Nope. Not necessarily. Surprising as it may seem, some men just want to email, some men just want to flirt, and some men want to flirt via telephone. But that has nothing to do with actually asking you out or meeting you. For some reason, these men get their needs met just from these exchanges and don’t feel the need to take things to the next step. You know – dating. Live, in-person communication.

But why? Well there are so many possibilities! Maybe:

• Mr. Flirty is married, so this is a safe way to flirt but not actually cheat 
• He’s dating someone, but still wants to flirt
• Flirting with you boosts his ego
• Flirting is so much fun – it’s a great creative outlet
• Flirting with you is safe – not much risk via email
• That’s not his photo on his  profile, so he can’t meet you
• He’s not really interested in dating right now
• He’s not capable of much more than flirting
• He likes the fantasy better than the real thing
• He likes flirting with you, but knows you aren’t the right one for him

And I’ve just started to scratch the surface. There are as many potential reasons for this perplexing behavior as there are men.

The point is – don’t waste time trying to figure this out. Because you’ll never really know. It’s one of life’s big mysteries.

Here’s What You Can Do
Stop responding to his emails or engaging with him – this wastes your time and romantic energy. The last thing you want is a pen pal who will frustrate the heck out of you and take up space in your heart. Don’t get sucked into the email (or telephone) game and fantasy. Save your energy for a real man who is ready for relationship. A guy who wants to meet you, get to know you. and spend time with you.

Reframe the Episode
Keep in mind that it’s not all wasted energy if you’ve been in this situation. After all, it is flattering. He was attracted enough to spend time flirting. You must be fun to flirt with. You are probably even good at flirting right? And maybe you learned a few new flirty tricks along the way. That’s all good. 

Look at the situation as a fun learning experience. Let it boost your own ego, sense of appeal, allure and ability to attract men. Then re-commit yourself to finding the right man for you and MOVE ON!

There are plenty more men to flirt with, so find one who has the same dating agenda as you do – finding a loving, healthy, long-term relationship.

But, honestly, what in life is that easy? I haven’t found anything I do to be quite that simplistic.  Personally I think life has gotten more complicated. So I look for experts to help me navigate the things I’m not that familiar with or don’t have the time and energy to figure out myself. I don’t do my own taxes – that’s for sure.

Today, the MORE.com site has a new article today called Reinventing Romance: When to Hire  a Daitng Coach which shares what a few experts have to say. One guy said he’d be suspicious of a woman who didn’t have enough confidence to date on her own. Oh really? He didn’t hesitate to get post-divorce counseling, so what’s the difference?

Another point made in the article is not to become a "Stepford Dater". I’m all for that. I don’t work with people so that they all act or date the same way. That’s rather absurd. I work with clients to be the best they can be. And to help them understand the rules of the game. There are rules, many of them unspoken and confusing to women who just want to be straight forward about dating.

Sorry to say the straight forward thing isn’t an option. How would that look – "Hey, you’re cute and earn a good living. Want to date me?" Dating just doesn’t work that way. It’s a bit of a dance, especially when you are in mid-life and have baggage. That’s why I’m here to help.

Beyond the game, dating coaching helps people who need to believe love is possible for them or need to imagine that good men do exist. This part of coaching is referred to disparagingly as "parroting mantras." Yes, I work with affirmations because I personally got excellent results and so have many, many of my clients. It’s hard to argue with what works. (Feel free to try if you must.)

Dating coaching certainly isn’t for everyone. For people who want to find love, are uncertain where to start or unhappy with their results, working with a coach can be that powerful first step to turning your love life around. And it’s a great method to shortcut vs. finding things out on your own the hard way.