Serial Dating

Are you a serial dater?

Do you even know what a serial dater is?

Two types of Serial Daters

A serial dater is a person who dates a lot of people looking for just the right person. However, there never seems to be a right person. So relationships don’t last long and you are back looking for love again very soon.

Another definition of serial dating is when you date someone once or twice, and decide to stick with that person without having checked out other options first. This means you end up in one unsatisfying, long-term relationships after another, because you don’t spend the time qualifying men to know they are right for you. Some women get serious with a guy who shows interest, even if he’s not right. This is the opposite of the first example, when no one is good enough.

Either way,  according to some experts, these behaviors put you into the “Serial Dater” category. I’ve certainly run into this as a dating coach for women.

What Causes Serial Dating?

The root cause varies depending on what type of serial dater you are. For women who can’t find the right guy, this behavior may stem from “Intense Selectivity”. When you have super-strict criteria and won’t budge from a single variant, it can become quite difficult to find a man to satisfy your qualifications. I’ve worked with dating coaching clients on this challenge to help them open to more possibilities and different types of men.

When a serial dater of this type calls me to say she is dating a guy who is SO different from any other guy she’s ever dated, I know…she’s probably found the right man for her! And if not that, she’s definitely on the right track to finding a good match.

On the other hand, when a woman dates the first guy who comes along, because he’s a man who pursued her, this is a true “Lack of Selectivity”. I work with dating coaching clients to help them discover some qualifying characteristics that will be a good match

An Oprah Show about Serial Daters

Here’s the good news about being a Serial Dater…Oprah wants you on her show!

https://www.oprah.com/ownshow/plug_form.html?plug_id=8848691

If you want a crack on being on Oprah’s show, part of the new OWN network, fill out the form. She is specifically looking for serial daters, so if that speaks to you , go for it!

Good luck!

Photo Credit: Frank Gruber

There is so much noise out there in the dating business. People naturally take different approaches. Mine is a positive outlook and one that I hope inspires and informs so that you can get out there to find the love you want. On the other hand, there are experts who talk about the downside and negatives. Not sure why or what the benefit is.

But I can respond to this concept of the Internet causing more adults to be single and commitment averse.

Internet Dating Causes Adults to Stay Single – NOT!
The Internet has NOT created more adults who are single and never married. While there maybe a “candy store” mentality that some folks operate under, always wanting to try another flavor, the Internet did not create this. Here are some factors that did help create this social phenomenon of half the adult US population being single.

1. Women’s Liberation allowed women to go to work, become financially independent and take care of themselves. We no longer NEED men, but many of us still want one for the partnership, romance, and/or child rearing.

2. The Sexual Revolution made it OK to have sex without commitment. OK for men and OK for women. Remember that old adage, “Why buy the cow when the milk is free?” Well there you go – cow buying is no longer required. No, we are relying on people’s desire to commit rather than necessity for financial stability or intimacy.

3. A 60% divorce rate has generated many mid-life singles.

Serial Dating vs. Committed Long-Term Relationships
Serial dating is a symptom of something even bigger than Internet dating which is happening in our society. Today, change is the constant in our fast-paced lives. This however was not always true. People used to find a job, get married and live in the same house for life.

But, before you lament the loss of life-long partnerships, think about this:
-          How many people work for one company throughout their career today vs. in the 1950′s or 60′s?
-          How many people live in the same house for decades or for life?

Given these two foundational mainstays of our previous stable lifestyle, it’s not that surprising today, with all the upheaval and changes, that romantic partnerships might not last either.

When I work with my over 40 dating coaching clients or speak to singles groups, and someone brings up feeling bad  about several broken relationships, here’s what I say:

“Today, change is part of life. Situations shift and end all the time. Most importantly,  learn from your experiences and possible mistakes and move forward in growth to create something new and better.”

That’s my view on the state of monogamy and relationships today. The Internet is not responsible for the fickle taste of men or women. Online dating is not guilty of creating a rampant single society. And in addition, Match.com did not start women’s lib, the sexual revolution or a 60% divorce rate.

People are the cause of these situations! OK and maybe the media for creating unrealistic expectations that many hold for the opposite sex. But that is still people who are influenced by the media. We, as adults, are responsible for how we react to the world and what it offers us.

To all of you dating over 40 or dating after divorce, stop looking to place blame about what you don’t want and feel angry about. Replace that anger by thinking about what you do want and how you can make it happen. Then get out there and do something about it!