. This is the confidence that comes with practice which cannot be achieved any other way. They didn’t start out being super sociable or flirty, but they are now.

1. The number one benefit? Meeting more men = more dates! After all, Isn’t that the number one goal?

What’s Included?

■Six one-hour group coaching sessions

Sunday nights: 9/23, 10/10, 10/24, 11/7, 11/21, 12/12  from 8:00-9:00pm east coast time

■Once a week emailing for questions in between

■The book MANifesting Mr. Right (if you don’t already have one) or any audio program of your choice.

This is a $750 value when compared to private coaching and a lot more fun and inspiring!

But I want this to be an accessible program that anyone can take advantage of. That’s why this price is so incredibly low. Get on board now with the best program you’ll see any where.

All this great support and info for $124.97

How does it work?

Group coaching is a fun and inspiring way to get the support and information you need to date more successfully this summer. Get all your dating questions answered, end confusion and minimize frustration.

Where does the group meet?

You’ll dial a special conference number and everyone will be able to listen and talk. It’s easy and very convenient. No driving, no parking and no gas costs. Just a regular long distance charge on your phone bill and no special equipment. That’s it. All materials, as well as the phone number will be provided after your confirmed registration.

What if I can’t make a session?

Not going to be around for all the dates? No problem! Sessions will be recorded so that you can hear everything that happened, in case you have to miss one.

You deserve to find the love you want. Join the fun and make it happen.

$124.97

Early Bird Registration by 9/12 – pay just $99.97

Register Online Now!

Pre-registration is required.

I recently met a man, 58, divorced for about 8 years now. He has grown children in their 20′s. I’m interested BUT… in conversation, he made a statement that 26 years of marriage was “enough” for him.

I really like this man – his sense of humor, intelligence, kindness - he has many great qualities. I am  52  and I definitely want to “remarry” again. Do I need to rule him out now? Or should I give this time to see what develops as we get to know each other?

Thanks for your help,
Leslie in Long Island

Dear Leslie,

While this might be hard to hear, I am a firm believer in listening to what a man has to say and believing him. When a man tells you that he’s had enough of marriage, the best thing you can do is take him at his word. After all – he has told you directly how he feels.

 Most women don’t of course. Many of my over 40 dating coaching clients have felt this way. They think, “Well, he can’t mean that about ME. Once we fall in love, he’ll come around. He’ll WANT to marry ME.” But what they have found is that the man really meant what he said and suffered disappointment as a result.

While it’s true, anything is possible, this doesn’t seem like a good risk from this dating coach’s perspective. I’m so sorry to tell you that.

I would advise you, as I have many other dating coaching clients who are dating after 40 or after divorce, to believe him and move on to find  a man who wants what you want. So many hearts have been broken when women don’t believe what a man tells them. At least he has been upfront and  honest with you.

 There are more great men out there in the world and a good one, the right one for you. Please look for one who wants what you want.

 Wishisng you love,

Ronnie – The Dating Coach

Have more questions?  Register today for the Dating for Keeps Expo!

It’s a FREE virtual conference for single, midlife women. You can listen live on your telephone to 12 top dating experts who will reveal their simple secrets for success in love.  www.DatingforKeepsExpo.com

Why are you still single?

Dear Ronnie – The Dating Coach,
What if you’re a successful, capable, woman in your early 40′s and you’ve never been married (for all the various reasons: haven’t met the right person, dated the wrong men, demanding career, etc.). You’ve achieved a lot, have plenty to offer and have every reason to feel proud.

However, you go on a date and and the guy asks why you’re not married or if you’ve ever been close. The he gets stuck on this topic.

This is a very sensitive and invasive question and it’s easy for me to feel judged and defensive.  It’s like I have to prove there’s nothing wrong with me. So, its very tricky answering in a graceful manner that confidently sends the message there is nothing wrong with me. If  I answer this question wrong, I almost guarantee never hearing from the guy again.

What does it mean when a guy asks this question and then repeats the question? Should a woman feel insulted? Is this an invasion of privacy and far too personal to ask at a first meeting?  How should I answer?

Looking forward to your reply!
Perplexed in NY

Dear Perplexed,
I understand why this would bother you. My answer is some men are curious and it is a fair question in my opinion. On the other hand, some men are idiots and have no social graces. Both are true because it depends on the man.

 I think the best thing you can do is come up with a standard answer and then, shift to a new topic. If he comes back to it again, shift him away in a flirty manner.

This is another place to use feminine energy rather than feel angry or insulted. Neither one of these helps, whether the man in front of you is the right man or not. Better to chalk it up to unchecked curiosity on a man’s part.

Here are a few suggestions for how to respond. You could simply smile as gracefully as you can muster and say any of these:

“Why don’t you tell me more about you.”
“Let’s keep the conversation light today to see how we click”
“Let’s talk about fun topics – where did you go on your last vacation?” or
“Do you have a hobby?”

The more you can deflect anger on your part, the more open you will be to men. Sometimes people ask stupid questions and don’t mean anything by it. But how can you tell? If you appear annoyed, you lose. That’s why dating is a lot like playing  poker – keep your emotions close to the vest like a good hand to maintain the advantage.

