Dating After Divorce: Are You a “Yes” Person or a “No” Person?

Recently I  saw a movie on TV with Jim Carrey called the Yes Man. As with many of his movies it was on the edge if not over.  He takes a personal development workshop and commits to saying “Yes” to literally everything. His life takes a  wild ride as a result, with many zany adventures.

Yet, when you think about it,  saying “Yes” might actually have a tremendous impact for the better on your dating life. This is particularly true if you are prone to saying “No” which  happens more frequently when dating after divorce or dating over 40.  I ask my dating coaching clients:

What Might You Say “Yes” To?
– A blind date with a friend’s brother
– Posting a profile on match.com
– Meeting someone you connected with on a dating site
– Going to a singles dance with a friend or even solo
– Trying speed dating
– Talking to a good looking stranger at a bar
– Having a coffee date with a new man
– Practicing your flirting skills
– Finding the right man for you and falling in love

That’s a powerful list with loads of possibilities.

On the other hand, when you say “No”, you limit yourself drastically. Being discerning is appropriate and a smart. But limiting your opportunities consistently,  minimizes the potential to achieve your desires.  This is true of dating and life.

When you say “No”, you are literally keeping yourself single. That’s OK if you prefer your single status.  But if you want to find a loving partner, saying “No” on a regular basis doesn’t serve you.

Have You Ever Said “No” to Any of These Questions:

- Can I have your number or email?
– Would you like to meet me for a drink?
– Would you like to dance?

I have.  I’ll never forget when I was 24, I was with my friend Nancy and her boyfriend Scott playing pool and this nice guy started talking to me and joined our game. As we were leaving he asked for my number.  I didn’t know what to do.  Should I give him the number of not? My friends said not to and I felt torn. I left without divulging my digits.

To this day I wonder about him. We had similar interests and he was easy to talk to. He seemed like a nice guy and he was a carpenter so he could build and fix things. It was a crossroads in my life. There was an ember ready to build into a potentially nice fire, and I snuffed it out.

What about When You say “No” to Yourself?

- I hate those singles dance!
– I won’t date a man who is balding.
– Men who are more than 3 years older than me are out.
– He’s nice but not my type.
– Blind dates just aren’t my thing.

When you say “Yes”, you allow the Universe to help you meet your match. When you meet lots of men, the right man has a chance to cross your path. When you say “Yes” to situations and men, you are a pleasure to be with,  living more fully and believe that all this effort will pay off.

And it will! It worked for me. It’s worked for millions of women.

Just for Today, Catch Yourself When You Say “No”
Say “Yes” at least once when you want to say “No.” You can become a “Yes” person and you can find the love you want. People find love everyday.  Say “Yes” and you could be next!

Photo Credit: TeenNow

Dating Over 40: Ideas for Women Who Are Sweetie-less for Valentine’s Day

Welcome to the first day of the Valentine’’s Week Blog-a-thon,  featuring a variety of dating experts and guest bloggers from around the US. Every day this week, I’ll post a new article from another expert who will share their dating wisdom and tips with you. Don’t miss a single “episode”! Subscribe to my blog and get them delivered to your inbox – or  stop by daily.

Today’s guest blogger and dating expert is The Dating Goddess who is dedicated to providing uncommon information, insights and advice for midlife women reentering the dating world. The DatingGoddess.com is one of the top-ranked sites for dating and has published more than a dozen books about dating in the Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40 book series.

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Valentine’s Day is meant for lovers. So what if you are alone for this day designed to celebrate love? There are many ways to spend the day wrapped in love, even if you are without a sweetie. The new book  Assessing Your Assets: Why You’re A Great Catch helps articulate your positive attributes.

What if you are like many women who are dating, but without a regular sweetie with whom to celebrate Valentine’s Day? Perhaps you’ve been dating around, but there’s no one with whom it makes sense to get all lovey-dovey on this, the snuggle fest of holidays. Or maybe you have yet to stick your toe in the dating pool.

The Dating Goddess, author of the Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40 13-book series has some ideas for you:

• Remind yourself what a terrific catch you are. In her book, Assessing Your Assets: Why You’re A Great Catch, the Dating Goddess says, “Make a list of all the things you love and appreciate about you. It’s easy to focus on what we don’t like about ourselves. But this is the day to be your own valentine. Write yourself a poem. Put on fresh sheets. Buy your favorite flowers. Fix your favorite meal.”
• Treat yourself as your valentine. Do for yourself what makes you feel loved. Do something you like to do that you don’t do very often: draw a warm bath, play favorite music, light candles and relax. Or order take out, get in your jammies early and snuggle down with a DVD. Or turn up the stereo and dance to your favorite music. Indulge and enjoy what you love to do.
• Take yourself out for the day or evening, but not to places frequented by couples. Is there a new exhibit at the museum you’ve wanted to see? Been wanting to luxuriate with a massage? Haven’t had a facial or pedicure in a while? Pamper yourself just and show yourself some love.
• Meet up with some gal pals for a group pedicure, hike, movie or night on the town. Initiate a group exercise where you all tell each of the others one thing you admire about her. It will feel like a group hug!
• Show your appreciation to loved ones. Send free virtual bouquets from flowers2mail.com along with a note on why you’re glad they’re in your life. Send an online valentine card. Call to tell someone what a difference they make to you. Most of us don’t get enough acknowledgment. You’ll be amazed how much love you get back just by sharing some with others.

So don’t let it get you down if you don’t have a steady beau in your life to shower you with affection. You already have a steady love — you! Don’t take yourself for granted!

If you don’t have a special someone with whom to share Valentine’s Day, have a great date with the Dating Goddess and her new books.  Order from www.DatingGoddess.com

Want to read more of the blog-a-thon? Great! See links below:

Day 2 – Alyssa Johnson,  relationships after divorce expert click here
Day 3 – Laurie Davis, the eFlirt Expert  click here

Dating Over 40: BeautifulPeople.com Swims at the Shallow End of the Pool

OMG! I just heard about this unbelievable move by a now infamous dating website. Have any of you over 40 daters heard about this?

At www.BeautifulPeople.com – members vote if you fit their beauty standards for this elite site. If that isn’t scary enough, they took this to the next level.  After the holidays, management put literally thousands of members up for a revote.  The reason?  Possible holiday weight gain.

Guess what? 5,000 members were voted off the island!

My question is -how was this decided? Did these members have  post-holiday photos up or does the site have some cyber link directly to members’ bathroom scales?

Here’s what Robert Hintze, founder of BeautifulPeople.com has to say about this action.

