Dating Over 40: How I Met My Man

Let me tell you about my client Annie. Recently, I presented a workshop at her farm-learning/meditation center. Annie was in one of the very first dating coaching groups I ran seven years ago. She was 40, a divorced mother of two teenagers who worked crazy hours, but she still managed to attend the group every other week.

Apparently, Annie really listened to the suggestions and put them to work. I just found all this out when she told her story as she sat in on my class a few weeks ago. I knew she had met the man of her dreams but I never really heard the details of how it all came to be. This is Annie’s story.

After finishing up with my dating coaching group, Annie was convinced to be brave and try the Internet. She posted a profile and made a very bold decision. She decided she wanted to date 30 men in 90 days.  (Heck it took me 15 months to date that many men.) Her thought  was to simply throw herself into dating to see what happened and get comfortable with the process.

Annie explained to my recent group how even though she didn’t have that much time to date, given two teenagers and a busy work schedule, she was devoted to make something happen. So she carved time out when ever she could for coffee/wine dates and met as many men as possible.

Turns out this worked wonders for Annie. After being married for many years, getting back out there felt a little bit daunting. But it didn’t take long for her to get in the swing once she decided to go for it.

Truth be told, Annie didn’t meet her man during this three month period. What she did discover was who she was as a mid-life dater and how to navigate the sometimes rough waters of the singles scene. She became more and more comfortable and gained confidence with each new man. (This is exactly the purpose of my 100 Day Challenge Telelclass which will start again in January, 2010.)

She made a list of what she wanted in a partner including a man who lived part time in Hawaiii -that’s pretty specific. Her profile also stated that she wanted a man who would build a stone wall with her – not your average request.  A few months after her whirlwind dating tour, Annie was talking with a friend who suddenly asked out of the blue, “Would you date a man with white hair?” Annie replied “Sure!”

That’s how she met Tim, a master stone mason with a farm in F airfield county and another in Hawaii.  She was nice enough to announce to the whole group  that night, that she totally credits her success to my original dating coaching group and me. I was astonished and thrilled.

I tell you this story because it does make me feel good of course. But my real reason is to encourage you to adopt Annie’s attitude. Decide you are going to get comfortable with dating. Stop putting up road blocks about men and time. Find a way like Annie did and you too can make love a reality in your life.

Whether you choose to meet 30 men, or just date until you find “the one”, the idea is the same. Get started. Meet lots of men. Stop criticizing them and start learning what is good about each person. You don’t need to settle, but you do need to open your heart to men and love. Make room in your life – the space you create is where the right man for you will fit in.

It happened for Annie. It happened for me. It happened for many others who took my over 40 dating coaching workshops, telelclasses or private coaching. It happens every day all over the world.

Love is real and it can happen to you.

Photo Credit: Simonds

Over 40 Dating: Do You Complain about Men More than You Date Them?

photo credit podchef 

Have you let a few bad apples ruin the bunch?  

If you’ve had some bad experiences, its understandable. how such a thing could happen.  But if you start noticing that you spend more time complaining about men with friends than actually dating them, its time to re-evaluate your belief system.

Man Bashing Is Fun!
Yeah I know, misery loves company and complaining about men with your girlfriends can be a fun activity. A couple of glasses of wine or a few cosmos and off you go. The question is – do you recognize the harmful fallout from indulging in this topic of conversation? I work with many dating coaching clients on this very idea.

Negative Thoughts Crowd Out Positive Ones Over Time
Your subconscious mind takes in what you say and uses it as the platform to interpret all of your life experiences. After some time, you won’t be as capable of considering a good story about men because it contradicts your belief that all men are bad apples. Now that’s a problem that creates quite an obstacle to meeting the good man you long for. Too much complaining will crowd out any positive thoughts.

Your Belief in Finding a Good Man is Crucial
To meet the right man for you, you need to believe that its possible.  If you are starting to wonder about your own situation, good! How can you start to turn around your negative thoughts about men? Affirmations can be very helpful. With time and practice, positive affirmations can start to replace those negative tapes that keep you feeling down about men and unhappily single.

Another option is to check out my audio program called I BELIEVE  This audio has been created to help you strengthen your belief that finding the right man is a reality for you. Women who have used this program have reported excellent results!

You May Need to Form New Friendships
If the people you hang with most are down on men, you may need to consider making some new friends for a couple of reasons.

1. These women will not be supportive of your desire to stop man bashing – that’s how they relate to you.
2. These women will not be supportive of your belief that you can find a good man. The may keep you down, not to be mean, but to maintain the status quo – as a defense for their own situation

You may be able to retain these friendships, but these women will not be the ones you go out with to meet men.

Finding a Good Man after 40 is Completely “Do-able.”
I know it may seem impossible – but having been there myself, I know that finding love after 40 can be done. So many other women have walked in your shoes – well similar shoes. They found men. You can do it too. Women fall in love every day. You could be next!

Make the Shift to Believe
Here are some ideas that can help you make this shift to believing which will make it far easier to attract good men:

• Read positive books about dating like MANifesting Mr. Right
• Read books about positive thinking and manifesting your dreams
• Choose a few of the exercises from these books and practice them with conviction!
• Look for people to support your new behaviors and ways of thinking
• Find the faith some where deep within you that you are meant for a loving relationship and hold onto this when things get hard. It will help carry you through.

I believe in you and your destiny for a happy, healthy loving relationship with the right man.