Dating Over 40: You Can Find Love Over 60!

I’m just thrilled to report that my client Filamina met someone recently!

Filamina has been a dating coaching client for a short time, having had maybe only four sessions. She’s 62, widowed and has been single for 5 years . She wanted to get back out there to see if she might find love again.

Our sessions have been very interesting. Filamina is open to my suggestions and takes our discussions to heart. We’ve talked about where to meet men, how to enrich and expand her world, what to expect from men in today, and how to be open and approachable to men.

Where did she go to meet men? Filamina went to lectures in NY, dances in PA and went to a local bar/restaurant with a friend even though she’s not a “bar type” person. After each event, we talked about what happened, what to try next time and how to shift her perspective when she may have had  the wrong idea about how things work. Overall, Filamina was enjoying her exploration and experiences out there in the singles world.

Apparently, Filamina was serious about putting her new skills to work. She just emailed me to say she has  met someone unexpectedly! She’s in a whirlwind of  activity and  super busy, but having a ball. As her over 40 dating coach, I couldn’t be happier!

Sometimes you meet someone quickly, sometimes it takes longer. I had a male client, a 64 year old widower who was happ, yet shocked to have met a great woman after dating only two months.

Partly, he wanted to sew some wild oats since he’d been married for 40+ years. But he also knew a good thing when he saw it and recognized the perils of playing the field and trying to hold onto a good woman.  He opted for the relationship and is very happy with his choice.

If you are over 60, you can still find love and romance. And it might not take nearly as much effort as you think. If you are open to meeting new people, trying new things and getting out of the house to mix and mingle, you will expand your world and vastly increase your chances of finding a great partner. Ask Filamina!

Over 40 Dating: Why Does Dating Seem Like an Uphill Climb?

This past weekend I went to Vermont with my husband.  While this story might not seem to have anything to do with dating at first – it will. Trust me.

My husband has an annoying habit. He loves to walk in the woods, but somehow always manages to find a trail that leads uphill for the entire trek (or most of it.) I despise physical challenge. I walk the treadmill with absolutely no incline – I mean flat.

We  pull off Rt. 9 into Molly Stark State Park which seemed quite nice at first. Paul checked in with the park ranger as requested, paid the fee and got the map of trails. He came back very excited because there was a lookout tower  with a great view. The ranger assured him it was not a steep climb, just a moderate hike.  

Apparently, we have a very different perspective on what “not steep” means.

 We begin the walk (or should I say climb?) Immediately the path becomes very steep – maybe a 45 degree angle. Tree roots jut out every where and I am huffing and puffing. Paul says it’s only eight tenths of a mile so this shouldn’t take that long. (We were in the woods for  nearly two hours total!)

After about 45 minutes I was crying uncle. Sorry, I was not having fun. I suggested to Paul that he go up and I would continue at my own pace. Paul went off at a good clip.

While alone in the woods, I had plenty of time to think about things. What came to mind was the weekend we got engaged. We were in Northern VT, near Jay Peak ski area. We entered the park and looked at the mountain (which was deceiving) and decided to climb up to the top. I didn’t know any better back then.

Two hours later, two people sped passed us. I shouted over to them, “Do you know how much further it is to the top?”  They replied, “You’re doing great – only another  hour.” Another hour? %#%#*&!!! 

I was so done and wanted nothing to do with going further. Paul tried to encourage me by saying he’d ask me to marry him officially at the top. I sniped at him, “I already have the ring!”

But I did keep going and we made it. What a beautiful view. Breathtaking (literally for me). Paul did ask me to marry him, officially, once we  sat down and started breathing normally again.

Both climbs were reminiscent of my dating journey. It had truly felt like an uphill battle for many months. I dated 30 men in 15 months cramming 20 years of dating into a little over one year. It was fun. It was hell. It was joyous and devastating. It was worth every moment once I got to the end of the trail (or the top of the mountain) by marrying such a wonderful guy.