“As a business, we mourn the loss of any member, but the fact remains that our members demand the high standard of beauty be upheld. Letting fatties roam the site is a direct threat to our business model and the very concept for which BeautifulPeople.com was founded,” This was reported in an article about the recent demise of so many members.

Are you as shocked and befuddled as I am? Excuse me? Fatties? How fat could these people be if they got voted on in the first place. I can’t help but think this was a poorly thought out PR ploy to get attention. Like Madonna says, even bad publicity is good publicity. Do you think there are skinny folks now so curious to see if they can cut the mustard that they are lining up to be voted on? Does give one pause…

Ah, the price of beauty is very high. What a great site this must be, packed with quality members that have their priorities in order.  I’m sure it’s hard to choose among the vast assortment of shallow-minded hotties.

Would you even want to be associated with such a site? Honestly, I think they did the ousted members a favor. Maybe now these singles will have a chance to find real prospects for a love based on more than the percentage of body fat.

I would most certainly advise my dating coaching clients who are dating over 40 or dating after divorce to steer clear of this dubious online community.  There are plenty of other sites to find prospects. Don’t bother with this nonsense!

Care to weigh in on this one?

Oh my, sorry for the pun there – just couldn’t help myself!

photo credit: playingwithbrushes

Dating Over 40: 3 Strategies to Manage Expectations & Avoid Devastating Disappointment

- Do you get disappointed after a few emails?
– Do you get sucked in by a man’s voice, then feel empty when you meet in person?
– Do you start planning your future after a first date?

These expectations are natural for women who are dating. But not very pleasant. And sometimes they can impede your progress and cut into your willingness to continue the search.

My over 40 dating coaching client Sally just emailed on this very topic so I thought I would share my answer  with you too. Sally had a fabulous email exchange going with Ted. After about 15 email exchanges, they finally got to talk on the phone and…bummer. No phone chemistry. How could that happen? Sad as it is to say, it just does.

Sally had read my post on 5 tips to make online dating sizzle and expressed that she wished she had known about the “2-3 emails before a phone call” tip sooner. She could  have avoided the build up in her head about Ted brought on by many fun emails with him. As a dating coach, my heart goes out to women who experience these unnecessary disappointments. But there are some solutions that can help, so please read on.

3 Strategies  to Manage Expectations and Avoid Devastating Disappointment

1. Never fall in love with an email, a phone conversation or a first date. Men must prove themselves and that takes time to get to know them and observe their behavior. If you fall in love from the get go with out collecting all the data, you are in love with the idea and not the man.

To thwart this tendency, the best outlook is what I call the  ”We’ll See” attitude. Don’t draw any conclusions but continue to collect more information. Does he follow through? Is he a man of his word? Do you enjoy time with him? Is he consistent? Does he treat you well? That’s the point of dating!

It’s not necessarily easy to do, but applying the “We’ll See” attitude will make a huge difference in guarding your heart.

2. Another strategy to avoid disappointment is chatting with and dating multiple men at the same time.  Then you don’t spend too much time focused on any one guy. This really worked well for me.

Women naturally start thinking about a guy they are attracted to and its totally normal.  The problem is HOW MUCH TIME  is spent  thinking about a new candidate? And how emotionally invested you get in the possibility HE represents?

When you are emailing more than one guy, talking to several men, and meeting different candidates on a regular basis, you can stay balanced with your thinking. You can avoid the “eggs in one basket” syndrome that tends to lead a woman down an emotionally precarious road of thinking any particular guy could be “The One.”

3. The third over 40 dating (or at any age) strategy is simple distraction. To ensure you don’t think too much,  take a walk, read a book, clean out your closet, go out with a girlfriend, or start a project. Anything you can do to not think about HIM will work!

Sometimes you have to play mind games with yourself for your own good. These three  strategies have worked really well for many women who are dating over 40 or at any age.

Dating Over 40: Worried You Won’t Find Love? A Butt-Kickin’ Message from the Dating Coach

Do you waffle in your belief that love is possible for you?

I just got an email from one of my clients who is struggling with her chances to find a good man. Please read on if you have this issue in your dating life because this could dramatically turn things around for you! It’s all written with loving support – I want to see you succeed!

YOU ARE IN CHARGE
What are you willing to do to make your dreams become a reality?
When you go to parties or attend dating events, and you don’t meet a great man, don’t allow that to become evidence that love is not for you. Attitude is everything!

YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE AND OUTLOOK
Yes, it is possible, but it takes dedication, perseverance and the knowledge that some how, some way you are going to make this happen. You are of course the ONLY PERSON WHO CAN DO THIS

 I’ve seen it happen many times. My clients come to me negative and hopeless and then manage to turn things around. That’s what I myself did! I totally understand.

Now, don’t take offense, but what makes you think you are so different from me or others who have successfully found love? Do not separate yourself from others who have been successful. YOU ARE JUST LIKE US REGARDLESS OF YOUR STORY. If you feel different, that is a JUST a PERSPECTIVE you are choosing. Instead, choose to be like the women who have found love!

You have just as much chance and opportunity as anyone else who has been successful. In fact, one of my clients just met a woman, 55 who married for the first time. And she married a guy who had never been married before either!

It’s your job to keep your negative inner chatter in check so it doesn’t bring you down or keep you from achieving your goal. Find a way – create some self-talk that you will use consistently. something like, “Love is mine and is coming my way now.” Use affirmations like this to keep yourself moving, active and inspired!  Don’t let your inner gremlin (that nasty voice who says love isn’t possible) get in your way.  

 Maybe you are using affirmations, but just need some tweaking. Try different affirmations until you find the one that sits right with you. Don’t give up!

This is the dating drill sergeant saying  – SUCK IT UP GIRL! You can do this!  Stop wishy-washing all over town and start BELIEVING in yourself, in life, in the cosmic forces of the Universe that love for you is not only possible, it’s highly probable. You deserve love and you can have it.

Now what are you going to do to make love a reality in your life?

 photo credit: Amal’s zone

Dating Over 40: You Can Find Love Over 60!

I’m just thrilled to report that my client Filamina met someone recently!

Filamina has been a dating coaching client for a short time, having had maybe only four sessions. She’s 62, widowed and has been single for 5 years . She wanted to get back out there to see if she might find love again.

Our sessions have been very interesting. Filamina is open to my suggestions and takes our discussions to heart. We’ve talked about where to meet men, how to enrich and expand her world, what to expect from men in today, and how to be open and approachable to men.

Where did she go to meet men? Filamina went to lectures in NY, dances in PA and went to a local bar/restaurant with a friend even though she’s not a “bar type” person. After each event, we talked about what happened, what to try next time and how to shift her perspective when she may have had  the wrong idea about how things work. Overall, Filamina was enjoying her exploration and experiences out there in the singles world.