That’s why I tell my dating coaching clients to focus on  “data gathering,” which is my definition for dating. Yes, note his questions. Note his bringing it up again. See what else happens. Note the good things too.

It’s easy to take offense and find reasons to dislike men. Women have become really good at this. Look at Sex in the City – that’s what the whole show and movies are about.

The true test for my dating coaching clients who are serious about finding a loving partner comes in finding things to like about men. So, come up with your standard answer. Practice saying it out loud with yourself so that it flows naturally from your lips. Then give it a try next time it comes up. And adjust as needed.

One of the keys to successful dating my dating coaching clients become proficient with is to not let any particular first meeting be too bothersome. They find ways to let what a man says and does roll off. They use positive self-talk like, “Who is next?” to keep moving in a positive direction and manage their emotions.

You are a single woman over 40 with plenty to be proud of. So be proud and don’t give away your power or feminine charm to questions and incidents that don’t matter over the long run.

Check out my FREE Virtual Dating Conference for Women
www.DatingforKeepsExpo.com
September 20-24
Register now and save your spot!

photo credit: StacyLynn

Understanding Mildife Men

Dear Ronnie – The Dating Coach

I went on a blind date and things went well. He texted me the next day (Thursday) asking to make weekend plans. Personally, I don’t like texting to set up dates, but I did respond. On Friday morning, he texted back asking me if I wanted to “hang out” that night.

Not only was I not available, but I found this texting method of being asked out and short notice offensive! He seems like a guy who wants something purely casual. And honestly, “hanging out” seems like college mentality – I’m 38! So, tell me,  is all of this red flag stuff?

Tanya in Worchester, MA

Hi Tanya,

My advice is that you haven’t collected nearly enough data yet to start thinking ill of this man. Maybe “hang out” is a sign of laziness, not wanting a relationship or neither.

Let’s stay positive!
The good news he asked to see you again right away! He contacted you the very next day after your date to secure you for the weekend. That’s great!

Now, let’s bend a little on formality – not that you need to accept a date from a same day request. First off, men like texting to communicate because they talk one third as much as women do. Texting gets right to the point.

Use Your Feminine Charm
You don’t have to text to set up dates though. Let him know that you prefer to schedule dates via telephone. Telling a man in a nice way about your preferences, gives him a chance to try to please you. Don’t sound demanding. Say it kindly, “Let’s talk on the phone to set up date details.” That’s a great example of using your feminine charm.

Here’s how to use your feminine energy to handle the short notice and that you are not available:
“It would be fun to see you and thanks for asking.”
“I’m not free to night how about Saturday/Sunday?”  or whatever you want to suggest.

Hanging Out Is Not a Good Second Date
Regarding hanging out, I don’t advise this for my dating coaching clients at all. You are on the right track here. But this might not mean he only wants to be casual. Still more dating collecting to be done here to know for sure.

However, I agree, best to stay out of his home and yours at the beginning. Public places are better initially for safety and removing any temptation towards intimacy before you feel ready.

This is another opportunity to steer things in a feminine way. For example, If  he suggests his house for a video, you can say you heard a great band was playing at…or the weather is going to be great, let’s get a drink at an outdoor bar. This way, you aren’t suggesting something expensive, but you are letting him know in a feminine way you prefer to go out.

You Can Be Direct If Needed
If that still doesn’t register for him,  be totally direct and say, “I need to get to know you better before I go to your home. Or “Watching a video doesn’t allow for much conversation and I want to get to know you better first.”

My advice, as I would share with any of my dating coaching clients, is to not to judge him yet. Try these suggestions to move him towards what you want using your feminine charm.

Wishing you love,

Ronnie – The Dating Coach
Check out my FREE virtual dating conference for women
www.DatingforKeepsExpo.com
September 20-24
Register now and save your spot!

photo credit: Art by Steve Johnson

www.DatingforKeepsExpo.com

Free Virtual Dating Event for Women September 20-24

This FREEVirtual Dating Conference for Midlife Women is in celebration of National Singles Week beginning September 20-24. A dozen top dating experts and authors  will be speaking throughout the week on topics including:

Cougar Dating
Dating after Divorce
Delicious Midlife Dating
Understanding Midlife Men
Fixing Your Broken Picker
Online Flirting and Dating
Using the Law of Attraction to Attract Love
Flirting and Body Language
How to Best Work with a Matchmaker
The Case for Settling with Lori Gottlieb!
Why There Is No Prince

So many fantastic programs and the best part is registration for listening live is absolutely FREE!

Visit www.DatingforKeepsExpo.com for the full details and save your spot for this fun and highly informative teleconference. No special phone equipment is needed to enjoy every juicy minute as experts reveal their secrets to attract love and meet the right man for you.

Please consider this your special invitation to join this ground-breaking party!

Make the most of singles dances

I bet you ‘ve been to a singles dance or two and thought it was just horrible. When I was dating, I go  every six months. It was always a drama scene. First I had to pick out the right outfit, I’d try everything on in my closet, finally settle on something, but already felt like I’d been through the emotional wringer.

