Terry Hernon MacDonald - Marry Smart

Welcome to day 3 of the Valentine’s  Day Blog-a-thon. Today’s guest blogger is a very good friend of mine. Terry Hernon MacDonald is the author of How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams. You can visit her blog at Dating Advice (Almost) Daily and sign up for her newsletter at MarrySmart.com.

 THE LOVE YOU TAKE IS EQUAL TO THE LOVE YOU MAKE

So wrote the Beatles, and they got it right.

Too many women (and men, for that matter) approach love the wrong way. Several times a month, they dress up and leave the house for dinner with some soul they found on a dating site, hoping he’ll turn out to be the person of their dreams.

Now, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with dating sites (on the contrary, they provide access to men you might not ordinarily meet, and they help you clarify what you do — and don’t — want in your ideal partner). But it’s still very possible that you’ll meet that person of your dreams just going about your day, doing ordinary things.

That’s why you must be ready for love every moment of your life.

Relax. I’m not suggesting you schedule a chemical peel before you head to the supermarket. But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen women in sweats and no makeup ending up in line behind cute guys without wedding rings. These women don’t get attention because they think they only need to look good on date nights. To attract the right man, women need to look good all the time. (I’m not being sexist. Are you impressed guys who wear sweat pants?)

Unless you’re going to the gym (and even there, you’d want to be presentable), it really helps to look your casual best at all times. When you put yourself together, you tell the world you care about yourself.  Caring about yourself inspires others to care for you, too. 

And while putting yourself together is critical, it’s more important that you treat people — whether you would date them or not — with love and kindness. Smile at the cashier. Warn the old man coming out of church about the slippery patch you noticed in the pavement. Use the time on line at the DMV to think happy thoughts. Please don’t be the woman who’s constantly sighing and checking her watch. She repels people.

It truly helps to cultivate a spirit of love wherever you are, whether it’s the supermarket or a hospital visiting a sick friend. You just never know who you’re going to meet, and you do not know who the people you do meet could help you to meet. Be kind to the tired-looking woman who serves your morning coffee. She just might have an honest, successful brother who’s ready for a relationship with a warm-hearted woman like you.

Spread love wherever you go. Know that what goes around, comes around. Develop the reputation of being “that lovely woman.” 

By all means, start by loving yourself. People who love themselves attract more love. Slow down, stop rushing around, and take time to do things you enjoy. This is your life we’re talking about, and you must make time for your interests. (Your interests make you interesting.) If the quest to find a life partner has become your sole interest, please find another. You could meet the aunt of a great guy at a knitting class, piano lessons, or a cooking course. 

And, if you’ve become accustomed to eating out of sacks and cardboard boxes, this is the time to take that cooking course. Raise your standards and start nourishing the love of your life. (That would be you.)  Learn to make something you really enjoy. Make it slowly. Savor it with a glass of good wine. And please set the table. You wouldn’t expect a man you want to impress to eat from a pot while standing at the stove, would you? So why do you allow the love of your life to do it?

Treat yourself the way you want the man of your dreams to treat you, which will enable you to get used to being treated well. This way, when you’re out with some substandard loser, your radar will go off. Instead of making excuses for his behavior, you’ll know better.  You will go home alone, happy to spend time with someone who treats you like the treasure you are.  (That would be you again.) 

It will only be a matter of time before the right man shows up to treat you as you treat yourself.

You truly will be amazed when you a) treat others as you would have them treat you, b) dress to expect good things, and c) treat yourself as you want the most fabulous man in the world to treat you. You’ll find yourself attracting new people, specifically good men. You’ll also attract better friends, better jobs, and better circumstances.

Go forth. Love and be loved.

To learn more about Terry, visit www.MarrySmart.com

Did you read the first two posts of the Valentine’s Day blog-athon? No worries, just click below:
Day #1  Love is in the Air and Its All about You  by Marla Martenson
Day #2 Fall in Love on Valentine’s Day with Yourself by Bobbi Palmer

If you already know you won’t be getting any Valentine’s, read this post about a powerful method to turn things around!

Introducing today’s guest blogger Terry Hernon MacDonald. Terry is the happily married author of  How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams and writes regularly for Single Women Rule. For more tips about dating and relatinoships, visit her blog Dating Advice Almost Daily.

So, here we are on Valentine’s Day, and you know for a fact you’re not getting chocolate and flowers (if you’re lucky, maybe you’ll get a card from your Aunt Ina in Albuquerque). You’re ready to meet someone special, but so far, it just hasn’t happened. At this point, you doubt it will ever happen.

Well, think again.

When you’re ready to meet the right man, it’s critical to know what you want in a man. Do you know? I’ll bet you know exactly what you don’t want in a man because you’ve dated it five thousand times. So, get a pen. List those qualities you do not want in a man (dishonest, unreliable, unfaithful, terminal mama’s boy, etc.) on paper.

Now write down exactly what you do want (honest, reliable, faithful, independent, etc.)

This is not hocus-pocus. Don’t be fooled by its simplicity.

It worked for me. My readers know that I once had a pattern of attracting abusive and emotionally distant men, ‘maybe gay guys,’ in addition to well-meaning fellows who had no idea what they wanted. I was one of those people who could never get a relationship off the ground.

But that changed once I sat down and determined what I didn’t want in a man and what I did want. What I did want looked like this:

“I am happily married to a loyal, loving, reliable, successful, fun man.”

For the uninitiated, that’s an affirmation. In my quest to discover why I’d failed at relationships, I came across several books that claimed that affirmations can change lives. I admit I felt rather foolish sitting in my brother’s bedroom writing “I am happily married to a loyal, loving, reliable, successful man” when I’d never dated such person, but truly it changed my life.

Within weeks, I stopped attracting losers, No-Show Joes, and well-meaning commitment phobes. Six months after writing my affirmation, I met my husband. Seventeen years and two children later, I’m still married to him.

Affirmations work.

Now, you can’t just write or speak an affirmation once and expect it to work magic. You’ve got to do it repeatedly every day.

So decide what you want in a man. Write it down. Put together an affirmation. Write it. Speak it out loud while you’re cooking dinner and when you’re in the shower (but, please, not when you’re riding the train to work).

Then watch out: Your affirmation will go to work on changing your beliefs and the negative programming you’ve accumulated over the years. Keep it up, and you will feel a shift inside you. When your insides change,
your outsides will change.

You’ll notice you’re attracting better men. Better yet, you’ll notice you’re attracted to better men. You will date better men. If you want to get married, you will marry the right man.

Go for it.

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Want more Blog-a-thon? Great!
To read posts from the first four days, see links below and enjoy.

To read Day 1 by the Dating Goddess, midlife dating expert click here
To read Day 2 by Alyssa Johnson,relationship after divorce expert  click here
To read Day 3 by Laurie Davis, eFlirt Expert click here
to read Day 4 by SingleMomSeeking, top-rated single mom blogger click here

Are you raising your eyebrows?
I am.
So did Terry.

And in a gentle and empowering way, Terry gave this woman sage advice that we both hope she follows.

Read the whole post here to get a good idea of how to raise your standards and really get treated right. There’s no reason to wait and wonder when you can sum up your courage and ask the hard questions. That’s how you learn what you must know to forge a strong bond with the right man.