Apparently, Filamina was serious about putting her new skills to work. She just emailed me to say she has  met someone unexpectedly! She’s in a whirlwind of  activity and  super busy, but having a ball. As her over 40 dating coach, I couldn’t be happier!

Sometimes you meet someone quickly, sometimes it takes longer. I had a male client, a 64 year old widower who was happ, yet shocked to have met a great woman after dating only two months.

Partly, he wanted to sew some wild oats since he’d been married for 40+ years. But he also knew a good thing when he saw it and recognized the perils of playing the field and trying to hold onto a good woman.  He opted for the relationship and is very happy with his choice.

If you are over 60, you can still find love and romance. And it might not take nearly as much effort as you think. If you are open to meeting new people, trying new things and getting out of the house to mix and mingle, you will expand your world and vastly increase your chances of finding a great partner. Ask Filamina!

Dating After Divorce: How Can I Avoid the Crazies?

This past weekend, again at the RI Singles Lifestyle Expo, a guy stopped me to ask how he could avoid the “crazies”  - women online who might be wound too tightly. You know the type – Glenn Close plays a character in the movie Fatal Attraction where she dates this married guy and boils his family’s rabbit on their own stove to get back at him for dumping her…

Fernando is a handsome divorced guy just getting back out there and has concern about who he might meet or run into. It’s a fair question. After all, women often worry about the creeps they might meet. Same thing really. I had three pieces of advice to help him with this dating after divorce problem:

1. Listen to what your date says
Really listen, because often a crazy person will reveal themselves but many people simply don’t pay attention. Don’t let questionable comments or behaviors  just slip past you. Pay attention to these red flags.

2. Watch out for excess communication
Sometimes women (or men) will tend to overload your inbox or phone with texts and voice mails. This is not a sign that the person likes you a lot. This is a sign of insanity if it happens from the start. No one can like you that much that quickly. This behavior smacks of desperation or co-dependence or something else that you don’t want to find out more about. Trust me on this one. Get out while the getting is easy.

3. Drama that appears in the first month or sooner
The best way to minimize or eliminate drama when dating after divorce is to pay attention to it. If you start having drama from the word go, that is not a good sign. In fact, it can be a tell-tale indication of upcoming trouble brewing. Don’t make excuses for the person. If your date starts creating drama, “Exit stage left” as they say in the cartoons. Get out before you get in too deep.

This advice works for either sex. Women can be crazy and dramatic and so can men. The best thing you can do if this is your concern or you have a history of attracting crazies, is to make a list of the behaviors you never want to see again. Then when you start dating, if these red flags crop up – PAY ATTENTION and heed the warning signs.

I’m looking out for you. I want you to have fun and find someone balanced and healthy. It’s just as easy fall in love with a rational, grounded individual as it is to fall for a crazy, so why not avoid the drama and go for the healthy relationship?

Dating over 40 and after divorce can have it’s ups and downs, but there are some things you can avoid. Crazies are one of them for sure.

photo credit: poshmoggy

Dating Over 40 – Set Firm Boundaries for Fast Hands

This Sunday at the Singles Lifestyle Expo, I was groped by a guy and that hasn’t happened in quite sometime.

Wrapping things up at the dating  event, I was walking towards the door. Paul, my husband, had gone to get the car. On my way out, I was stopped by this extremely sexy Latin guy – Salsa dance teacher who had been in my workshop “The Secret to Online Dating” earlier that afternoon.  (That’s another story.)

Fernando approached me to ask me a legitimate question (which I’ll tell you about tomorrow). But he came with his friend Mr. Fast Hands.  While I was listening to Fernando’s question and trying to answer – Mr. Fast Hands was all over me. I pulled away and he came back like an octopus.

Such strange behavior in a public place. It’s not like we were dancing which would have given him some permission to get that close and touch me. So why this outrageous  invasion of my personal space?

I looked him square in the face and said rather firmly, “Stop groping me!”  He stopped immediately. Yet, he remained close. He’s one of those “in your face,” close -talking guys like on Seinfeld I guess. I turned my complete attention to Fernando and tried not to even look at the other guy. Looking at  him seemed to make him think he had my permission to get in my face again.  That was most definitely  an incorrect assumption.

Lucky for me, I learned a lot about establishing boundaries early in life through my Mom. In our house, we pretty much said things like they were. We got it out in the open and let it go. However, this did require setting firm boundaries because let’s face it – you’re not always in the mood for such honest communication.

Knowing your limits and how to set boundaries is an important skill for all aspects of life. If  someone enters your personal space and you feel uncomfortable, there are a number of ways to establish your boundaries. Here are some suggestions should you encounter Mr. Fast Hands or one of his many relatives. They are listed in order starting from polite and ending at direct and firm.

1. Ease yourself back from the person crowding you
2. Back up again if needed
3. Ask the person to “Please respect my personal space” or “Please give me a little room”
4. Walk away if this behavior doesn’t stop
5. If you decide to stay but want the touching to end, .say “Stop touching me”
6. If  you can’t walk away, hold your hand out in front of you like a police officer would to indicate  “STOP,” then say it firmly at the same time

Whenever you extend your arm in front of you with your palm facing out, you are actually creating personal space and setting a boundary.

This kind of think doesn’t come up often for me luckily. But when it does, I have found that these suggestions do work.

However, if you are uncertain about your desire to establish a firm boundary – that is when you send mixed signals which may cause a man to think “No” means “Yes”.  While “No” should always mean no, the mixed message does confuse some men. Be firm when you deliver such a message and don’t vacillate to make sure there are no misunderstandings.

In my personal experience and what I learned from over 1,500 clients, men who don’t get that “No” means no, aren’t worth it. I recommend not getting sucked into how cute he is, or how much money he has or his charming personality. If he doesn’t respect your boundaries, he doesn’t respect you.

Don’t make excuses for a man like this. Stand your ground and move on. You are very likely to be glad you did.

photo credit: raffyd

Over 40 Dating: Connecting on Facebook – Cyberspace vs. Real Life

How do you know if a guy you knew in high school could be a decent dating prospect today when you reconnect via Facebook?

Last week, Alice,  a divorced woman  in her 40’s, wrote to me asking for dating coaching advice about a guy on Facebook. She’s been reconnecting with school buddies and found one guy she had a big crush on in high school. Tom responded to her friend request and emails very positively – he seemed genuinely happy to hear from her!  She was asking me for advice on her next step because she had been too aggressive in the past and didn’t want to mess this one up.

