Dating Over 40: Is Your Ambivalence about Love Holding You Back?

So you are over 40, divorced or single and say you want to find a good life partner? Great! What are you doing to make that desire come true?

As a dating coach for women dating over 40 or dating after divorce, I’ve seen and heard so much – I’m sure you can imagine. But the one thing that often surprises me most is when a woman tells me how much she wants to find love and yet, she does almost nothing to create this reality.

How can this be? There are many possible reasons. Maybe you want love but:

You are afraid to be vulnerable again, still healing from love gone wrong.
You don’t want to relinquish your freedom and prefer independence
You don’t want to go through “that” again, thinking every relationship will turn out exactly the same
You don’t have time to date, having filled every spare moment of your life
You don’t believe there are any good men left so wonder if you should even bother
You feel its all simply too difficult

I could fill pages with reasons like this – and you could too. It’s easy  and you can probably relate to many of these statements. Even though they aren’t true, they can FEEL true if you let them.

These are actually, excuses hiding your ambivalence. If you think that pursuing love and dating are useless, OF COURSE YOU DON’T WANT TO PUT YOUR TIME AND EFFORT INTO IT!

Often, your ambivalence is your own worst enemy. The human condition is to want to be right. Naturally we look for evidence that we are right. That means you will notice all the examples that prove your case and support your excuses.

On the other hand, when you believe finding love is a real possibility, you will see evidence to support this position. I can tell you from my own personal experience and the thousands of people I have coached, finding love is REAL. It happens every day.

When I was single and in my 30′s, did I believe this? Nope. Not for 18 years of my adult life. But when I turned 40 and freaked out to  still be single and never married, I knew something had to change.

The biggest shift I made was to DECIDE that it was time to believe in love. I focused fiercely on the truth that love existed and the right man was out there for me. I drowned my ambivalence and pushed it out of my life, replacing this with a firm insistence that I would find love and HE (the right man) would find me.

I can tell you – it worked.

And this has worked for countless women. Once you decide to work with me as your dating coach, I will tell you that to find love, you must believe. Chase the ambivalence away. Discover methods that you can use to hold your positive focus. Instill a sense of hope and deep knowing that all your efforts will bare fruit – MANifesting the love you want, long for and most definitely deserve.

If you need help to strengthen or even establish a belief in love, you could benefit from my audio: I Believe: Affirmations to Find Love Now. This audio program has three “meditations” of different lengths, all designed to strengthen and build your belief in love, belief in yourself, and belief that the right man for you is out there. The meditations use the Law of Attraction by applying affirmations to reach your subconscious mind – the place where all manifesting begins.

And it’s at a special price right now, but that will be changing at the end of this month. Get your audio program now when you click here.

Dating After Divorce: What Old Habits Are You Hanging on to?

Dating after divorce and over 40 can be trying to say the least. Now you have baggage that you didn’t have in your youth and have to get back out there encumbered by it. The singles scene is different than in your younger days and you might not know where to start or how things work today.

Sometimes the baggage you bring forward into your new dating life is a bunch of old habits. Things that happened over and over again in the past. Things that might not be true today, yet you still expect them to happen.

Here’s a crazy example from my life. My automatic garage door opener has been replaced thankfully. I just had a new one installed. The old one was very quirky and some days it would stop as it should automatically. Other days it would open too far and start freaking out, banging into the motor. Not good.

To insure this banging didn’t happen, I would stand near the button that opened the garage door and wait, in case I had to stop it. I did this routine for 10 years – crazy I know but something I just put up with. I had a solution that worked and used it.

After two weeks of enjoying the new door opener that works correctly, I still find myself waiting at the door to make sure it stops on its own. I do this even though I no longer have to. This silliness is left over and a deeply ingrained response that is obviously going to take time to change. Ridiculous, yes, but true nonetheless.

How does this apply to your dating life? My bet is, if you are dating after divorce or over 40, you too have ingrained responses to situations that have changed. And you have not yet adapted. Give it some thought right now. What are you still expecting to happen that has no real possibility of coming to true?

Here are  a few ideas to get you started thinking:

-Since your ex left, do you still  harbor hopes that he’ll return some day?
-Do you feel most men don’t follow through because so many haven’t over the years?
-Do you hope a knight in shining armor will save you so you don’t have to stick your neck out?
-Do you think all men are cheats and liars because one man behaved this way?
-Do you think all men are commitment phobic because the guy you dated in your 20′s wouldn’t marry you?

Holding on to these ways of thinking, these beliefs about men and dating hinders your success. When you choose to work with me as your dating coach, we will look for these road blocks. Continuing to wait for men to behave in any of these ways precludes you from meeting men who could fulfill your needs. Can you see the truth in this?

What’s the solution? Establish new expectations! Create new beliefs about men, love and dating. Look for positive examples among couples you know to prove other behaviors do exist. It’s time to let go of out dated expectations, habits, and thought patterns that no longer serve you.

Dating after divorce or dating over 40, it’s easy to hang on to expectations. But my hope as your dating coach is that you won’t allow this to continue.  Break free from your traditional expectations and habits and give yourself and men a fresh shot at love. You deserve it

Dating Over 40: Are You Irritated with Men?

Beth, one of my over 40 dating coaching clients is feeling  down about her dating journey. Things aren’t happening the way she’d like and frankly, so many men who contact her on Match.com are simply irritating.

I asked what she meant. “Well’, they wink, but don’t write. Or email but clearly haven’t read my profile. Or worse, they disappear or are just plain creepy!”

I sympathize with Beth. We all know how this can be. Beth is frustrated because she really wants to move on and find the right relationship and the men who contact her  are “truly awful and disheartening!”

Don’t focus on What You Don’t Want
While Beth’s feelings are understandable and justifiable, they are impeding her progress. Thinking this way sends out the wrong signals to the Universe and is self-sabotaging. She never looked at  her thought process this way before.  By focusing on these facts alone, she is allowing the Law of Attraction to bring her more of what she doesn’t want. Like attracts like  – that’s how it works.

Focus on What You Want
Think about it…when Beth is irritated with men, she sends the “vibe of  irritation” out into the cosmos. Not very attractive when you look at it this way is it? Instead, to use the Law of Attraction more effectively, Beth needs to concentrate on what she does want.