If you feel like your dating journey has been an exhausting uphill climb, please remember my story. Perhaps it will encourage you and give you hope that it will all be worth it. I share this story will all my dating coaching clients to inspire and provide proof that finding love after 40 is possible and real.

I have a matchmaker friend Nicole LeClerc of www.Compatibles.com who I actually met while teaching a workshop in Burlington, VT. Nicole says that no one looks back at their dating journey, once they’ve found lasting love, and complains that it was a waste of time. Very wise Nicole. And very true.

Keep your trek going. Take breaks when you have to and enjoy the time when things seems to level out.  Know that whatever you go through, no matter how crappy things seem, it will all be water under the bridge once you are with the right man for you.

I found love after 40. That’s why I am so certain it can happen for you  as well.

Photo Credit: Brent Danley

Dating After Divorce: I Traded Food for Sex…

My friend and personal trainer Linda Gottlieb of FitChicksRule.net has this quote on her blog that is a total crack up! “I traded food for sex and now I can’t even get into my own pants.” That is just hilariously funny and maybe too close to the truth for some. Many people replace that intimate connection with other sensuous pastimes like eating.  (Sometimes because it’s not available.) But there is a way back into the groove so don’t despair.  Linda shares some wonderful solutions like buying new lingerie (vs. what she refers to as ”big girl panties” and being “noticeable” if you want to be noticed (and get lucky…) Great advice. Here’s the link if you want to read the whole thing – its pretty quick and a good kick in the panties!

Dating Over 40: Think Like a Man – Steve Harvey Shares his Male POV

Last week I was watching CNN early in the AM when I saw a brief  interview with comedian and radio talk show host Steve Harvey. Honestly, I had never crossed paths with him before, but you are sure to hear bout him now as his new book is already a best seller on the New York Times bestseller list! What’s he writing about? Stuff women really need to hear about men, dating, relationships. The inside scoop from a man’s perspective. We already know how we women covet this info – just look at the sensation created  by the book (and now a movie) He’s Just Not That Into You! Steve’s book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man sounds really good and I plan to get a copy very soon.  Here’s what he said that grabbed me immediately and made me want to hear more… Steve says, the biggest mistake women make today is to expect a man will return love the same way we women give it.  Problem is, that kind of nurturing, affectionate and caring love is just not in a man’s DNA. Yup, that’s what Steve had to say.  He went on to explain that a man’s idea of nurturing you when you aren’t feeling well, is to open and heat up a can of soup, put a blanket over you on the couch and let you know he’ll be in the other room watching ESPN in case you need anything. Isn’t that the truth! According to Harvey, men think of love as the “Three P’s,” a phrase he coined: Profess, Provide and Protect.  There are no “N’s” for nurturing – get it? Steve’s book made it to the New York Times and Wall Street Journal’s non-fiction Best Sellers list in the first week on the market. Personally, I’m looking forward to hear what Mr. Harvey has to say in greater detail. When it comes to relationships and dating, if there is something new to learn – that’s where you’ll find me. Keep this in mind however, there is more than likely plenty that will be either annoying or down right irritating. I say – so what!  There is definitely something valid about what Harvey has to say – just toss the parts you don’t like and learn from the parts you do. If you want to read more yourself about the new book, check this article and the publisher’s website.

Dating Over 40: Become Your Own Matchmaker – Review of Millionaire Matchmaker’s New Book