Understanding True Meaning – The Difference Between Nice and Real Interest

In fact, at the end of one recent email, Tom suggested that Alice let him know if she’s ever in town again.  Alice really got her hopes up high on that invitation. She emailed back telling him she was, in fact, gong to be in town. He asked why? Alice didn’t answer that question, but went on to suggest talking on the phone to make  plans. Tom didn’t bite. He emailed that she should just call him when she gets to town.

The Rules of Dating Apply to Meeting Men on Facebook

Not sure what to think about his response, Alice asked me what her next step should be. In a kind manner as I handle all my over 40 dating coaching clients, I suggested to Alice that perhaps she had been overly enthusiastic and too aggressive again. Most men don’t want to be pursued  by a woman.  Men prefer to be in charge of picking who they want to date and setting things up as well. Alice, in her excitement about Tom’s emails, jumped the gun and stepped over the line. The result? Tom pulled away. Same thing happens in real life – the rules don’t change in cyberspace.

The Virtual World of Facebook vs. Real Life

There’s a huge gap between happily emailing with a FB buddy and taking it to the next level – real life. Tom had no issue with emailing and learning about Alice’s life in the virtual world. His comment about “Let me know when you’re in town.” was a harmless throw away, a lot like “I’ll call you.”  It’s a  nice thing to say, but not necessarily a true statement. How many times have you heard a guy (or even a woman friend) say  that?

If  Tom was really interested in Alice, he would have talked about getting together vs. throwing out this time-warn phrase.

The Next Step for Alice – Keep Looking

Some mid life women forget or are unaware that dating over 40 is very similar to the way things worked in high school. Alice’s next step is to keep looking for new men to meet – either through Facebook or the real world.  Move on to discover who is next! Tom has already shown he’s not interested in real world contact, so there’s nothing left here. If she wants to email and keep a virtual friendship going – that’s a choice. But if she’s going to hold out hope that things will turn around, that will put off her chances of finding love.

At the very least, Alice learned about Tom’s lack of true interest quickly which is the  silver lining to this cloud. Now she is free to move on and continue looking for Mr. Right.

People do reconnect and meet via Facebook – you just need to keep your expectations in check and live in the real world.  Emailing is easy. The phone is next. But virtual guys only become prospects when you can meet them face to face in the real world. The qualities someone looks for in an email buddy are not the same things you need in a flesh and blood life partner.

photo credit: Kiwehowin.’s

Dating Over 40: The Problem with Mr. Twinkle Eye

Recently, one of my over 40 dating coaching clients was explaining the type of guy she is looking for. This woman who is 51, successful, bright, energetic and friendly, wants a man with some passion and that certain something she can only describe as “a twinkle in his eye.”

As a dating coach , I hear things like this all the time. Certain descriptors are like neon flashing lights to me because I’ve heard them so many times. As a result, I ‘ve sort of caught on to a few things and “twinkle” definitely has a specific meaning.

I asked Suzanne how she feels about George Clooney. Does George have the twinkle she’s seeking? Suzanne replied “Oh yes – he ’s got it!”

Just today, my client Bethany told me about a new guy she had a date with. “He’s just my type, edgy, successful and has a twinkle in his eye.” I’m not kidding. This twinkle thing is showing up all over the place, virulent and spreading like the blight that killed elm trees so many years ago. However, this blight is infecting over 40 dating, keeping many women unhappily single.

Bethany agreed with the George Clooney example. She went on to explain the “twinkling” details that suck her in over and over again. “Mark has energy, passion about his work, a brilliant mind and is so charming. Yet, he is aloof, emotionally unavailable, and hasn’t called me for a second date yet. I’m tired of men who behave this way.”

I shocked Bethany with my next comment. “Did you know that a charming man with a twinkle in his eye will always be a package deal with aloof and unavailable?”  Bethany started thinking back on all the twinkling eyes she’s met and was totally taken aback. She couldn’t believe she had never put those two things together before.

If you are holding out for the George Clooney type, beware of what you really seek – a bad boy who is most likely unattainable. For whatever reason, people often want what they can’t have – it’s that much more desirable.

I suggested to both dating coaching clients that they consider other types of qualities in a man. What else could make them happy? What other personality traits would be attractive? I asked them to give this some serious thought because for them, a healthy love life depends on this discovery.

In addition, I pointed out to each woman that if she wanted to avoid wasting time with the wrong man, she may want to notice if the guy she’s dating or hoping to click with is”twinkle-icious.”  If either one answers “yes”, she better start paying attention to red flags that crop up. Get very clear that Mr. Twinkle eye is not Mr. Right for you.

For any woman reading this blog post who insists on a certain type of guy, twinkle or not, I highly recommend expanding your idea of what will work for you. When a client calls me and says,”I’m dating this guy who is so different than most of the men I’ve dated.” I know something wonderful is about to happen! It’s a sure thing almost every time I get that call.

Break out of your narrow Mr. Right definition and expand your world to include men who are emotionally available and relationship ready, even if they don’t have the “twinkle.” Your love life and romantic future are hanging in the balance.

photo credit – interplast

Dating After Divorce – I Don’t Know Where to Start

If you have just recently come through a divorce, or are in the process, you may be starting to think about dating. As a dating coach for women over 40, I meet a lot of people in this situation.

Many women are concerned about being vulnerable again. Some are afraid all the men will be cheaters or liars. Some are desperate to find love again to heal the pain of their recent rejection. But still, many recently divorced women need help knowing how to get back into circulation.

Step 1 -  Do Some Healing First
My advice is to start with some healing work. Before you go out there, it helps to be on solid more ground emotionally. This might require the passage of  time and therapy. You might want to join a divorce support group. Other healing methods include body work such as massage or Reiki, or energy balancing. Prayer, meditation and visualization can be very productive as well for healing. All of these techniques will help you recover from the emotional pain of divorce.

Why do this first? Well, if you are not healed to some point, you will be at risk of low self-esteem. This can translate into making poor choices regarding prospects. Sometimes people choose partners that have similar flaws.  Or you might not know how to maintain proper boundaries for your own self-preservation. When your self-esteem is intact, you can handle rejection better as well.

Step 2 – Relax and Date Casually
The next step is to get out there and see what’s going on. Think about what personality characteristics might be a good match for you. Notice the types of people you meet and feel attracted to.  Discover who is attracted to you. Get comfortable striking up conversations, flirting and interacting with men.

Do all this with a more relaxed and casual attitude rather than launching into a serious search for “the one.” Hold off until you get your feet wet. This continues to promote your healing process and allows you to make better decision as you  learn about the new single you.