A Powerful Shift in Perspective Builds Magnetism
What will help Beth is to shift her perspective on these interactions with men. When you choose to work with me as your dating coach, you’ll see clearly how this makes a tremendous difference. For example, I coached Beth to recognize that these men, while not right for her, are showing their appreciation of her. They find her attractive and that is a good thing! She can use this to build her confidence, seeing these interactions as proof of her attractiveness.  

I tell my clients to silently thank any man who finds you attractive and them move on. Delete their emails, walk away or whatever. You don’t have to talk to these men or like them. Just appreciate being appreciated. This is a far more MAGNETIC way to process these situations and apply the Law of Attraction.

The more you appreciate yourself and focus on what is working in the dating arena and life in general, the more magnetic you will become. It may not be easy to make this shift – it will take time and effort. But the rewards are outrageous and highly worthwhile – MANifesting what you want in life, namely: love with the right man for you.

photo credit: mscaprikell

Online Dating: Can I Contact Men on Match or Is that HIS Territory?

Dear Ronnie,

I’m 45, divorce three years and ready to start meeting men!  I decided to try the online dating thing and have  question.

When on a dating site, such as Match.com, what is the etiquette about contacting men?  Should I just wait for men to connect with me, either through a wink or an email? Is it okay to send a quick “hello” message, or is that too much moving into the man’s territory being the pursuer?  I know your advice as a dating coach is against taking over the man’s role in dating, so I want to see what you have to say.

Thanks for your help!
Ready for Love

Dear Ready,

I tell my clients that contacting men is perfectly fine. I definitely think you  have to wait for men to contact you. Go for it!

This is not being forward or usurping a man’s right to pursue you – its being friendly! Same thing goes for talking to men at a bar, singles event or any where for that matter. You can always walk up to a man and strike up a conversation! Just don’t linger. Give him the space to come and find you later if he’s interested.

Same thing for online dating. Here are a few tips to keep things light and improve your chances of getting a response when trying web dating. These are the “Do’s”

Do’s
1. Keep your email to a sentence or two
2. Ask a question from something in his profile – this shows you’ve read it
3. Add a comment or compliment about something that struck you from his profile
4. Don’t waste time writing anything about you – that’s all in your profile
5. Don’t talk about how much you have in common – he’ll be the judge of that

Don’ts
1. Expect that every man will answer you
This has nothing to do with you – its just the way things are. After all, you don’t respond to every man, and if you do, please stop. That is a waste of your precious time.

2. Don’t email more than 2-3 men at a time
Things can get confusing with online dating. Make your life easy and don’t approach more than a few guys at time. This will make it much easier to keep track of who is who and also easier to converse. Do yourself a favor and don’t get overwhelmed and be too aggressive with your search.

3. Fall in love with a profile
It’s just a profile and frequently embellished or sometimes, sadly – fiction. You’ve got to email, talk on the phone and meet the guy to know if he’s who he says he is. This takes time. So don’t fall in love with how good he sounds on paper.

4. Don’t encourage pen pals
Unless you want a pen pal, beware of men who love to email you and text, but can’t seem to have phone conversations. Or they love to talk on the phone, but just can’t find time to meet you. I know people who have fallen for this and had virtual relationships for 6 months waiting to meet the person. It likely won’t happen!

5. Get all bummed out about rejection after every man you email.
Online dating involves a fair share of rejection. But that is just a part of the game.  Please don’t get all down in the dumps because some guys don’t follow through.  Online dating is a numbers game so keep going. There are more than 40 million singles online – how many have you met?

6. Get unrealistic with timing.
You have to collect a lot of data about a prospect to know if he’s good date or mate material.  Know this is a process and that every thing takes time. If you are in a hurry, count on lots of disappointment. Things don’t hurry up just because you feel the clock ticking or want it right now.

Of course, there is so much more I can share with you  and will in my next ebook begin written right now. Look for it this fall.

In the meantime – have fun! 20% of relationships today start on the Internet. Whether or not you decide to become a dating coaching client, these tips will help you find greater success online

Dating After Divorce: Did He Dump Me Because of ED?

Dear  Ronnie – The Dating Coach,

Several years ago I went through a painful divorce and didn’t  date for at least 18 months   But recently,  I met a man that I was so crazy about, as I read your blog I realized all the mistakes I made. I should have discovered you sooner.

Long story short, after chatting with Mr. CrazyAbout we finally agreed to meet. I was smitten from the start and my feelings were confirmed when we did meet for coffee and  a walk.  I held his hand while we walked to see if he would respond and he did. That lead to more sparks, we kissed and it was magic.

I focused on his behavior more than his words and to be honest he seemed at the time to go out of his way to please me. By the 4th date he met me for lunch at my home and we ended up in the bedroom. Then the unpredictable happened, Mr. CrazyAbout couldn’t maintain an  erection which made him feel horrible. I didn’t know what to do.

We did go out again, but then he called me to say he was moving and had too much going on. He just wants to be friends. I feel horrible!!! Did I come on too strong? Does he not want to see me because of ED and feeling humiliated?

I am crazy about this man and I know he will never call back  I just want to learn from this dreadful experience.

Thanks  for your help and insights,
Sad, guilty and confused

Dear SGC,

Please keep in mind that while you might have played things differently, you are not at fault for your date’s ED. Does he not want to see you because he’s humiliated? Maybe. Who knows? Maybe his job is a problem, maybe he has other issues you don’t even know about.

While you really liked him and had sparks flying, you didn’t really know him. Just a tiny piece that seemed
good. But believe me, if he really was the right man, he wouldn’t have ended things.

It Takes Time to Get to Know a Man
This is often the hardest concept for women to grasp. Yet, when you do really “get” this, you will stop wasting time or beating yourself up over the wrong guy. Instead, you will be sad for a short time and then quickly move on to find a better man who is the right one for you.

Coming on Too Strong
Did you came on too strong? Well, that’s another story. Here’s my simplest answer – dating is like ballroom dancing.

You can only have one leader and one follower. And it works best to let the man lead – a lot less awkward. Same thing goes for dating – the first 4-10 dates – until you know you have an unspoken Saturday night date. That’s when you enter into the first phase of relationship.

Sounds like you did some leading. Overall, dating works much better when you let the man lead so you can observe his behavior to find out how interested he really is in you. This is the ONLY way to know for sure and it takes more than four dates. How often does he call and want to see you on his own? What will he do to win you over?