I just finished reading Bravo TV star, Patti Stanger’s new book – Become Your Own Matchmaker. While her business is directed mostly at men, this book offers excellent dating advice for women. I agree with much of what Patti has to say. From detoxing a past love and bad dating experiences, to where to find men (page 103 – a few new ideas here!) to relationships check list and negotiating the ring, it’s all in here. Patti takes you step by step through the process she’d advise if you were her client. My favorite  parts? Chapter 5 Dating Adventures. Patti has written a whole section on who should make the calls and when. as well as her 10 Commandments for Dating. She also gives a fantastic run down of what not to talk about and why – very savvy! In Chapter 6 – First Days of Infatuation, Patti gives you a red flag watch list with keen insights into men’s behaviors. I learned a few new things myself and she also confirmed a lot of my experience and thoughts on this subject. But even better, Patti wisely gives you good flags to watch for and consider strongly as evidence of finding a really great guy. I loved this list because she points out some very important relationship details that get overlooked for things like bald vs. hair and MBA vs. BA. There are so many good books coming out this Valentine’s Season and it’s hard to know what to read. But the Millionaire Matchmaker’s book is a sure bet!

Dating After Divorce: First Date Conversation No No’s

You’re a smart, friendly woman who knows how to talk to people and hold a good conversation right? But how many of you end up talking about taboo topics that are not good for first date discussions? You may not even realize the effect some of these subjects can have on the man sitting across from you.  While some are more obvious than others, women admit they talk about these things anyway!

1) Your Ex
Why bring up a sore subject for you? When you complain about your ex, you are announcing that you have allowed yourself to be treated poorly.  Don’t advertise past mistakes! Leave your ex out of the conversation. There will be plenty of time to share your romantic war stories, but not when you are trying to show off your good side.

2) Your Kids
Of course your children are the most important part of your life. But a man wants to think he might occupy that place at some point. Play the game by focusing on getting to know each other and leave the kids for another time.  Being a great Mom is wonderful, but not very romantic.

3) Your Job
Maybe you have a great job that you are passionate about. Lucky you! Maybe you hate your job and enjoy berating your boss because it makes you feel better. Either way, don’t let work be the center of your conversation. If you love what you do, share a measured amount, but move on to other things like recreational activities. If you hate your job, telling tales won’t make you look good, so don’t get started on the first date.

4) Your Money
Perhaps you’re proud of your financial accomplishments as well you should be. But you do want to be careful not to outshine a man in this department, at least on the first date. Men have surprisingly sensitive egos and cling to the idea of being a good provider.  Let him for this moment – he’ll find out soon enough what you have if he asks for future dates.

And if your financial situation is tentative, don’t share that either. You don’t want a great man to be scared off if he gets the idea you are looking to be saved.

5) Your Sexual Escapades
This seems like a very fun and exciting topic to some women and there is no denying that truth! But if you don’t want to sleep with the guy on the first date, don’t talk about sex. In fact, men can be funny about a woman’s past and sometimes like to think they are the only ones. Also, you don’t want to sound too experienced which could come across as  having “been around.” Again, not good for making that all important first impression. When dating in mid-life, you will naturally have a history, but don’t bring this up on the first time out.

If you still feel unsure of what to talk about, here are four easy rules of thumb. Ask yourself these questions before you bring something up:
1) Will talking about this show me in a good light and make a good impression?
2) Will talking about this keep the focus on us and getting to know each other?
3) Will talking about this create conflict or keep things flowing smoothly?
4) Will talking about this provide too much information, more than needed on a first date?

Lastly, if a man brings up any these topics, feel free to change the subject! This is an opportunity to collect data about the guy, but I wouldn’t let it go on too long. You don’t need to answer any questions that make you uncomfortable either. Just admit that you prefer to talk about that some other time.

Happy Chatting!

Dating Over 40: It’s Really Never Too Late, Even at 107!

 

According to MSNBC, a woman in China  is searching for her first husband at 107!

Yes, you read that correctly. Until now she had been afraid of marraige. When she was growing up, she noticed that the married women in her life were often mistreated by their husbands. As a result, this brave woman decided to avoid tying the knot and managed to stay single. She worked on a farm in the country until she was 74, then moved in with a nephew in a large city.

Now that she is 107, she worries about being a burden to her family. That’s why she has embarked on the journey to find a mate. Read the rest of this unbelievable true story here.