Where do you find the men? Online, at singles dances, singles events, singles volunteer groups, speed dating, matchmakers, blind dates, singles meetup groups, etc. Going to bars or taking classes  will not offer you the quantity of single men you need to meet. I’m not saying not to do things you like. But, you will need to attend singles-oriented events to find plenty of single men to sample.

Step 3A – Get Clear on What Qualities Will Work and Stick to That
Be discerning about who you date in this next phase. Now that you have a better idea of what may work for you as a good match, date men to get to know them and don’t be afraid to let a man go when he doesn’t meet your needs or treat you well.

  

Step 3B – Be Clear on What You Want, But Give Men a Chance
Sometimes women get crystal clear on what they want and this can be too limiting. That’s why I have created two angles on this step to address both extremes. If you are too picky, you may never find the right guy because you are looking for perfection. There is only one Donald Trump and one George Clooney.

Most men can’t measure up to this standard, so you may need to loosen up a bit and be more realtistic to meet more men. The more men you meet, the better your chances of finding a good match – someone who has an open heart to love, who is honest, loyal, financially stable, attractive, fun, communicative, etc.

Dating After Divorce Can Be Fun!
Dating at any time can be trying depending on your attitude. If you truly believe that you will find love again, your chances are excellent. On the other hand, if you think all the good men are taken and everyone else is a loser – you will find that to be true.

The best advice I can offer as a dating coach, is to get out there, relax and have fun. There are always more men. So, if a good one gets away, relax and know there are plenty more where he came from. Smile, be friendly, and enjoy dating after divorce. If you’re enjoying yourself, you will be far more attractive!

photo credits:  Donald = Eric Rhoads, George = Sebastian Neidlich

Over 40 Dating: How Come Men Are My Friends, But Don’t Ask Me out?

Dear Ronnie,

I am a very friendly woman of 51. People say I’m attractive. I’m easy to talk to and make new friends quickly.  I happen to have a lot of male friends and find it easy to be “one of the boys.” Growing up with a lot of brothers makes that come naturally to me.

But from a romantic stand point, I’m not as fortunate. How can I get the guys to ask me out rather than just think of me as one of their buddies?

Thanks for your insights – Deb

Dear Deb,

I’ve had other dating coaching clients complain about this same thing. This can be a frustrating situation because the men obviously like you. But as tweens would say, how can you get the guys to “like you like you?”

#1  Do You Think of Yourself as a Desirable Woman?
A lot has to do with how you see yourself when you interact with men. Do you see yourself as the younger sister? Do you see yourself as the buddy? Or do you see yourself as an alluring, desirable woman who can hang with the guys? Because that’s a “whole nother ball game” if you catch my drift.

Your own feelings of being desirable are crucial to how men interact with and see you. Those are the “vibes” that you telegraph non-verbally and energetically. So step #1 is to work on the inside to tap into your feminine charm and allure.

#2 Do You Shift into “Supportive Friend” Mode?
Sometimes women become a sounding board and shoulder to cry on right away in an effort to connect and be compassionate. This is a great technique for building friendships, but not great for romance. Many women like to help stray puppies or wounded men to get over a past relationship. Even if this turns into a relationship, often men move on once they feel sufficiently better.

Nothing wrong with listening. Just try not to rescue every man you meet. That’s not a good recipe for romance.

#3 Are You Rugged and Independent?
If you act like one of the boys – tough, rugged, independent, and completely capable of taking care of everything yourself, then you aren’t showing much vulnerability  Most men want to feel needed.

Now it’s great to be independent, don’t get me wrong. But some women advertise this fact – which unfortunately is not attractive. Not being clingy and needy is one thing. But a woman who appreciates a man and could use his help is just more attractive. So, in this case, the answer is to be a bit more vulnerable. Ask for help – even if you just need him to reach something for you.

Deb, think about these three items and see where you net out. If you can work on these areas, you may find that the men start to see you differently, and thus consider you for the romantic partner you want to be.

Wishing you love,

Ronnie

photo credit: kelvin

The Proposal – Dating Over 40 Heats Up for Summer!

When I was dating my husband, I’d say date four or five, we went for a walk along the beach road where the sidewalk hugs the coastline. It’s awesome. There is an outcropping of rocks where many people fish and the waves splash at high tide.  Just past this area is a lone, twisted pine tree . A park-type bench has been placed there on the sidewalk creating a wonderful place to enjoy the view.

I call this bench “Our Bench” because my husband and I kissed there – one of those tingling, longer kisses one summer evening. When I opened my eyes, I saw shooting stars and took that as a cosmic sign of my good fortune to have connected with Paul.

A couple of days ago, we were walking that same path like we often do. As we came near “Our Bench” someone else was sitting there. A man of maybe 60 and a woman somewhat younger – maybe early 50’s. “Hey they’re on ‘Our Bench!’ “ I joked with my husband. But he noticed more detail. The man, whose back was turned to us, was down on one knee!

As we walked passed, the woman had just finished putting the ring on her finger and was beaming. (I didn’t get to see the rock though – darn it!) They both looked so happy and we congratulated them wholeheartedly.

How romantic! And on “Our Bench” too. It’s a great spot.

People fall in love every day. The wedding business is still booming. Whether you are dating over 40, 50, 60, etc. there is still time to find love again. It’s never too late!

Do you have the desire to find love this summer? I tell my dating coaching clients to leverage the energy warm months and friendlier nature of people. smile more. Be friendly! Try some singles events. Get out there to mingle, meet men and cross paths with prospects so the right man for you can find you.

Wishing you love,
Ronnie

photo credits slightlynorth beach  and LJV ring

Dating Over 40: Attracting Men and the Abundance of the Universe – I Found a 5 Leaf Clover

Sunday, working in my yard, I found not only a four leaf clover, but a five leaf clover too. You might not believe me. Most people I’ve told, question this extraordinary find, insisting that it must be another type of plant. But it’s a clover for sure. There it was, starring up at me from a  big bunch of clovers.

I picked it the moment my eyes landed on it, but at first I thought there were only four leaves. That was exciting enough. But, hiding underneath the top four, was yet another petal or leaf. FIVE – count ‘em FIVE leaves on one clover. I counted again because I just couldn’t believe my eyes.

Screaming with wild abandon, I ran into the house to show my husband. He didn’t believe me either – even though he looked at it with his own eyes, insisting that it must be some other type of plant. Ignoring his comments, I didn’t let it deflate my fabulous feelings of elation. I tucked the unusual specimen into a thick book, and went back outside  to weeding.