When you prompt or lead him, you can no longer observe what he would do on his own. This is the area I call dating protocol which I help my dating coaching clients to master. Here are two other articles on this topic that go into more detail: Please drop the ball and 2 reasons not to chase men

Sparks Don’t Indicate Good Relationship
Lastly, women often think sparks and chemistry are signs of the right man, but that is only a portion of the test. He must be able to handle conflict, treat you well, be willing to discuss and work things out, share the same values and much more.

You may have had chemistry, but he didn’t have the needed follow through – so he’s not the right man. It’s really that simple.

The good news is – the right man for you is out there. Do what you can to release any guilt and recover from the sadness. Then, what I tell my dating coaching clients is to get back out there to meet a man who is truly right for you.

Wishing you love,
Ronnie Ann Ryan – The Dating Coach

photo credit: Vlad B

Dating Over 40: Do You Find Dating as Annoying as Mosquito Bites?

Some of my dating coaching clients think dating is totally annoying.

They don”t like:
-the process
-the men they meet
-the Internet
-the dances
-to play games
-wasting time meeting people

Do you feel this way too? Can you related to this? If you said “Yes,” I’m not  surprised. I hear these feelings expressed all the time in my dating coaching practice.

Let me tell you why this is a problem of tremendous proportions.

If you find the entire dating process annoying, then it has no intrinsic value. So you won’t feel like doing it. You might think that it’s all a big waste of time and not important. If you could just meet the right man and get it all over with, that would be so much better!

Boiling it down to the essence: You have a negative attitude before you even meet anyone.  Starting off  negative is guaranteed to produce…  more negativity which is not very attractive based on the Law of Attraction. At least not attractive to anything positive. With a negative attitude about men and dating, feeling the whole thing is as annoying as mosquito bites, maybe 100 times more, who do you think you are going to attract?

Annoying men. That’s right! Because “like attract likes” with the Law of Attraction.

So what’s the solution? Let me tell you a story and once you hear the whole thing, you’ll get a better feeling for how you can shift this at least into neutral.

Over the weekend I went to an outdoor evening party. I wore long sleeves and long pants, so I was mostly covered, but I sprayed my part on the top of my head with a natural bug repellent. The mosquitoes were voracious, but I thought I had escaped.

No such luck. Monday morning when I put on my sneakers to exercise, the darn bites came to life all around my ankles where the sneakers rubbed. It felt like fire itching beyond belief. Did I take off my sneakers and not exercise? Of course not! I am committed to my exercise routine. 100%

I started walking down the street and the only thing I could think of was those bites. Itchy, itchy, itchy! Could I really walk for 30-minutes? No choice really, I’m not going to give up exercise because of a few bites. I hoped it would pass.

I began thinking about other things. Topics I actually preferred to ponder and give my energy too. Planning workshops and speaking gigs the upcoming fall season, writing on my blog, remembering how much fun the party was.

Guess what happened? When I stopped thinking about the bug bites, they stopped being front and center in my mind. And finally the horrible itching subsided. I became desensitized to the bites!

Now, let’s take the next step – or leap – and apply this to dating. When you think dating is annoying and focus on that, you experience dating as pretty darn annoying. Guaranteed as I mentioned above. Yet, if you are committed to the process because finding love is that important in your life, you accept that you will do the work any way because you are 100% committed.

You become more relaxed,  friendlier and even start enjoying meeting men and your dating activities. Sometimes, it might still feel annoying. But you see it’s just part of the process. Knowing that there is no other way to find love today then to date, you accept dating as your means to an end and become desensitized to every little nuance that you encounter.

With an accepting and committed attitude, you are more positive because you know you are doing this for a purpose – to find love! You are determined to keep on going until you find it. And find it you will!

Dating may be as annoying as mosquito bites, but only if you hold that as your focus. Choose to focus instead on what you want and how you’ll feel with the right man. Sexy, alive and cherished. Or however you imagine the essence of love will feel. Go for it! The annoyance will pass and you will meet a good man. I found love over 40 and that makes me totally sure you can do it too.

photo credit: Trebol-a

Dating Over 40: Do I Need a Femininity Makeover?

Hey Ronnie!

My question:
My attractive, sexy, therapist neighbor just told me he thought I was gay. GAY! As a single woman in her 50′s trying to find (heterosexual) love, and a man like him (he’s married, so, not him), I was devastated! I obviously am not putting out the ‘available’ vibe to men. I don’t know what to do!

My neighbor said, he based his assumption on my stocky body type and short hair. Plus,  my neighborhood happens to have a significant lesbian population, and I live alone. Guess he never saw me, with my ex who is a man!

What can I do? I try to dress fashionably and femininely. What can I do to increase my femininity and ”I”m available vibe”?

Thank you SO much for any help/insight you can give me,
Looking Too Butch

Dear Looking,

Wow – that’s quite a story.

I understand how you feel. Many of my dating coaching clients have encountered shockers like this that launched them in a new direction regarding their allure and dating life. What they found is how they may have denied their own feminine allure for a variety of reasons and how easy it can be to shift your image and change things for the better.

By the way, your neighbor is a therapist? Perhaps he needs some additional training. First topic for his refresher course is verbal editing! What kind of thing is that to say to someone any way?

To be very honest with you, at 40, when I finally did start to date again and look for the right man for me, I had a good friend, I man I used to work with who told me the same thing. He based this idea soley on one thing – that he never saw me date a man, nor did I talk about dating to  him. That comment shocked  the heck out of me too!

Since this exchange has shaken you up, let’s get some insight for you on Feminine Charm:
First and foremost, your femininity is not based on just your body type and hair. It  also involves your attitude about yourself. For example:

 -Do you wear clothes that help you look your feminine best?
-Do you feel that you are appealing and desirable to men? (besides your neighbor)
-Are you connected to your allure?
-Do you flirt with men? 
-Are you militant about your independence?

All of these questions can help you determine where the gap might be for you. If you think your neighbor has a valid view point, then you might want to do something to kick things up a notch as Emeril Lagasse the chef says.

If his comment has prompted you to take  a fresh look at yourself  and your ideas on men, dating and your own personal presentation, then it has certainly served a purpose.

To get in touch with your feminine allure and tap into the Goddess within you, You might want to purchase my audio program on CD – I’m So Alluring. This audio program delivers a wonderful visualization you can listen to in your own home while relaxing, along with the instructions and an explanation of why this type of thing works. And it does work!

I’ll be putting up a new page about the program soon, so stay tuned for more information!

Dating After Divorce: I’m Dating Dr. Jekyll, But Don’t Like Mr. Hyde

Here’s a question that shows up more frequently that you might imagine. That’s why I want to share it with you – in case you too might be going through something similar.