They say truth is stranger than fiction – sure is!  You couldn’t make this stuff up!  This is a real life case of it being never too late to find the love you want.

Dating Over 40: What’s Your New Year Resolution for Love?

 

 

I’m not sure I believe in New Year’s resolutions. But I do find that setting up goals and intentions can be very helpful when you have something you want to achieve. The same thing is true for finding love – it’s no different than any other goal. In January, most people are willing to set goals, so I advise following the trend. Without this conscious step, you may find nothing new transpires.

So what will you do this year to find love?

Here are some suggestions to help you create your plan:

1. Look for events that you would be willing to attend. You can find them in the newspaper calendar, online by putting the nearest large city/town into Google + single events. Also check out http://meetup.com – you can search by zip code and there is so much available for singles or in general. Visit the speed dating sites to see what is available in your area as well.

2. Put things on your calendar. Sign up and don’t think about it too long. You can always back out but often, especially with speed dating, you won’t get in if you don’t sign up early.

3. Many women in mid-life don’t have single girlfriends. But a dating buddy is great when you are looking for prospects. If you are out and there are too many women at an event – see this as an opportunity to connect with women. Besides, you never know who she may know!

4. Determine how many times a month you are willing to get out there to meet new people. Then stick to it! It’s so easy to backslide but don’t let yourself wiggle out of this commitment. If you really have a desire to find love, a little effort will be needed. Try to get out at least three times a month to make a genuine effort.

5.  Consider some type of dating service. Whether it’s online like Match.com – the biggest site by far, or a local matchmaker or in Boston, there is the Post Club. These types of services will connect you to singles. The more singles you meet, the better your chances of finding someone you can click with.

Get out there, smile and have fun! Meeting new people will enrich your life.

 

Dating Over 40: My Friends Attract Men at Events – Why Do I Have to Work to Meet Men?

 

Dear Ronnie,

I invited two friends to a big holiday bash last week and I was surprised at how things went. For some reason, my two friends just sort of stood around and smiled and men came up to them. Sally really hit it off with one guy who promised to call and Jen gave her number to several men. Too bad that doesn’t work for me. How come it seems like I have to work the room to meet men? What am I doing wrong that makes it seem so effortless for them?

Working Hard in Washington

Dear Working Hard,

I often advise clients not to compare themselves to others for this very reason. It may look easy for them, but you’d have to find out if the men panned out before you should waste any time feeling jealous of the ease with which they meet men.

The reasons why their method may seem so much easier than yours are numerous. Perhaps your friends have their "love lights on" (page 48 in MANifesting Mr. Right) Maybe they are natural born flirts and are strongly connected to their feminine allure. Perhaps it was just the luck of the night? It’s hard to determine based on the amount of information I have. So I’m going to take a different approach.

You mention that meeting men seems like work. If this is your mindset as you walk into a party, it’s no wonder that it feels like a lot of effort. This is a perfect demonstration of how the Law of Attraction works. You think meeting men is hard work – and that is what manifests! The trick is to change your mindset about "working the room."

What if you could meet new guys in the same effortless manner as your friends? How would that feel? What would your actions be like to make that happen? What signals would you be telegraphing to the Universe and single men as you walk into a party? What non-verbal communication and body language would support this process?

Next time you are attending a social event, try this experiment. Before you leave your home of office, visualize how the party or event will go. Imagine that men walk up to you and introduce themselves. Get in touch with your feminine allure and do what is needed to heighten your presence. Emulate the attractive energy of your girlfriends – from body language and attitude to knowledge of how you attract men effortlessly.  Imagine that the night is fun and you meet people with ease and grace.

Also, please notice what has not been included in this visualization. Don’t focus on how "tonight’s the night!" Don’t determine if your night is successful or not based on meeting the right guy. Don’t create an image of connecting with someone special – either as a concept or with a specific person. These ideas are too specific and get in the way of the Universe working for you. If you are using the Law of Attraction to attract the right man – that’s a separate exercise and not to be combine with this one. Requesting the qualities you want in the right man for you is perfectly fine, so long as you don’t expect to meet him next weekend. See the difference?