Naturally I returned to the same spot where I was to pick up where I left off when – eureka – I found a four leaf clover! I picked that one too and took it into the house to press between the pages of the same book.

I couldn’t help but think – wow that’s a lot of luck. Then in a moment of self-doubt I wondered if  it was a freakish anomaly? No, definitely a lucky sign and  a dynamic message of prosperity and Universal abundance. Yahoo!

The Universe is an amazingly abundant place. There’s no doubt about that. Just try to count the grains of sand on a beach or the blades of grass in your lawn, or even the leaves on a big maple  tree. (Or the leaves on my clovers.) Evidence of plenty is around us regardless of what the media says or  how the economy is going..

Even if you feel you live in limitation, which we all can from time to time, the abundance of the Universe is still there to behold.

What has this got to do with attracting men? PLENTY!

If you can start to believe that there are plenty of men out there:

• You will keep up with your efforts to meet men
• You will be able to think “Who’s next?” if you meet a guy who disappoints you
• You will look for opportunities to meet new men
• You will start noticing that men are all around you every day
• You won’t feel compelled to hold on to the wrong guy thinking you’ll never find another

That’s a lot of empowerment. And its all completely true. The Universe is filled with men. They may not all be right for you, but the supply is vast and limitless. Take a moment to really think about that fact and absorb it.

Many of my dating coaching clients insist that this is not the case. They feel there are no good men left. The good ones are taken or gay. This type of thinking is what causes so many people to give up before they really get going with their search.

Developing a belief in abundance can turn your dating life around and bring you the success you want. Sometimes it may feel like looking for a needle in a haystack – but that is still an image of abundance – is it not? Plenty of hay! And hay doesn’t negate that the needle exists. It simply means you may have to develop a bit of perseverance to keep going until you find what you want.

This summer, why not become determined to see the Universe as abundant? When you meet men that don’t satisfy, just think – “Who is next?”  Keep yourself moving forward and feeling positive that you will find the right man for you. And better yet – that he will find you!

If you are out there looking – that means you are making yourself available – and making it easier for the love of your life to find you! 

It’s easy to complain that dating is  not worth your time and you don’t want to bother.  Stamina and faith are required to persevere -  mingling and meeting new people. But which one will reward you? Complaining or keeping the faith

I want to reach through your computer or blackberry right now and share my recent brush with Universal abundance to bring you hope. This way of thinking kept me moving to date 30 men in 15 months – I met my husband and the rest is history. YOU CAN DO TI TOO!

If you feel you could use some help with believing, check out my audio program called I Believe in Love which includes a series of positive affirmations about finding and deserving love.

Here’s what  Katie (42 and divorced) says about the program:

“When I started listening to the CD, I was angry about dating and men and not much of a believer in the idea that I could find love. But I really wanted this to be true. I decided to give Ronnie’s audio a try. After the first week I felt more positive and with more time, the shift surprise me! Now I feel like finding love is a real possibility for me and if I start to slip back into doubt,   I just pop in the CD and listen all over again. What a tremendous help – thank you Ronnie!”

photo credit  cygnus

Over Dating 40: Divorced Men – The “He’s So Busy” Excuse

Many of my dating coaching clients tell me about the divorced men they meet who are incredibly busy. Between their careers, kids, chores and hobbies, they just have so much going on. As a result, they can’t seem to find the time to get together. Hmmm.

To me, the word dating is really a contraction for two words – data and gathering. That’s the whole point of dating – to gather data about prospects to see if they are worthy of your time. For some people, they just date to have fun ansd meet people. But for those of you who might be looking for the “real thing,” you need gather data.

What does this really mean? Well it’s about observation. This is like high school chemistry class. Remember back then? You put the ingredients into a beaker, you stir, turn on the bunson burner and wait to see what happens. No adding more ingredients. No additional stirring. You don’t mess with the experiment or you won’t be able to identify the results.

Same goes for dating. You want to see what a man will do to “woo” you and win you over.

• Does he offer to pay?
• How soon does he call between dates?
• Does he call but not ask you out?
• Does he ask about you in conversation?
• If you met him on the net, does he ask to meet you within a week or two, or put you off?
• Does he cancel with excuses of how busy he is?

Observing during the initial courtship is crucial because it never gets better than that. Never.

Everything you  need  to know is right up front. That’s why you don’t want to prompt him, call him or offer to pay. If you do that , you are messing up the chem experiment and won’t know for sure what he would have done if you did nothing but be your sweet, receptive self.

This is how the chase works and the chase is not over. Oh no – the chase is still alive and how dating works, even today.

If a new prospect is too busy to meet you the first time, when will things get better? Based on a title of a famous dating book -”He’s just not that into you.”  If he was really interested and wanted to get to know you, he’d make the effort regardless of how busy he is.

Another possiblity is that he might not be serious about finding love. If a man is just dating around, then meeting you or the next woman doesn’t really matter. He can be cavalier because any woman he’s attracted to will do. That’s not a good thing either unless you are feeling casual as well.

Anyone can have an emergency and not be able to meet. But if this becomes a pattern and happens more than once – RED FLAG. Why waste your precious time on a man who can’t keep a date or find the time to meet you? Move on. There are plenty of other men to date. Don’t be too nice accepting or making excuses for him.  You deserve better. Please honor yourself and look else where.

 photo credit – metamuro

Over 40 Dating:: How to Start Trusting People Again After Divorce

After divorce or a devastating break up, one of the biggest concerns for people is being able to trust again.  This is a serious problem creating a deep fear of getting involved and inhibiting people from moving on with the romantic aspect of life. 

The trust issue shows up in two distinct ways:

• 1) Trust in the opposite sex
• 2) Trust in yourself, in your judgment and ability to pick the right person

Neither of these issues is a breeze and some people suffer the affects for years following the end of a marriage or relationship. 

Thankfully, according to a number of experts, trust can be regained.  It requires a shift in behavior, improved self-esteem, and the passage of time. I spoke with a few local therapists who shared their viewpoints for healing the ability to trust others and yourself as well.

All three professionals agreed that the number one factor for rebuilding trust in others is to not give it away blindly. Instead, hold off and let people earn your trust.  When you start to get to know someone, observe what your date does.  Watch for congruency between what they say and their behavior. Actions are what count because as everyone knows (and some of us have learned the hard way), talk can be cheap. The best solution is to no longer automatically believe what people say.

Test the waters by taking small steps.  tart with something that doesn’t matter much so you lower the risk and learn about this new person. Look for patterns. See what develops. Take baby steps and let the trust build when you see proof that each new level is deserved.