Dear Ronnie the Dating Coach

I’ve been dating a 41-yr old man since last December. He pursued me while I was living in far away. Now we live in the same city and see each more often. Every time we get together, the chemistry is amazing. He even says how much he likes me and feels deeply connected. the problem is  that a few days later, he completely rejects the whole idea of a relationship and backs away. It’s like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde – he becomes the total opposite of who he is when he is with me.

His excuses are ever evolving – first he wasn’t ready. Nnw he says he  doesn’t get enough butterflies when we’re apart. The problem is he keeps his distance and I sense his fear of commitment. His wife left him 2 years ago and he’s been up and down like a rollercoaster every since.

He tells me how much he cares about me and he won’t fully dump me. Yet reacts almost irrationally when there are a few days between visits. I don’t know what to do because I like him and I know he likes me, and our chemistry is hard to find. He has even admitted this to me.

I know the answer for myself is to let this go. But it’s hard when I know he still has feelings for me. I wish I could understand his inconsistent behavior, and then, have some resolution in myself to be able to move on and get over the longing that I have for him.

Please help,
 Tired of Dating  Dr. J
************

Dear Tired,

I totally understand what you are saying about this guy. And you may not like my advice, but since you did ask this dating coach, I’m going to tell you what I think.

As I would say to any dating coaching client who asked me this question, I want to simply confirm your own feelings about your man. I recommend that you let him go. That is the only solution because you cannot change anyone. And he is not emotionally available, regardless of your great chemistry.

In addition, chemistry is not enough to hold a relationship together – it takes Emotional Maturity – something he may be lacking; Commitment – something he isn’t capable of right now; and the Desire  to make it work. Your desire isn’t enough for the both of you.

Also keep in mind that Dr. Jekyll will always come as a package deal with Mr. Hyde. They are inseparable because they are the same man. This might be what adds to the chemistry and excitement because you are kept on your toes, never quite knowing who will show up.

He won’t let go because he knows you are a great catch and possibly because he just can’t be alone. But his yoyo-ing is very bad for your self-esteem.  When a man doesn’t know what he wants, the woman suffers who tries to hang in there. I’ve been down this same road myself. And it took me 18 years to recover! Don’t let that happen to you.

Dont wait for him to dump you – let go of him because he is not ready. And therefore, he must not be the right guy for you. Someone else is out there for you. You deserve a man who is ready for a relationship, treats you well, is rational vs. irrational and knows a good thing like you when he sees it.

Wishing you love,
Ronnie – The Dating Coach

photo credit: newhousedesign

Online Dating: How Do I Weed Out the Unsavory Types?

Dear Dating Coach,

“Every time I meet someone on a dating website, they turn out to be completely opposite of what I read about them. There are also a lot of creepy people on them also. How do I weed them out?”

Missing the Mark is Missouri

Dear Missing,

Thanks for your question. Sorry to hear that folks seem different than their profiles. The problem is that most people don’t really know how to describe themselves and usually the vast majority of online profiles sound surprisingly similar. That’s why I help a lot of dating coaching clients write their profiles – so they can stand out from the crowd and get noticed more quickly.

Not sure what your “weeding” process looks like so it’s hard to comment on how to improve it. The trick is to read between the lines, email a few times, talk on the phone once or twice and meet for an hour.

I totally understand how you feel. This is exactly  the kind of thing I do with my dating coaching clients who have felt like you  do. We work on creating a system to qualify prospects before meeting them.  And what clients have found is that with a few changes and some new savvy about the process, they get much better at reading between the lines and weeding men out who are not appropriate.

You do need to keep in mind that in order to find your prince, you will need to weed through a lot of frogs. That’s just how it works and there’s no way around it. But you will learn a tremendous amount about yourself, what you are looking for and what will work for you as you move through the process with your eyes, heart and mind open to men and love.

Sometimes women think the dating process should be really quick and easy since you can just pick the right man from the “online catalog” of match.com. (That’s a great post to read.) Unfortunately, that’s not so realistic. It takes time, patience, faith and the ability to laugh and stay light-hearted!

Don’t let yourself get down about it all. Keep in mind that every man you meet brings you one man closer to the right one for you. He’s out there I know it. I found love. So many of my clients  have found love. And what that means is you too can find love.

Let me know if I can help!

photo credit: frankartculinary

Dating Over 40: Create an Affirmation to Leverage the Law of Attraction

Have you created an affirmation about love yet? Working with me as your dating coach, That’s one of the first things we do. It’s easy really. Here’s how you can do it to start attracting the love you want today.

1. Think about the qualities you want in your romantic partner. Is he happy, successful, supportive, communicative, social, healthy, and a good listener? Maybe he’s got a generous heart, he’s spiritual or romantic? What ever qualities you want in a partner, make a list and include everything you can think of.

2. Can’t think of what you want but sure know what you don’t want? That works too! For example, if you dated a man who was cheap and don’t want that again, then ask for a man who is generous. If you dated a guy who was dishonest, you now want an honest man. If you dated a guy who was never around and wouldn’t talk about things, then you want a guy who is available and communicative. Turn what you don’t want around to be what you do want.

3. Now that your list is complete, take a moment to relax and center yourself. Read the list of all the great qualities you are looking for – this is your MANifesting list. Next, close your eyes and imagine it’s all true! Imagine that you have found each other. How does that feel? Suspend all judgment about whether or not this is possible. Simply believe it is for this moment and connect with the emotions around it. How would you feel?

Make sure the words you choose aren’t too simple like “good” or wonderful”. Think about emotive words such as “ecstatic, blessed, loved, cherished, blissful,  lucky, sexy”. Push yourself to choose words that are very descriptive because this customizes the affirmation specifically to you. How you feel about the right man is what matters most and makes this exercise powerful.

4. Finish this sentence: With the right man for me, I feel __________, _______, and _________. Just pick three or four, no more. You want to capture the essence of how great it feels.

That’s it! You’ve done it – the first step to MANifesting the right man for you. When you choose to work with me as your dating coach, I will help you refine your affirmation statements to get the best results. You’ll see how easy this process can be as you hear the affirmations and feel great when they sink into your subconscious mind and go out into the Universe.

That’s how the Law of attraction works – with like attracting like. So when you shift your beliefs and energy to feel how good you’ll feel with the right man, you are now vibrating at the level you desire. That means you can now attract the love you want!