If you practice this new process, I guaranteed that it will become easier and easier for you to meet men at parties. You will lighten your energy and set yourself up as someone who is attractive. As you adopt that energy and spend more time with it, you will automatically become more magnetic like your girlfriends.

Smile and have fun knowing you are an attractive and alluring woman who men naturally want to meet.

Wishing you love,
Ronnie

 

Dating Over 40: Friendly or Independent? Which is Better for Your Match.com Profile?

  

Dating Over 40: Younger Men – Which Type is Right for You?

 

 

Dating Over 40: I Wish I Could See Him More Often

Melanie has been seeing John for 5 months now. Overall things are pretty good. They enjoy each others’ company and she hasn’t noticed any big red flags. Whew!

Yet Melanie thought things would be farther along by now. They spend their weekends together, but she wishes they could have dinner on a few week night as well. John seems perfectly happy with the way things are. He hasn’t stepped up their time together or requested more. She feels confused by this and isn’t sure if she should be reading any meaning into this behavior.

I reassured her that as long as John still makes plans with her on the weekends and calls frequently to talk and stay connected, there probably weren’t any issues. We could go on for days trying to read meaning into his not seeing her more during the week. You know how that is. We can create reasons why he’s not that available such as:

• Maybe he needs a lot of alone time.
  
• Maybe he’s tired.
  
• Maybe he’s not that into her.

But what if, maybe he doesn’t know SHE wants to spend more time with him?

Melanie is a very busy woman. She takes yoga two nights a week, goes to networking events and does volunteer work. Maybe she’s trained him inadvertently that she is too busy during the week. So he has no idea that she’d like to see him more.

Solution? TELL HIM!

I suggested to Melanie that she say something simple like, "John, I wish we could see each other during the week too. We could have dinner, take a walk. or share a glass of wine. What do you think?"

Isn’t that simple?  Chances are very strong that John would be open to getting together on week nights. But at the beginning of their courtship, John had asked Melanie several times to see her and she was always busy. He’s a nice guy and can keep himself entertained. So he followed her lead and kept his time with her to the weekends.

In addition, Melanie has this idea that the man has to lead all aspects of the relationship. This is absolutely not true. In fact, many times it’s the woman who will move things along to ask fro a commitment or discuss marriage. Of course this is not advisable during the initial dating phase, but once you know you have an unspoken date on Saturday night, you have moved into the relationship phase. Completely different rules apply.

Some might argue that things might be a bit touchier for younger couples, maybe in their 20′s or early 30′s when men are so much more skittish. But when a man reaches 35 (and you do too) I truly believe that requesting what you want in the relationship is completely fine. You will learn a lot by doing so. You’ll discover if he wants to please you, stay with you, move forward with you or whatever it is you are asking. As i wrote in a previous post, even the topic of marriage is not off limits. Heck i had to bring it up with my husband and no harm done.

I read somewhere (wish I could remember the source) that it is actually the woman’s job to manage the relationship. Why? Because many men just aren’t inclined to move ahead naturally. Status quo is great – why mess it up?

The point is for Melanie and any woman out there in a relationship, if there is something you want to step up in your relationship, might as well bring it up and ask. If the man reacts badly – you have learned something important and can stop wasting time with him. And if he is open to taking the next step – hurray – you don’t need to wait any longer. Not much of a risk in the long run.

Get your needs met. Be reasonable yes. Delivery can be everything so don’t be demanding or stomp your feet. Don’t make the conversation a big deal. Pick your timing and your words well. And then bring up the subject lightly, like  you just thought of it. This is what I said to my husband after 5 weeks of dating and it worked like a charm:

"Paul, I really enjoy our time together. It’s fun seeing you on the weekends. I think it would be fun during the week too." He smiled and thought it was a good idea too. We started to see a lot more of each.