One therapist, suggested that people build their “active listening” skills and start paying close attention to how someone else listens and responds to you. Does the person dance around your questions rather than answer them directly, avert their eyes, fidget, or hem and haw?  These are all behaviors that might point to a less than honest conversation.

In addition, people are counseled to take time to notice how your body feels.  Look for changes in perspiration, breathing, pulse rate and even how your “gut” feels.  Your body sends these signals to let you know if you’re hearing the truth or not.  Listen to and respect your own instincts to determine if someone is worthy of your trust.

Rebuilding trust in yourself and your own judgment is critical for all future trust.  By making this your first priority, you will start to make better choices and take better care of yourself.  A second therapist explained that the devastation caused by divorce is proportionally related to how well you maintained your own needs during the marriage.  It’s just smart to never forget how to take care of yourself.  Preserving your own ability to take care of yourself ensures that you can always count on yourself and keeps your personal power and fate within your own hands.

 The third therapist looks at divorce and the ability to trust from a spiritual perspective and she recommends Debbie Ford’s book, Spiritual Divorce.  The steps mapped out will help you come through the process without “baggage” which can certainly get in the way of trust in future relationships.  Your experience and outcome will be more positive by following these steps and honoring the process, yourself and the relationship.” 

 All three professionals insist that people can successfully rebuild trust in themselves and others, given a real desire to heal, some time, and the proper support. This willingness to trust again will be the foundation to open your heart to find a healthy, long-lasting, and loving relationship.

As a dating coach, I can tell you that I have seen people heal and move on to trust again. My clients have made tremendous progress to open their hearts to love and the opposite sex. The effort you put into this shift will be well worth your time since the long-term reward is finding the new loving relationship you dream of.

Over 40 Dating: Don’t Step on His Male Ego – Emasculation Isn’t Pretty

The Situation
Paul and I went to Home Depot Sunday to pick up a number of items. The biggest one on the list was the filter for our under-the-sink water filtration system. We walk in, I see a couple of employees and I ask where the water filter replacement parts are. The guy walks us over to where they are displayed.

Paul had written the model and filter numbers down for me and I had the paper in my pocket. I had also called GE because they don’t seem to sell those filters  any more so I got the new replacement number. The employee hands us the filters that match the new numbers and it becomes obvious that this was incorrect.

The Fax Paux
Had I been using my feminine brain instead of my masculine chick-in-charge brain, I would have realized the best course of action was to step back and let my husband take over.  No such luck – I forged ahead discussing options with the guy. My husband started fuming – it took me  while to catch on. Oh oh.

Emasculation is Not Pretty
Since the Home Depot guy was interacting with me – he was ignoring my husband. And that makes sense since I was obviously the person in charge –  not such a good thing when your husband is standing right there. As a woman, in a man’s world, taking charge makes your man feel superfluous and unnecessary. Anyone want to volunteer to feel unnecessary? It’s not a good feeling and it’s really not pretty for a man.

My Nature and Family History
I am a chick-in-charge. Getting to 40 and being on my own, I had  to be a chick-in-charge. It was a job requirement too because I worked in a very competitive field – marketing at a top consumer packaged foods company.  And in all honestly, I come from a driver family where we are a bit bossy, speak up for ourselves and get our point heard if you catch my drift.

Fast Forward to Today
Today I’ve been married for nine  years (it’s so hard to believe.) Having dated 30 men in 15 months to meet and marry my husband, I was more in tune with this during my dating frenzy. But in marriage, now that we are together, I can tend to forget that I need to leave room for my husband to be the man.

What is My Priority?
Being in charge at Home Depot? Is that really my top priority? It better not be if I want my man to stick around. Why couldn’t I have let him take over, step up and be in charge of the water filter? My nature is to step up and take charge, but it sure doesn’t suit his nature – at Home Depot. There are other situations where my nature is perfectly acceptable and he’d be fine with me being in the driver’s seat. But not in the man’s world of home building supplies.

Once the event was over, I took a step back to understand his perspective. I get it now. Of course it would have been better if I had gotten it then, in the moment, before I made him feel small and foolish. Before I pounced on his easily wounded male ego and pride.

Yielding the Right of Way
Allowing Paul to be the driver of Home Depot activities, is this really a big concession? No. Mostly he goes on his own which in hindsight is clearly a better option. I love my husband and to keep a marriage happy requires a series of compromises and adjustments. Giving way at Home Depot is a rather small concession in the scheme of things. After all, its tiring to be in charge of everything. I’d prefer to split the duties. What was I thinking?

After we made our purchases, I suggested we cross the street for a hamburger and french fries.  He loves burgers and fries. But, I’m the decision maker regarding most meals so he doesn’t get that often in my quest to eat healthy.

It may be an old tired saying, but you can catch more flies with honey. I’m not really trying to catch flies, but I do want my husband to know that he is loved and very needed. He started smiling again when he saw how many fries were in the bag.

photo credit  photos from PT

Over 40 Dating: The Dating Goddess Asks if the Men You Meet are Weeds orWidlflowers?

I often read a blog written by the Dating Goddess. She offers a great perspective on dating after 40 – she even thinks its “delicious.” What a great attitude!

How Do You Think about Men?
One of her recent posts asks women if the men they meet are weeds or wildflowers? She goes on to explain that in her garden, they are often the very same plant.  Some she pulls out immediately, while other weeds are actually beautiful wild flowers like mini-pansies, Queen Anne’s Lace and morning glories that grew by natural means in her garden and add to the beauty.

What a wonderful way to look at men!

Do You Notice the Wildflower Types?
Many woman are all too familiar with the weeds that need pulling right away. But how many appreciate the contribution of the wild flower types? Learning to appreciate men, their masculine qualities and what they bring to the planet is a crucial piece for successful dating and finding love .

The “Weed Perspective” Can Indicate a Limiting Belief
If you automatically think that most men are weeds – that indicates a problem. It’s an attitude or limiting belief that men do not have much to  offer, are not good enough, and are not worthy of your time or interest. Certainly that is true for some. Just like that’s true for some women from a man’s perspective.

However, if you complain about men more than you enjoy them – stop and think  for a minute how that impacts every interaction you have with men. I work with many dating coaching clients on this very topic.

This is explains why women who like men are more attractive to men!

To Be Most Attractive  to Men- You Have to Like Men
Energetically, men can FEEL IT if you don’t like them or have disdain for them. And that makes them steer clear and pass you by. That is not what you want. You want men to consider you as a  potential great catch right?

So how can you turn this habit and behavior around? Is it even possible to shift this belief enough to make a difference? Of course it is!