 Check back tomorrow  for how to use this affirmation to apply the Law of Attraction to your love life.

photo credit: atmtx

Dating After 40: He Just Doesn’t Have the Spark

I’ve known Janet for at least 10 years. Longer than I’ve been a dating coach. When I embarked on this new venture, she was very supportive, gathering up her girlfriends for my first at home dating workshop party. She had been privy to much of my own journey and was fascinated to hear every drop of wisdom I could share with her and her friends.  And I was thrilled to do so.

Janet has been dating the whole time I’ve known her. Some relationships went better than others. She does manage to meet men and end up in relationships, but I’m taking a risk to say that Janet is a “Relationship Jumper” – that’s one of the six categories I’ve seen for daters in my dating coaching practice.

Talking with a mutual friend over the weekend, Susan shared with me that Janet is seeing a guy who she almost kicked to the curb. Not surprising to me. The reason? “He just didn’t have the spark.” At close to 60, Janet still is insisting on scintillating chemistry that must persist through the test of time. Can any man live up to such scrutiny and expectations? I have to say, I think not.

To me, as a dating coach with heart for the single woman over 40 who just wants to find a loving companion, its a very sad statement. Should a woman settle for less than she wants just becuase she is nearing 60? OF COURSE NOT!  But with some decent life experiece under her belt, you think she’d have figured this out by now.

Luckily, she’s hooked up with a fairly savvy man. When she told him she didn’t want to see him any more, they talked about it for awhile. Throughout the weekend, the discussion continued without any drama. Jim managed to hold the talk at arms length and take a good look at the situation.

So, when the weekend was coming to an end, Jim said, “Why are we ending this? Didn’t we have a nice weekend?” To which Janet replied, “Yes, yes we did.” They are still seeing each other. Good for you Jim! And good for you too Janet. Where are you going? How much spark do you need? What does that really mean?

If you can have a nice weekend with a man who you told to take a hike,  a man who could weather that potential storm with such grace that you can still enjoy a nice weekend, how bad is he? Sounds like a keeper to me.

Stop looking for the perfect spark. It’s not reality. That twinkle in his eye, which I have written about before is a movie trick. It’s written into the script and when it shows up in life, it’s not real and the man is usually an “ungettable” man..  “Twinklicious” is mostly a measure for a man’s lack of emotional availability, rather than something truly desirable.

Janet, as your dating coach and friend, please re-evaluate Jim because I think you’ve found a rare man who sees that special woman you are. He’s a match for you and a master of the game you tried playing. Just this once, don’t push him away. Please let him stay and win. You’ll win too.

Photo credit: bm01

Related Posts:

The biggest lie about love

A word on chemistry

The problem with Mr. Twinkle Eye

Dating Over 40: I’m Desperate for Things to Work with Him

Have you ever felt desperate for things to work out with a man?  You met this guy and the two of you hit it off. Everything fell into place easily and you were elated to have found such a great guy. But as the weeks pass, maybe in week 8 or week 12, something shifted.

At first the change was minor and you barely noticed it – but you sort of did. With each week he seemed a little more distant. A little busier. Maybe he called less or  he texted more. It’s hard to put your finger on but you know, you KNOW something is different.

Your man seems to be losing interest. What should you do?

Some women go into hyper-drive to show the guy what a great woman you are. You might cook more, make cookies, or offer to help with a project. Other women try being even more flexible, bending over backwards to get the guy’s attention. Still others call more often, hoping he just needs a break and you can take over for now…

Inside you may be panicking, wondering if you are imagining things or making up problems where there are none. You  call your girlfriends, spending too much time analyzing each move and comment he makes. It’s unnerving, disquieting and very uncomfortable.

What do these scenarios have in common? They are all actions and thought patterns motivated by fear – the fear of losing it even if it was not fully realized. They are thoughts and acts of a woman desperate to recapture what was and rekindle the flame that seems to be diminishing and  possibly going out. I totally understand – many clients feeel this way. I have felt this way too.

Just the other day a woman called who was worried about her 5 week relationship. Darla had met Jack online and was very into him. But Jack had a lot of baggage – extremely difficult ex wife, small children and lots of mistrust based on  women cheating on him.

Jack wanted to take things slowly. When Darla and Jack were together it was pure heaven, but getting together, that wasn’t so easy. And, Jack just put Darla off for a couple of weeks with the excuse – family obligations.

Darla called me in a total panic.  She explained her own trepidations that Jack might not come through. Darla wanted to see things work out. From this dating coach’s perspective, I see RED FLAGS FLYING!

1. 5 weeks and Darla is very tied to this guy. But she’s only had four dates – how well does she know him – really?
2. Jack has admitted that he’s afraid of being hurt – not completely emotionally available is he?
3. Jack has retreated for a few weeks – after only the fifth week -  not relationship ready perhaps?

Darla’s panic is not a good sign. I wondered why she is so invested at this early stage? That’s too much pressure on a budding romance. Whether or not you choose me as your dating coach, I always explain how the first 4-10 dates are not yet a relationship. It’s just dating or as I call it  “data gathering”, observing a man’s behavior to see how you get along, if you enjoy each others’ company and if there is long-term potential worthy of your time.

If you feel panic and would like to transform that feeling, I’m here to help you. Whether or not you choose me as your dating coach, there are many strategies that can help like:

1. Dating more than one man at a time
2. Pulling back so he can come forward
3. Managing your own energy and expectations

Each one of these methods can make a tremendous difference in your dating experience and success. Can you see the benefit and hear the opportunity in feeling supported by  a professional dating coach? Don’t let things spiral out of control. Give me a call 203-877-3777 and let’s discuss how you can have a more relaxed dating experience.

Dating Over 40: Don’t Get So Emotional! Guest Blog

Emotional Women: What’s the Best Way to Attract Men?

Don’t get so emotional.

Yes, that is the answer to attracting men. They just don’t find emotional women attractive. Unless women can learn to control their emotions, as Paul Blackburn, one of the top coaches in Australia says, “we are just a bundle of emotions looking for a place to happen!”

Even the most damaged men do not want emotional women. Although realistically, we tend to attract what we consciously don’t want since there are still patterns in our subconscious that need clearing. According to the social science research revealed on the ABC documentary ‘Secrets to Love’, people are subconsciously attracted to partners who resemble the opposite sex parent from childhood. If you don’t believe that, think about it objectively for a moment. Do you know anyone who is or has been in an abusive relationship and they were also abused as a young child? Hmmmm…

So for emotional women who want to learn how to attract men, you first need to better control your emotions.