A simple request – a big move forward. Give it a shot.

 

Dating Over 40: Crushing on a Man

When was the last time you had a crush? Can you remember back that far? Or maybe you’re having one right now? A crush is a rush of intense attraction. One that makes your heart do that school girl pitter patter. You’re excited, maybe giggly, sometimes flirty. You’ve been caught actually batting your eye lashes.(Don’t worry, it’s a natural reflex.

• First off, are you seeing someone else or are you available?
• Second, is the guy single and available?
• Third, he’s he the right kind of guy for you or a potential bad boy?

If you’re both single and he meets your initial criteria for a potential date, that’s great news! Flirt to your heart’s content. Make the most of mutual attraction and watch and wait to see how things evolve. It’s best not to pursue him or assert too much influence to make it happen. But you can be friendly, flirty and follow his lead.

This kind of crush or attraction is energizing, fun, adventurous and terribly exciting.

However, if you are available and he is NOT or he is a "bad boy" type, that’s a whole different story.

If you start feeling intense chemistry wit the wrong man, let that be a signal to you. Wake up to smell the coffee and recognize the emotional danger you are exposing yourself too. I hear too many women tell me "they just couldn’t help it." Or my favorite, "It just happened." Nothing just happens. You agreed at some level or point.

Now who am I to tell you not to risk an affair or travel down a road that looks like fun? No one. No one at all. I’m not here to judge you. Nope. My job is to help you keep from getting hurt and to hold your best interest in mind.

I can tell you that if you want to guard your heart and not get tied up with the wrong kind of guy for you, look at the signs and pay attention to the red flags. Occasionally, the red flags don’t crop up. Instead they come as a total surprise. Yet, more often than not, red flags are popping up like fireworks on the fourth of July. But hey – you like fireworks. so you choose to ignore them.

Crushing on a man can help you feel alive again. Re-energize your belief in love. Rekindle your allure and s-e-x drive. All of these things are fabulous. But that doesn’t mean it’s wise to take the next step. And a good crush is sometimes better left as it is – an interactive fantasy, a safe harbor for flirting and feeling like the attractive woman you really are. Go ahead and enjoy it. But don’t expect that it means anything and you will keep your head on your shoulders and your emotional heart intact..

 

 

 

 

 

Dating OVer 40: The Unspoken Rule of Dating Still Holds True

 

 

DAting OVer 40: Visual Affirmation of Love on YouTube

This mini-video is very well done. Amrita found so many gorgeous heart-shaped photos, Take a moment to view and listen to the lulling and expansive music which she wrote herself.

This is a great way to reinforce your desire for love with visual impressions. By watching it, you are employing the law of attraction. It raises your energy to the level of what you  want – LOVE. Like attracts like, so watch the video and elevate your energy to attract the love you want and deserve.

Of course this is not your personal vision of love, but it’s generic enough to work for almost anyone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0PpKD5MYxA

Please enjoy the movie!

 

 

Dating After Divorce: Becoming More Positive about Dating or Anything

Ever hear of Jerry and Esther Hicks? They run workshops called, "The Art of Allowing" which are very interesting. Esther shares insights about the Law of Attraction and how to apply it to anything and EVERYTHING in life. After listening to one of the recordings,  I come away uplifted and feeling good.

 

Dating Over 40: Small Course Corrections on Your Dating Journey

This poem by Rumi was sent to me by a woman who asked a question on the blog which I answered.

Your hand opens and closes and opens and closes.
If it were always a fist or always stretched open,
you would be paralyzed.
Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding
the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds wings.
-Rumi 

I find these words very thought provoking. The analogy reminds me of sailing. The boat has a  location it is aiming for. But the actual path requires tacking. Tacking puts the boat in the direction of the wind and then requires constant adjustment as the boat moves back and forth to reach its destination.