Then I’d go to meet a bunch of girlfriends at the dance.  We’d stand towards the back or near the wall in a group, surveying the men. Rarely did we see someone we felt was worth even thinking about. No one would get asked to dance and we’d end the night pledging to never go again.

Sound familiar? Well this is not the way to meet people at a singles dance!

If you are serious about meeting new men, here is exactly how to do it. Follow these 5 steps that I share with my dating coaching clients and I guarantee you will be asked to dance. When I got serious and followed these steps, I would sometimes dance all night with different men!

1. Wear something that makes you feel sexy and beautiful
If you can’t think of anything in your closet like that , go shopping today. Dating after divorce can be hard, so this is a step to shore up your confidence. Once you know you have a couple of the right outfits, you’ll never go through that emotionally draining try-on-everything scenario which is worth avoiding to keep your energy upbeat  and happy.

2. Get into the right mind-set
It’s just one night. It’s just one dance. Take the pressure off. What I suggest to my dating coaching clients is to decide  to meet new people, not Mr. Right. This way, you are free to meet a lot more people without worrying if each man is the perfect guy. Meeting lots of new people, even women is the recipe for finding love today.

3. Go with friends, but don’t  hang with them all night
Of course you can go with friends, but don’t cling to each other all night! Walk around alone for a while to make it easy for men to  meet you. Go to the bar and get a drink on your own. Walk to the ladies room by yourself. Men don’t like walking up to a bunch of women to ask one to dance. That’s the surest way to not meet anyone. So hang out with yoru friends, then separate and go it alone  throughout the evening.

4. Position yourself for success
Stand at the edge of the dance floor, smile tap your foot and look ready to go. This will show men that you are ready for a partner and to dance. I tell my dating coaching clients – Make it easy for men by demonstrating your interest in getting out there.

5. Be friendly and say “Yes”
The best way to dance with lots of different men is to say “Yes” to as many as you can. My dating coaching clients are surprised how well this works. Why? Because other men are watching to see how you reject their peers! Are you mean? Do you turn away everyone? Do you seem nice and open to dancing? What messages are you sending?

You can have some criteria of course. Mine was I’d dance with any man who didn’t smell or have bad teeth. And, I didn’t dance to slow dances. If a guy asked, I’d tell him to come back and ask again when the music was more upbeat.

Of the 30 men I dated, three came from singles dances. If you are dating over 40 or dating after divorce, why not add it to your action plan to see who you might meet? Follow this 5-step plan and dance the night away!

This is a great non-verbal way to let a man know you are interested.  And it’s called FLIRTING!

Over 90% of attraction is non-verbal
That’s why flirting is so powerful! You are sending non-verbal signals using body language. What do you want to communicate? That you are friendly, open, nice, inviting, and willing to talk with men.

The point of flirting is actually to help men get past the barriers to meet you. In other words, you are helping them see the risk is low for rejection. Normally, men fear and rather avoid rejection. So they might not take the chance to approach you. But,  if you start using these non-verbal signals, they will pick them up instinctively and be more willing to take that social risk to meet you.

Flirting is the Mechanism
Applying your feminine charm will draw men to you. Leveraging your allure magnetically attracts men. Flirting is the mechanism that lets a man know you are open to him.

Many of my over 40 dating coaching clients feel confused about this. So in an effort to be really clear, here’s what using your feminine energy does NOT include:

• Being aggressive
• Asking men out
• Asking a guy for his phone number
• Giving him your number
• Being suggestive
• Pursuit of any kind

Your feminine energy is inviting. You express your interest by looking at a guy, then looking away. And a few minute later, looking again. That is obvious enough, but it’s not AGGRESSIVE.

If you act aggressively, you’ll be doing his job by taking over pursuit. This is highly inadvisable for countless reasons and I’ll tell any of my dating coaching clients this. But the most important one is:

Men Want to Pursue You
He wants this pursuit to be his idea. If he’s really interested, he’ll get invested in trying to win you over. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU DO WANT! This is how you can understand his interest level.

- So, if you smile at man and he comes over to chat but, don’t ask for your number…
     He’s not that interested.

- If he talks to you for an hour and you laugh a lot, but he doesn’t get your email…
      He’s not that interested.

- If you seemed to click and had hot chemistry but he never calls…
     He’s not that interested.

Men who are interested will PURSUE YOU. Regardless of being shy, previously hurt, or any other crummy romantic history, if he likes you , he knows what he needs to do.

What Does Count as Flirting ?

• Eye contact and smiling
• Twirling or fixing your hair
• Playing with your jewelry
• Smoothing you clothing
• Using a straw to drink your drink
• Crossing and uncrossing your legs (but demurely please)

And once you are talking with him, these types of activities still work. Plus you can add a couple more:

• Lean towards him when he talks to show interest
• Touch his forearm or back lightly while making your point, then let go

All of these tips work to help a man get clear signals from you. But you don’t have to save this up for just the right guy. When you learn to flirt with men as your way of interacting, it will be more natural and your skills will improve. Don’t wait for the perfect man. 

Try this today and start letting men know that you are approachable and available. Whether or not you become one of my dating coaching clients now, nothing could be more worthwhile to improve your romantic opportunities.