Emotions can be categorized into different ways, such as positive and negative. However, when you look deeper that is not completely true. For example, a certain amount of anger is good whether it be righteous anger such as a mother protecting her child from a bully or as a mental tool for peak performance in sport or business. On the other hand, joy in excess may take you straight to a mental hospital.

The goal is to be able to control your emotions including expressing how we want to feel them, for how long, to what extent and at what time. Twenty years ago I understood this technique as a component of method acting, now it is more commonly known as Emotional Intelligence (EQ). Improper emotional processing can lead to polar extremes – people either get too touchy-feely with their emotions or deny feeling anything at all. Does anyone else agree that neither of those two extremes work very successfully?

There are so many strategies to learn how to control your emotions in a positive and fun way. Plus, there are ways to do a “reality check” along the way to get to the heart of the matter and clear out old, limiting beliefs. Inner critic voices might say negative things like, “No-one will ever love you.” Or “Who would ever choose to love and marry you?” Thank goodness for remarkable people like Lousie Hay who through her amazing work, has helped millions of people to heal emotional wounds. Her book, You Can Heal Your Life, is still one of the best I have ever read.

My recently published book Find True Love has a chapter in it titled, ‘What If He’s Not Interested?’ which has more on this subject of managing your emotions. By changing your focus from wanting a man to becoming the right partner and living a life of purpose, you are opening yourself up to Find True Love.

This month at www.SmartLadyDating.com , the focus has been on the Cost of Dating, including a post on Emotional Cost to Valuable Lesson. Check it out.

Cathy J Elliss is a writer, speaker, consultant and trainer.
She is passionate about “professional and business‟ development
and personal development with a particular interest in helping
single women Find True Love http://www.SmartLadyDating.com

Dating Over 40: Is He Interested? Discover How Simple that Answer Is!

Have you ever dated a man and felt confused about his interest in you? Does he like you? Does he want to have a relationship? Have things been fuzzy and unclear about his true intentions? You are not alone, but my friend Mattie cleared that all up as she shared her story with  me. And now I’ll tell you all about what she learned…

I was on vacation this past week and spent time in Provincetown, MA (awesome place!) with college girlfriends. How could the topic of dating not come up with me around?

Mattie is still single at 51. She has lived with three different men in very long-term relationships. Even though they didn’t lead to marriage, she still has a solid relationship history.  So I was surprised to hear her tell me this tale about a man who left her feeling confused and uncertain.

She met Dick through a friend  and they hit it off famously. They were very intellectually compatible and the attraction was undeniable from Mattie’s perspective.  They spent every weekend together for over 3 months, going to dinner, having a pizza, attending parties together. people were talking about them as a  couple.

There was just one problem, they were lovers with out benefits. Rather than friends with benefits, Mattie and Dick were not “doing the deed” and this was driving Mattie out of her mind.  She is a reserved type of woman who doesn’t want to make the first move. But Dick was not going there.

In addition, while they did manage to spend the weekend together (except the overnight part) Dick wouldn’t make any plans in advance. As long as she kept her dance card open, he would eventually call to fill it – but no advance planning as if it were all just a spontaneous occurrence.

While Mattie was enjoying the connection and Dick’s company, she was feeling confused and frustrated to say the least. She asked all of her friends what they could make of this situation. People are creative and came up with many excused:

-Maybe he has ED and is too embarrassed to get medication
-Maybe he’s gay
-Maybe he has another girlfriend somewhere and doesn’t want to cheat on her
-Maybe he was sexually abused as a child and today is dysfunctional

Even the friend who fixed her up (Bethany) didn’t know what to say.  Dick had talked with Bethany about Mattie, saying that he wasn’t’ ready for a full relationship yet.

Everyone has their limits, and even though Mattie felt Dick was the perfect man for her in so many ways, something big was lacking. She decided to bring this up because really what other choice did hse have?

She shored up all of her courage and simply asked him to help her understand and define their relationship. Let’s just bottom line things and say that didn’t go well. But I back her 100% in taking this risk because knowing is better than wasting precious time.

And surprisingly, she hasn’t heard from Dick again. What is Mattie’s take way and learning from this experience?

“If you have to wonder about a man’s interest in you, move on! When a man who knows what he wants is interested in you, he will pursue you.” Smart cookie that Mattie.

This was completely true for her other three relationships.  Depending on the couple, somewhere between 6-10 dates, you have an idea of a man’s interest level and how you fit into his life. And there are signs to tell you if trouble is brewing:

Does he try to learn about you and your life?
Do you talk on the phone/text/email regularly?
Do you see him during the week and on the weekend?
Does he make plans or wait till the last minute?
Do you go to his place or just yours?
Do you start to meet his friends and family?
Is he willing to meet your friends and family?
Does he tell you about his life and his day or does he seem mysterious?

These are all clues about your man.

Mattie is 1,000% right and that’s ‘s not a typo. If you have to wonder about a man’s interest level after 8 weeks of dating, he could be any of the following:

• Not that interested
• Seeing someone else too
• Has relationship issues
• Doesn’t know what he wants
• Has a casual dating agenda
• IS NOT THE RIGHT MAN FOR YOU!

As your dating coach, I must admit that I couldn’t possibly have said this better. Please learn from my friend  Mattie’s experience. If you feel confused, wonder about your guy, ask everyone for dating advice about a man, these are all signs that something isn’t right. Heed the signs when they show up early because one thing I know for sure:

THINGS DO NOT GET BETTER WITH TIME.

People are at their best during the beginning of the relationship. So if things are confusing from the start, after you give it a shot,  move on to find a man who is right for you.

Dating Over 40: How to Become a Millionaire Matchmaker

I read a great interview (from the Wall Street Journal digital netowrk )with Patti Stanger, Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker on how she became a full-time matchmaker.  She started out in corporate America but eventually shifted her part time matchmaking business to her full-time passion. That’s often the story with entrepreneurs who decide to just go for it. At some point, you have to decide to take a risk…or not.

The same could be said for finding love.:
- You try the same old strategy year after year
- You go after the same type of guy, guy after guy
- You visit the same bar scene weekend after weekend

Do these strategies work for you?

Nope. Yet , week after week, year after year you try them as if these tired methods will suddenly start working. You keep thinking its got to kick in right?