The course is not direct or straight. There is a lot of back and forth and adjusting as the wind blows and resistance is met. But with determination, consistency and continuous course corections, the destination is reached. Sounds a lot like the path taken to achieve any goal in life doesn’t it?

So if your journey to find love takes you off course, or you feel like it’s not direct enough, remember this Rumi poem or the sailing example. You probably just need a minor course correcton to get you back on track. Small moves are really all it takes.

 

What small move can you take today to find and/or attract love?

Dating Over 40: Janie Stops Looking and Finds Her Man

Yesterday I spoke to Janie who at 57, happily showed me her dazzling new diamond engagement ring. For years, I’ve seen Janie at our business women’s network luncheons.  As long as we didn’t talk about men, she was happy, bubbly and fun to be around. But if the topic of men came up – wow, not the same woman.

Janie had purchased a coaching package from me nearly five years ago at a fundraising auction. Two hours of coaching accompanied by my book was what she bid on and won. And occasionally at meetings, over the next few years, Janie would grimace and say, I should really call you. But she never did. That’s OK. Everyone has her/his own sense of timing and need.

So yesterday, I asked her, "Janie, how did you meet your fiancé?" She started to explain how she had completely given up looking for a guy. And then a friend dragger her to a swing dancing event where she met Bob and the rest was history.

That’s her version. But after speaking with her, I can tell you that is NOT what actually happened. Oh no, not even close.

You see, I am really adept at reading between the lines. And what Janie doesn’t realize is that it wasn’t that she had given up looking for a man. She had been divorced for over 9 years and every time she met a man after her divorce, he always turned out to be a scoundrel. Not who he said he was, not truthful, not available. You know the story.

So Janie had developed quite an attitude about men. Truth is Janie stopped liking and trusting men. She thought that as a group, they just couldn’t be trusted and there certainly weren’t any good ones left out there. She became bitter and hopeless sad to say.

The truth about giving up on finding a good man… The truth about her not looking any more.. That is NOT what she gave up. The deeper truth is that when Janie stopped  looking, she stopped looking for the same TYPE OF MAN who always disappointed her. She gave up on disliking men. She let go of her anger when she decided to not look any more.

And guess what? Janie softened. She became friendlier because she didn’t care any more. She didn’t look at each man as a candidate to scrutinize and dislike in advance because of the likelihood that he would eventually disappoint her LIKE ALL MEN.

That is exactly what Janie gave up. In doing so, she opened the door for a decent man, a good man to show up. AND HE DID!

Janie claims that she and Bob are so much alike they are like two peas in a pod. They really enjoy each other and have fun. She got the fun back in her life! But it’s not Bob’s doing. Oh no it’s all Janie. Because she got off the bitter bus and she got back into real life.

Congratulations Janie! I wish you all the love you deserve and can  handle! I am completely thrilled to hear this news, not only for Janie, but for every woman riding that bitter bus. Pull the cord, get off the bus and open to a world with possibilities – the possibility that you CAN FIND LOVE and THE RIGHT MAN FOR YOU IS OUT THERE.

Get off the bitter bus and discover what’s possible for you!

 

Dating Over 40: Whip Appeal or Icing without the Cake?

Ever hear of "Whip Appeal?" Apparently it’s a good thing for a woman to have. I learned about this new phrase when I visited the Dating Goddess – her blog is full of great insights about dating over 40.

A man recently told  the Dating Goddess that she had "Whip Appeal" and so she did research to discover if this was a good thing. Turns out whip appeal is BIG among the male 20-something crowd. Her friends’ sons confirmed that having "Whip Appeal" means you have a guy wrapped around your little finger and that he just can’t stop thinking about you and how to please you. ( Is this in a movie, a novel or real life?)

At first our heroine was excited to think of herself having such strong appeal. But then she started to wonder…do I really have Whip Appeal or did my date just say that to get in good with me?

EXCELLENT QUESTION!

She went on to talk about how important it is to observe a man’s behavior and actions, rather than take his word for something. Good point.