Here’s how you can get started:

Try  Spotting the Wildflowers
Everyday, spend at least 3 minutes twice a day looking at the men in your vicinity. As you walk down the street, go to the store, stop at the post office, eat lunch at a restaurant, look around. Become aware of the men in your space and ask yourself – what is good about this man that would make his wife/girlfriend love him?

Beginning to see the good qualities in men rather than their weed-like aspects is the first step to opening your heart to more men and finding the right one for you. My dating coaching clients who have done this exercise are usually very grateful they made the effort.

phto credit Slight_clutter

Dating After Divorce: Are you a Chemistry Junkie?

photo credit communista unicorn 

Some women seek only charming men. Men who will sweep them off their feet. Men who know just what to say. Men who are romantic and come on strong.

Sometimes these men are bad boy types. Heaven when you are with them, then they disappear for a while before popping back into your life to wreak havoc with your emotions.

Maybe you want a man who makes you pant. You can literally feel the electricity jump back and forth between your bodies when you get close. He is such a turn on!

These are the signs of a chemistry junkie.

While its true the magic is unbelievable when you click with a man like this, all too often the downhill slide of it ending is just as overwhelmingly painful if not more.

Some of my dating coaching clients insist they MUST HAVE THIS. Without this kind of attraction, men seem boring and uninteresting. This is likely a heightened sense of chemistry. And perhaps evidence of confusing sexual chemistry with love. Sadly these things are not usually the same.

On a rare occasion, you might find lasting love with a chemistry man. But it’s extremely unusually. Mostly these men like the chase and then once it’s over. Poof. Gone. Charmers don’t stick around to keep a relationship going. Once you hit a rough patch of any kind or start talking future – bye bye.

Here’s some surprising advice that I read on David Wygant’s web site.

“Think compatibility, not destiny.”

That is profound. Let me interpret this for you.

Destiny – that is a romantic idea. It’s one bound to come with drama. Drama can be sexy. One thing is for sure, the chemistry man is wrapped in drama. That’s why when the encounter is over – it hurts so deeply. Part of the drama ritual.

David says, “Don’t look for a good guy. Look for a guy who is good for you.”

That’s good dating advice, especially for women over 40.

When you focus on getting along, having similar interests and energy levels, you are paying attention to the fundamentals of what makes a solid, lasting relationship.  How does sizzling chemistry fit into this recipe? It may be one of your must have requirements, but it doens’t bode well for a future together.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be attracted to the guy. OF COURSE YOU NEED TO BE ATTRACTED TO HIM! But is the ultimate chemical attraction the major quality you seek in a man? Because if it is, you are looking at pain and suffering guaranteed.

If this sounds like you, it might be time to break out of this habit where you insist on instant chemistry. Consider what other types of men might be of interest or better yet, men who might be compatible with you for the long term. What qualities will it take to get along with you?

Men come in all shapes and sizes. Some are tall and sweet. Some are short and successful. Some are nerdy and excellent lovers. Open up to new types of men. Take the time to get to know them and you will have a far better chance of finding a compatible man who will love you with less drama and more longevity.

Over 40 Dating: Male Dating Coaches Share the Best Way to Meet Men

photo credit – Cheathy

There are a number of male dating coaches who have been working with a mostly male audience and more recently have shifted their attention to helping women as well. While they trash most women dating coaches (gee thanks) I am pleased to share their most important strategy for meeting men.

David Wygant who calls himself America’s top dating coach (nice title Dave) and J. M. Kearns who wrote Why Mr. Right Can’t Find You (I should review that one next!) both offer the same advice. Will you be surprised to learn it’s the same advice I give as well?

Here’s what Wygant says about women coaches. ““I think most women who give dating advice stink,” he said. “It’s based totally on clichés and marketing advice: how to judge a man by his shoes, how to choose a mate by looking at his watch. It’s catchy advice, but I’m telling women exactly how men think.”

While it’s often true that a man’s shoes do say a lot about him, that’s not the advice I’m known for.

Are You Approachable?
J. M. Kearns says that men are “simply looking for a woman who is open to being approached. ” Imagine that? Men want to meet friendly women. Women who make it easy to strike up a conversation. Women who have their dating antennae up and know when a man is showing interest.

Don’t Reject Men by Mistake
Kearns goes on to say, ”All you have to do is not reject him.” And maybe send a few signals of your own, expressing interest because even decent men need encouragement. Playboys are good to go any time. But the men you want might not enjoy rejection or be as smooth as your average slick bad boy who oozes sexual chemistry.

Kearns entreats you, “If you encounter a man who looks like a good prospect to you, smile at him.” Yes, PLEASE SMILE AT HIM. It’s really not so much to ask is it? 

A Smile is Not a Promise of More
These two coaches swear that a smile will not be mistaken for a sexual advance, so not to worry. In fact, they claim that, “For the average guy in what we call a desirable bar, a one-night stand is the last thing on his mind. If the totally improbable happens and a nice woman sits down beside him, the last thing he wants to do is blow this unheard-of chance encounter (with you) by coming on too strong.”

That’s a different perspective isn’t it? Why is that? Because most women are just plain unfriendly. Even though it doesn’t make sense. Why would a single woman who wants to find love be unfriendly to men? Excellent question if you ask me. I’m often confused by this choice of behavior myself.

Does Not Being Friendly Work?
In that Dr. Phil way of asking – How is that unfriendliness working for you? I bet your answer would probably be something like, “Not too good.”

If you won’t take my dating advice, maybe you’ll take the advice from men themselves. Go ahead and smile! A friendly woman who is easily approachable has about a 100 times advantage over the snooty, angry woman no matter how beautiful the latter may be. A smile will increase your appeal 10 fold or more.

Crazy Experiment
Go ahead. I dare you. This week, try this crazy experiment. Find at least 5 men every day that you will smile at. They don’t have to be perfect men, single men or even prospects. They just have to be men you smile at. Smile at men as you walk by on the street, in the car next to your’s, as you get off the elevator. You get the idea.

You can keep walking, you don’t need to talk to them. Your objective isn’t to get something started. It’s to learn to be friendly in an easy, confident way. Just smile. I think you’ll like the results. Happy people who smile are very appealing. Find out for yourself this week.

The 100 Day Challenge Starts Sunday, 6/21
And if you want to really challenge yourself to met lots of men this summer, why not take my workshop called The 100 Day Challenge? It starts 6/21 at 8pm eastern time. 5 teleclasses on talking to and meeting 50 men this summer.

This is a winning program that will break you out of your shyness and eliminate your reservations about flirting, being friendly and smiling. Become the woman men want to meet. Read more and register.

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