As your dating coach, it’s my job to say, “That’s not likely to happen!”  Yes, anything is possible. You could even win the lottery. But your chances are so much better if you buy a ticket. Get it?

Take a lesson from Patti. Three quarters of her matchmaking job is coaching her clients for dating success. If your methods haven’t produced a loving partner in over a year, perhaps it’s worth revisiting your strategies.

You might even consider working with a dating coach. Now, I’m not asking you to sign up today. But, keep this in mind – the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different outcome. The question becomes – what new method will you try to jump start your love life this summer? What risk will you take to get out of your comfort zone and try something new?

I’m over here routing for you! I’ve been in your shoes. I know how it feels to be single, frustrated, lonely and sometimes in despair.

On the other hand, I know you can find love. i did it, so many of my clients have done it. And I know if I could do it, and my clients can do it, you can find love too. Take a risk.

Take a tip from Patti’s entrepreneurial spirit and her matchmaking expertise. Try something new. Give yourself the opportunity to succeed with a fresh approach! Love is totally worth the effort.

Dating After Divorce: Would Recently Divorced Women Want Pre-Dating Support?

I met a friend for lunch yesterday who was encouraging me to offer a support group for recently divorced women who want to find love again, but might not be ready to get out there quite yet.

At first I questioned her about what I could cover in a group like this. As we talked, Sharon explained she had made so many mistakes after her divorce and she wished she could have had access to someone like me. Having a knowledgeable dating coach in her corner would have saved her a lot of heart break and angst, even before she got started.

Interesting idea. So many women want to know where to meet men. That is often the very first question popping into their minds. However, as a coach for women dating over 40 or dating after divorce, I know there are several crucial steps that come before where to find and meet men.

For example, are you open to men? Do you feel bitter, angry, disillusioned, or very guarded? Will you flirt with men or do you think this is simply unnecessary? How is your self-esteem? Do you have the confidence to handle rejection that is part of the dating process? Do you understand the opposite sex enough to navigate the emotional waters of the dating arena?

In such a group, we could discuss:
- Beliefs and attitudes about men that will prevent a good connection
- How to reduce or drop your baggage?
- How to open your eyes, heart and mind to love and men?
- How to shore up and strengthen your self-image and build dating confidence?
- What to avoid in conversation or in your online profile?
- What to expect with online dating?
- How to read between the lines of men’s profiles and emails?
- How to be savvy about using this method to meet men?
- How to establish your dating IQ so you’re savvy about the  singles’ scene?
- Do you have a support network for advice and to help when you over think a situation?
- Do you have a dating buddy to motivate you and go out to meet men with?

The more I think about this – the better an idea it seems…

If you’re a single women who is recently divorced and have more ideas on what would be good for me to cover, please share them with me. Leave a comment so I can know what people need and want to help them get ready and be smart about getting out there.

This does make a lot of sense – having a solid foundation and a basic dating IQ would provide a better foundation or jumping off spot for dating than simply striking out on your own. Thanks Sharon for your input! Girlfriends are great!

Dating Over 40: Oxford PhD Married NYC “Garbargolist”

Call me a mush, but this video from the New York Times site brought tears to my eyes. In case the link gets messed up – watch the video about Avery and Matt from the Style section. 

Avery is extremely accomplished with a degree from Stanford and a doctorate from Oxford and her man – hauls garbage in alphabet city on the lower east side of NYC.

They met on the F train at the end of the day on Friday  the 13th, apparently a very lucky day for the two of them. Avery sat down on top of Matt’s coat and they started chatting. The conversation was going well enough that when Avery’s stop came, Matt asked if she’d like to go for a drink off the train. Avery had an adventurous spirit and said the key word, “Yes”.

Don’t tell me that you are too intimidating to men. While Matt said he was intimidated, that didn’t stop him from pursuing Avery immediately. When a man sees a woman he likes, he goes for it.

Watch the whole thing so you can see his adorable marriage proposal. Fabulous!

http://nyti.ms/9uyM6D

As your over 40 dating coach, I hope you wake up after watching this video to realize that finding love is totally possible. And while you might not want to date a sanitation worker, that doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of other decent men out there who would be wonderful partners.

Get off your “Men are intimated by me” high horse and smile, strike up a conversation and consider men who you might usually ignore. They might not have the bad boy charm of George Clooney, but could still make you very happy. It’s worth the effort – ask Avery!

photo credit: Christopher Hawkins

Dating Over 40: Celebrating My 10th Anniversary

We made it! Yesterday, my husband and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. We are still in love and things are going well.

Not that we don’t hit bumps in the road – because we certainly have our challenges. But we work on things to resolve our differences. Getting married for the first time at 43 (me) and 39 (Paul) we had our separate methods to living life that had to be melded and adjusted for a happy union.  It’s a lot different than having met in our 20′s when adult life was just beginning and no real habits had been established.

We get along very well 98% of the time which for me makes it very worthwhile. I wouldn’t be able to handle constant fighting or disagreements. I am very careful about picking my battles and thinking not only short term but long term with handling our relationship.

I have found that relationships have a very delicate balance. This has become obvious from watching my friends relationships who have deteriorated, listening to dating coaching clients, and from friends who are therapists who deal with marital issues regularly.

So I try to never do things out of spite because  to me, this is the road to ruin.

Back to our celebration. Paul came home with a beautiful spring bouquet of flowers, tied with a wide hot pink ribbon. We went to dinner at a new restaurant I had selected and had a wonderful meal in a romantic and historic setting (we both love antiques). After returning home, we exchanged and opened cards and … The evening was just as I had hoped.

As I think back to my 15 months of intense dating, getting to know 30 men to find Paul, I know in every cell of my being how worthwhile that journey was. Every hurtful event, every mean comment, every rejection, every time I was stood up, every broken-hearted moment – they were worth it. Because they lead me here to a lifetime partner, loving and challenging all at the same time.

 DON’T GIVE UP YOUR SEARCH!

Finding the right man is totally possible. And very worthwhile. Open your eyes, mind and heart to men. Believe  and know you will find him. Stop resisting and get out there. Be friendly, smile and make it easy for your Mr. Right to find and meet you. consider a broader range of who might fit into Mr. Right’s shoes. Enjoy the woman you are and leverage your feminine charm. You not only deserve love – you can have it!

If you want to know how I made my dream come true, you can find every single strategy, tip and method I used in my book MANifesting Mr. Right. Get your copy now and live your dream.

PS – Yeah, a black wedding dress. I just look so much better in black.