High School Chemistry
That’s why in my workshops I always talk about how dating is really like high school chemistry. You put the ingredients into the beaker, you stir if called for and then the most important part of the experiment is to OBSERVE. No additional ingredients. No further stirring. You simple sit back, wait and watch to see what happens.

Now apply this chemistry lesson to dating.

Your date calls you and sets up a date. Let him pick the restaurant or destination rather than piping in with your ideas. You’ll have plenty of time to play party director later once you become "an item.".

The advantage of letting him pick out the place is that you learn what he likes and what he will do to impress you . Then if you are unimpressed or shocked or thrilled, you have collected crucial data about this man to help you decide if you want to continue dating him. 

Missed Opportunity
On the other hand, if you go where YOU suggest, you haven’t learned a thing about his taste, his likes, or what he will do to impress you. And that is a huge missed opportunity.

The Point of Dating
The whole point of dating is to find out if the man who asked you with worthy of your time. And when you enter into the chemistry experiment with your ideas, or calling him, or offering to pay, you will not know if he is generous, of how interested, or what his sense of timing is regarding how often he wants to see you.

The point of dating is to collect data to see what a man will do on his own to win you over. His behavior and interest will never be greater than the first three dates. My advice? Do whatever you have to, including taping your mouth shut to let him lead.,  That way you ‘ll get to know if he is all talk but no action or follow through - which is the same as icing without the cake. It’s sweet, but has no real substance.

Dating Over 40:Prosperity and Love

Catherine Ponder, one of the most prominent women prosperity/success writers around, has written numerous books on prosperity. The one I’m reading right now is called Open Your Mind to Prosperity. Chapter 9 is called Prosperity through the Love Concept. I turned to this page and thought to myself – what? What has love got to do with prosperity? But I certainly was intrigued…

The author explains that the "Love Concept" is to think about love – to become filled with the idea of love internally, and then express it outwardly. She cites how Harvard University did studies on bombarding people and situations with thoughts of love to bring peace and harmony and cure the world’s ills. OK, tell me more right?

Catherine insists that "the minds eternal duty is to express love. This is the great lesson that mind has to learn: the lesson of love. Mind power can become unbalanced when it is not used lovingly.".(pg 145)

She recommends focusing or meditating on the biblical phrase "God is Love." and claims this can "…create a marvelous transformation … in you and your world."

Catherine goes on to say that when you work with the Love Concept, you set up a certain vibration that gets sent out into the world – one that others respond to positively and greatly appreciate.  This is starting to sound awfully good. She finishes this idea with an incredibly bold statement, "Dwelling on the Love Concept makes you a magnet for good," setting up a harmonious attitude toward life that creates a magnetic pull to attract what you want.

Yes, Catherine Ponder of course is known for her belief and reliance on the Law of Attraction. But what totally took my breath away was the idea that thinking loving thoughts could also bring prosperity. Wow! Who says love and money don’t go together? Then the author gave this surprising example:

There was a women’s business group who decided to put the Love Concept to the test. At every monthly meeting, the group spent some  time focusing on love for the group and it’s members. Within that year, so many of the single women got married and moved, that they had to reformulate the group and do a membership drive! I’m not kidding – that is what Catherine claims in her book on pages 145-146.

Now, you don’t have to pick a particular guy, or even specific qualities according to Ms. Ponder. Just the idea of focusing your thoughts on love can do the magic you require to shift your energy and make you magnetic. What if you tried this experiment yourself? What if you convinced a group of girlfriends to do this daily – even if it’s just for a couple of minutes?

And what have you got to lose? A few minutes of feeling good because you are immersing yourself in the energy and power of love. I encourage you to try it. And if you are feeling like reading, get the book too. Start believing you are lovable. Start focusing your thoughts on love. You can’t possibly lose.

If you want to strengthen your belief in love with affirmations, check out my audio program I Believe. The download has a cliché today, but the CD is available.

 

 

 

 

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