Dating Over 40: What to Do When You Can’t Help Yourself

So you say you can’t help yourself? You can read one commentor’s thoughts here on how she can’t help but be attracted to married men.. But as an over 40 dating coach and coaching those dating after divorce, here are other similar statements I’ve heard:

- You can’t stop thinking about your ex
- You don’t want to be hurt again so you don’t try to meet new men
- You can’t help but check his phone bill and look at his cell-phone history
- You can’t leave the guy you’re dating even though you know he’s not right for you
- You ignore what your man tells you, thinking things will be different with you 

This is a list of behaviors that work against you. I’m not pointing the finger by any means. Everyone has some behaviors that could be improved upon, including me. However, saying you can’t help it, makes you a victim – a VICTIM OF YOURSELF!

Sound ridiculous? Not at all.

When you say you can’t help it, what you mean is that you have no power over yourself. Is this true? Well it can be true if you allow it to be. Yet, you are always in charge. And you do have choices – even if its not a choice you want to make. Still the choice is there.

What choice?

To make the right decision.
To make the healthy choice.
To make the moral choice.
To choose your self-esteem.
To choose to see other options beyond the obvious one in front of you.

The vast majority of individuals do have inner strength to call upon. If you can start to believe in yourself, you can start to make choices that serve you. That help you move on, try something new, take another shot at what you want, or let go of what’s not working.

Start by being your own cheer leader! Figure out what you want that is available to you, that is good for you. Strategize what steps you’ll need to take to make it happen. Then set your intention to make this your new reality.

Life has many more options than people often see or acknowledge. But once you open your eyes, mind and heart to consider you do have a choice, that is when things can come into focus. That is when you have a shot of obtaining what you really want in  a healthy manner that serves the highest good and all concerned. 

As you take responsibility for your self and future,  your energy vibrates at a higher level. Now you can use the Law of Attraction to attract what you want.  The Law of Attraction states – like attracts like. So when you are working for your highest good, you elevate your energy to a higher level that will attract a higher level. Who doesn’t want that?

As your dating coach, let me say I BELIEVE IN YOU.

Whether you work with me directly or read the blog and newsletter, you will see how there are other possibilities, hear how you can make them real and start to feel like you are in charge. Because ultimately, you are in charge. And if you choose to  not make a choice, that is still a choice.

Here is my wish for you – empowerment, inner strength, inner wisdom, options that satisfy and make you happy, new ideas and epiphanies that set you free! May you find what you need to rise up to make the right choices that will serve you best, for your own happiness and fulfillment, what ever that my hold for you.

Dating After Divorce: Want Clarity? Look at Basic Truths

- Are you feeling confused about your relationship?
– Do you feel uncomfortable or wonder if you’re going anywhere?
– Do you want to know how to turn things around so your relationship is like it used to be?

These are not always easy questions and frequently involve countless hours of heart-wrenching, agonizing  discussion with friends and family. I totally understand and have been there myself.

Let me share what happened this week with a new client that may help if you are in a similar situation. This will give you a better understanding of how I work with clients.

Betsy called to talk about her boyfriend of eight months. She’s recently divorced and met Bruce online while he was completing his divorce.

Relationship Details:
Betsy, 38, is an executive with a demanding job. She travels for business, is self-reliant and still recovering from the self-esteem damage that occurred in her marriage. Enter Bruce, a professional partner in a small firm that is doing extremely well. His job is also highly demanding and very lucrative. Bruce’s divorce hasn’t been too taxing, but never the less, it is a traumatic experience to end a marriage.

The couple started seeing each other right after meeting – they just clicked! The relationship moved into a nice rhythm and they saw each other as often as they could given the 3 hour distance. To Betsy, it was fun, romantic, and supportive. Bruce said he was totally smitten.

When Bruce’s divorce became final, things started to change. He decided to renovate his new house and started pouring all his money and time into the project. He became less available to get together all though he still kept in touch almost daily.

Betsy started feeling uncomfortable and  questioning what he was up to. Was he hiding something? Why was he so non-committal about actually getting together, yet stay in close touch?

Betsy talked with Bruce several times. She felt that being direct and honest was the only way to go. Yet, he was definitely not answering her questions and told her he wasn’t ready for a  full-commitment, even though he said they were exclusive.

You may wonder as Betsy did:

- Was Bruce cheating on Betsy?
– What changed that made him pull away and become less available?
– Why wouldn’t he just be direct and honest as she was trying to be and requested?

His Motivation Doesn’t Really Matter -  Just the Outcome
We could make some guesses like maybe he is seeing another woman but wants to hold onto Betsy. But, from this dating coach’s perspective, it doesn’t really matter why he’s doing what he’s doing. In fact, those might not be the right questions. This is what I said to Betsy.

“Let me reflect back what I’ve heard over the last 30 minutes, boiling down the details to these basic truths:

You’re not happy with how things have progressed – or not progressed
You’re not getting answers
You’re feeling uncomfortable  and aren’t sure if you can trust him
Your self-esteem is being undercut as Bruce pulls away”

Normally, clients spend enormous amounts of time trying to understand what motivates a man to do what he does. That’s what women do. But, you may never know the motivating forces that drive him or get clear on his behavior. Even Bruce himself might not be clear.

Truth is, NONE OF THIS MATTERS. The only thing that matters is HOW BETSY FEELS. Reacting to that is the only thing she really can do. Since talking about this situation only seems to push Bruce away, there is just:

One Choice Left – Pull Back
Set a deadline for how long Betsy will allow herself to be unhappy and feel unfulfilled in her relationship. Stop pushing and asking, and instead pull away herself.  Sometimes this creates a space for the man to step forward. If things don’t shift somehow before the deadline, WALK AWAY.

All the talking, figuring out, trying to understand won’t recapture the way the relationship was. It is wasted energy. Regardless of how unfair and cold this may seem, its the simple truth.

At first Betsy was a little shocked by this advice. But as we continued to talk, she became more aware of how her self-esteem and confidence were really starting to suffer. She had worked hard to reclaim her power after divorce and didn’t want to revert to old patterns.

Self-Preservation Comes First
Betsy chose a deadline that is a few months away. My hope for her is that she holds fast to this. There are times in a relationship when self-preservation becomes the most important consideration. For Betsy’s future, moving on is the best possible choice if Bruce doesn’t turn things around. Let’s say a prayer for Betsy that she can follow through if needed.

photo credit: Kapungo

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